"I'm sorry.  But I'm lost and I don't know what to do.  Will you please help me?"  Supporting herself on her wand while holding onto it with both hands, Viki stared into the eyes of the old man across the desk.  She had become so accustomed to always being helped by people by putting on the most cute expression on her face possible that she didn't know of any other way to ask for help.  And she especially didn't know that it was pointless to do so to an old experienced mayor who really didn't have time to help every single poor lost girl in the world who looked at him with sad puppy-eyes.

That's why Granmeyer, who never (or at least not for a really long time) had to deal with this way of requesting help before, found this meeting to be extremely awkward, to say the least.  He sat there dumbfounded for a good minute or two, trying to figure out what on earth would make a young lady approach an old guy like him and request for help by saying "I'm so lost and so homeless.  Pretty please help me."  It reminded him the way a sexy lady would walk up to and sit on the desk of a detective asking him to solve a case for her, throwing provocative hints all the way.  Of course, this was more along the lines of a poor girl asking for food on the streets, using puppy-eyes in order to make you feel sorry for her and unable to say "No," but the analogy still stood.  Why else would this girl be in the office of an official like the mayor of South Window?  Coming to this conclusion that this was a "dame" searching for a detective who just couldn't get the "sexy-act" procedure right (and couldn't even dress up correctly for it), Granmeyer finally blurted out, "Er... well, young lady, I think you've come to the wrong person."

"I have?"  Viki gave Granmeyer a puzzled look.

"Forgive my assumptions, um..."

"Viki."

"Oh yes, Viki, but I think you're searching in the wrong places."

"But you are the mayor of South Window, right?  I figured that you'd know where he is.  I guess not."  Viki had a look of dissapointment on her face.

"Know where who is?"  Granmeyer inquired.

Viki looked up at him.  "Why, McDohl, of course!"

Granmeyer laughed.  "McDohl?  The leader of the Toran Republic?  I've heard rumours that he dissappeared two years ago!  How would I know where he is?"

"Well..."  Viki took a seat.  "During that freak teleportation accident two years ago, I felt my magic energies switched to channeling towards the north, and I figured I couldn't have teleported McDohl THAT far away, so he must be in either Jowston or Highland.  And by now, since it's been two years and he's not back yet, he's probably still wandering around Jowston somewhere.  Since you're the mayor, I'd figured you'd have heard if he was in the area by now so you could tell me where he was last seen."

Granmeyer raised an eyebrow.  "McDohl is in Jowston, you say?"  Granmeyer's interest grew.  "I see..."  Granmeyer wrote something on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, and handed it to Viki.  "I think I can help you find McDohl.  I shall arrange a carriage to take you to Radat.  Once there, give this paper to a man named Richmond.  He'll do the rest."

"Oh!  Wow!  Really?"  Viki beamed happily and grabbed the envelope.  "Thank you so much!"

"And whatever you do, don't read the paper."  Granmeyer smiled.

"Of course!  Thanks!"  Viki happily exitted the room.

Granmeyer muttered to himself.  "Perhaps now is not the time to become overcome by emotion.  Still, if Highland should go to war with Jowston, having McDohl in our custody might be a necessity to keep the Toran Republic from intefering.  I only hope I can play this game correctly."

Viki popped her head back into the room.  "Play what game?"

"Oh, nothing, young lady.  Go take the carriage or you might be left behind."
 

***
 

The ride to Radat was rather uneventful.  So Viki did something she normally didn't do to pass the time.  Try to figure things out.

Granmeyer seemed to be irritated by me mentioning McDohl.  And, um, he kept looking at me really wierdly.  So, logic would have it that something is wrong.  And if something is wrong, that's not good.  Therefore, I'd better figure out what's wrong in case it's something I can change.  So right now Highland is going to war with Jowston over the slaughter of young soldiers which wasn't really done by Jowston but by other Highlands, so Highland must want war!  And since Jowston always wants what everyone else wants because according to all the propaganda I was given during my stay at the Toran Republic, Jowston is a state of greedy evil demonic pigs, then Jowston must want war, too!  But Granmeyer said that he doesn't want the Toran Republic to intefere, and the Toran Republic wanted an end to the war with Jowston after the fall of the Scarlet Moon Empire, and Jowston always wants what everyone else wants, so Jowston doesn't want war with the Toran Republic.  And if Jowston doesn't want war with the Toran Republic, they'll help me find McDohl or else the Toran Republic will be mad at them!  Wow!  That... wasn't... THAT hard to figure out, I guess.  Wait... is that how it works?  I'm almost sure there's one last factor that I'm missing but I can't put my finger on it.  Ah, my head hurts now.  I should have wrote all this stuff down.

