James Chang

nikken@erols.com

http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/Battlefield/2740

All characters and certain other things are copyright, Square.
 

Tromp. Tromp. Tromp. The chocobo footsteps could be heard as the chocobo dashed through the fields. The man riding the chocobo looked behind him. There was nothing except for some cows and pigs residing in the nearby farmland. Had they left their pursuer behind? Suddenly, he saw him. The dark rider appeared, galloping on the horizon. His black chocobo reared its head, and warked in triumph. The dark rider began galloping after the man. The man’s chocobo, likewise, began running faster, and dashed into a fire cave. As the chocobo weaved in and out of the network of caves and ran across several bridges, the dark rider caught up to him. The two men gave each other a ferocious look, as their chocobos growled. Then, not watching where they were going, the two riders dashed into the ocean, and soon found themselves under water. The sharks in the area smelled the fresh new meat, and began to approach the two. Not paying attention to the other rider, the dark rider soon made his way out of the ocean. He examined the landscape. The other rider was no where to be seen. Instead of turning around to catch his query, the dark rider kept on going. He turned around, again. Surely enough, the other rider emerged from the water. The other man surprised and overtook the dark rider, and his chocobo soon ran past him. The dark rider growled, and gave chase, once again. They were neck and neck, and the dark rider saw that he was finally going to get what he wanted. All of a sudden, the man’s chocobo gave one last mad sprint, and dashed ahead of the dark rider.

“FINISH!” The announcer’s voice rang across the bright lights of the golden saucer. The virtual simulation ended, and the jamming song of the chocobo could be heard once again. The dark rider stopped, jumped off his chocobo, angrily threw his black hat on the floor, and stomped down hard on it. “NO! NO! NO! Not again!” He lifted his head to the sky, and screamed. The spiky haired man hopped off of his golden chocobo and gave his girlfriend a high five. “Yes! Maybe next time, Joe!” He mocked the dark rider. Joe glared back at the man, grunted, and angrily walked away. “Good job, Cloud!” The young lady congratulated the man for his victory. “It was nothing, Tifa.” Cloud replied. Cloud and Tifa left the chocobo square. They were just having a good time together at the golden saucer. Joe, however, was furious. “AGAIN!? WHY!?” Joe glared at his black chocobo. “TEIOH! What happened!? You never let anyone defeat you!” Teioh hung his head in shame. “Waaark...” Joe looked at Teioh. He knew that it was not Teioh’s fault. No one could beat Cloud. “Sorry, boy.” Joe used to be the undefeated champion of chocobo racing. He and his black chocobo held the record for the most wins ever. Then Cloud came. Ever since Cloud had breeded that golden chocobo, he ruled the chocobo square. No one could defeat Cloud and his golden chocobo, not even the former chocobo champion, himself. “How does he do it!? I’ve trained my chocobo, taken the best care of him, fed him only the greatest high quality sylkis greens... and I still can’t win...” Joe put his head down in his hat. “What’s the matter, Joe?” The voice of a sweet lady came into his ears. “Nothing, Ester.” Joe looked up at Ester. She wore a pink dress accompanied by a white apron and her hair was tied with a ribbon. However, there was something funny about the way Ester looked. For one thing, her face had a strange gray composition. Joe regarded her looks as insignificant. “Ester? How does he do it?” Ester knelt down besides Joe. “Don’t let it get to you. I heard that Cloud had to do some masterful chocobo breeding in order to get that golden chocobo. If you really want to win, why don’t you breed a better chocobo?” “What!?” Joe glared at Ester in disbelief. “And leave Teioh!? I... I can’t.” “Well...” Ester gave Joe a pitying expression. “Whatever you believe, Joe.” Ester stood up, and walked away. Joe looked at Teioh. Teioh, his best friend for ten years. Joe watched the screens as Cloud passed the finish line again. He remembered a quote that he got from his fellow chocobo jockeys. “Skills don’t matter once you enter the race. It’s your chocobo that counts.” Joe turned his head to the black chocobo. “I’m sorry, Teioh.” Teioh felt what was going on. He hung his head down in shame once again. Joe stood up, and left the chocobo square. “I must find a better chocobo.”

