Viki
Anywhere

Prologue:  Those Poor Little Children of Satan
 
 
 

Three years ago...

In the dark of the starlit night, a beautiful young blue-robed mage was talking to her companions.  On the table in front of her lay a simple skull, and a bonbon that was one of many native to this world.

"Tonight will be the night.  I can just feel it."  The young mage combed her long black hair and leaned against the tree, the backdrop of a full moon behind her.  "Tonight will be the night that I will get Master Yoself to marry me."

"Yea, like hell that dipshit will, you cock-sucking whore."  The furball barked.

The skull, being a normal skull (albeit a preserved one), just sat there.

"I've learned my lesson."  The young mage replied.  "For this one, I've managed to earn his trust and friendship completely.  And this time I've managed to remove all outer traces of my heritage.  You'll see, tonight will be the night that I finally find my husband."

"You're a fucking retard."  was the furry bonbon's only reply.
 

***
 

"M... Master Yoself?"  Even Viki hated that name.  Almost like some evil deity from above named him that as a cheap joke.  It wasn't as bad as the last one that was named 'Myself' or worse, the one that was named 'bater' complete with uncapitalized 'b', though.

Like every other one, Yoself simply looked at her puzzled and didn't speak much.  Did he like her?  Did he love her?  Did he know about her true feelings for him?

"Is he fucking gay?"  The furball peeped from inside a nearby flowerpot.

Viki snapped her fingers and the pot got teleported away to who knows where.

"Master Yoself, I... I'm sorry that I never told you before.  I've kept my feelings hidden from you until now, but... I..."  Viki held the young man in her arms and brought her head closer.  "I love you..."

"MASTER YOSELF!!!  WAIT!"  Yoself's head strategist, Raphael Silverburg, yelled from across the room.  Next to him was one of Yoself's first recruits into the revolution, the big burly Bearman.

"She's a vampire!  She wants to suck all of your blood!"  Bearman charged into the room and slammed Viki aside with a shoulder charge.  He then walked up to her and put his sword to her neck.  "Ready, Star Dragon Sword?"

"Oh shut up."  The sword mumbled.

Viki stared at the sword and blinked.  "Huh?  What?  A vampire?  Me?"

Hunchtor Belmont calmly walked into the room and up to Viki.  "I've discovered your secret, Viki.  Or should I say, Verikia de Deafsantan!"

"Who?"  Viki blinked.  "Verikia de Deafsantan?  Huh?"

"You didn't actually think that a vampire hunter who's family has been hunting vampires for generations would not have noticed, do you?"  Hunchtor proclaimed.  "Bearman!  Destroy her!"

"Star Dragon Sword!"  Bearman yelled as he prepared to bring the sword down upon the supposed vampiress.

The sword sighed as it flew through the air.  "I thought I told you to shut up."

Viki quickly snapped her fingers and dissappeared, reappearing behind Yoself.  "Why are you doing this?  I don't understand!"

"They're idiots."  A caped man, Ick, walked into the room and shoved Bearman back.  "What the hell do you guys think you're doing, scaring poor Viki like that?"

"She's a vampire!"  Bearman shouted.  "I can prove it to ya because she'll die when I cut her down with the Star Dragon Sword, like all vampires do."

Ick just frowned at that response.  "She doesn't even have fangs."

Hunchtor coughed.  "She found a way to conceal them until the last moment.  Look at Master Yoself's neck!"

Everyone examined the young master's neck, much to his discomfort.  Afterwards, Ick slapped Hunchtor.  "You idiot, those aren't fang marks.  Anyone can see that!"

"I... I don't understand."  Hunchtor replied.  "All of my research indicated that she was..."

"Viki, I'm sorry."  Ick commented.  "But for your own safety from these fools, I think you should leave.  I'm sure Master Yoself would agree."

"Huh?  What?  But I..."  Viki glanced over at Yoself.  "Master Yoself, please say something!"

Yoself simply stared at her.

The mage sighed.  "I... guess I'll get going then.  It's probably for the best."

Everyone besides Yoself nodded.

"Farewell, then.  Maybe I'll see you all later."  With a wave of her wand, Viki dissappeared.

"I still don't know how I could have been wrong..."  Hunchtor muttered as everyone else besides Yoself left the room.

But as for Master Yoself... all he could do was stare.  Stare at the empty space where Viki once stood.  Until finally...

"Argh!"  A frustrated Master Yoself finally screamed as he rubbed his neck where Viki attempted to bite him.  "When I can not speak words and Viki gives a hicky, that is the work of the battosai!!!!"
 

