(The screen fades in and scrolls around a small room in the airship.  Kafan is lying down on the small hospital bed in the room while Godo sits in a chair at the corner)

Godo:  (I wish she'd refer to me by my damn name while I'm here...)

(Godo takes some Tranquilizer+)

Kafan:  I don't know.  I feel so bad about what's happened to me in my life, but maybe it's not that much worse than what's happening to other people.

Godo:  (Sigh, I don't have the heart to tell her that I'm not a god damn psychologist.  Ah well, now is the perfect time to take a nap.)

Kafan:  I wonder how Yuffie's doing.  I've tried to be a good teacher to her, but she always seems to be focused on being a killing machine more than a beacon of knowledge.  In fact, everyone in society seems to be that way now.  Is that supposed to be normal?

(Not paying attention, Godo closes his eyes)

Godo:  Zzzzzz.....

(Dia, Tina, and Kaelle appear in the room)

(Scary smitty music starts again)

(Godo quickly wakes up)

Godo:  (Great, and speaking of gods...)

Dia:  Well well well...

Godo:  Now what is it?  And who's the red head?

Kaelle:  RED HEAD?

Dia:  Now now, Godo, you should watch it.  You shouldn't insult the original goddess of power like that.

Kaelle:  He needs to watch more than that!

(Kaelle slaps Godo)

Kaelle:  How dare you abuse your power like that!  We warned you to never ever use the chemist item ability no matter what!  And then you use it to save one of our worse enemies!  You can't disobey us!  You are nothing!  You are slime!  You are but an insolent worm squirming around in the dirt that will eventually be crushed under the heel of my shoe and grinded into the mud in a display of worm guts and blood!

(Dia motions to Kaelle)

Dia:  Kaelle!  That's enough.  Godo is representative of Omni.  As the original goddess of Omni, he's in my custody.

Kaelle:  Hmph!

(Kaelle steps back as Dia steps up to Godo)

Dia:  Now Lord Godo...

(Dia slaps Godo)

Dia:  How dare you abuse your power like that!  We warned you to never ever use the chemist item ability no matter what!  And then you use it to save one of our worse enemies!  You can't disobey us!  You are nothing!  You are slime!  You are but an insolent worm squirming around in the dirt that will eventually be crushed under the heel of my shoe and grinded into the mud in a display of worm guts and blood!

Godo:  .....

Dia:  But anyway, it's not like you can't undo this horrible act.  Tina, hand Godo your Atma Weapon!

(Tina gives Godo her sword)

Dia:  Lord Godo, you know what you must do.

(Godo looks at Dia, looks at the sword, then looks at Dia again)

Godo:  Um... actually I don't.  Do you want me to kill myself?  Kill you guys?  Kill Kafan?  What?

(Dia looks at Godo funnily, then she, Tina, and Kaelle huddle together and quickly whisper to each other.  Dia stops and coughs)

Dia:  Killing Kafan will be enough... for now.

Godo:  Great...

(Godo takes the sword and stands over Kafan, who looks up at him with a hint of worry on her face)

Godo:  Why do I have to do this?  It's not like it's really that hard for you to do it, yourselves, is it?  I'm sure you'll enjoy that much more.

Dia:  Whatever!  Tina, do the job!

(Tina grabs back her sword then looks down at Kafan)

Tina:  Um...  I... I'm really not in the mood.  You're the main goddess, Dia.  Why don't you do it?

(Tina hands Dia the sword.  Dia slams to the ground because she can't support the sword's weight)

Kaelle:  Maybe because Dia doesn't have the ability to equip swords, perhaps?

(Dia struggles to stand up while holding the sword.  A cracking noise is heard)

Dia:  AAAAAH!!!  My back!

Tina and Kaelle:  ............

Tina:  (I am soooo glad that no one else is here to see this....)

Kaelle:  We'll get back to you, later.

(Kaelle, Dia, and Tina dissappear)

Kafan:  Well now, that was rather interesting.  You always were good at pissing Dia off like that and weaseling out of trouble, Lord Godo.  Lord Godo?

Godo:  ZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz....
 
 

(On the deck of the Highwind, which is flying through the air)

Yuffie:  Ugh... I think I'm going to throw up... again!

(Yuffie leans over the railway of the airship, then takes some tranquilizer)

(Irene spins around)

Irene:  (Free as a bird!)

Yuffie:  Yea yea.  Hey, Irene, do me a favor.  Kafan makes a special tranquilizer just for dad.  Go try to steal some for me while I stay here and puke a little more.

Irene:  (Er... okay!)

(Irene leaves)

Nathan:  Hey, look at that!  It's the Gold Saucer!

Yuffie:  Out here?  I thought we were heading for the arctic continent!  What's wrong with the pilot's sense of direction.

Nathan:  Er, really, look.

(Yuffie looks up and sees a gold saucer flying through the air)

Yuffie:  Hmm... a golden UFO.  Wierd.  Wonder what it wants.

Nathan:  Something's flying towards us.  I wonder if it's a messenger pod sent by that gold saucer.