“Food! Fun! Games! Hooray!” The young teenager eagerly ran into the station of the golden saucer. She jumped up and down with joy on the large moogle and chocobo engraved on the floor. “Come on, come on, come on!” The young teenager ran up to her father, and dragged him into the station. “Yuffie! Calm down!” Yuffie’s father was a large man, who wore a black and gray kimono. Yuffie herself, however, instead wore a green shirt and tan shorts as well as a big chunk of metal on her arm. “Dad! Hurry up!” Yuffie’s father sighed. He tried to calm Yuffie down. “Wait until Shake, Chekhov, Staniv, and Gorky arrive!” “No way! They’re too slow!” A small girl wearing a pink kimono with her hair tied in two pigtails suddenly dashed into the station. “Too slow!? What are you talking about!? I’m the epitome of speed, remember? Stupid brat. I’m much faster than you!” Yuffie did not like this short runt. “Oh yeah, Shake? Do you want to fight about it!?” “Sure!” Shake and Yuffie drew their weapons. Yuffie armed herself with gigantic shurikans, while Shake brandished a knife. “Enough of that! HA!” Yuffie and Shake were suddenly slammed into opposite ends of the saucer. Another man, who was not as tall as Yuffie’s father and wore a green kimono and a cap instead, walked into the station. Yuffie’s father confronted him. “Staniv! How many times to I have to tell you not to use your power to blast other members of our clan unless instructed to do so!?” Staniv apologized. “I am so sorry, Lord Godo.” Yuffie’s father, Godo, was getting fed up with his immature group. Yuffie whined. “I hate being forced to spend time with my family!” Godo gave Yuffie an angry glare. “You will spend time with your family, and like it!” Godo dragged Yuffie by the ear over to the information desk. “Ow!” Staniv looked around for his other companions. “Hey, Shake, where’s Chekhov and Gorky?” Shake answered his question. “I think I saw Gorky heading for that fast food restaurant over there. I have no idea where Chekhov is.” Shake thought about the events at home. “Hey, Staniv, who is going with you to the Wutai Pageant tonight?” “Huh? Um...It’s a secret.” Staniv decided not to tell Shake that he did not have a girlfriend to take to the Annual Wutai Pageant. After all, if Idge, Kole, and Ross found out, they would ridicule him to death. Shake commented, “A secret, eh? Well, that’s much better than Yuffie. I’d be forsaken by Da-Chao if she ever found some guy who was crazy enough to ask her out.” “Hey!” Yuffie engaged Shake in a heated flame war. “You jerk! You don’t have a date, either!” “I’m not supposed to!” Shake defended herself. “I’ll be too busy catering the pageant to get a date.” Yuffie was not convinced. Godo interupted the two. “I’ll be choosing my daughter’s date for the pageant, so she doesn’t have to worry about a thing.” “Dad! I don’t want you to choose my date!” “Well, too bad! It’s tradition! And I’m going to pick you’re date, whether you want me to or not!” Godo looked at the entrance. “We’re in! Come on! Where do you want to go, first?” Yuffie was the first to answer. “Not the wonder square! Please not the wonder square! All of the attractions there make me nauseous!” Yuffie cringed as she remembered her first attempt to enjoy the attractions of the wonder square.

“Cloud! Watch this!” “Sure, Yuffie.” Cloud wasn’t paying attention. He was too busy talking to Tifa. Yuffie jumped up and down on her snowboard. It was actually only a virtual simulation, but to her, it seemed to be real. “Here I go!” She gave her snowboard a push, and was soon spiraling down the slopes. “This is easy!” Daring to show how great she was, Yuffie turned into the “Crazy” section. “Cloud! Look at me!” She darted in and out of the many obstacles around the track. “Woah!” Yuffie just barely missed colliding with a huge snow moogle. “AYIIEEEE!!!” Yuffie was sent flying down the hill for miles. The rest of the ride wasn’t very pretty. “Ouch! Ooh! Eeek! Yeow! Cripes! Waaah! For the love of...!” Even though it was only a simulation, Yuffie ended up in the hospital for a week due to mental cramps.

Yuffie once again cringed at the memory. Her experience with the other rides in the golden saucer were no exception. The only thing she was good at was...

