"One cappucino and one mocha, my good man."

The lawyers of Macbelious didn't always spend their time wasting away their worthless boring lives in after-hours bars.  Often, they would spend their time wasting away their worthless boring lives in coffee houses where they could chat and discuss Macbelious's boring laws without the influence of alchohol wavering over them.

Or worse, the hangovers...

Alexis put her hand to her head and leaned against the counter, silently groaning to herself.  "Mental note to self, Alexis, no more drinking Paradise Ambrosias.  Ever."

"To be frank, my dear Alexis, I did warn you."  Johnson remarked.  "But I'm sure it was most likely that hooligan's fault, buying you that Paradise Ambrosia despite most likely perfectly knowing the restrictions surrounding them."

Several hangover bubbles were still appearing and popping over Alexis' head which slumped against the counter.

"I'll be fine.  I just need my coffee..."  Alexis muttered, her head still down on the counter.

A loud scream ringing throughout the shop made Alexis quickly rise up and look around.  In the back of the shop sitting at one of the tables, one of the customers was screaming from coffee burns he had recieved when he accidentally dropped his cup of coffee, resulting in the ensueing hot liquid spilling all over him.

"OMIGOOOOOOD!!!"  The man cried.  "IT BURNS!!!"

A lawyer sitting at another table took notice of the man's dilema, and quickly rushed to his aid.

"Cuarl Huts, attorney at large.  I can help you get the damages you deserve!  Coffee houses have deep pockets."  The lawyer proclaimed.

The man looked up weakly at his savior.  "Help me..."

"I will help you!"  Huts declared.  "Your valiant martyrdom at the hands of evil coffee houses and their policy of knowingly serving hot scalding death to their customers shall not be in vane!"

Alexis groaned again, this time not from the hangover, but from the sheer stupidity and the patheticness that this sadly happened more often than not in Macbelious.

"Honestly..."  Johnson remarked as he looked at the sight.  "It's riff-raff like them that waste the taxpayers of Macbelious's valuable tax money on these stupid claims."

"Oh dear..."  The coffee shop manager muttered.  "I don't have my attorney with me!  He's on vacation!  What will I do?!?"

"Fear not, my friend."  Johnson told the distraught manager.  "I'll handle this juvenile delinquent."

"I'm saved!!"  The coffee shop manager screamed in happiness.  "How can I thank you?"

Alexis sighed.  "This is sooooo stupid..."

Johnson shook the man's hand.  "Not a problem, my good man.  Just get the coffee ready for this beautiful lady here.  She... could really use some right now."

" Johnson, right now I think I'm beyond coffee's help..."  Alexis replied, feeling sick to her stomach.  At least Johnson wasn't helping people sue coffee shops for scalding hot coffee, though at his roots, he was a boring lawyer just like everyone else.  Albeit an extremely preferred one.  Well, okay, Johnson wasn't THAT bad, but like all lawyers, he was extremely predictable.  For example, right now, as Cuarl Hutz came marching to the counter, Johnson was most likely mentally preparing himself and overreacting.  Odds were, he was most likely thinking something stupid like how the 'fight' was about to begin.
 

***
 

The fight was about to begin.  Johnson readied his papers as his challenger walked up to meet him.  "My good man, do you have a problem?"

"A problem?  Do I have a problem?!?"  Cuarl yelled.  "My client has a problem, and that means I have a problem, and I resolve that I shall continue to try to solve his problem until his problem is solved, which would thus solve my problem as well as get me my pay check.  Get out of the way."

Johnson wasn't fazed at all.  These were just pre-battle taunts, after all.  "My good man, I can not allow you to solve this 'problem' if it is a problem with this fine establishment here.  For you see, in light of this establishment's current defender's temporary leave, I am its representation.  Present your case, then."

Cuarl Huts straightened his collar and pulled his sleeves back a little, determination filling his eyes.  "I'm here to prove to you that this establishment has carelessly neglected coffee safety laws and that it has resulted in serious harm for my client, and he wants payback!"

"IT BURNS!"  The man continued to scream.  No one bothered to call for a medic.

Inwardly, Johnson smiled.  Amateur.  He would let this Cuarl take the first swing.

"Is that so?"  Johnson smugly replied.  "And what laws and clauses do you believe this establishment to have broken?"

