Sephy Sephy Sephy
Cloud: Damn! Why the hell do I keep hearing the words, Sephy sephy sephy in my head?
Sephiroth: It's because I'm controlling you right now, you dim-witted twit!
Cloud: Oh. Well, stop it.
Sephiroth: Why?
Cloud: Because it's annoying.
Sephiroth: Oh. Okay. Sorry. By the way, Sephy Sephy Sephy is the name of this fan fic.
Cloud: That's a stupid name.
Sephiroth: I think it's quite godly, myself.
Cloud: Oh shut up.
Sephiroth: And now...
Sephy Sephy Sephy
By James Chang
nikken@erols.com
Zacks: Hey, Cloud! Get up! We're going to Nibelheim!
Cloud: I'm nauseous...
Sephiroth: Wimp.
(Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zacks enter Nibelheim)
Cloud: Crap! It's Tifa! Someone hide me!
Zacks: Why?
Cloud: She doesn't know that I never made it to soldier!
Zacks: Sure you did. You just never made it to first class.
Sephiroth: You're a scrub soldier.
Cloud: Oh shut up.
Later....
Sephiroth: Can this be? Am I an ancient?
(Sephiroth reads the books in the Shinra Mansion)
Sephiroth: THE HUMANS WILL PAY!
(Sephiroth burns down Nibelheim)
Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU BURN DOWN MY HOMETOWN?!
Sephiroth: Because I was pissed off.
Tifa: You killed my dad!
(Sephiroth chops Tifa down)
Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST KILL MY GIRLFRIEND?
Sephiroth: Because I felt like it.
Zacks: Sephiroth, you're really beginning to piss us off!
(Sephiroth chops down Zacks)
Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU...
Sephiroth: Because he was a moron! And you're next!
(Sephiroth runs his sword through Cloud)
Cloud: NO!
Sephiroth: Wh... what?
(Cloud flings Sephiroth into the mako pit of the Nibelheim reactor)
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOO!
(Sephiroth dies... or does he?)
Five years later...
President Shinra: I'm going to be rich! Promised Land, here I come!
Sephiroth?: Surprise! I'm back!
(Sephiroth? kills President Shinra)
Tseng: Hey! You can't just kill our president!
Sephiroth?: Sure I can!
(Sephiroth? kills Tseng)
Cloud: What the hell? I thought Sephiroth was dead!
Three Sephys: We are the three Sephiroth Psychic Shades that say "Neep"! Neep!
Cloud: Eh?
Aeris: Monty Python?
Three Sephys: Neep! Neep! Neep!
Aeris: Cloud, be careful!
Cloud: No need to worry! They're just psychic shades! They can't hurt us.
Sephy: Neep!
(One of Sephiroth's Psychic Shades kills Aeris)
Cloud: Oops. I guess they can hurt us.
Sephys: Neep! Neep! Neep!
Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST KILL MY OTHER GIRLFRIEND?!
Sephiroth: Because she was annoying.
Cloud: Damn, man. You're really getting annoying.
Rufus: Don't worry! The Shinra will stop Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Yea, bull!
(Sephiroth summons Diamond Weapon, who blows Shinra to smithereens.)
Sephiroth: Lousy pests.
Hojo: Hee hee! That's my son!
Cloud: This is all your fault!
(Cloud chops Hojo down)
Sephiroth: Hey! I wanted to kill him!
Cloud: Oh well!
Sephiroth: Ah well. Doesn't matter. I summoned meteor, so you'll all die soon. Ta ta!
(Sephiroth flies into the northern crater)
Cloud: I have to go after him!
Later...
(The northern crater)
Cloud: I'm so glad that my first girlfriend lived, after all! Aren't back-ups lovely?
Tifa: What did you call me?!
Yuffie: Why can't I ever be your girlfriend?
Sephiroth: Because then I'd have to kill you, too.
Yuffie: Oh.
Cloud: Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: HA HA HA! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME!
(Sephiroth turns into Seraph Sephiroth. Awesome Sephiroth opera music starts playing.)
Cloud: Die!
(Cloud chops Sephiroth. Sephiroth dies.)
Cloud: Damn, that guy was REALLY weak for an end boss.
Tifa: Cloud? Are you all right?
Cloud: NO! He's still here!
(Cloud's mind gets transported to the final one-on-one battle with Sephiroth)
Cloud: Sephiroth! I will defeat you once and for all! OMNISLASH!
(Cloud uses Omnislash on Sephiroth. Sephiroth dies, again. Or does he...?)
Sephiroth: Heh heh.
Cloud: What?
(Sephiroth chops Cloud and kills him)
(Back at the northern crater)
Tifa: Cloud! Cloud! Wake up!
Cloud: It's okay, Tifa. I'm awake!
Tifa: Oh Cloud! I'm so glad your safe. I... I need to tell you. I love you!
Cloud: Really? I love you too, Tifa!
(Cloud and Tifa leave)
Cloud: Heh heh. Cool. I get his girlfriend. Stupid Cloud.
The End
Yuffie: Now that Sephiroth is with Tifa, can I have Cloud?
Aeris: No, because he's in the promised land with me.
Yuffie: DAMMIT!
Cloud: Aren't back-ups lovely?
Aeris: What did you just call me?
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