The Rampage of the EVIL Holy Dragon!
Tiamat
Citizen1: QUICK! Head for the hills! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Citizen2: OH MY GAAAAAAAAAWD!
(The citizens of the town are frantically running around screaming and are evacuating)
Beowulf: What's up?
Citizen1: A DRAGON IS INVADING THE TOWN! Get out before it burns everything to ashes and
eats all of us!
Citizen2: Hey! You look like a knight! Slay the dragon for us!
Beowulf: Well, if it's causing that much trouble, I suppose I should.
(Reis the Holy Dragon walks up)
Reis: Roar.
Citizen1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE DRAGON!
(Citizen2 looks down on Reis, who's about as big as he is)
Citizen2: IT'S HUGE! It must be three buildings high!
Reis: Roar?
Beowulf: Oh, HER? That's just Reis!
Citizen1: WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!
Citizen2: WE MUST ESCAPE!
(Citizen1 and 2 run away and jump off a cliff, plummeting to their doom, in order to escape
the monster)
Beowulf: Hmm. Wonder what got into them?
TownsPeople: THE DRAGON!
(All of the townspeople run into the ocean to try and swim away)
Beowulf: Oh well. Come on, Reis, let's go get some lunch.
Reis: Roar!
(Beowulf and Reis walk into a restaurant where everyone is hiding under tables)
Beowulf: I'll go order dinner. Stay right here.
(Beowulf walks up to the counter)
Beowulf: HEY! Can we have some service here?!?
Reis: Roar?
(Reis looks at all the scared shivering people)
(Reis gets really sad and teary eyed)
(A little girl slowly walks up to Reis)
Little Girl: Umm...
(The little girl pets Reis)
Reis: Purr....
Little Girl: Aw, you're not so bad.
(Reis eats the little girl)
Beowulf: What kinda restaurant is this? Where are the waiters? Hmm. Hey, Reis, are you
still hungry?
(Reis shakes her head from side to side)
Beowulf: Well, okay, then. We'll eat later. Come on. We still have to get the priest to
remove your curse.
Reis: Roar!
(Beowulf and Reis leave)
(Meanwhile...)
Vormav: Grr........ you will die, NOW!
Simon: Oh yeah, young 'un? I still have some FIGHT in me, left!
(Simon and Vormav glare at each other)
Vormav: Grr.....
Simon: Bring it on!
(Simon and Vormav glare at each other)
Kletian: Hey, boss! I brought you some apple juice!
Vormav: Oh! Thanks!
(Vormav grabs some apple juice)
Rofel: Um.... can you guys finally do something? Neither of you has made a move for two hours!
Vormav: I'm thinking!
Simon: I'm preparing to kill!
Rofel: Yeah, but an hour!? I mean, what's taking so long?!
Simon: Um...
Vormav: Well, to be honest...
Simon: We forgot whose turn it was.
(Simon and Vormav look at the chess board)
Balk: Hey, idiots, did it ever come into your head that both of you are in checkmate?
(Simon and Vormav look at their kings)
Izlude: HA HA! He beat you, dad!
Vormav: Shut up, you stupid worthless excuse for a son!
Meliadoul: Actually, I think that Vormav beat Simon.
Izlude: Shut up, you stupid worthless excuse for a sister!
Meliadoul: HEY! Oh yeah!? HELLCRY PUNCH!
(Meliadoul blasts Izlude and breaks his weapon)
Izlude: Yeouch!
Rofel: Eh? I thought you didn't know hellcry punch yet.
Meliadoul: Um.... lucky fluke?
Izlude: YOU BROKE MY SWORD!
Meliadoul: Serves ya right!
Izlude: Oh wait. I forgot. I borrowed dad's Save the Queen sword. You broke that.
Vormav: WHAT?!?!!? YOU $#(@*)#($&#@()*& IDIOT! I was given that sword because of my loyolty
to the church! IT WAS A RARE UNIQUE WEAPON!!!!!
Meliadoul: Uh oh...
Vormav: GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU CURSED OFFSPRING OF THE DAMNED! I disown you!
(A bunch of big burly bodyguards drag Meliadoul and Izlude and throws them out of the church)
Izlude: I never knew father was damned.
Meliadoul: Good job, moron. Now our father disowned us!
Izlude: So... now what?
(Wiegraf runs up to the church, slamming into them, sending them flying back inside)
Wiegraf: OW!
Vormav: Back already to beg to me? You're pathetic!
Izlude: Ouch!
Meliadoul: Wiegraf! Why don't you watch where you're going?