"I refer you to clause eight-hundred and fifty-two of the public places document."  Cuarl commanded as he waved a cup of his own coffee in Johnson's face.  "This coffee mug does not adequately insulate heat to the point of being able to be safely carried by a normal human being!"

Accepting the challenge, Johnson grabbed Cuarl's own coffee mug from Cuarl, held it for a while, then handed it to Alexis.  Alexis glanced at it, drank some of it, then handed it back to the silly riff-raff lawyer.

"Pretty good stuff."  Alexis commented.

Cuarl blinked, then stared at the coffee mug.  "Well, it had time to cool down!"

"Oh please."  Johnson responded.  "You were holding it all this time and you didn't seem to have a problem with it."

"It still is hot enough to cause extreme damage in the case of spillage, both mental and physical!"  Cuarl exclaimed.  "The owner of this establishment has failed to follow procedure two-hundred and fifty-five of the public places serving manuel!  No coffee can be served above a eighty-degrees temperature unless the person has an IQ higher than four!"

"Hmm... are you implying that your client has an IQ of less than four?"  Johnson questioned.  Playtime was over.

"Not really."  Cuarl responded.  "But I have proof that I do!"

Both Johnson and Alexis frowned as the coffee manager came back from the coffee machines and handed Alexis her coffee.  She held it up and sipped some of it.  "Actually, I think this coffee is a bit colder than I would have liked."

"An IQ of under four?  Are you even a real lawyer?"  Johnson remarked.  Sure, switching to petty insults was beneath him, but this WAS getting really ridiculous.  "Besides, as it is, the owner of this establishment can not be held liable for clause two-hundred and fifty-five of the public places serving manuel if the client does not display enough evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt that his IQ is that low.  And while you are doing a rather decent job of it, the fact remains that you're here arguing with me over this point right now, thus proving that you at least had enough IQ to either pass law school or scam your way through it, either way requiring far more IQ than four despite your current questionable reasoning."

Cuarl was stunned at the counterattack.  It took him a long time to think of a dodge, parry, or attack of his own until he finally blurted out, "Um... the customer's always right?"

"That's not a law."  Johnson responded as everyone, even Cuarl's teary-eyed hurt client, had rather annoyed and unimpressed looks on their faces.

"Well.... so yea!  Take that!"  Cuarl declared to Johnson for no reason.

"But... what about my money?"  The burnt coffee klutz questioned.

"It's... um..."  Cuarl paused.  "Bye!"

He quickly dashed out of the coffee shop.  Johnson merely shook his head as Alexis sarcastically remarked, "Congratulations, Johnson.  Hero to the coffee shops of the world from them evil mentally-challenged lawyers.  Where would us non-klutz drinkers of coffee be without you?"

"He deserved it."  Johnson replied.  "Besides, I think it's better to fight them this way as opposed to throwing them all in jail like some Radicans believe."

"Altiere would have thrown him into jail..."  Alexis sadly commented, rather dissappointed.  "There, there are laws to prevent stupidity, you know."

Alexis rarely talked about law when she could help it.  A discussion of foreign laws from her meant only one thing.

"You really miss Altiere, don't you, Alexis?"  Johnson commented.

Johnson thought he saw Alexis perk up at the remark, but it was only for a brief moment before Alexis simply nodded then sadly shook her head, probably at the memory of that rather... exciting place, for lack of any other positive term of it.  Alexis sure had some odd preferences, it seemed.  The lawyer paid the coffee bill, despite the coffee shop manager's offer to let them have it for free.

Finally over with her hangover, Alexis noticed the unusual emptyness of the coffee shop that morning.  "Johnson, where is everyone?"

The reminder made Johnson's expression darken.

"Everyone else is probably away at the opening event of campaign season."  Johnson glanced over at Alexis.  "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you knew.  Did you want to attend?"

Alexis blinked, then smiled and put her arms around the newly depressed politician.  "Oh, it's okay, Johnson.  I know how unhappy you are about the way the Radicans are handling this year's elections.  It doesn't matter, as long as we're there in time for your own opening speech.  That's the only one which really matters to me."

Johnson smiled.  "Thanks, Alexis.  Your support means a lot to me."

"I really mean it."  Alexis added.  "In fact, why don't we just stay around just long enough for your opening speech, then leave after that and forget about whoever's left?  Heaven knows I always fall asleep during those long stupid boring..."