“Speed!” Yuffie and Shake screamed the word out at the same time. Staniv looked at the two in surprise. “Speed!?” The roller coaster was the one ride where Yuffie didn’t get nauseated. Interestingly enough, it was the one ride that Cloud couldn’t stand to ride on more than fifteen times in a row. Godo directed. “Why don’t you two go to the speed square, then?” “What!?” Yuffie whined. She pointed her finger at Shake. “Go with her!?” Shake was equally displeased. “I don’t want to go with her!!!” Godo was not accepting any arguments. “OH WELL! TOO BAD! You two are going together, and that’s that!”

In the shady lounge of the wonder square, the young lady stared at the little cat on top of the big white moogle. “Kupo?” She was wearing the traditional garb of Wutai, a red kimono, and she had her hair curled up in a bun. “No! That’s all wrong!” The young lady, Chekhov, was at an argument with the strange contraption. It was a toy cat riding a big toy moogle. “What are you talking about!?” The cat yelled back. “My fortune telling is much better than yours!” “Kupo!” The moogle roared in anger. From his control station, the controller of the cat and moogle watched. He was a skinny man in a blue business suit. His name was Reeve, and he was not happy at this lady’s impudence with his creation, Cait Sith. Chekhov once again mocked Cait Sith. “I bet none of your fortunes ever come true!” The cat was fed up. “I’ve had enough of this!” The cat whipped out his megaphone, and screamed to his moogle. “Get her!!!” “Kupo!” the moogle roared in reply. Chekhov readied herself for the moogle’s attack. She was a skilled ninja. She could easily handle this. A crowd was gathering around them. Suddenly, the moogle had a better idea. He didn’t have to directly attack Chekhov at all. “What are you doing!?” screamed the cat. The moogle ripped the cat off of its back, and rocketed the cat towards Chekhov. The deadly missile spiraled towards her. “HELP!” The cat screamed. He slammed right into Chekhov’s face and exploded. “Ouch!” Chekhov rubbed her cheek. “That was unexpected.” “KUPO!” The moogle suddenly felt a new sensation. Without the cat to control him, he was free! “KUPO!” The moogle skipped around, and happily danced away. Chekhov only stood there and watched as he left. Reeve stared at the screen as the moogle left. He was completely perplexed. “That never happened, before.” Reeve rubbed his head in wonder.

The roller coaster came slowly to a stop. Yuffie jumped off. Shake was no where to be seen. Yuffie chuckled to herself, as she wondered how Shake felt. Shake, in the meanwhile, was drowning in the lake after Yuffie threw her off the ride. “I’ll get Yuffie for this!” Yuffie left the speed square, and saw a familiar face. “Cloud!” Yuffie dashed up to the man in the blue soldier suit. She eagerly asked, “What are you doing, here?” Cloud was surprised at this encounter. “Tifa and I were chocobo racing.” Yuffie remembered how sick she felt when she rode chocobos. “Oh.” It was Cloud’s turn to ask the questions. “What are you doing, here?” Yuffie rubbed her foot on the ground, and replied, “Me? I’m just here, with my dorky family. That’s all.” Cloud looked at Yuffie. “You’re family?” “Yeah! You remember my family, don’t you?” “Huh?” Yuffie proceeded to tell Cloud about her family. “Actually, the only true member of my family here is my dad. Staniv, Gorky, Chekhov, and Shake are here just because their also members of the Pagoda Five.” Cloud rubbed his head. “The Pagoda what?” “Cloud! Don’t you remember the time when I went to the Sacred Pagoda of the Five Gods and passed the test of Leviathan?” “Huh?” “Never mind.” Yuffie was getting annoyed with Cloud. Cloud just shrugged her off. “Okay. Have fun. I’m going back to Tifa.” Cloud left the station and headed to the wonder square to meet up with Tifa. Yuffie stared. “Why doesn’t Cloud ever invite me to the golden saucer?” she wondered. “Then again, why do I care?”

While Yuffie’s family was having a fun time at the golden saucer, things were quite different in the normally peaceful rocket town...

“Get out, %$(@) fat man!” A large rotund man in a tan business suit was sent flying out of the front door of the house. He brushed himself off and rubbed his generally bald head. “Harrumph!” Palmer glanced around the town. Another yell came from the house. “And don’t come back until you find a &$(@) job!” Palmer waved his fist at the house. “Just you wait, Cid! I’ll get a job! And when I’m rich, you’ll be sorry!” He brushed himself off, and prepared to enter the realm of employment. Cid, a pilot of trade, was a middle aged man who constantly smoked cigarettes and wore a blue aviator jacket. He grunted, and smiled. He was glad to have gotten rid of Palmer. Because Palmer’s company went down in flames, Palmer leeched off of Cid like a parasite. Now, he was finally gone. Cid smiled, again. Palmer, in the meanwhile, left to find a job.

