WAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
      Dose Tic-Tak or Tak-Tik tingies
      By Bart "Da Orc" Egnal


      "‘Ere now Boogernose--wot ‘ave da boyz been up to? Wez haz got ta fight da stinkin humies tommorow." That pronouncement made, a deep rumbling issued from the Savage Orc Warloard's throat, and with expert aim honed by trial, he spat a huge glob of green mucus on his goblin lackey, Boogernose. "Dez is gettin ready boss, but Stoncrusha's ladz ‘et some of Meegits boyz, and Meegits boyz want revenge." "Well, I'z is in charge now. Round up da troops, and hop to it!" "But Boss-which ‘unz? Madgitz sez iz ladz are better dan Skergit's boyz! Da Black ‘unz just ‘it me and da Trolls don't say nuttin'!" "Iz guess I's ‘ill ave ta reveal ta youse da Master Plan..." And with that Boogernose sat down to listen to the mighty Orc chieftan's words of wisdom...


      Dose tactikal tings...

      If Mork and Gork had wanted the Orcs to shoot he would have given them high ballistic skill. Instead they gave them toughness and frenzied troops, the perfect keys to an attacking army. WFB is won or lost in hand-to-hand, not by shooting. Archers need 5s to wound your troops--laugh at them. In this scenario I will examine the precepts of an attacking Orc army, its strength and its weaknesses. The choices I discuss are for about 2000 points but can be applied to any situation.

      Da Big Stomppas---Da General and Da Crazy Wizard

      Every Orc and Goblin Army must have a general, or warlord. This is a good first model to buy, as you will not be able to start gaming without him. The best option is a Savage Orc or Black Orc Warlord on a War Boar. Don't put him on a Wyvern or other creature--especially with Orcs the General needs to be with the troops. At 180 points the Wyvern is a horrible deal. Low WS, A, Ld and W mean it can't hold a stick to the Manticore and is barely on par with the 150 point Griffon. Sadly this flying dingbat is the only "in character" Orc mount. The solution is a cavalry mount. A boar gives your general good mobility and makes him hard hitting. If Savage he gets eight frenzied attacks, plus a savage boar attack. His boar, shield and tattoos give him a save of 3+, which can never be modified past 6+. If he is accompanied by a Savage Orc Shaman Lord on a boar, his save improves to 2+ and 5+ unmodified. Needless to say, always have a Savage Orc Wizard accompany a Savage Orc General. The Shaman should definitely be level four, as he will be a perfect dead ‘ard fighter to beef up your boyz. The Savage Orc Shaman Lord also rolls six dice in hand-to-hand, plus his boar may strike. His toughness of five makes him very difficult to injure. And when he is with a unit of Savage Orcs their saves are 2+!! Dead ‘Ard, innit?? Try your best to insure you end up with the Hand of Gork spell as this is a game winner.
      If you chose the "reliable" (when are Orcs ever reliable...) option of the Black Orc you gain the benefits of immunity to animosity and higher S and Ld. He also forces you to field a unit of Black Orcs, which is definitely not a bad thing. Should you select this laudable option it becomes doubly important to beef up the unit's hitting power with Savage Orc characters. A favorite option is a Savage Orc hero with the Executioner's Axe. With 6 attacks when frenzied he is bound to lop off a couple heads...

      Da Boyz

      Now that you have purchased your two biggest points investments, you can shell out some more cash for your core regiments. If one goes down, then the other is there to pick up the slack. Since you already have your Savage Orc General and Shaman Lord(wicked model) on boars, go whole hog(please excuse the pun) and purchase eight more models. Include a standard. Have two ranks of five boar riders. You now have hard hitting cavalry. Your front ling can dish out 20 attacks from the riders and five attacks from the boars(at STR 5). Your save of 2+(5+ unmodified) and your toughness of four means your regiment can take a lot of punishment. You are also immune to panic, fear and terror when in combat or preparing to charge.
      Your next core regiment should be either a unit of 20(or more) Savage Orc Boyz or 20(or more) Black Orc Boyz. Orcs are second best since they have no specialties(ie. tattoos & frenzy, or immunity to animosity). The Savage Orcs must be accompanied by a Shaman to turn them into a core unit. This gives them a 4+ save, 5+ unmodified! Imagine your delight when that cannonball bounces off the savage one's tattoos!! They also get two attacks each. Make sure they have a Big Boss to lead them. The Black Orcs are harder hitting and more reliable. Unaffected by animosity and with extra strength and leadership, Black Orcs make deadly foes. If facing high toughness opponents go for double handed weapons and versus things like humans whose I is on par with the Orcs go for 2 hand weapons. Black Orcs will also not panic if they see anyone else flee. This means that you can count on Black Orcs to do what you want, when you want. Their problem is that they struggle defensively, and are liable to be mowed down like grass with 6+ armor saves. The standard of shielding is a good investment. Black Orcs are also available in plastics, making them an inexpensive regiment to collect. Leader and standard are, as usual, mandatory.