Alexis paused as Johnson glanced at her.  "Pardon?"

"Erm, it's nothing."  She quickly corrected herself.

Often, Johnson would get too caught up in his own concentration and forget that Alexis really didn't care as much for the laws and procedures of Macbelious as passionately as he did.  Odds were that Alexis didn't think he knew, but the unhappiness in her eyes became too obvious ever since the Altiere trip.  Recent laws and restrictions on foreign interactions with non-preferential nations had made it nearly impossible for the poor girl to go on another trip to the foreign lands.  Some of which were quite ridiculous, and if Johnson didn't know better, he could swear that they were passed for the specific purpose of keeping Alexis and Alexis alone from ever going to Altiere again.  If he ever got to a decent position on the Macbelious ladder, he would have to make certain to abolish the whole lot of them.  It was his duty as a Radican, after all.
 

***
 

As she and Johnson reached the archway leading into the main political square of Macbelious, Alexis Lavencroft really was not looking forward to the campaign opening ceremonies.  They were even more incredibly boring than the constant lawyer debates that occurred daily within the city.  That, and it was becoming more and more of a pain in the ass for her to even get entry into them thanks to...

"Halt!"

Two guns pointed at her head?

Alexis stared at the two musket barrels pointed at her face.  A split second later, Johnson angrily quickly smacked them away.  "Jeezus, Will!  What the hell is your problem?  Are you trying to give us a heart attack?"

"Sorry, Johnson."  The generic lawyer replied.  "Miriam's had the security tightened up for this year's elections, again.  We don't know why she does it, since we haven't had a security breach for a really really long time now, but every time she seems to act as if someone got past the security that shouldn't have."

Johnson was too aggravated and the other lawyers were too busy trying to explain to him why they pointed a gun at his girlfriend's face for any of them to notice Alexis' nervous whistling.

"I'm really sorry, Johnson."  Will continued.  "You just happened to be near a primary suspect who even at a glance, I can tell fits most of the restriction laws.  But maybe I acted a bit hastily seeing as to how my gun's loaded this time."

"Those guns that pointed at my face were... loaded?"  Alexis stopped whistling just in time to join Johnson in shock.  "Johnson... I... I feel faint."

Alexis fell into Johnson's arms as he completely forgot all legal repurcussions and slapped Will and the other lawyer.  "You idiots!  You're going to get us killed!  There's a reason why Macbelious took to shunning violence ever since it was founded!"

"Because we know each other, Johnson, I'm not going to press charges for that."  Will replied as he rubbed his cheek.  "But I don't necessarily agree with you.  When all diplomacies fail, it's the power of the armies that determine the ultimate outcome.  At least, that's what our Radican leader preaches.  Or have you forgotten that, Johnson?"

"That's a personal view of George Revarre and doesn't reflect the views of the Radican party as a whole."  Johnson angrily snapped as Alexis regained consciousness.  "Now let us through finally.  I'm going to be late for my opening campaign speech at this rate and I'm sure that Revarre wouldn't appreciate that."

"Be my guest."  The two lawyers stood aside as Johnson and Alexis began to walk past.  Suddenly, they both pointed their guns at Alexis's head again.  She quickly fainted for the second time.

Johnson slapped his forehead.  "Again!?"

"I thought I said you were near a primary suspect."  Will remarked.

"Do you have to be so blunt?"  Johnson muttered as he helped Alexis get slowly back on her feet.  "Shouldn't Vespars be handling this?"

"We would have used Vespars but they're all away on some sort of reunion of sorts."  Will shrugged.   "Now if you're aware, a recent motion was passed which required the inspection of all women's purses that were larger than the official acceptable size for a wallet but smaller than the size of a purse which can carry three times the standard Macbelious size measurement block."

Johnson sighed as he whispered a few words to Alexis.  "Looks like we're going to have to get past the latest laws as well as everything else again.  Just do as we rehearsed and everything should be fine.  I've researched the new laws thoroughly and though it was close, it's more than enough to give you permission to the campaign speeches."

"I don't know..."  Alexis replied.  "Maybe I should just skip them."