Viki exitted the carriage and looked around the town as the carriage left.

"Here, Wuffles.  Come on, boy!  Don't be afraid.  I won't hurt you."  Renal waved the doggy treat as he slowly walked backwards, leading the small brown scruffy pooch to him.  Renal threw the treat to Wuffles, who quickly chomped it down.  Renal took another treat out of his pocket and waved it until Wuffles finally jumped in his lap to grab another treat.

"Aw, that's a good boy."  Renal scratched Wuffles behind the air.

"WE HAVE HIM NOW!  Get the damn dog!"  Out of nowhere, Metry leaped at Wuffles holding a floorless bird cage out, hoping to catch him.  The surprised doggy quickly leaped out of Renal's lap right before Metry's bird cage slammed over Renal's head, causing a rather large bump to form on it.

"Hey!"  Renals tugged at the bird cage that his head was stuck in.  "Get this thing off me!"

The terrified pooch jumped into Viki's arms.  Viki looked at him.  "Why, hi there, Wuffles!  I'm Viki.  Wow, I wasn't planning on fetching you just now, but it looks like you don't mind."

Wuffles bit her finger then climbed into Viki's hair, dug in, and went to sleep.

Annoyed, Viki started rubbing her finger that Wuffles bit.  "Gee, I hope that dog doesn't have rabies."

"Where's that damn dog go?!"  Metry quickly got up and looked around.

"Poor Wuffles."  Renal sighed.  "You scared the shit out of that poor guy.  Really, Metry, was that necessary?"

Metry slapped herself and Renal quickly put his hand to his cheek in pain.  "Shut up and help me find that damn dog!"

While Metry and Renal ran off to some alley hoping Wuffles escaped there, Viki went up to the building that the carriage dropped her off in front of, then knocked on the door a couple times before noticing the building was a public tavern.  Viki opened the door and entered.  "Hi!  I'm looking for a man named Richmond."

Everyone pointed to a man in the rough shaggy trench coat that was sitting at the bar.  Viki walked up to him.  "Um.... hello?  Richmond?  Um... er..."  As Richmond stood up, Viki paused for a moment, looked down, then looked at Richmond (who wasn't much taller than she was) again and clasped her two hands together.  "I've been searching for such a long time after I messed up and am so tired and weary and hungry and I just don't know where to turn to, anymore.  Won't you please help me?"

Richmond was able to keep himself from stuttering in confusion and managed to retain a calm professional posture.  "Of course I'll help.  For a price."  Richmond put out his hand.

Viki handed him the envelope she got from Granmeyer.  "There you go!"  Everyone in the tavern wondered at what the heck she was doing.

Richmond put out his other hand.  "Ahem."

Viki stared at Richmond's hand, then shook it.  "Will be a pleasure doing business with you, sir!"

Everyone in the tavern began laughing.  Richmond glared at Viki again.

What's with these people?  What are they laughing at?  Why's Richmond always staring at me like that?  Why can't he just help me out like every other nice person does?  Maybe people like Richmond are what those people called "lawyers" are always so afraid of.

Richmond shrugged then opened up the envelope and unfolded the letter inside.  As he read it, Viki walked behind him, stood on tip-toe, and read over his shoulder.

The letter simply read:  This girl has given me ample reason to believe that McDohl is somewhere in Jowston.  I want you to find out whatever you can.  You experienced first hand what he did to South Window and Tinto, three years ago, as well as the public's feelings about it.  We must find him before the public finds out, for you know what they'd do to him.  If McDohl is lynched, Toran will go to war with us again.  I am counting on you.  I have my ideas, but I need verification.  I have a feeling that it's that boy that Shu sent to see me.  Freed is investigating on Shu right now, and we all know how he feels.  Do me a favor and make sure his investigation doesn't succeed.  For now, I'll pretend that I don't know anything in order to keep the public from finding out about this.

"Oh!  So you'll help me, right?"  Viki's speaking directly into Richmond's ear while he was reading startled him and caused him to drop the letter.  "According to the letter, we'd better get to work before the public finds out for some reason, I guess.  What does "lynch" mean, anyway?  Well, when do we begin searching?"

Richmond raised an eyebrow at Viki, thought to himself for a moment, then sighed and put out his hand again.  "Payment in potch comes first."

Viki suddenly realized that she left those dead bandits' wallets and the entire 30 potch left in them back at the South Window inn.  "Um... I'm sorry, I kinda don't have any money right now."

