Chapter 2:  Abomination
 
 
 

"Do you understand me, Mrs. Jonathan?"

Mr. Donald sighed.  He knew that it was suicidal to argue, but being called that name was really starting to grate on his nerves.

"No sir, I apologize but I do not understand.  You did not give us your order yet."

"I didn't?"  Makai gazed from his throne down at the two humans and the beat-up winger boy in between them.  "Well it was obviously because you didn't tell me the question yet!!!  Now do not make that mistake again, Mr. Jonathan, or I shall be forced to take action!"

Mr. Jonathan sighed then repeated what he said three minutes earlier.  "This is the case of Mr. Glee Fulboi vs Mr. Grump Igorl.  These two good sirs have a dispute which needs settlement.  Both of them believe that this runaway winger was their slave.  Do I have to present the proof each one offered to you, again?"

Makai put his hand on his chin, deep in thought, then finally responded.  "No no, Mrs. Jonathan.  That will not be necessary.  I already have the solution.  We shall chop the winger in half and give one to each of the men, then everyone will have gotten something and everyone will be happy."

The men looked at each other while the winger boy grew a deathly pale.  One of the men screamed, "I get the top half!"

"No way!  I want the top half!"  The other man yelled.  "You always try to cheat me, don't you?!?"

Makai sighed.  "Idiots.  We'll split it sideways!"

"I want the left half!"

"NO, I want the left half!"

Makai smacked himself in the forehead.  "Forget it!  I get the stupid winger!   Lenya, purge these morons from my sight!!"

From the ceiling, there was a brief flash of death.  Mrs. Jonathan screamed, as he was extremely close to the proximity of two men, or what was left of them.

Both Makai and Donald... er, Mrs. Jonathan, stared at the two pairs of empty but smoking shoes, quite shaken up.  After a short amount of time, Makai shuddered.  "Now Lenya, I know that you're heaven's angel of death, but I still prefer that you try to refrain from those heaven's wrath maneuvers.  They just freak me out.  Really, they do."

Lenya made no acknowledgement of the patriarch's request and simply flipped back to his side.

The head of Two River shrugged.  "Ahem.  Now that that's out of the way, Mrs. Jonathan, how are this month's evaluation polls?"

Jonathan began to read from a scroll.  "Fifty-three percent of Two River's population voice their approval and praise for you, Lord Makai!"

Makai looked shocked.  "WHAT?!?"

"Oops!  I mean..."  Jonathan quickly flipped through the pages some more.  "Oops, I forgot to apply the filters and get rid of the winger and lesser kobold opinion!  Ahem, eighty-four percent of Two River's population voice their approval and praise for you, Lord Makai!"

"Hmm..."  Makai was still somewhat dissappointed.  "That's it?"

"Oh fiddlesticks."  Jonathan quickly flipped through the pages some more once again.  " I forgot to apply the filters and get rid of the dissenters who have nothing else better to do but bitch all day.  Ahem, ninety-eight percent of Two River's population voice their approval and praise for you, Lord Makai!"

Makai smiled.  "That's wonderful!  Good to hear that, Mrs. Jonathan.  And of course, I won't let that ninety-eight percent down and I'll continue to lead Two River into becoming one of the greatest city-states that history has ever known!  You are dismissed, Mrs. Jonathan.  Good day."

Mrs. Jonathan wiped his brow, then bowed.  "Good day, my lord."

After Mrs. Jonathan left with the boy winger, Makai shook his head and addressed his angel bodyguard.  "Sigh, Lenya, why does ruling Two River have to be so much work?"

"There's a price for greatness, Makai."  Lenya responded.

"Yes, yes..."  The patriarch muttered.  "Well, at least I can be thankful that I got a discount."
 

***
 

"Buzz buzz buzz!"  The little bearded man happily fluttered in and landed on the window sill.  "Buzz buzz?  Buzz  buzz buzz buzz!  And... hello?"

He smiled as he saw the leader of Two River walking around pondering inside the rich extravagant room.  And sitting on top of the bedroof was his infamous winger bodyguard, well known for her master assassin arts and for just being plain scary.  Not as scary as the fact that Two River somehow managed to end up with a leader who, despite being insane enough to believe that bodyguard was an angel from the heavens, managed to make Two River run more efficiently than it's ever been run, before.