“Re.... union....” The man in the black cloak kept on walking... walking... walking into the wall. A large black man with a gun for a hand watched. He was fascinated by this strange being. “Now why is this foo’ walkin’ into that wall like that?” The big man, Barret, was a coal miner, and found this man buried in a mine. Upon digging the man out, the man started chanting “Reunion” and kept on walking in one direction, even if a wall was in his way. Barret suddenly had a thought. “I wonder where this foo’ is going. Maybe, if I just removed this wall...” Barret pointed his gun arm at the wall. The gun went off. After a loud explosion, the wall was gone. The man in the black cloak proceeded to walk north, and a curious Barret followed him.

Swish! Tifa could only feel the cold wind as the snowboard glided smoothly across the slopes. She turned, she dodged, she flew down the hill with the grace of an angel. Upon reaching the bottom, she spun the snowboard and leaped off. She stood up, and triumphantly brushed her hair to the side. “How do you like that, Cloud? I beat your time!” Tifa took off the virtual helmet, and was once again in the wonder square of the golden saucer. “Ha ha ha!” Cloud laughed. “I guess you showed me, Tifa.” Tifa hopped off the snowboard. “Cloud? I’m going to try the G-bike game, next. Do you want to watch me?” Cloud was thirsty. “No thanks. You go ahead. I’m going to get a drink.” Cloud left the arcade, and headed to the lounge of the wonder square. He slammed right into Yuffie. “Ouch!” Yuffie stood up, and helped Cloud get up. “Cloud? Are you all right?” “What are you doing, here? I thought you hated the wonder square.” Yuffie gave Cloud a nervous look. “I’m hiding from Shake. She was pretty mad at me for throwing her into the lake at the speed square.” Cloud sighed. “Oh well.” He proceeded to the lounge. “Hmm...” For no reason at all, Yuffie decided to follow Cloud.

In the dim lights of the wonder square lounge, Chekhov rubbed her cheek again. “That $&#(% moogle threw his stupid cat at me!” Staniv laughed. “HA! Chekhov couldn’t even beat a toy!” Gorky, another very fat man who wore a dark green kimono, had just arrived from the food vendor with three sticks of cotten candy. “I love the Golden Saucer!” Chekhov turned to Gorky. “You bought some cotton candy for us? How sweet!” Gorky was shocked. “What!? All of this cotton candy is mine!” Gorky clutched the cotton candy. Godo entered the lounge. “Ah! I see that everyone is taking a break! Did any of you see my stupid daughter?” “No.” Staniv changed the subject. “Hey, Chekhov, who’s your date for the Annual Wutai Pageant?” “Huh? Um... It’s a secret.” Chekhov decided to not tell Staniv that no one had asked her out to the pageant yet. If Redea, Shere, and Cecilia found out, she would be sooooo embarassed. Yuffie and Cloud entered the lounge from the arcade. “Yuffie!” Godo ran up to his daughter. “I thought I told you that you weren’t allowed to go by yourself!” “Sorry, dad.” Godo glared at Cloud. “Why are you with him?” Staniv laughed, again. “Hey, Yuffie, is that you’re boyfriend?” Yuffie was surprised by this remark. “Who, Cloud? He’s just my...” Yuffie paused. She looked into the eyes of her family. Suddenly, she had a revelation. “Yeah!” she beamed. “He’s my boyfriend!” Shake and Cloud glared at Yuffie. Shake suddenly screamed, “WHAT!? Why the heck would any boy fall in love with you!?” Cloud backed away from Yuffie. “Yuffie, I’m not your... urk!” Yuffie put her hand over Cloud’s mouth. “Shh! Just play along, please?” Chekhov walked up to Yuffie. “Wow! You have a boyfriend! I always thought that you were too immature. I guess you really didn’t just come out of diapers. I’m impressed.” Staniv cheered. “Way to go, Yuffie!” Gorky placed his hand on Yuffie’s shoulder. “I am proud of you, Miss Yuffie. I never thought that your boyfriend would be the great hero, Cloud!” Shake couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Guys! Staniv! Chekhov! Gorky! Don’t you see!? Yuffie is lying, again! She only wants you to think that Cloud is her boyfriend so that you would finally respect her!” “Shaddup!” Yuffie slammed Shake on the head using her metal arm. “You’re just jealous because no guy would ever like you since you’re a shrimp!” “What!? Better a shrimp than a lousy b...” “Miss Shake!” Gorky interrupted the two before any cursing could start. “Dad?” Yuffie looked at her father, who’s face was expressionless. “Why didn’t you say anything, yet?” Godo gave Yuffie an angry glare. “Why didn’t I say something? WHY DIDN’T I SAY SOMETHING!? Why didn’t YOU say something!? You never told me that you had a boyfriend! Yuffie! I am ashamed that you hid this from me all of this time!” Godo stamped out of the room. “Dad!” Gorky tried to comfort Yuffie. “Don’t feel so bad. Godo is just in shock.” Yuffie calmed herself down. Cloud finally spoke up. “Actually, I’m really not...” Yuffie covered his mouth, again. “Cloud, please?” Cloud couldn’t say anything. Shake was still skeptical. “Hmmph.” Yuffie presented her plans to her family. “And now, Cloud and I will ride the gondola. Toodles!” She dragged Cloud away. “WHAT!?” Cloud was infuriated.