Richmond put his hands in his pockets then began to leave the tavern.  He stopped for a while, then looked back.  "You can pay me back later.  Oh, and can I have my dog back?"  Richmond looked at Viki's hair.

Viki suddenly became very worried.  She couldn't give up Wuffles right now.  Then Metry and Renal might get him later.  She took a minute to think of a plan, then quickly grabbed Wuffles and held him behind her back.  "Dog?  What dog?  I... um... I don't know what you're talking about."

Wuffles was peacefully sleeping in a nice soft bed.  Something came out of nowhere and suddenly grabbed Wuffles very uncomfortably.  Wuffles wasn't very happy.

Wuffles bit her.

Viki cringed but managed to keep from screaming in pain.  Viki smiled nervously at Richmond, then handed Wuffles to him.  Wuffles bit Richmond then climbed back into Viki's hair, nestled in, and went to sleep again.

Richmond angrily shook his bitten finger.  "Oh, take the damn dog!  I'll pick him up when I see you later."  Richmond left the tavern.

The people in the tavern were astounded.  One of the patrons walked up to Viki and examined her from head to toe.   "You're not THAT pretty... how on earth did you do that?"

"Do what?"  Confused, Viki stared at the patron.  "That's how things are supposed to work, isn't it?"

"Richmond has never worked without payment up front!"  The astounded man exclaimed.

"Well, yea, of course.  He's never worked for me, before."  Viki left the astonished patrons behind.  She didn't say that out of pride or snobbishness.  It was simply a matter of fact.  For some reason which she still couldn't fathom, guys never denied Viki anything.

It's just a law of the world that made them do that, I guess.  I always wonder why everyone expects everyone else to always be so money-hungry or power-mad, since most people are always nice to me.

As she was walking to the inn, Viki stopped and sighed.

Of course, then I screw up and lose them.  Always.
 

***
 

"You don't have any money because you left your wallets at South Window?"  The Radat innkeeper suspiciously glared at Viki.

"I'm so sorry.  But I'm so tired, now.  Could I please have a room?  Please?"  Viki looked back at the innkeeper.

The innkeeper sighed.  "Oh all right!  Just for this night."

"Thanks!"  Viki happily went up the stairs to her room.

The innkeeper shrugged to himself.  "Bah, I'm too soft, nowadays."
 

***
 

Viki covered the soaking-wet Wuffles with a towel.  Wuffles whined as he shivered.

Dressed in her usual white-blue robe because she never had a large wardrobe, Viki looked into the mirror on the table in her room at the Radat inn and combed her hair a little.  "Well, that's what you get for not getting out of my hair when I went to take a bath, you crazy dog."  Viki scowled at Wuffles. While she was combing, Wuffles leaped onto the chair, then the table, then into Viki's hair, then grabbed the comb in his mouth, then spit it to the ground.

"Oh fine!  I'll comb you first, then."  Viki sat down on her bed, lifted Wuffles out of her hair, and began brushing him.

"Well, Wuffles, it'll be soon, I hope.  Richmond will help me get McDohl back, won't he?  That'll be nice."  Viki didn't notice she was brushing Wuffles the wrong way, which rather irritated the pooch.  "Although maybe I should just forget about breaking the cycle.  At least it keeps my life interesting.  Still, I miss having a place to really call home."

Wuffles bit Viki, shook himself, then climbed back into her hair.
 

***
 

With Wuffles still lying near her hair on the pillow, Viki had almost fallen asleep when three people appeared in her room.  The third person was an above middle-aged man who wore a yellow robe similar to Viki's, and had short black hair and a goatee.  The other two...

Looking around, Renal let out a cheer.  "Hail there, oh wonderful magi master!!!"

Metry quickly punched him to make him shut up.  "Be quiet, Renal!  She's asleep!  The last thing I want to do is piss off one of the six magi masters by waking them up."

"Deja vu..."  Renal muttered.  "I'm almost sure we've done this before."

Metry pointed to Wuffles.  "Look!  There's Wuffles right over there."

"I wonder why Wuffles is with Lady Viki."  Renal tipped toe'd over to Viki's pillow.  "Easy, boy.  Here, boy.  It's me, remember?"

"Just get the damn mutt!"  Metry yelled.  Metry ran over to the bed and forcefully yanked Wuffles out of Viki's hair.

Viki looked at Metry.  "Um..."

Renal screamed.  "AH!!!  We woke her up!  Let's get out of here before she decides to make our heads explode!"

The third person in the room finally spoke up.  "That's enough.  That girl isn't Lady Nikki.  Let us take the dog and go."