Not that it mattered.  All Bunjeebunj had to do was get in well with the leader and then he would be on his path to riches!

The dwarf prepared to knock on the window.

"Ah, I see from General Ridley's report that Highland continues to cower at Jowston's presence!"  Makai declared as he read the piece of paper.  "Those fools!  Each day that they think they can get away with their mean scary glowering is another day that Two River and thus the whole of Jowston use to become stronger!"

Lenya rolled her eyes when Makai wasn't looking, but it was actually more in a giggling manner than an annoyed one.  "Actually, Makai, the report was written up by General Ridley's esteemed son Boris.  Ridley himself... I believe he is still mourning the loss of his wife quite heavily."

"Is that so?"  Makai put his hand to his chin.  "Ah, we'll send him a basket of flowers with my regards, then."

"We already did that a while ago, Makai."  Lenya replied, this time simply shaking her head.  "Now, regarding General Forcep's handling of the dissappearing winger problem..."

Makai and Lenya's attention was quickly diverted to a knock at the window.

"Goodness!  We have gnomes!"  Makai proclaimed.  "Oh wait.  That's a dwarf.  Ugh, either way, it's a horrid little beast, isn't it?"

Bunjeebunj grinned.  The leader noticed!  As Makai came over to open the window, Bunjeebunj recited in his head the speech he would give.  He would have to be polite, yet charismatic, yet also remember to get the attention of the patriarch and show how beneficial Bunjeebunj could be to his interests.

Bunjeebunj quickly stood up straight as Makai opened the window.  "Hiya!  I'm Bunjeebunj, the..."

"Begone, foul creature!"  Makai shouted as he shoved Bunjeebunj off the window sill.

"WAAAAAAAH!"  Bunjeebunj screamed as he crashed to the floor.

Makai slammed the window shut.  "Dammit, Lenya, where do all these stupid bugs come from anyway?"

"Buzz buzz buzz buzz!"  With a bruise on his bearded little head, Bunjeebunj quickly flutterred back onto the window sill.  Apparently, this would be harder than he had hoped for.  The winged-dwarf knocked again.

"Huh?  Another one?"  Makai glanced at the window again, then frowned.  "It's the same stupid shorty dwarf!  How'd he climb back up there so soon?  Dwarves can't reach that high."

"Makai, I don't think that's a dwarf."  Lenya replied, rather perplexed.  "He would appear to be... some sort of... winger midget."

Bunjeebunj rubbed his hands together in preparation and combed his hair back as Makai opened up the window once again.  "Begone, foul creature!"

With a quick shove, the dwarf was sent crashing back to the ground.

Lenya let out a sigh.  "We're not going to find out what the heck that thing is if you keep shoving him off the window sill like that."

"True, true."  Makai replied as he saw the dwarf and his little bat wings dizzily land back on the window sill.  Makai opened up the window again.  "Okay, first of all, what the hell are you, anyway?"

Elated that he wasn't shoved off the window sill for a third time, Bunjeebunj breathed a sigh of relief then quickly jumped into the room.  "Hiya!  I'm Bunjeebunj, the dwarven winger!  And I have an offer that you can't refuse!"

Makai and Lenya both stared at the odd character in complete confusion for a while, before Makai finally replied, "Begone, foul creature!"

A quick punt sent Bunjeebunj flying out the window.

"Buzzbuzz buzzbuzz buzz!"  The little batty thing quickly flew back in and landed on Makai's shoulder.  "Hey!  Cut it out already!  I'm here to help you!"

Too weak to support the pint's weight, Makai fell to the floor.  "Aaaah!  Lenya!!  Get this stupid thing off me!"

Lenya quickly jabbed at Bunjeebunj with her spear.

"Ow ow!"  The dwarf quickly hopped off of the patriarch with the poking phallic weapon hot on his heels.  "Yipe!  Buzzbuzz buzz!!"

Bunjeebunj leaped up and took to the air and frantically flew in circles around Makai to escape from the long pointy stick.  Makai swipped at the annoying buzzing nuisiance in an attempt to get rid of it before Lenya finally wacked the dwarf to the ground with a large jumbo flyswatter.

"I have had enough of you!"  Makai snapped.  "Lenya, purge this abomination from my sight!"

Lenya lept into the air.

From the ceiling, a flash of death began to descend.

"I know how to catch HIM!"  Bunjeebunj screamed in an attempt to save his own life.