Tifa hopped off of the motorcycle simulator and looked around. She wondered what was taking Cloud so long.

Yuffie and Cloud were riding the gondola together. Cloud glared at Yuffie. “Why are you doing this to me!?” he cried. Yuffie apologized. “I’m really sorry, Cloud. It’s just that... my family always thought of me as “just a kid” so I thought that if I had a boyfriend, they would think of me as an adult. It looks like my plan worked.” “AH HA!” Shake jumped into the gondola from the window. “I knew it! I knew you were lying! Wait until I tell everyone else!” “Oh no!” Yuffie stared at Shake. “You wouldn’t!” “Yes I would! Ha ha ha!” Yuffie and Cloud looked at each other. “Hey, what are you doing!?”

As the bottom of the gondola dipped into the water, gurgling noises were heard. Tied to the bottom of the vehicle, Shake growled. “I’m really going to get Yuffie for this!”

The gondola came to a stop. Cloud and Yuffie exited the gondola, only to be greeted by... Tifa! “Cloud!” Tifa grabbed Cloud by the ear. “What are you doing!?” she demanded. “Ow!” was Cloud’s only response. Tifa walked over to Yuffie. “How dare you...” “Wait! I can explain.” Yuffie told Tifa how she was pretending that Cloud was her boyfriend so that her family would respect her. Tifa was not impressed. “You’re not mad, are you?” Tifa was still not very persuaded. “I’ll let you go, this time!” She slammed her fist down on the ticket counter. “But you better not do anything stupid again!” “Thanks, Tifa. I guess.” Tifa grabbed Cloud and left the round square. When Tifa and Cloud arrived at the station, Yuffie’s family was waiting for Yuffie. “Hey!” Staniv pointed at Tifa and Cloud. “Yuffie’s boyfriend is with another girl!” Cloud and Tifa were confused. “What?” Chekhov scolded Cloud. “Wretched scum! How dare you cheat on Yuffie!” Gorky gave the command. “Let’s get ‘em!” Gorky, Chekhov, and Staniv charged at Cloud and Tifa. “Oh shi...” “Stop!” Yuffie hopped out of the round square. “Cloud isn’t cheating on me! This is just... um... his... sister!” “What!?” Tifa was insulted by the remark. “Oh. Sorry.” Gorky, Chekhov, and Staniv apologized, and left. Tifa was getting more and more fed up with Yuffie. “Come on, Tifa. Can’t I just stay with Cloud for a little while, until this boils over?” Tifa looked at Yuffie. Yuffie was obviously having a good time with this charade. “No!” “But it’s not like he’s really going to be my boyfriend!” “Hey!” Cloud spoke up. “Don’t I have a say in this!?” “Please, Cloud?” Yuffie looked at Cloud with cute beady eyes. “That’s better. By the way, NO!” “I’ll give you back that quadra magic materia I stole from you, last week.” “No way! I’m not going to pose as your boyfriend.” “If you do, I’ll give you back those three master materias I stole from you five seconds ago.” “What!” Tifa charged at Yuffie, but Yuffie jumped behind Cloud before Tifa could punch out her lights. “You just have to steal everything, don’t you!?” Yuffie ran to the opposite room and waved the three shiny materia orbs. Cloud grumbled. “FINE! I’ll pose as your stupid boyfriend! But only for a short time!”