Renal glared at Viki in astonishment.  "That's not Lady Viki?!?"

The man walked up to Viki.  "It's pronounced "Nikki."  Where did you get the idea that the "N" was pronounced as a "V"?  Furthermore, she is way too young to be a magi master and I detect no youth illusion spells on her."

"But, Master Lohark, the crystal ball shattered!"  Metry stuttered.

Lohark remained expressionless.  "Our magic tracking crystal balls do not shatter.  You got a defective one.  Master Lohark is always right!"

"Yea, well, you weren't very right when you accidentally teleported us all into that cave of that hungry lion before teleporting us here."  Metry remarked.

"Quiet, infidel!  Master Lohark knows EVERYTHING!"  Lohark zapped Metry and she teleported away somewhere.  Wuffles fell to the ground with a yelp.

Renal stared at the spot where Metry stood.  "Um... where did you teleport her to?"

"I don't know that!"  Master Lohark replied.  "Now anyway, are you sure this is the right component?"

"Well... his name is Wuffles, isn't it?"  Renal took out another magic crystal and held it down to Wuffles.  It violently glowed.  "See?  The crystal ball is detecting a very powerful magic presence when brought near this dog."

Metry reappeared with a very large octopus on her head.  "Oh gee, thanks!  Now instead of teleporting me to the cave of a hungry lion, you teleport me to the cave of a damn hentai tentacle demon!"

Abizboah the octopus made a moaning noise.  "KRAAAAAAAAWN!!!"¹

Metry shoved Abizboah off her head then picked up Wuffles.

The octopus made a sad noise.  "KOOOOOOOON!"²

"AAAAH!"  Metry quickly dropped Wuffles, who jumped back into the bed next to Viki.  "God damn dog pissed on me!  What a son of a bitch!"

Renal rolled his eyes.  "Well, duh he's a son of a bitch.  He's a male dog.  You only figured that out just now?"

Lohark took the crystal ball from Renal and held it up to Wuffles again.  The crystal ball shattered.

"Whoa!  The power in this mutt is unbelievable!"  Master Lohark said in astonishment.

"GROOOOOOORN!"³  The octopus replied.

Lohark zapped the octopus and it teleported away, then picked up Wuffles.  "And now, we're off.  Farewell, foolish little girl."

Metry and Renal laughed, and in a flash, they were gone.

Shortly afterwards, Viki heard a horse whinnying in terror, followed by a loud crashing noise, followed by several groans of pain.  She quickly exitted the inn.  Outside, Wuffles quickly leapt into her arms again as she looked at Lohark, Metry, and Renal who were flattened by a speeding carriage.

"Okay!"  Lohark barked.  "Who's the idiot who decided to teleport us into the middle of the freeway?!?"

"Um, Master Lohark?  That was YOUR teleportation spell."  Renal replied.

"Quiet, fool, or do you want me to teleport you back into the cave of a random miscellaneous hungry animal, again?!?"

"Er... no thanks."

"Where's the damn dog?"  Metry asked.

"Beats me."  Renal replied.  "I'm too busy lying here while bleeding internally to go look for him."

"To the hospital!"  Lohark yelled.  In yet another flash, the three were gone once again.
 

***
1.  "Oh shut up!  You're uglier than my wife, you hideous bitch!"
2.  "Awwww.... I thought we'd be good friends:("
3.  "Did you know that you are really wierd?"
 

The next morning, Viki went back to the tavern, hoping to meet up with Richmond.  As she reached the tavern, a townsperson slammed into her.

The townsperson was frantic.  "RUN AWAY!  An army of cockroaches that wield killer magic is coming this way!"

"Huh?"  Wondering what the heck the person was babbling about, Viki saw a bunch of cockroaches gathered around the entrance to the tavern.

"Oh yea, this is just great for my business..."  The tavern owner muttered.

Suddenly, all of the cockroaches transformed into a bunch of magicians, female sailors, Blargo, and Sonya.

Sonya brushed herself off.  "Well, that was quite an... interesting experience."

The magicians looked at each other then hugged each other.  "Hooray!  We're GUYS again!!!"

The sailors, however, weren't as happy with their new forms.  "Ack, girls!" they muttered.

Some of the female sailors walked up to Blargo's magicians.  "So, how are you doing?"

One of Blargo's magicians blushed.  "Hey, if we can get over the fact that all these lovely ladies were once men, we'll be in paradise!"

"Hmm... my personal unit has been transformed from men into women.  So I've gone from having a troop of gay men to a troop of straight women.  Amazing how things can work out, I guess.  Well, at least I won't have to put up with any more homophobic idiots now.  Oh, and I'm miraculously normal."  Sonya remarked.

