Tseng:  Okay, now, guys.  Here we go!

Rude:  So, what shall we do today?

Reno:  The same thing we do every night, Rude.

Rude:  Try to take over the world!

Reno:  No, you moron!

Tseng:  Goof off.

Rude:  Oh.  I knew that.

Reno:  So, what do we exactly do?

Elena:  Let's sing a song!

Rude:  That's stupid.

Reno:  Well, I have a song that I wrote.

Tseng:  Yeah!  Let's sing Reno's song!

Rude:  How the hell could a moron like you compose a song?

Reno:  Simple!  Okay, now.  We're going to sing, "Rudolph the Balded Turkey."

Rude:  Eh?

Tseng:  As sung to the tune of Rudolph the red nose reindeer.

Rude:  Huh?  Say what?

Tseng:  Begin!

(Reno starts to sing, with Elena doing the echo)

Reno:  Rudolph the balded turkey,

Elena:  turkey,

Reno:  Had a very shiny head.

Rude:  Wait a minute...

Reno:  And if you ever saw it,

Elena:  Saw it,

Reno:  You would even say it's red!

Rude:  (Red with anger)

Reno:  Reno, the head of the Turkeys,

Elena:  Tur-HEY!

Reno:  Used to laugh and call him names!

Elena:  Like Mr. Clean!

Reno:  He never let poor Rudolph

Elena:  Rudolph

Reno:  Join in any turkey games!

Elena:  Turkey games!

Reno:  Then one foggy Midgar eve

Elena:  Because of pollution.

Reno:  Tseng-san came to say,

Tseng:  Rudolph with your head so bright,

Rude:  Grr!

Tseng:  Won't you assassinate the prez, tonight?

Reno:  Then all the Turkeys loved him,

Elena:  loved him,

Reno:  And they shouted out with glee!

Vincent:  Whoopee.

Reno:  Rudolph, the balded Turkey,

Elena:  Turkey,

Rude:  Reno, now you're history!


(Rude points his gun at Reno)

Reno:  Ulp...
 

*ding dong* (The doorbell rings)

Tseng:  Hmm... who could that be?

(Tseng opens the door and sees Vincent)

Tseng:  Vincent, my good man!   Wow!  How are you doing?  You're back!

Vincent:  .......

Tseng:  Wow.  That Nibelheim job took you... what, 30 years!

Vincent:  ........

Tseng:  So, how's Lucrecia and Ghast doing?

Vincent:  .........

Tseng:  Cool cape and claw!  Where did you get that?

Vincent:  .........

Tseng:  Ah, you must be tired after such a long assignment.  Come on in!

Vincent:  .........

(Tseng leads Vincent inside the Turk's lounge)

Rude:  Hey, Vincent.

Reno:  Hey, Vincent.

Vincent:  .........

Elena:  Who's Vincent?

Tseng:  You don't know?!  He's a Turk, like us!

Elena:  Oh.

Reno:  Elena isn't even a Turk yet.

Elena:  Shut up!

Reno:  So, Vincent, what's up?

Vincent:  .......I'm taking over as leader of the Turks.

Tseng:  He's fine.... WHAT?!


Vincent:  YOU 'EARD ME!

Tseng:  But.... I'm the leader!

Vincent:  Well, I'm taking over!

(Vincent points his gun at Tseng)

Tseng:  Oh yeah?

(Tseng quickly whips out his own gun and shoots Vincent)

(Vincent turns into a huge monster)

Tseng:  The hell?

(Vincent eats Tseng, then turns back)

Vincent:  There!  Now I'm the leader!

Elena:  AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  Tseng!!!!!!!!!

Reno:  Heh.  Vincent ate Tseng!

Rude:  That was cool.

Vincent:  Now I'm the leader!

Reno:  But what about Tseng?

(Vincent turns into a huge monster and eats Reno)

Reno:  Okay!  Okay!  Forget Tseng!  Let me out!

(Tseng smacks Reno)

(Vincent spits Reno out)

Vincent:  There!  Any other questions?!