Alexis REALLY wanted to skip them.  But missing the campaign ceremony of the only member of Alexis Corp that currently had a shot at political power wouldn't be a real good habit to develop and a morale booster for her corporation once it finally got off the ground.  Alexis handed the other lawyer her small compact purse, and began pulling some paperwork out of it that Johnson prepared for her.  "Now, you see, this is a number fifty-five go-mart purse.  It's size doesn't fit the latest safety requirements but the foreign alligator leather material from the closeby nations at the north-west of Eastern Fallione are exempt from this clause due to the extra sturdyness of the material as stated in clause fifty-seven of the purse patcher's amendment."

"Alexis, I mean no offense, but maybe you should have just left your purse at home for today."  Johnson commented as the guard lawyer rummaged through her belongings.

"You bought me that purse in Gorritnik as a birthday present."  Alexis protested.

"It means that much to you?"  Johnson glanced at the purse.  It was exotic, but it was so... green.  Besides, he wasn't exactly very fond of that ugly swamp town, and he knew Alexis wasn't, either.  Still, she was right about the sentimental value.  "Very well, Alexis.  I'm glad you feel that way about that... thing."

One of the guards removed a really small pistol from the purse, then stared at Will, pointed to the gun, and snickered.

Will stared at the weapon, grabbed it, rotated it, and observed it heavily before handing it back to the other lawyer.  "What the hell is this?"

"I think it's some kinda squirt gun."  The other lawyer replied.

"Hey!  Be careful with that!"  Alexis snapped.  "What would I do if you damaged my main means of physical self-defense?  That's my favorite and only gun and it's irreplaceable!"

"You call this little peashooter a gun?"  The other lawyer commented.  "That's a laugh!!  I just realized that this is a model .02 Rolanda.  I thought all these stupid things dissolved in the rain!!"

The lawyer mockfully spun the gun around again until it shot him in the foot.  He quickly grabbed his foot and closed his eyes a bit shocked by the pain but otherwise not too damaged.

"Ow!  That thing does sting a bit."  He muttered.

"Really, Alexis, if you ever think you'll need it for self-defense, I do think it's time to upgrade that thing."  Johnson muttered.  "It's so outdated that it belongs in a history museum."

"But... but other guns are so heeeeaaaaavy!"  Alexis cried.

"Ah, keep your stupid 'gun.'"  Will responded as he grabbed it from the other lawyer and shoved it back into the purse.  "It's not like that pathetic thing will be assassinating anyone anytime soon.  But that still doesn't exempt you from the latest height clause of which you seem to coincidentally fit the exact requirement for barred entry from the campaign elections."

Alexis groaned as she went over the many exemptions and loopholes in the law that Johnson taught her for this occassion.  It took an entire twenty minutes just to get past the entire array of restrictions, even with Johnson throwing her some reminders every once in a while.

She slammed the final slip of paper onto the table.  "And that is my license to practice a little bit of magic in Macbelious despite the fact that it is fire magic which doesn't exceed basic level one and that I haven't casted it in conjunction with any modulation orbs yet.  There!"

Johnson smiled, proud of her performance.  He turned to enter the square, expecting Alexis to follow, which she tried to do, but Will quickly stepped in front of her.  "Not so fast!  Though this time I won't point a gun at you.  A new law was passed just last night which still bars anyone who has a variation of the famous legendary robber's name, Lexia, from entering the political square."

Alexis blinked.  She had never heard of that one.  She quickly glanced over at Johnson, who was walking away in the distance.

"Johnson!"  Alexis shouted as she waved one of her permits back and forth in the air to get his attention.

Johnson quickly turned around and ran back to the gateway under the arch.  "Alexis, they haven't let you through yet?"

Will told him the same thing he just told Alexis.  Upon hearing about the new law, Alexis' boyfriend glared at Will.  "So just because Lexia is a similar name to Alexis means that she can't see the campaign speeches?  That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!  That's even worse than all the other stupid laws we've just been through combined all together!"

"The law is the law, Johnson."  Will responded.  "Now do you have a loophole to weasel out of this one or not?"

"Damn..."  Johnson muttered.  It was obvious that he was stumped and with the campaign ceremony going on, he didn't have time to think of a solution.

"Oh just let the girl in."  A voice shouted from inside the square.  "I think we can all agree that Miriam's laws are getting stupider and stupider every year."