***
 

Among the moonlit night, a girl cried, her love forever unfulfilled.  Then a bat slowly glided through the sky, as a tear came to its eyes.  At least until the bat crashed into a tree, halting its flight and ending up with it splattering onto the floor far below.  In a puff of smoke, the bat was gone and in it's place was none other than... Viki!

"AAAAAH!  OOOOOOOH!  AAAAAAAH FUDGENUT!"  Viki cursed to the best of her ability.  "Lousy cheap supersonic bat blindness and random other obscenities!  I REALLY have got to get that tree chopped down."

The poor vampiress dizzily stumbled into the cave hidden behind the tree.

"Dammit, you stupid bitch.  An entire century and you still crash into that fucking tree in front of your fucking cave!"  The furball barked after Viki entered her home.  "Are you fucking retarded?  Oh wait, I forgot.  YES, YOU ARE!"

"Well, I would have thought it'd have died of old age by now..."  Viki mumbled as she glared at the tree blocking the entrance and brushed off her robe.

"Let me guess."  The furball commented.  "You fucking screwed up again, huh?"

"It was an accident."  Viki replied.  "I found out that I dropped my mother's symbol of vampire royalty on the floor and I didn't find a good enough hiding place for my tomato juice stash.  It was an honest mistake."

"An honest mistake that only a fucking RETARD could make!"  The furball screamed.

Viki frowned.  "Why do you always have to be so mean, Mr. Fuzzlebutt?  Why can't you be more like your nicer brother, Mr. Skullhead?"

Mr. Fuzzlebutt glanced at the skull lying next to him, then angrily glared at Viki again.  "Um, no.  You're a fucking idiot."

"Mr. Skullhead never calls me a fudging idiot."  Viki muttered, picking up the skull and sighing before putting him back down.

The furball slammed into the skull to smack it.  "Mr. Skullhead is a fucking loser!  Take that, loser!"

Mr. Skullhead quickly popped back into an upright position, but otherwise didn't respond to his brother's attack.

"I got really lucky back there."  Viki commented after sighing.  "It's a good thing I had my fangs surgically smoothed out or I could have actually been killed.  Unfortunately, I seem to have come across another hurdle this time.  Did you know that it's REALLY REALLY difficult to suck someone's blood when your fangs are surgically smoothed out?"

"Oh gee, I didn't know that."  Mr. Fuzzlebutt sarcastically replied.  "You're a fucking moron, by the way.  Did I tell you that, yet?"

"Hmph.  Well, I think I'll bring a drinking straw or something next time."  Viki muttered.  "And I almost succeeded this time.  This was the first time that the young master didn't discover for himself that I was a vampire.  First time around, I was a bit too obvious when I said 'Can I drink your blood?'  Second time around, I found out the hard way that I should have ditched the cape and that mortals don't normally have albino skin.  Good thing they've really improved make-up technology since then.  Last time, the hero noticed I had fangs.  But this time?  No one noticed except a mean vampire hunter who has nothing else better to do with his mean mortal life except hunt us poor vampires."

"Your fucking point?"  The furball muttered.

"My point?  Next time, I'll succeed."  The vampiress calmly replied.  "Everyone back home will be so proud of me when they find that I married the main star of the one-hundred and eight stars of Destiny.  Next time will be the night.  You'll see, it will be the night that I finally find my husband."

"Fucking retard."  The bonbon remarked, unwilling to let the princess of the de Deafsantan family revell in a future victory.  "What you're supposed to do is be like your damn dickass vampire male brethren that just fly out, find some random gal, make her their bitch, then move on to the next cock-sucking whore they can find."

Viki frowned.  "That's enough of you, Mr. Pottymouth!"

"Hey!  What are you doing?!?  AAAAH!"

The vampiress quickly shoved the little furball into her purse and zipped it shut.  She then picked up the skull and smiled to it.

"Well, Mr. Skullhead, you believe in me, right?"  Viki held the skull, but it didn't respond.  Viki took that as a yes.  "Thanks, Mr. Skullhead.  I guess I'd better mark my calendar.  I think it'll be another three years before the one-hundred and eight stars come together again, but this time, I'm sure I'll be ready for it."

She looked at the calendar, and flipped through a few pages before marking the day when it'd be time to try again.  Verikia de Deafsantan eagerly awaited her next chance.  A chance that was sure to succeed.

"Yep, Mr. Skullhead.  Only three more years..."