Rude:  Um... (sweat drop)  No.

Vincent:  Good.

Reno:  So, what do we do now, boss?

Vincent:  I have seen the error of the Turks' ways...

Rude:  Huh?

Vincent:  (Damn Hojo...)  We must do GOOD deeds from now on!!!!


Reno:  Say what?

(Soon, Reno and Rude are at the Midgar Park pushing the kids on the swings)

Relm:  Wheeeeeee!!!!

Reno:  This is stupid!

Rude:  Boring.  Boss, why do we have to do this?

Vincent:  Because I said so.

Rude:  Why?

Vincent:  Because I want to do nice things.

Rude:  Why?

Vincent:  Because seeing damn Hojo and the evil things he did have changed my ways.

Rude:  Why?

Vincent:  Because I got sick of evil.

Rude:  Why?

Vincent:  Because seeing damn Hojo and the evil things he did have changed my ways.

Rude:  Why?

Vincent:  Because....  SHUT UP!  SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUT UP!!!!!!!  DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO KEEP ASKING, "WHY WHY WHY WHY?!!!"  SHUT UP!  I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID LOUSY "WHY WHY WHY WHY?" SHIT!!!!!!!  YOU MORON!  YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!


Rude:  ..........*sniff*  Now you've gone and hurt my feelings....

Reno:  Rude?  Are you all right?

Rude:  ..........

Reno:  Rude?

Rude:  .........

Reno:  Say something!

Rude:  ........Vincent doesn't want me to talk......

Reno:  Oh.

Rude:  .........

Elena:  This is so stupid!  Why are we listening to this guy who just bursts into our lounge and takes over our lives?!

Rude:  .........

Reno:  Because he'll turn into an evil monster and eat us.

(Elena drags Reno and Rude to a corner and they whisper while Vincent isn't listening)

Elena:  We can't let him do this to us!

Rude:  .........

Reno:  Well, what are we going to do?

Rude:  ........

Elena:  I say we oust him.

Rude:  .........

Elena:  What's wrong with Rude?  Say something!

Rude:  ........Vincent wants me to shut up.  *sniff*

Reno:  *sigh*

Elena:  *what does it mean when words are placed between two asteriks like this?*

Reno:  It means you performed that action.

Elena:  Wow!

Reno:  *snort*

Elena:  *gag*

Reno:  *fart*

Rude:  ........  STOP THAT!

Reno:  Sorry.

Elena:  Let's get rid of Vincent!

Rude:  But how?

Reno:  Send him back where he came from!

Elena:  That's it!  I have an idea....

Rude:  What?

Elena:  We grab Vincent, and stuff him into a coffin and lock him up!

Reno (sarcastically):  Wow.  What a plan.

Elena:  Shut up!  What's yours?!

Reno:  We grab Vincent, and stuff him into a coffin and lock him u....

*slap!*

Later....

Reno:  Boss!

Rude:  We're not going to take this any more!

Elena:  We're going to oust you!

Vincent:  There you are!  You're late!  Give me 50 push ups!

(Elena, Reno, and Rude start doing push ups)

Rude:  Wait a minute...

Reno:  Yeah!  We don't have to do your stupid push ups!

Elena:  We're here to oust you!

Vincent:  Huh?

(Rude, Elena, and Reno jump on Vincent and pound him)

Later...

(Reno, Rude, and Elena run into the Nibelheim Shinra Mansion basement)

Elena:  Ha ha ha!  Open up the coffin!

(They jam Vincent into a coffin)

Vincent:  You can't do this!!!!!


Elena:  Yes we can!!!

Reno:  Bye, boss!

(Reno locks the coffin)

Later...

Rude:  Ah... a day well done.

Reno:  No more Vincent.

Elena:  Yeah!

Rude:  We're missing something...

Meanwhile...

Vincent (in coffin):  Damn!  Now what do I do?  Well, while I'm here I might as well take a nap.  But why the hell am I having this stomach pain?