, is interviewing Celes
Chere. Her camera man, Mr. Sith, is a fat man with no neck and a
camera on his shoulder
.)
By James Chang
nikken@erols.com
http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/Battlefield/2740
Note: Most characters are copyright Square. Inc.
(Miss Kisa, a young female teenager with short hair and goggles above
her eyes, is interviewing Celes
Chere. Her camera man, Mr. Sith, is a fat man with no neck and a
camera on his shoulder.)
Miss Kisa: Celes Chere, you have just been elected as the empress of the new Vector. What will you do, now?
Celes: I'm going to Disneyland!
(Disneyland is a trademark of Walt Disney, Inc.)
Mr. Sith: Miss Kisa, why are we here?
Kisa: Shaddup. I'm a reporter. This is my job.
Sith: No it's not. Your dad is going to be mad.
Kisa: SHADDUP!
Wicked: You don't deserve to be empress! I, Wicked, am the true rightful heir to Vector!
Celes: No you're not! And what kind of a name is Wicked?
Wicked: It's a cross between Wedge and Vicks.
Celes: Get out of my face! (Sends Wicked flying away)
Vegie: Hello, Celes. I am your new advisor, Vegie.
Celes: What kind of a name is that!? Sounds like vegetable.
Vegie: It's a cross between Vicks and Wedge.
Celes: ...
Kisa: We will follow Empress Celes and keep you updated.
Later...
Celes: What do I do, now?
Kisa: It appears that the new empress is being indecisive.
Celes: Shut up, you twerp!
Vegie: We need to recruit generals.
Celes: Good idea!
Later...
Celes: Hello, Terra. Do you want to be one of my generals?
Terra: Eh?
Celes: You get to command my cool mecha teks.
Terra: Eh?
Celes: They're the cool new machines that are mechanically operated and are replacing Magi Teks.
Terra: Cool.
Kisa: Mecha Teks are cool.
Terra: Cool.
Celes: So, do you wanna?
Terra: Cool!
Vegie: Cool.
Kisa: That cool stuff isn't very cool anymore, so cool it!
Celes: SHUT UP ABOUT "COOL" ALREADY!
Terra: Cool.
Celes: ....
Later...
Celes: Grand dad!
Cid: Food?
Celes: It's me!
Cid: Hi. What do you want?
Celes: Wanna be my new Science general?
Cid: Cool.
Celes: ....
Later...
Edgar: Why didn't you make me your science general!?
Celes: Because it's nepotism and I'm favoring my relatives.
Sabin: Oh yeah!? Brother! I'm going to beat her up! Bum Rush! (Bum rushes Celes)
Celes: AIYEEE! Terra! Teach this fiend a lesson!
Terra: But...
Celes: He bum rushed me!
Terra: Okay. (Slashes Sabin with Atma Weapon. Sabin dies.)
Edgar: YOU KILLED SABIN!
(Sabin gets up)
Sabin: Ouch. Oh yeah!? Spiraler! (Sabin uses Spiraler. Sabin dies.)
Edgar: YOU KILLED SABIN!
Celes: I've had enough of this! (Leaves)
Later...
Celes: Wanna be the captain of my new Imperial Air Force (IAF)?
Setzer: Sure.
Later...
IAF man: Hello, Captain Setzer. We are your new soldiers.
Setzer: Cool.
IAF man: What do we do?
Setzer: Beats me.
Later...
Celes: AGHHHHH!
Drunken Setzer: BEEEEEEELCH!
Drunken IAF men: BEEEEEELCH!
Celes: SETZER!
Later...
Celes: Now what am I missing? Hmm.
Vegie: Destroy all opposition.
Celes: Yeah! I'll show those Figarans not to bum rush me! Stupid Sabin.
Later...
Sabin: Edgar! Edgar! (Edgar bursts out of bathroom with a newspaper)
Edgar: What!?
Sabin: We're under attack! Airship bombardment! We're dying out there!
Edgar: Then, why don't we submerge the castle?
Sabin: Oops. Why didn't I think of that?
Later...
Celes: You what!?
Setzer: Well, I was bombarding them, but they sank into the ground.
Celes: ... How do I beat them?
Vegie: Dirty tricks?
Celes: Yeah! I need a master ninja!
Kisa: I'm a master ninja!
Sith: No you're not.
Kisa: Shaddup!
Celes: Are you even remotely a ninja in any way?
Kisa: Sort of. But I'll work for low pay!
Celes: You're hired!
Sith: But you're dad will be very mad.
Kisa: Who cares about my dad!? S***w him!
Shadow: Why didn't you hire me!?
Celes: You're too expensive.
Shadow: Oh yeah!? (Throws tack star at Celes. STICK!)
Celes: AIYEEEEEE! (Terra slashes Shadow with Atma Weapon. Shadow dies.)
Strago: YOU KILLED CLYDE!
Relm: You killed my dad! You b*****d!
Strago: Hey! RELM! Where did you get that language!?
Clyde/Shadow: Great. She's only ten years old and she's already cursing.
Later...
Kisa: La de da.
Edgar: Treachery! I hath been slain. (Dies)
Sabin: Oh my god! They assassinated Edgar!
Edgar: Ouch. Wait. That didn't hurt very much at all.
Kisa: What!? You should be dead!
Edgar: You're not a very good ninja, are you? Celes must really be lacking in funds.
Kisa: Drat!
Sabin: Take this! Spiraler! (Dies)
Edgar: ....
Terra: Die! (Terra blasts Edgar with Mecha Techs)
Edgar: Ouch!
(Celes Chere conquers Figaro)
Celes: Hooray for Empress Celes! Now what?
Vegie: Conquer everything else.
Celes: Yeah!
Vegie: Heh heh.
(Celes Chere conquers the world)
Celes: Hooray!
Edgar: You can't do this!
Celes: Yes I can!
(Edgar is beheaded. Celes Chere rules with an Iron Fist and becomes the next Joseph Stalin.)
Celes: No one can stop me, now!
Locke: Celes! What the h**l are you doing!?
Celes: Waah! Locke!
Locke: Stop this nonsense, right now!
Celes: Oops. Sorry. Okay.
(Celes Chere gives up the throne.)
Wicked: Now I get to be the emperor! Hooray!
(Wicked rules with an Iron Fist and becomes the next Celes Chere.)
Locke: I'm just glad that no one was hurt.
Celes: Yeah.
Kisa: A happy ending. Hooray! This is Yuffie Kisaragi, signing out.
Sith: Don't forget to thank your camera man, Cait Sith.
Kisa: Shaddup.
Sabin: Where's Edgar?
The End.
