When we left our heroes, Cait Sith and Cid had left to strike a deal for Cait's favorite show right after he had broken the TV.  Cloud was about to take Tifa to dinner when Sephiroth captured her.  As well as the fact that...

Dyne:  Hey!  Who hired you!  You sound like that damn announcer from the Bullwinkle show!  I'm taking over the narration!

Cloud awakens to from his trance to find himself alone.

Cloud (calling): Tifa!  Come out of there, this is no time for games!  Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Chihuahua (the Taco Bell one with that gay @$$ beret): Hey that's my line!
Cloud:  Shut up! (Kills chihuahua and calls again)

No answer... suddenly Aeris pops out of an alley.

Aeris (sweetly):  Hi Cloud.
Cloud:  Yeah hi Aeris.  (Calls again)  Tifa!!!
Aeris:  Hey!  Didn't you realize that I'm alive?!  Forget that $^#&% (oops) and come with me!
Cloud:  Maybe later. (Leaves)
Aeris (crying):  It could have been me he wants, but I guess I'm too flat chested.  (Idea pops into her head)  I'll get an enlargement and look like Tifa!  Then Cloud'll have to notice me!  (Skips away)
Author's Note:  That wasn't my idea, just filler.  Come on, don't have that look on your face!

Meanwhile at Midgar's 2nd fanciest restaraunt.  Sephiroth and Tifa are having dinner.

Sephiroth:  More wine my dear?
Tifa:  All right Sephy, I'll follow you anywhere.
Author's note:  Tifa is coming onto Sephiroth because (choose one)
 A-She's tied to the chair with the Masamune pointed at her heart.
 B-Her *ahem* "love connection" with Cloud enables Seph to bend her will also.
 C-She doesn't give a damn who it is, she wants a date!
 (Answer in Part 3)

Back at AVALANCHE Hq.  The Turks are muttering over Reno's alcohol problem.

Rude (to Elena):  I think Reno is a little too attached to his booze.
Elena: (Nods as they watch Reno lick up the spilled bottles of Tequilla from the floor)
Reno:  Ow!  $&$#!  Another piece of glass in my tongue!
Elena:  You know I do have the number for AA.
Reno:  Shut up! (draws pistol)
Elena:  Sorry.

Downstairs, Barret, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Vincent continue to try to repair the TV.  (Explosions are constantly heard)

Barret:  $@#$!@$^!#&!#$&!#$^#%*!#%*!#%*%^*&@$&(!
#%$($^*#^&)@#($^*^*($)%%*&(%&*($&*)!  It's no damn use!  Have ya found anything Red?
Red XIII (reading owner's manual): Here... "In case of TV screen shattering and failed repair attempts... lose all hope and buy new TV..."
Yuffie:  The warranty HAD to expire yesterday...

Meanwhile Cid and Cait Sith are speaking to the producer of...
Cait:  Don't say it!  Everyone'll know and that'll ruin the surprise!
Sorry.  (Then again if anyone read part 1 they already know)
Producer:  Okay Mr. Sith, you seem to fit all of the qualifications.  Cute, smart, loveable, former drug addict.  Yep. you're perfect!
Cait Sith:  YES! (Starts dancing)
Cid:  Wait a damn minute!  What's the pay?
Producer:   Mr. Highwind, I will discuss his salary with you another time.
Cait:  I'll do it anyway!
Cid:  Shit man, shut up!
Cait Sith:  I wanna do it!
Producer:  Fine, please sign here.  You too Mr. Highwind.
Cid:  (Muttering curses you wouldn't want to know)
Producer:  Very well, please report here at 6 AM.
Cait Sith (horrified):  6 AM in the morning!?

Cid and Cait leave.  Meanwhile back in Sector 7, Cloud is still looking for Tifa.

Cloud(thinking):  Okay, Tifa just disappeared, so it has to be someone evil like the Sesame Street characters...

Cloud collides with a young man in his late teens with brown hair and grey eyes.

Man:  Hey, watch it!  Wait... are you Cloud Strife?
Cloud:  Yea, who're you?
Man:  Dav Cole, (Author's note:  Here he is for those of you who read FF7 in Hawaii) monster hunter and treasure hunter.
Cloud:  How do you know about me?
Dav:  A friend of yours told me, Aeris.
Cloud:  Aeris!  What does she want now?
Dav:  She didn't say, just meet her at Midgar's fanciest restaraunt in a week.
Cloud:  Damn, anyway can you help me?
Dav:  I suppose, whaddya want?
Cloud:   I'm looking for another friend of mine.  A girl, long dark-brown hair, white blouse, leather mini-skirt, her name is Tifa.
Dav:  Oh yeah, I just came from Midgar's 2nd fanciest restaraunt and I saw her there with a tall, silvery-grey haired man.
Cloud:  Sephiroth?!
Dav:  Yep, I'll help you stop him.
Cloud:  Huh?  What the hell could you do?
Dav:  Two words "Justice Slash"
Cloud:  Which is...
Dav:  My Limit Break!  I slash about 20 times and then throw the enemy into the air!
Cloud:  Then I could use Omni-Slash and do extra damage from there!
Dav:  Exactly what I was thinking!
Cloud:  Sweet!  Let's go!

Cloud and Dav head toward the restaraunt while Barret, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Vincent look in Future Shop for a new TV.  (Author's Note:  I hate Future Shop so if you like it don't read this next part.)

Barret:  Damn, how're we gonna pick from nuthin' but this pile of shit?!
Yuffie:  As long as we can lock out the Dukes of Hazard, I don't care!
Red XIII:  Here's one, wow, and a semi-decent price.
Yuffie:  Cool!  Let's take it!
Barret:  Hey, where's Vincent?
Vincent (Carrying a Playstation and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night):  All set!
Red XIII (muttering):  Vampires, they're all alike.

The group pays for their stuff and spends all night figuring out how to hook up the TV, finally at 8 AM they do so.  (Cloud and Dav are also lost while Seph and Tifa are chatting the night away so don't worry about missing that part)

Red XIII:  All set!
Yuffie:  Great!  Let's try it out!
Vincent:  Hey!  I want to play my game!
Barret:  When we're done foo'.
Vincent:  Now I know why Cait wanted to get you guys away.
Barret:  (Turns on TV)
TV: (Plays the Sesame Street theme song)
Yuffie:  Crapola!  It's as evil as the day is bright, it's Sesame Street! (Runs around in circles)  Change the channel!!!
Red XIII:  Wait, is that Cait Sith?
Barret:  Damn man, he's on TV!
Vincent:  So he made it after all.

And so ends part 2.  Will Cait succeed (more importantly will Cid get paid)? Will Vincent get to play his game?  Will Aeris get her rendezvous?  Will Sephiroth be defeated (no question there)?  And will Reno get the glass outta his tongue?  Stay tuned for the finale...