(The woman slaps Don Corneo, and leaves)
(Don Corneo's theme song starts playing
(Don Corneo gets up and shakes his head)
Don Corneo: Ho hi ho hi! She loves me!
Scotch: Yeah!
Kotch: Awesome!
Don Corneo: No chiky can withstand the godly sexiness of Don Corneo!
Scotch: Yeah yeah! Heh heh. Chickies are cool!
Kotch: Um, yeah. Cool, heh heh.
(Beavis and Butthead impersonations)
Scotch: Hee hee hee. Chikies!
Kotch: Yeah, Chikies!
Don Corneo, Scotch, and Kotch: Eheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
Kotch: Hey, Don, about what that chick said...
Scotch: She said that she wouldn't go out with you unless you were the last man on earth.
Don Corneo: Last man on earth, eh? Hmm.....
Later......
Don Corneo: Hee hee! It's finished!
Kotch: Wow! What is it?
Don Corneo: This bad device will grab all of the males in the planet (except us, of course) and teleport them to an alternate dimension where all men are called women and dress in drag!
Scotch: All right! Use it!
(Corneo turns on the machine. A blue blast is emitted from the device)
Meanwhile....
Bunch of Midgar Males: La la la.
(The blue blast hits the bunch of Midgar males and teleports them to an alternate dimension)
Meanwhile....
Tifa: (This is it. I'm going to ask Cloud out on a date. Stupid Aeris. I'll show her)
(Tifa enters Cloud's room)
Tifa: Cloud?
Cloud: Oh, hi, Tifa!
Tifa: Do you want to....
(A blue blast hits Cloud and he dissappears)
Tifa: Huh?
Meanwhile....
(Sephiroth is taking a shower and is singing the "Singing in the bathtub" song)
Sephiroth: Singing in the bathtub! Being soggy wet! La de da de da da! La de da de da!
(A blue blast hits Sephiroth and he disappears)
Meanwhile....
Godo: Yuffie! You're grounded!
Yuffie: Awe, dad!
Gorky: What did she do, this time?
Godo: She had the audacity to paint a mustache on each of Da-Chao's many faces!
Gorky: Ooh... To paint a mustache on the many faces of your god is bad karma.
Yuffie: Great. I don't want to be grounded!
(A blue blast hits Godo and Gorky and they dissappear)
Yuffie: Wow! Cool....
Meanwhile....
Rufus: Hmm....
(Rufus looks out of the window. His face is emotionless as he sees the blast heading for him. The blast bursts through the window, and Rufus ducks for cover...)
(Rufus dissappears. Betcha thought that he would be blown to smithereens by the Diamond Weapon, didn't ch'ya?)
Meanwhile....
Heideggar: Singing in the bathtub! Being soggy wet! La de da de da da! La de da de da!
(A blast hits Heideggar, and he dissappears)
Back at Don Corneo....
Don Corneo: Ha ha ha! There are no more men on this planet! Now all of the chikies will flock to ME!!!
(Don Corneo sits around and twiddles his thumbs for three days, but no one comes)
Don Corneo: Hmm....
Kotch: Maybe we need to advertise or something.
Meanwhile....
Yuffie: Tifa! Aeris! What happened to all the guys?
Aeris: I have no idea!
Tifa: I was with Cloud, and he just disappeared!
(Elena runs over)
Elena: AGH! What happened? Tseng's gone! I bet that lousy $#*&(@ Cloud killed him!
Aeris: Huh? Tseng, too?
(Scarlet runs over to them)
Scarlet: You stupid avalanche members! This must be your doing! You stole all of my boyfriends!
Aeris, Yuffie, Elena, and Tifa: All of Scarlet's boyfriends?
Tifa: Hmm... That would mean that ALL of the males in this planet have disappeared!
Yuffie: But where can we find out where they all went?
(A huge TV advertisement pops up)
Don Corneo: Hi ho to all of you beautiful women out there! I would just like to say that I am the ONLY male on this planet! You can flock to me, now, my lovely ladies!
Scotch: Hey, Don, what about us?
Don Corneo: Like I said before, I am the ONLY male on this planet!
Scotch and Kotch: ............
Elena: That loser Corneo must have them! We have to go save them!
(Meanwhile, all of the males in FFVII appear in the alternate dimension. And all of them are dressed in drag! Well, except for Sephiroth, who's still completely butt-naked)
Sephiroth: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
(Sephiroth covers himself and hides in a corner)
(Oh yeah, Heideggar is still completely butt-naked, too)
Everyone: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
Heideggar: Hmph!
