Almost As Smart As Gamorreans Part 2 by WedgeantR2

“Dinner time!” yelled cal from the lounge of the UPA base. A huge mass of pilots came running down the main corridor toward him. “Uh oh,” said cal. He quickly ducked out of the way behind a repulsor couch. Then, he remembered something very important. “My lotion!” he yelled. He quickly ran out into the corridor and picked up his bottle of lotion that he had left there and ran back to the lounge. The rest of the pilots stormed past him. A few minutes later, everyone was in the lounge, gathered around a huge table, eating dinner, which happened to be nerf steak cooked with Corellian wine. It would have tasted good, except Vapor had helped prepare the meal. Several pilots looked like they were going to puke, and they ran to the bathroom, only to find that the door was locked, and strange noises were coming from inside. They looked under the door and saw cal lying on a towel with a bottle of lotion next to him. Suddenly, all the lights went out. There was total darkness, and no one could see a thing. People who were not seated bumped into objects and several thumps and crashes could be heard. WedgeantR2 said, “Hmm…. Looks like we got a power outage. I told you guys we needed to repair the power core to this base.” “Don’t worry,” said GoldLeader, “I’ve got a glow rod.” He activated the glow rod and the room was filled with a dim, green light. “I guess someone should go to the power core and see what’s wrong with it.” “I’ll go,” said Drewhead. “I’ll need someone to hold the glow rod while I try to repair it though, and to carry the fusioncutters and hydrospanners.” “I’ll do that,” said WedgeantR2. “Everyone, stay here. We’ll be back in a few minutes.” WedgeantR2 and Drewhead left the room with the glow rod, once again leaving the room pitch black. Everyone was silent for a while, and all that could be heard was the sounds coming from the bathroom. Then, someone turned on a playback device and started playing some bad soundtracks REALLY loudly. CorranHorn said, “GoldLeader, is that you?” GL said, “Yeah. No one would talk so I turned on some music. Isn’t it great?” Everyone plugged their ears and started yelling at GL. “Hey,” he said, “What’s wrong with soundtracks? It’s the best!” Eventually, Hacker went over to GL and blasted the playback device into pieces. Zappa said, “Hey, anyone got another glow rod?” “I think might have one in my quarters,” said Crusader. “I’ll go check.” Crusader started walking blindly up to his quarters, but he slipped on some spilled lotion in the corridor. He eventually got up, and after bumping into many objects, he found the turbolift. He punched in some random buttons in the turbolift which took him to another level of the base. He walked out and ran into a door. He found it was open, and stepped inside. Then, he slipped again on some more lotion. “This must be cal’s quarters,” he said to himself. He tried to go back, but ran into a wall. He finally found a door and opened it. Taking a few steps forward, Crusader hit a large, flat surface with a knob on it. “What’s this? Another door?” He turned the knob and cold water started pouring down on him. He had walked right into cal’s shower. Meanwhile, back at the lounge, some pilots had started chatting with each other. Suddenly, GoldLeader yelled out, “Crusher! How did you and yoda get under the table and what the hell are you doing with that toothpaste?” Several of the other pilots looked disgusted and once again ran to the bathroom, but the door was still locked. Crusher stood up quickly as soon as he heard GL yell his name. He said, “Ummmm……well……I..uh…dropped my…...toothpaste! Yeah that’s it. And yoda was helping me find it that’s all.” GoldLeader said, “Well it sure didn’t look like you were looking for anything.” A rather large group now had gathered around a section of the table to watch the Playboy channel which was on Vapor’s portable holo that had an individual power generator. There was still a huge line outside of the bathroom door. WedgeantR2 and Drewhead had managed to reach the core of the base, and Drewhead was examining it. “Well it looks like it’s in pretty bad shape,” he said. “We’ll have to get it replaced. The problem is, it will take a few days to order one up and ship it here. We’ll have to take a reactor core off one of the ships. Probably one of the modified corvettes’ cores would fit the best.” WedgeantR2 said, “OK sure. Which one?” Drewhead said, “I don’t care. You pick.” WedgeantR2 said, “Fine let’s take the core off the “UPA Flaming Cow.” “Any particular reason?” asked Drew. “No not really,” said R2. “I just thought of it out of thin air. That ship will be out of action for a while though." Drew said, “That’s alright. You go back and tell the others about the situation. I’ll get to the hangar bay and tell the tech team what we plan to do. We should have the power back in a couple hours.” At the lounge, cal had finally run out of lotion so he came out of the bathroom. Crusader had also come back, dripping wet, with a glow rod. Then, WedgeantR2 came back into the lounge and informed the pilots of the situation. He then told TealKeeper that his ship would be out of action for a few days. TealKeeper said, “What? Why does it always have to be my ship?” WedgeantR2 said, “I don’t know. It just is.” Then a voice could be heard on his comlink. It was Drewhead who was now in the hangar bay. Drew said, “We’re having a problem with the reactor from the “UPA Flaming Cow.” We had to shut it down for the transfer, and now, we can’t get it started again.” WedgeantR2 said, “I’ll send yoda down. I think he can provide an energy blast that will start it again.” He called to yoda, ‘Hey, get down to the hangar bay, and bring some refried beans with you. We need you to jump start the reactor.” Yoda grabbed a can of beans and headed down toward the hangar. Then, GoldLeader yelled out, “Alright, who the hell is grabbing my @$$ with the Force?” He looked around at all the pilots. After he beat up the pilot who did it, he would have to send them to the Jedi academy and get them a psychotherapist. Down at the hangar, Drewhead and the tech team took cover behind some X-Wings as yoda prepared to start up the reactor. A huge blast rocked the entire base. The tech team and Drewhead went out with gas masks on and examined the reactor. Drewhead said, “I think it’s overloading. We gave it too much power. We need to hook it up to the base and start draining some power into the base’s systems. A repulsor sled came and took the reactor down one of the corridors and Drew and yoda headed back to the lounge. When they arrived, the lights went back on. WedgeantR2 said, “OK now that we have power back, let’s finish dinner.” Suddenly, the battle alarm sounded. All the pilots ran out of the lounge as fast as they could to their fighters. When they launched from the UPA base, they saw only a single TIE/rc that was doing reconnaissance in this sector. All the UPA fighters were in a race to engage it, since each one of them wanted a kill. The A-wings from blue squadron got there first, but overshot it. Crusher was the closest and had a clear shot at it. He aimed and fired several shots but he missed all of them and WedgeantR2 eventually came up behind him and got the kill. Crusher said, “Man, how come I never get any kills?” When all the pilots arrived back in the lounge of the UPA base, GoldLeader bought drinks for them all, but ran out of credits so he pickpocketed some from Firestorm. He said, “Hey, why am I buying drinks for? We only destroyed a recon TIE, not a whole fleet.” Drewhead said, “Well because you always buy drinks for us at the end of our stories.” Hacker yelled out, “Hahahaha! Don’t you guys get it? That TIE/rc was a decoy I set up. This was all a plot by me to make GL waste his credits buying drinks after every battle. That’s why I set up that attack last time.” GoldLeader said, “What? You mean I spent all this cash because of you?” They started wrestling each other, but WedgeantR2 grabbed them both and body slammed them to break up the fight. All the pilots started celebrating and cal grabbed a new bottle of lotion and went back into the bathroom.