"HIM?!?"  Instantly, nothing else mattered to Makai except the capturing of the nameless rebel.  "Lenya!!  WAIT!!"

The flash of death crashed to the ground.  Lenya quickly stood up and rubbed her head.  "OW!"

She had an extremely angry look on her face.  "Makai!  This is silly!  HE doesn't exist!  I already told you that!  Who are you going to believe?  An angel with divine omnipotence from heaven, or some stupid little... winged... DWARF?"

"How do you know about HIM?"  Makai inquired, missing Lenya's protests completely.   "And how do you propose that I catch him?"

"Well,"  Bunjeebunj began.  "I know that wingers to Two River are nothing more than a source of slave labor, and that they have finally found a leader who is going to lead them to escape or destroy their oppressors.  And I know that Two River has completely stripped the shorter kobolds of all their humanity in order to breed and cultivate them into savage war monsters that barely have any sense of reason left and live for nothing except to kill.  I also know that the taller more human kobolds are sparred from this fate, and some have even managed to get respectable positions within Two River such as the esteemed General Ridley.  And I know that sometimes, in coliseum battles, disposable wingers are thrown into the pit and fed to the dogs for sheer entertainment purposes."

"You know a lot, for a stupid winger."  Makai responded.  "Er... dwarf, I mean.  Um... that is, dwarven winger.  What the hell is a dwarven winger, anyway?"

"It's a combination of a dwarf and a winger!"  Bunjeebunj proudly proclaimed.

"It's an ugly little turd."  Makai snapped back.  Lenya thwapped Bunjeebunj over the head with the flyswatter again. "And you still didn't tell me your proposition on how to finally capture HIM."

"Well, it's easy, actually!"  Bunjeebunj exclaimed.  "The rebel leader obviously wants his wingers to be free and cares about them, so you just have to set up a coliseum event of epic proportions, bigger than any Two River coliseum event ever!  And proclaim an entire district of wingers and the most skilled and savage kobold beasts you have as the main event!  That will surely draw him out!"

"Ooooo, goody goody!  Sounds entertaining!"  Makai chuckled.  "But... what a waste of perfectly good winger labor.  Oh, and the fact that you said it was easy is an insult to my intelligence.  I could have thought of that idea!"

Lenya smacked the dwarven mosquito with the flyswatter for a third time.

"Ow!"  The dwarf rubbed his head again.  "I didn't get to the most beautiful part yet!  The wingers are actually your men disguised as wingers and the kobolds aren't actually the savage stupid beast kobolds, but are the trained intelligent taller more human kobolds!  When HE comes to rescue them, he'll fall into the perfect trap!  If your soldiers don't get him and the kobolds don't get him, then the very people he rescues will!"

Makai stared at the shorty, then clapped his hands.  "Why, that's genius!  But... are you sure it'll work?  Oh, and Lenya, thwap this stupid creature again for trying to be smarter than me."

*thwap!*

Bunjeebunj rubbed his head again.  "Well, if you're worried that it won't work, you could just also advertise an offer for free food to the first one hundred wingers that are stupid enough to try to rescue their fellow wingers."

"Oh, that's good!  Very good!  I'll do that!"  Makai exclaimed, extremely drunk with happiness at the prospect of finally capturing the nameless one.

"So I take it you like it?"  Bunjeebunj looked optimistic.  "I have a lot of other propisitions too which will be yours for only a modest price and position in the government of Two River..."

"First, just one last question."  Makai stated.  "You're a dwarven winger, right?  I've never seen such a foul beast and never knew it possible for two horrible cursed races of the damned to have an offspring of their own combined together.  But I can not fathom how with even the most powerful tree or other drug around that some female winger would be brainless enough to contrive an offspring with a dirty little dwarf."

"Oh, that's easy!"  Bunjeebunj beeped.  "It didn't happen that way at all!  My father was a winger, not my mother, and my mother was the dwarf.  So now do you see how it could happen?"

Lenya and Makai blinked before Makai slowly spoke up again.  "But... don't dwarven women have beards and facial hair?"

"Why yes!"  Bunjeebunj exclaimed.  "All the better for foreplay, of course!"

Both Makai and his angel of death became a sickly green color.

"Begone, foul creature!"  Makai yelled as he punted Bunjeebunj out the window.