Everyone's attention turned to the long brown-haired handsome male-lawyer who had just come onto the scene.  Three out of four of the people standing in the archway, the exception being Alexis herself, stared in awe at the man and all blurted out the same thing at once.  "George Revarre!"

Celebrities of Macbelious bored Alexis as much as the other lawyers of the city did.  Even celebrities that were the designated leaders of the current party that Alexis Corp was currently supporting, which for quite a while had been Radican leader George Revarre.  The only celebrity of Macbelious that didn't bore her to death was Libercrat leader Miriam Ravenlosk.  Oh no, she was a lot worse than being simply boring.  Alexis would have preferred that she be simply boring and would just leave her alone.  But that would have been too perfect.

"Ah, welcome, Johnson Minstrol."  Revarre greeted as he and Johnson entered the square (with Alexis sticking her tongue out at that idiot Will for good measure.).  "I don't know how on earth all the coincidences of the world could come together every single year and make it so that your girlfriend fits every single one of the security restrictions on entering the campaign ceremonies."

"Yes, it's really quite... odd."  Johnson muttered.

"Fortunately, some of the runners have had longer opening campaign speeches than we expected."  George Revarre continued.  "You still have plenty of time to prepare for yours."

"Does it matter?"  Johnson commented with a hint of annoyance in his voice.  "I don't have the backing of one hundred and one different lobbyists and I don't even have a decent advertising campaign fund to rely on.  No banquets, no rallies, not even any stupid little 'Vote for Johnson Minstrol' buttons!  Whereas Linda gets a huge thesis written up on the many 'evils' of the non-preferred nations detailing a very lopsided argument of how everything the Radicans stand for is of the devil, himself."

"I thought I apologized for that already."  Revarre didn't show any signs of annoyance at Johnson's anger, but his wording did.  "We are currently more interested in trying to secure Radicans some positions in the foreign cabinet.  Miriam's been leading that thing for too long.  If it takes a few sacrifices to oust that traitor from the power-position there, then so be it.  She used to be a Radican, herself, you know.  Even made a few trips to Altiere in an attempt to improve relations there.  But really, now all the Radicans can hope for is something that we can use against her..."

Johnson and George quickly stopped, realizing that they had reached the entrance to the back of the stage during the two's rambling.  Johnson shook the Radican leader's hand and thanked him for his assistance, then addressed Alexis.  "Well, this is it then.  Alexis, you should probably start looking for a seat in the audience.  I do hope that there are still some good ones left."

"Oh, that's all right, Johnson."  Alexis commented.  "I might regret not getting a good view of your speech, but I guess it's a sacrifice I'll have to make."

She neglected to mention that she preferred sitting away from the front so no one would notice her sneaking out of the square if things got too boring.  As she reached the large crowd of people sitting in the outdoors audience listening to the current two contenders on stage do a quickie pre-campaign battle, she quickly found a seat way in the back of the audience.

To her dismay, there were still several others before Johnson who had to give their speeches.  Alexis scoured the audience to see if she could find something to do.  Married.  Too fat.  Too short.  Has a girlfriend.  Too ugly.  Too old.  Too... blonde.  Scary look in his eyes.  Married.  Married.  MARRIED (and that one looked really promising, too)!  Is there with his mother.  Looks stupid.  Not her type.  Too.... no wait!  Perfect!

Alexis sat down next to the handsome man, clutched her hands together, leaned towards him, and smiled.  "Hi!"
 

***
 

Johnson got a good look at his opponent as he walked onto the stage in front of the audience after his name and Linda Sairgas's name were announced.  Long black hair, dark blue suit with the odd combination of a short-cut dress AND long pants... doesn't she get hot wearing that?  He stopped staring at Linda's legs to address the crowd in front of him.

As he gave his greetings to the audience and talked about how many benefits he would work to give to Macbelious via foreign policy if he were elected, he smiled as he noticed Alexis out back waving what was most likely a mini-Radican flag.  It was difficult to see the symbol on the flag since it was so far away, though, and exactly how she got it and those nachos she was eating when she didn't have any money and Johnson forgot to give her any was beyond him.

For this debate, Johnson decided to emphasize the extremely high-potential (if correctly executed) Niles deal with Setevali, which Revarre fully backed.  The deal would allow Macbelious access to extremely powerful weaponry which Macbelious could not only use for itself, but also trade to other countries that heavily employed the use of guns.