      Da Shrimppy Unz(or da ‘unz dat we like ta krush)

      Goblins are shorter than their Orc cousins, but nevertheless very useful. Sadly, they must fight in regiments of at least 20 models to be effective. This means a lot of painting time for a new general who probably wants to start playing soon. My advice: don't touch Goblins until you have three core units painted.

      Then, start with a unit of wolf riders. At just nine points a model they're cheap, plus they can do tons. They can be set up in a long line across the table to protect your troops against missile fire, they can act as fast cavalry to hit the flanks of your opponents army, attack enemy war machines....the list is endless. But, like all goblins: they will die horribly unless you have about 20 of them. That includes the mandatory big boss and standard. Once you have that unit painted up, you're almost finished a 2000 point army.

      Doze Funky Magik Tings

      The Orc army was in chaos. It was the morning before the battle with the Empire and the ladz were anxious for battle. The ruckus started when Meegit, one of Snapped- Arm's ladz, went an ate one of Hoark-spitter's goblin boyz. The normally passive and cowardly goblins were getting ready to gang up on the Orcs they vastly outnumbered and fighting was breaking out. The Shaman staggered out of his hut clutching his head as sparks shot out of his ears. Something had to be done. Fargit da ElfStomppa, Warlord of the army, put on his magical crown and stood up on a pile of fighting goblins and began to speak. At the sound of his voice all the commotion drew to a close and the boyz drew round holdin arms...

      Magic items are especially vital to an Orc and Goblin army. Since Orcs have notoriously low leadership the Crown of Command is essential. Buy it now and figure out who will wear it later. The Black Amulet is an excellent protective device for your wizard and goes a long way to boosting your combat results. A magic weapon is almost essential as the Warlord will be expected to lend his weight to the combat. My personal favorite is the Sword of Justice. At only 50 points it allows you a reroll on missed hits and slices through knights by disallowing any armor saves at all.
      Since I tend to rely on magic the Skull Staff is always worthwhile, allowing you to shut down the opponent and force him to fight you fairly in hand to hand. I was surprised at how few people fielded the Skull Staff at the Canadian Grand tournament--it is exceptional value. For your core units I favor the Banner of Might or the War Banner. If not playing tournament rules then the Eadbang Banner is deadly, acting as a moving wizard killing unit. A goblin wolf rider champion with the Heart of Woe is the perfect sacrificial cannon fodder at 33 points and he leaves a big hole. When selecting your items choose things which will help protect your units as they advance to battle (ie. the Ruby Chalice) or when they reach hand to hand. Hit hard ladz!!

      Doz Crazy Flyin Gobbos

      Goblin Doom divers are great fun. If they work. When they work. Seriously, though, doom divers are a worthwhile investment. To increase their effectiveness take a couple. Use it to put the fear of Mork into your opponents as you target his chariots and characters. There's nothing quite as satisfying as impaling a gobbo on Eltharion the Grim--instant Elf-Kabob!! Rock Lobbers are less dangerous to character models but are the bane of every Empire and High Elf knight. One last thing: don't take doomdivers unless you are good at guessing ranges. D6 inches correction on a doom diver makes no difference if you were off to begin with....

      Da Finished Product...Almost

      By now, a good starter attacking army looks like this: a level four shaman and general leading the charge of your cavalry. On either side you have a strong core regiment of Boyz, one savage and one Black. Both savage shamans are with savage Orc units so you are dealt two extra magic cards each turn. You have a unit of 20 wolfriders who can fill whatever roll needed of them. Your doomdiver pounds the enemy as it approaches, and your wizards unleash their spells. Your army is strong...The EMPIRE MUST FALL!! DOWN WITH ALL THE OTHER RACES!!! LONG LIVE THE...ooopps. Sorry, I just got a bit carried away there. In any case, you can then build up by adding more artillery, cavalry, Big Un's and so much more. As any Orc general can attest to, choosing an army is half the fun! Happy gaming and may da Gaze of Mork be upon you!!