Wiegraf: It's important! A huge dragon is already causing havoc and devastation throughout the
land! The continent is in chaos! If we don't stop it soon, it'll destroy everything! It's
huge, almost as tall as one average sized middle-aged man! It already ate one person, and it
even scared an entire town! AN ENTIRE TOWN!
Rofel: OH MY GOD! It scared an entire TOWN?!? It must be invincible! What will we do?!?
Kletian: It's power is beyond belief!
Vormav: TO ARMS!
(Vormav, Balk, Kletian, Wiegraf, and Rofel charge out of the church, leaving only Izlude, Simon,
and Meliadoul)
Izlude: So..... now that we're disowned, I guess we don't need to join them in the hunt.
Meliadoul: Don't you see? This is our chance to prove our worth to dad! We need to destroy
that dragon ourselves! I, Meliadoul Tingel, vow to destroy the holy dragon!
Izlude: I too, Izlude Tingel, vow to destroy it in the name of the Tingel Family so that
I, Izlude Tingel, and my sister, Meliadoul Tingel, may rejoin the Tingel family when our father,
Vormav Tingel, sees our worth as Tingels!
Simon: URGH!!!!!!!!! I REALLY NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
(Simon charges out)
Meliadoul: Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go!
(Back with Beowulf and Reis)
Reis: Roar.
Agrias: Halt right there, evil dragon! Stop in the name of the Holy Knights!
Lavian and Alicia: Yeah!
Gafgaron: And in the name of the Money-grubbing Greedy Mercenaries!
Rad and Ramza: All right!
Beowulf: What's up, Agrias?
Agrias: Beowulf? WOW! I haven't seen you for a long time! What happened?
Beowulf: Well, you remember how that stupid priest was always so peeved off because Reis liked
me and not him? Well, he banned us from the church and gave Reis the curse of the Holy Dragon,
transforming her into the Holy Dragon!
Agrias: Aw... I can't fight you and Reis!
Gafgaron: WE HAVE TO FIGHT HIM! Reis is on the top bounty list! Her head is worth BIG bucks!
Here! Let me read off my alphabetized list to prove it!
(Gafgaron takes out his list of the top bounties placed on people by the church)
Gafgaron: Abel, Ackbar, Agrias, Algus, Alicia, Anonymous, Banon, Beowulf, Barret, BigJoe, Celes,
Claire, Cloud, Devil, Demon, Darth Vader, Gafgaron, Hellspawn, Izlude, Jimminy Cricket, Kesley,
Lavian, Mathew the Jack-in-the-Box, NerdBoy, Odessa, Pete, Quezacoatl, Rad, Ramza, and.... REIS!
Agrias: Well.... if she's on the top bounty list.... Wait a minute! I don't care about money!
If I did, I would have quit this stupid job a long time ago!
Gafgaron: Well, you still have to take him on in the name of the church, so come on!
Agrias: Whatever.
Rad: We can beat them!
Ramza: Well, it IS two against six.
Lavian: They can't beat us!
Alicia: Let's take them!
Agrias: Whatever. CHARGE!
Beowulf: Eh?
(Beowulf watches as Agrias, Gafgaron, Lavian, Alicia, Rad, and Ramza tackle Reis)
(A huge smoke cloud covers the fight as lots of punching, sword slashing, and roaring noises
are heard. Pow, Bam, biff, smack, etc.)
Ramza: Oof!!
Gafgaron: Ow!!
Reis: Roar!
Agrias: Yeouch!!
Lavian: OUCH!
Alicia: Yipe!
Ramza: EEP!
Reis: Roar!
Agrias: Take that!
Gafgaron: GRR!
Lavian: ACK!
Reis: Roar!
Alicia: AH!
Rad: OMIGAWD!
Ramza: ARGH!
Lavian: AGH!
Reis: Roar!
Agrias: RUN AWAY!!
(Agrias and Gafgaron run out of the puff of smoke)
Beowulf: You done yet?
Agrias: Quick! How many casualties did we get?
Gafgaron: Only four.
Agrias: Whew! That's not so bad. We'd better recuperate.
Reis: Roar.
Vormav: Out of the way, Peons! Let the Shrine Knights handle this!
Rofel: Take this! Shellburst Stab!
(Rofel blasts Reis with his divine Knight move, but since Reis doesn't wear
equipment, it has no effect)
Rofel: AYIEEE! NO EFFECT!
Vormav: AAAAAAAAH! It's invincible! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
(Vormav, Rofel, Kletian, Balk, and Wiegraf run away squeeling like little girls)
Agrias: .......
Beowulf: Can we go now?