Joe looked around the ruins of Midgar. He was searching for the key to the ultimate chocobo, and was rummaging through some old files from the science department of Shinra. He picked up a piece of paper. It read, “Report. Today I continued researching my cloning in order to prove my Jenova theory. I came up with a very prospective Sephiroth clone. It contains three times the Jenova power of my previous experiments. Unfortunately, unlike my other creations, this one did not have the intelligence to go around obstacles as he made his way to the site of the reunion. I present an example. There is a cliff. The Reunion site is directly behind the cliff. Instead of finding an alternate route, this clone will just walk right off the cliff to his death. In order to deal with this failure, I did the most logical thing I could do. I buried it. I didn’t even bother to give this failure a number. I think I buried it in some coal mining town or something.” The file ended. Joe really didn’t care very much for failed experiments. Suddenly, he noticed another file. “Eureka! I found it!” Joe triumphantly waved the file. On the file was the title, “How to artificially produce the ultimate chocobo.” It was written by a man named profesor Hojo.

“Reunion...” The man with the black cape continued to walk north. Fascinated, Barret continued to follow him. “Hey! Ain’t that sumthin...” Barret found himself walking through rocket town. He decided to pay Cid a visit, since this black cloaked man was walking so slowly. “Hey, Cid!” Barret patted Cid on the shoulder. “What the %&@() do you want?” “I came to visit you!” Cid glanced outside. “What the %&(@) is that!?” He stared at the man in the black cloak. “Do you like him? I found him while I was diggin’ and minin’ for coal.” “You $%(#%) idiot! Don’t you remember? That’s a Sephiroth clone!” Barret examined the man in the black cape, and remembered. “Wow. Ain’t that sumthin. I thought that all of those Sephiroth clones died.” “Well, apparently not. What’s his number?” Cid remembered how Profesor Hojo had made an army of Sephiroth clones in order to test his Jenova theory. Each of them had a number designation tattooed into their forehead. They all headed north, in order to find Jenova and meet the real Sephiroth at the reunion. None of them made it. Sephiroth and Jenova themselves were killed by Cloud at the very spot where the reunion took place. Barret examined the man and looked for a number. “He doesn’t have one...”

“Tra la la!” Palmer happily danced down the road. “I’m going to get a job, and I’m going to get rich, and I’m going to be great! Hooray!” Palmer danced around for about five minutes, then he ate that jumbo chocobolate bar he brought along. He then proceeded to dance around, again. “Yeah! I’m the greatest! I can see it now. Palmer Inc.!” He was so caught up in his day dreams that he didn’t look at both sides before crossing the road. All of a sudden, Palmer heard a honking noise. He turned his head, and saw a truck coming right for him. “Oh no!” CRASH! Palmer flew through the air. As Palmer blacked out, the last thing he heard was the deep grungy voice of the truck driver. “Sorry, Mack! Are you all right? Speak to me, Mack!” Than all was dark.

“Welcome to eternity...” Palmer woke up. He was in a nice meadow. The grass was a lush green. The place were calm and serene. Nothing could be heard, except for the beautiful chirping of the song birds and the babbling brook near by. Palmer broke the silence. “Where am I?” All of a sudden, someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Palmer nearly had a heart attack. He heard a sweet feminine voice. “Welcome to the Promised Land.”