Barret: Why the &*(#) am I dressed in this tutu?
Cloud: Great! I'm dressed like a girl again!
(A bunch of girls go over)
Girls: Wow! Look! It's a bunch of women!
Cloud: Women? We're not women!
Barret: We're men!
Other men: We're men!
Everyman: We're men in tights!
(All of the FFVII males start doing the "men in tights" dance)
Males: We roam around the city looking for fights!
Cloud: We're men!
Barret: Manly men!
Chorus: We're men in tights!
Everyone: And if you disagree we'll punch out your lights!
(Sephiroth runs back out of the corner with some clothes on)
Sephiroth: Damn! Why the hell am I dressed in a sailor fuku?
Meanwhile... Back at the REAL FFVII dimension...
Aeris: Well?
(Aeris and Tifa are in the same clothes they wore when they first encountered Corneo)
Tifa: Are you sure he won't recognize us?
Don Corneo: Wow! Beautiful women!
Aeris: I don't think he really cares.
(Tifa grabs Corneo)
Tifa: You big jerk! Bring back my boyfriend!
Don Corneo: EEEEEK!
Aeris: If you don't...
Don Corneo: Please don't threaten to rip out my balls again!
Yuffie: *Vomits* Ugh, grossness...
Don Corneo: Okay, okay! I'll talk!
Tifa: Great!
(Meanwhile, nearby in the shadows)
Elena: Stupid Corneo! Choose Yuffie over me, eh?
Don Corneo: URK!
(Elena assassinates Corneo)
Tifa: ARGH! You idiot! Now how will we get all the men back?
Aeris: Great.
Yuffie: Hey, look! I found the device that transported all those guys away!
Elena: Wow! How do we operate it?
Tifa: Um, don't look at me. All I know how to do is mix drinks.
Aeris: I might know how to sacrifice a life to save a planet, but I'm an airhead when it comes to machines.
Yuffie: I know how to take a piece of metal and tape it to your arm to use as a shield!
(Everyone glares at Yuffie)
Yuffie: Well, I do!
Tifa: Damn!
(Shera walks over)
Shera: Hi!
Aeris: All right!
Shera: Can I help you?
Tifa: Hey, Shera, do you know how to bring all the guys back?
(Shera looks at the device)
Shera: Oh, sure! But to do it, you have to have the most feminine person in the world present.
Tifa: That would be Aeris! She's flirtatious and a ditz!
Aeris: HEY!
Yuffie: Sexist!
Shera: I meant, PHYSICALLY feminine.
(Everyone looks at Tifa and Scarlett)
Aeris: Cool! What do we have to do with them?
(Shera tells them what they're supposed to do)
Tifa and Scarlett: Uh oh.
(Meanwhile...)
(Sephiroth, Cid, and Cloud are having a tea party)
Sephiroth: Another cup, my dear friend, Cloud?
Cloud: Charmed.
Cid: #$&(*)& happy, you know, good &(*)$&#@() gentlemen.
(All of the men dissappear and teleport back to their own dimension. In their place...)
(Tifa and Scarlett are teleported to the alternate dimension and are dressed in.... BARNEY COSTUMES!)
Tifa: Damn!
Kids: Eek! Barney cussed!
Tifa: .........
(Back at the real dimension)
Aeris: Cloud? Why are you dressed in drag again?
Cloud: Eh?
Sephiroth: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
(Sephiroth runs away to put on some more "manly" clothes)
Elena: Why is EVERYONE dressed in drag?
(Sephiroth comes back with his signature black trench coat thingie on)
Sephiroth: Stupid Corneo! No one insults the great Sephiroth and gets away with it!
Cloud: Hey, Sephiroth, we still have some unfinished business....
Sephiroth: Yeah?
(Cloud, Sephiroth, and Cid leave to finish their tea party)
Aeris: Hmm....
Yuffie: Damn. That's terrible. I hope my dad didn't come out like that.
Godo: Woah! That was a trip!
(Godo and Gorky are dressed in female kimonos, which really aren't that different from male kimonos. In fact, they're exactly the same)
Gorky: Wow! I feel like we were transported back to the golden age where Godo would always....
Godo: Gorky, shut up!
Yuffie: Whew. That was close.
Godo: You're still grounded!
Yuffie: Dammit!