So to the point.. anyway Christine's sorta changed lately. I'm getting the feeling that she's not as interested in me as she used to be. It was only in April when she wrote me this email:

‘Heart to Heart’

as we lay here under the stars
we share a kiss so tender so soft
being with you has open my eyes
with arms around where heart to heart

you say you love me with all your heart
and say you’ll protect me with all your might
I take your hand, hold it in mine
and give you a kiss for all you’ve done

I feel blessed to have you in my life
to share with you my sorrows and joys
you’re my shoulder for me to cry upon
you’re my strength to carry on

to hold you close to feel your love
to share a kiss before we go
is all I want from you tonite
just before we say goodnite, goodnite.


eeeee i finished finally last night around 1..lol i love youuuu
CHERISH THIS!!!!...hehehehe

And now lately she's been like less intimate with me.. almost like.. treating me like just a friend. I mean we still hang out a lot but she won't let me kiss her even when we're alone and when I do get to kiss her she gives me the cheek like I have some kind of disease, and she hasn't said 'I love you' to me in a really long time. She won't even come to me about her problems anymore she's usually writing them in her journal that only her deadjournal friends can see; heck I can't even comment on the ones that she let's the public see because she only lets her deadjournal friends comment.

I'm like getting totally shut out from her personal life. I don't know what I've done but it's bothering me.. its worrying me.. if it's something about me I wish she would tell me about it because every problem about myself that she's ever made notice about me I've done what I could to fix it.

June 16, 2003
Ok well my brother did take the computer and PS2 away and finals started so good luck to me
I'm starting to get concerned over what Christine and her friends think of me.. lately she's been getting pissed at me saying that I bitch and whine over stupid shit - that includes complaints over minor things that even I don't find serious just to fill a conversation - she takes notice to even that.

But wait a minute.. for the entire 7 months (8 months on the 18th) that I've been with her she's commented on as many things and have had just as many problems as I've had - if not more. In fact I could spend a whole page talking about them - including the minor things that she's had opinions on. And every single one of those times I listened and did whatever I could to understand where she was coming from. Never once have I ever told any of my friends, family, or anyone about her problems or that they were pointless and stupid. I listened and tried to make her feel better. Why? because I'm her boyfriend; that's part of the responsibility of being a boyfriend - being supportive and loyal. And hell of course I have my issues too - hell no I'm not perfect I have my flaws and insecurities. But I get scared to tell her these things because of what I said up in the first paragraph of this entry.

And so she writes about my 'bitching and whining' in her journal which her friends read.. so now when I'm around her friends I feel like a total embarrasment because its all they ever hear about me.

well that is what has been going through my mind over the past few days.. 2 days ago we did talk about all this and she told me that its because she's been getting really really stressed lately: her mom, finals, and not getting re-hired at her camp.. I understood that.. but why couldn't she have included that in her journal..

I guess I've just been needing to vent somewhere.. I just feel hesitant to come to her with my problems now.. that last thing I need is for her impression of me to get worse.. I love her - i mean over all these months she generally has been treating me quite well.. making me laugh more often than not. This whole issue just came up and I feel treated a little unfairly - I've had my huge share of that kind of treatment this year but that's a whole other story. and this is probably one of the only times other ppl will ever see or hear me talk about Christine - I don't think anybody knows about this page anymore anyway - except for random strangers and Christine herself.