Palmer turned around in shock. He came face to face with a lovely young lady. She had long brown hair, and she wore a red jacket and a pink dress. She looked vaguely familiar. “The Promised Land?” Palmer remembered the legend. The Shinra company that he once worked for was searching for a place called the Promised Land. This place was rumoured to be a paradise. In this paradise the Shinra had hoped to find mako to harvest and thus make a fortune. However, it was learned that the Promised Land was actually the afterlife. Palmer glanced at the girl, again. “Do I know you?” Suddenly, Palmer remembered. “You’re that ancient Cetra person! I thought you were dead! Help! Security!” The girl smacked Palmer on the head with her staff. “Why do you always have to call security!? No one is hear to help you, anyway. And I’m not going to hurt you!” Palmer rubbed his head. “You just did.” The lady put her hands on her hips. Palmer was as annoying as ever. She remembered him when she was alive. Palmer asked her a question. “What was you’re name, again?” “You don’t remember? I’m Aeris.” Palmer was confused. This was too much. “Um, Aeris? Could you tell me something? Did I die? Is that why I’m here?” Aeris glared at Palmer. “I don’t know how a man as greedy as you could have gotten here. You should have went... down.” Palmer shuddered at the fate he should have gotten. (By the way, Aeris is talking about hell.) “Then, why am I here?” Aeris looked into a lake. Inside the reflection was an image of the real world. Palmer’s body was wandering around in a dazed stupor. His eyes had no pupils. Aeris was surprised. “I don’t believe it. It seems like your soul was knocked right out of your body.” Palmer stared at the image. “Hey, that’s me!” He smiled. “If my soul is here and my body is there, how am I still alive?” Aeris explained to Palmer. “It must be a rare phenomena. It is possible for people to wander around with out a soul, but I never saw anything like it before except for...”

The man in the black cloak continued on his journey. Cid and Barret followed him. “Reunion.” Barret and Cid had to stop the man from walking off several cliffs and diving into the ocean several times. “This foo’ must be some sort of freakin’ lemming or sumthin’!”

Joe stared at the vial in his hands. The label read, “Jenova Cells.” It was said that Jenova cells granted special powers. Although there where rumours that Jenova Cells can make you crazy, or possibly even elminate your soul forever, Joe didn’t care. All he needed was a fast chocobo. It didn’t have to have a soul. Joe took the serum, and injected it into the pregnant female chocobo. The next day, he got his wish.

Rocket Town. Cid’s house. Cid’s girlfriend, Shera, was just doing some spring cleaning when Palmer (Palmer’s body, to be more specific) burst in. “Hello, Palmer. Did you get a job?” Palmer jumped on top of the table, and began to dance. “Tra la la! Tra la la! Tra la la!” Shera sighed. Palmer was acting like he always did.

“So, do you like it here?” Palmer was snapped back into reality by Aeris’ voice. “Huh? Oh, sure.” Aeris looked at the beautiful landscape around her, and knelt down to pick a flower. “It was supposed to be a paradise here. And it is. The flowers are beautiful. The air is clean. Gone are evil corporations and power-mad men. And yet, something is missing.” “Aeris!” A man with black hair, blue armour, and a large sword strapped to his back approached Aeris. Palmer examined the man. He was from soldier, 1st class. Soldier was the elite group started by the Shinra to crush all opposition. Palmer also recalled how this particular soldier was killed by Shinra’s men for some reason he couldn’t remember. “Hello, Zack.” Aeris greeted the man. “Aeris, what is Palmer doing, here?” Palmer was flattered that Zack remembered the head of Shinra’s space administration. “Palmer? He got here by accident. We have to find a way to get him back to the real world.” Zack held up Aeris’ hand. “Aeris?” “Yes, Zack?” “Why don’t you come with me?” “No, Zack.” Aeris pushed Zack away. “I’m sorry, Zack. I’m waiting. Waiting for him.” Zack growled, and walked away. He mumbled to himself. “It’s all HIS fault! Damn him...” Palmer watched. “What was that about?” Aeris answered. “It was nothing. Don’t worry about it. Now we have to worry about getting you back into your real body.” Palmer had a thought. “If it’s that simple, why can’t you come back to the real world too by simply entering your own body?” The young lady tried to explain. “You can’t do that. First of all, to come back to the real world, you need to enter a living body. Second of all, the chances of an actual living body without a soul is a very rare phenomena. Third of all, that would be like a resurrection or something, which is a stupid concept that doesn’t exist.” “Oh.” “Now, in order to get you back to your own body, we have to reach the rift between the Promised Land and (Hint: Rhymes with bell and starts with an H). There, we can hopefully find a portal that will transport you back into the real world and your body.” Palmer glanced around the paradise of the Promised Land. “Wait a minute. Why are you so eager to return me to my body?” “Well, we can’t just have your soulless body run around rampant, now can we?” “Why not?” “Look.” Aeris pointed to the image in the water.

Palmer was dancing around naked on top of Cid’s bed (Please, for your own good, do NOT picture that). Shera slammed the door shut in order to avoid the hideous site. “Palmer is acting even stranger than usual.” she gasped.