Viki stared curiously at Sonya Shulen's hair, which comprised of snakes.

"What are you staring at?"

One of the snakes hissed at Viki.  Viki quickly backed off.  "Um... nothing."

"I swear, Richmond!  I heard that a bunch of cockroaches invaded the South Window prisons and literally devoured the great Toran Admiral of the Navy herself!"  One of the villagers frantically pleaded with Richmond.

Richmond pushed him away.  "Look, kid.  A word of advice.  Get a new job.  Being a private investigator isn't the job for you."  Richmond looked at Sonya.  "See, what did I tell you?  That's the admiral of the Toran navy right there!  Hmm..."

Sonya's hair hissed at Richmond.

Sonya looked around.  "WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME?!?"

"Well, the important thing is that we have the Waffles component right here."  Blargo walked up to Viki as Wuffles barked a few times at him.  "Now all we have to do is steal Renilliard's Sindar token and figure out what on earth happened to the Star Dragon Sword."

"The Wuffles component is ours!"  Lohark, Metry, and Renal appeared behind Viki.  Loharke took a second to look at Blargo, then stood back in shock.  "BLARGO!"

"LOHARK!"

Lohark glanced at Medusa and the female soldiers.  "I see you're still screwing up your transformation spells."

"You look beat!  What's the matter?  Teleport yourself in front of a high-speeding carriage, again!?"  Blargo snapped back.

"What?"  Lohark looked around nervously.  "H... How dare you!  The great Master Lohark would do no such thing!"

"Excuse me.  I have no idea what you all are babbling about, but if you don't mind, I'll just take my dog and leave."  Richmond grabbed Wuffles from Viki's hair and stuffed him in his shirt as Wuffles whined a little.

"NEVER!"  Lohark bellowed.  "The Wuffles component is mine!"

"Hey hey, I don't want any trouble right now."  Richmond backed up.  "I just want my damn dog."

Blargo had a puzzled look on his face.  "You think the DOG is the correct component?"

"Yea, you have a problem with that?"  Renal replied.

"Of course not."  Blargo grunted.  "I do have a problem with competition, however."

Blargo zapped Metry, Renal, and Lohark.  In an instant, the three were transformed into flying squirrels.

Lohark looked at his new body.  "MU?    ?!?!??!    Mu!!!  MU MU MU Mu-Mu MU, MUUUUUUUU!!!"

The three flying squirrels quickly flew away.

Viki finally broke the silence after everyone stared for a good three minutes.  "Er.... sooooo.... anyway, uh, Richmond, about the job..."

"Yea, sure."  Richmond entered the tavern with Viki following him while Sonya tried to stop her women from hitting on Blargo's men.

"This is quite simple.  Even for you."  Richmond commented.

"Huh?  What's that supposed to mean?!?"  Viki replied.

"Nothing.  Really."

"Oh, okay."

Wuffles began to scamper out of Richmond's shirt.

Richmond flipped his coin, then stuffed Wuffles back in his shirt.  "Anyway, McDohl will be coming here.  You don't have to do anything but wait.  Once he gets here, you can take a boat to Banner then get back to the Toran Republic.  Got it?"

"Um... yea, okay.  Could you run that by me again?  What was I supposed to do after McDohl gets here?"

Richmond quickly ushered Viki out of the tavern.  "Look, just wait.  Once McDohl gets back, he'll handle everything.  Oh, and don't tell anyone that McDohl is in the area, okay?"

"Okay!"  Viki happily left the tavern.

Sonya and her evil evil hair greeted her.  "What was that all about?"

"Oh!  Well, McDohl should be arriving soon so all we have to do is wait for a while."  Viki replied.

"McDohl?  So you finally found him?  Well, it's about time!  He's only been missing for two years..."  Sonya muttered.  Her hair tried to bite Viki.

Blargo grabbed Viki's wand.  "Bah, who cares about him?  You only care about his father now, don't you?  But now that you've helped me get the Waffles component, I'll get him back soon enough for you."

Blargo held up a crystal ball to the wand but nothing happened.  He held the crystal ball next to Viki and it exploded.

Viki covered her eyes.  "You know, I'm getting tired of having crystal balls explode in my face.  What the heck is the Waffles component, anyway?"

Looking at the pieces of crystal on the floor, Blargo smiled.  "Why, it's you, of course."
 

***
Author's notes:  This one is long.  I had to think of lots of stuff just to make sure there weren't any loopholes in the general RPG storyline.  Yeesh.