Linda decided to take a raincheck on his challenge and refuting his claims, apparently saving it for later on in the debate when needed.  Clever girl.  She took a more general approach, commenting on the current state of Macbelious and how it was doing fine without trading with the non-preferred nations.  She also smiled at the audience just like Johnson did; in fact, her smile was very subtle just like his; heck, it was almost exactly like his.  If Johnson didn't know better, he could have sworn that Linda was looking over at Alexis believing that Alexis was supporting her by waving that flag around.

Johnson's old rival's funding must have allowed her to hire quite the crackpot of researchers.  As the Macbelious panel fired away some questions, she was able to flawlessly bring up points and statistics which Johnson was almost positive no one could humanly figure out alone.  He watched in dismay as Linda did a careful step-by-step analysis of how Altiere profits would drag Macbelious down a 0.5% more than if Macbelious didn't bother with it not including time and manpower, of how Macbelious trading and selling to specific nations in need wasn't practical and would in fact garner more risk than reward, and even specific percentages of how Macbelious' safety would be threatened if it became too close to nations which were well known for not being the most friendly of sorts.  And Johnson?  He could only think of a decent retort and counterargument half of the time.  Worse of all, somewhere in the midst of it all, Linda had teared into Johnson's opening speech and made a perfectly clear and concise rant on Setevali's disagreement to provide the guns to Macbelious except for completely outrageous prices which have been non-negotiable.

"As you can see from Kyler's unfortunate incident, the people of Altiere could not be dealt with in even the most diplomatic manner.  His attempt to establish deeper relations with that country has only led to valuable Macbelious taxpayer dollars being used to bail him out of jail."  Linda continued.  "Thus, to this date, no one but our own Miriam Ravenlosk has managed to successfully deal with Altiere without any repercussions or strings attached, and even she has shown her support for isolating ourselves away from non-preferential nations like Altiere when we can be better devoting our resources elsewhere."

"Huh?!"  Linda's blatant lie made Johnson fail to catch the opening, but he took it anyway and even talked out of place as a matter of principle.  "That's not true.  It is wholly possible to deal with Altiere and I can prove it.  Contrary to popular belief, they are not beyond reason."

"What?"  The female politician wasn't very happy with Johnson's interruption.  "Have you ever BEEN to Altiere?"

"Actually, yes, I have."  Johnson proudly proclaimed.  The discussion had gotten too interesting for the panel to break the now un-moderated argument up.  "I managed to legally buy a beginner's magic book from there, which just goes to show that trade with Altiere is in fact, possible, even when dealing with Altiere's strict hold on its magic secrets."

Linda just stared at Johnson, a mix of both surprise and annoyance in her face.  It was an expression that he recognized from debates with her long ago.  And better yet, it was an expression which always came up when Johnson had gained the upper hand.  The tables were turned.

"I can continue to prove that successful and beneficial trade to both parties can be done with nations which up until now had seemed impossible to deal with."  Johnson continued.  He was on a roll.  Perhaps unfortunately, he didn't know when to stop.  "In fact, regarding the Niles deal, I shall personally go over to Setevali, myself, and negotiate the final details of the trade agreement, and I can assure you, citizens of Macbelious, that you won't be dissappointed!  By election day, Macbelious shall be experiencing first hand the benefits of a completely open trade which no debate could ever hope to describe."

It was a cop-out.  A way to completely invalidate all of Linda's well-thought out and heavily-researched arguments no matter what she did.  But it was successful.  And Johnson knew that deep down, the Radican belief was also true.  Similar to how the army had the ultimate voice when diplomacy failed, when debate could achieve nothing then actual practice was the only way to truly prove anything.  He stopped looking and waving to the cheering crowd for just long enough to recatch the glimpse of the way Linda was staring at him.  A glimpse was all he needed though, because he had seen that look on her face before.  Yes, it was the same look that she gave him at the debates where he soundly used a similar tactic to beat her way back in law school.  It was an odd look, and a bit disturbing, because of the tone it portrayed.  Poor unfortunate Linda couldn't say it out loud in front of so many people, but the look on her face was enough to give off the question beyond a shadow of doubt.

"Are you INSANE?!?"

And, just like back in law school, Johnson didn't bother to answer her.