The next day at the Gold Saucer...

The moogle was free! Free at last! He happily danced around, as lots of people stared. He then made his way into the Gold Saucer convenience store. Cait Sith’s moogle saw something pretty on the countertop. He took it, and left the store. The store owner screamed, “Thief!” Suddenly, many men in blue suits ran up to the moogle and beat him with billy clubs. The moogle roared in pain. The moogle ran away. The moogle left the Gold Saucer, sat down, and cried.

“Thanks, Cloud.” In an attempt to show that Cloud was her boyfriend, Yuffie followed Cloud where ever he went. Cloud was mumbling curses to himself.

Tifa decided to do some chocobo racing while Yuffie showed her boyfriend to her family. Tifa hopped onto Cloud’s golden chocobo, and looked at Joe. Tifa laughed. “I see you want more, eh?” Joe simply smiled. He whistled, and along came the strangest chocobo that Tifa had ever seen. “What the &@(%) is that!?” The chocobo was rainbow colored, and its bright colors nearly blinded Tifa. The strangest thing about it, however, was that its eyes were pupiless, and it seemed to just stare into space. Suddenly, the “GO” sign flashed, and the race began. Joe, with his new chocobo, easily sprinted ahead of everyone, even Tifa and the mighty golden chocobo. He reached the finish line in only .5 seconds, but he stopped just short of the goal. When the other chocobos came along, he slammed Tifa’s golden chocobo into the wall just for fun before he passed the finish line into first place. Joe began to dance. “HA HA HA! I won! I won! I won, I won Iwon IwonIwonIwon! In your face!” Joe waved his hat in Tifa’s face. Tifa just stared.

“Reunion...” The man in the black cloak finally reached his destination. He stood on top of the northern crater. “We’re here.” Barret and Cid examined their surroundings. The man in the black cape looked around. Jenova and Sephiroth were nowhere to be seen. After all, the reunion was long over. “AAAAAAAAGHHHHH!” The man screamed in agony.

As Aeris and Palmer jumped from rock to rock on the small creek and followed signs that read, “To the not-so-pleasant section of the Promised Land,” Aeris began to wonder. “Hey, fatman, how the heck did you manage to get your soul knocked out of your body without getting killed by that truck?” Palmer wasn’t paying attention. “PALMER!” Aeris smacked him with her staff. “Ow! OW! Huh?” “I asked you a question! Answer me!” Palmer rubbed his bald head. “Oh, I don’t know. I was hit by a truck before and I lived, so I guess this is the same thing.” Aeris sighed. She never understood how annoying people usually managed to stay alive through things that would kill normal people twice over. She wished she was like that. Then she could still be with Cloud.

Aeris and Palmer finally made their way into the rift between heaven and, well, hell. Palmer glanced at what awaited them had they gone further. He saw people in torture. People who were wicked in life and were now being punished. Palmer saw the burning flames, and his heart was filled with fear. “Scared?” Aeris tried to calm him down. “If you’re not good in life, that’s where you’ll go.” Palmer remembered a moment when he stole candy from a baby because he was hungry. He looked once again into the flames. The devil stood there, and said, “I’m waiting for you, Palmer.” “Yipes!” Palmer hid behind Aeris. A man emerged from the depths of the flames. He wore a black cape and was in a black cloak. Palmer recognized the man. The man was Sephiroth. Palmer recalled the moment vividly, when Sephiroth killed the president. Palmer was there to witness it. Once again, his heart was filled with fear. “Sephiroth!” Aeris confronted the dark cloaked man. “What do you want!?” Sephiroth just stood there and smiled. Palmer took out his trusty mako gun. It was his prized weapon. He aimed at Sephiroth. “I’ll get rid of him!” Aeris screamed. “NO! Don’t! Do you know what happens when you use a mako device in the Promised Land!?” But it was too late. Palmer had pulled the trigger. A huge flash filled the rift and Palmer was returned to his body.

When Palmer woke up, he found himself dancing around naked on Cid’s bed (Please don’t picture that). He quickly got dressed, and ran outside. Shera wacked him with a broom. “Don’t ever do that again!” Shera solidly scolded Palmer for a while. Palmer thought to himself. “I’m back! I made it back into my own body!” What he failed to realize was that several other souls also came back with him.
 
 
 
 

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