(Izlude and Meliadoul run up to Beowulf)
Izlude: Hooray! We're here to save the day!
Meliadoul: So, where's the dragon?
Reis: Roar.
Izlude: The legends were true! It IS as big as an average sized middle-aged man!
Meliadoul: Sorry, but we have to kill it in order to earn back our family name.
Beowulf: Why does everyone want to kill Reis?
Izlude: Because she scared an entire town! AN ENTIRE TOWN!
Beowulf: Oh, that! Um...that was Reis' evil twin sister, Zircon the Destroyer, that scared the
town. It's all just a mistake!
Izlude: Oh? Well, in that case, we apologize.
Meliadoul: Sorry we bothered you.
(Izlude and Meliadoul leave)
Agrias: Zircon the Destroyer?
Beowulf: Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them.
Izlude: Wait a minute! Reis never had an evil twin!
Meliadoul: Yeah!
Beowulf: Sigh. Will this hunt never end?
(A bunch of people run over Izlude and Meliadoul)
Mob: There she is! There's Reis! She has one of the top bounties placed on her head!
Let's get her!
Reis: Roar?
Beowulf: Uh oh... um.... hey! Agrias here also has a top bounty!
Agrias: What?
Mob and Gafgaron: GET HER!
Agrias: EEEEEEEEEK!
(Agrias runs away, with the mob and Gafgaron chasing her)
Izlude: OWWWWW.... that's gonna hurt in the morning!
Beowulf: Reis, this isn't working. How are we ever going to convince the new high priest to
turn you back, now?
Reis: Roar.
(Reis eats Izlude)
Meliadoul: OMIGAWD!
(Reis eats Meliadoul)
Beowulf: What the... now Reis, why did you go and do that?
Reis: Roar.
(Agrias comes running back with the mob behind her)
Agrias: Help!
(Reis jumps in front of Agrias, opening her mouth)
Agrias: HEY!! AAAAAAH!
Mob: WHOA!
(Unable to stop in time, Agrias and the mob fly into Reis' mouth)
Reis: Roar.
Beowulf: My lord... YOU'RE NOT REIS!!!!! OH NO! Reis' evil twin, ZIRCON THE DESTROYER!
Zircon the Destroyer: ROAR!
Beowulf: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Zircon is about to eat Beowulf, but Reis charges in and flambes her with her fire breath)
Beowulf: REIS! You came to save me!
Reis: Roar.
Beowulf: Whew! That was close! Why do you always do that to me? Well, thanks for saving me.
That's why I love you so much.
Reis: Roar:)
Gafgaron: HA HA! I hid in the shadows so I could get the perfect time to get the bounty on Reis!
(Gafgaron uses night sword and stabs Reis)
Reis: ROAR!
Beowulf: NO!! CHICKEN!
(Beowulf uses Chicken on Gafgaron, sucking away all his bravery and turning him into a chicken)
Gafgaron: Ba-kawk! NOT AGAIN! Why do I always have to turn into a damn chicken every time I...
(Reis eats Gafgaron)
Beowulf: AAAAH! YOU ATE HIM! You're not another Zircon the Destroyer, are you?
Reis: Roar:)
(Reis spits out Gafgaron)
Beowulf: Whew! You were just kidding! Come on, let's go. I'm sure we'll find a way to remove
your curse someday.
Gafgaron: UGH! YUCK! That's a stain. Dammit! Now I smell wierd!
(Beowulf and Reis walk off into the sunset)
(Gafgaron looks at the dead Zircon the Destroyer)
Ramza: Hey, Gafgaron! Could you help us out, here?
Rad: Yeah! These digestive juices are making me feel funky!
Lavian: It already digested Agrias!
Beat-up digested Agrias: Shut up! At least I wasn't completely digested like the mob.
Gafgaron: Yeah, I'll get you out. But it'll cost ya big bucks.
(Gafgaron reaches for his sword, but notices that he's still a chicken. And chickens don't have
hands, so they can't pick up swords)
Gafgaron: Dammit! Ba-kawk!
(Later...)
Izlude: DAD!
Vormav: MY STUPID WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A SON! You're alive! I was so worried!
Meliadoul: Um... didn't you disown us?
Vormav: Oh yeah! I forgot! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Izlude: You idiot! Why the heck did you go and remind him?
Meliadoul: Well, you're the fool who got us disowned in the first place!
Izlude: Shut up!
(Meanwhile... Jack, Jill, Bill, Ted, and Zircon the Chemist, who are five chemists who never
talk, plot to kidnap Reis and stuff her into a mine for an unknown reason, but that's another
story...)
The End?
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