(A big fiery blast slams into where Yuffie and Nathan are standing)

(Yuffie stumbles to her feet)

Yuffie:  Ow... that hurt... a lot...

(A bunch of Wutai soldiers and some Highwind crew members run up to the deck of the ship)

Soldier:  What's going on?!?  The airship just shook really really violently!

Yuffie:  I think we're under attack.

(Another fiery blast slams into one of the rockets on the airship, causing it to explode and everyone to lose their balance)

Yuffie:  Eyup, we're under attack.  Nathan, go wake up dad!  Does this thing have any guns?

(The crewmembers look at each other while Nathan enters the airship)

Crewmembers:  Er... well, that is to say, we really did plan on adding guns soon.  Really, we did.  But... um... you know, budget cuts and all...

Yuffie:  Oh great... so what do we do now?

Crewmember:  Um, sit around and let them take pot shots at us?

Yuffie:  .......

(Inside the airship)

Nathan:  Lord Godo, wake up!

(Nathan grabs Godo and begins shaking him)

BOOM!

(The airship shakes and Nathan slams to the floor)

(Kafan gets up)

Kafan:  He sleeps like a rock once he nods off.  The only way to really get him to wake up is to mention materia or something like that.

(Godo wakes up)

Godo:  Materia?  Where?

Kafan:  And to get Gorky, you just have to mention food.

(Gorky bursts into the room)

Gorky:  Food?  Where?

Nathan:  Oh, I get it!  And to fetch Cloud, I only have to mention Tifa!

(Nothing happens)

Nathan:  Hmm... that didn't work.  Aeris, then?

(Nothing happens)

Nathan:  Um... Aeris and Tifa... together?

(Nothing happens)

Nathan:  Uncle Da-Cha?

(Cloud bursts into the room)

Cloud:  Where is that fat ass lard ball?  I'll kill him!

Gorky:  EEEEEEEEEK!

(Gorky runs out of the room)

(Everyone heads to the deck)

(Marel's voice comes from loudspeakers on the gold saucer)

Marel:  Surrender now!  Your vessal has entered soon-to-be Wutaian territory!  If you do not stop now and let us board you, we shall retaliate as is our right to do so under national law because you are in territory which will soon belong to Wutai!

Cloud:  Territory which will soon belong to Wutai?

Marel:  Well, yea.  Although technically you're trespassing no matter where you are, since eventually the entire world will belong to Wutai.

Yuffie:  Um... Marel?  You're not even from Wutai...

Marel:  What?

Yuffie:  What the hell, dammit.  You don't even have any sort of Wutaian heritage.

Marel (covering her ears):  I can't hear you!

(Yuffie gets blasted by more blasts from the flying saucer)

Cloud:  Can anyone tell me what's going on?

Yuffie:  Sure!  Basically, we're screwed.

Cloud:  Oh gee, thanks.
 
 
 
 

(A small luxury suite with a window.  Lenore is sitting on a chair at a fancy table reading a book)

(Bridgette pours more tea into Lenore's cup.  Since the cup is already full, it overflows)

Lenore:  Dammit, what's with those loud gunfire blasts?

Bridgette:  (We would appear to be firing at something.)

(Bridgette pours even more tea into the cup.  Lenore quickly backs away from the table before the tea spills over the edge of it)

Lenore:  Stop that, already!  I haven't drunk any tea for the past thirty minutes!

Bridgette:  (I'm sorry.  It's a habit of mine.  Staniv would always drink tea faster than I could pour it.)

(More gunblasts are heard)

Lenore:  What the heck are we shooting at?

Bridgette:  (We appear to be firing at the one that is impersonating Yuffie.)

Lenore:  Huh?  Someone's impersonating Yuffie?

(Lenore grabs a spyglass and looks out the window)

(Lenore sees a whole bunch of people she recognizes frantically running around in circles dodging blasts while the Highwind is bursting into flames)

Lenore:  Um... is Marel aware that she's firing at Yuffie's dad, Cloud, and Nathan?  Are you sure that's a Yuffie imposter over there?

Bridgette:  (I can not answer that question.  Perhaps you should ask her, yourself.)

Lenore:  Well, I was told that I wasn't allowed to leave this room until we arrived back at my school at Midgar to drop me off, but I think this is a serious mistake.  Don't you think so?

Bridgette:  (Upon analyzing the situation using Judith's and Cervas's information tables on Yuffie, Cloud, and Godo, I have come to the conclusion that the benefits of firing at them greatly outweighs the risk.)

Lenore:  What the hell?!?  Cervas?  And does Judy WANT them to die or something?  That's it!  I'd better get to the bridge to tell Marel to stop before it's too late!  You're not going to get in my way, are you?

Bridgette:  (I am currently obeying your orders.)

Lenore:  That's good.  Then help me get out of here.

(Bridgette lock picks the door and Lenore and Bridgette leave the room)

(Lenore is stopped by the knight type clockwork, Lariot)

Lariot:  (Lady Eleanore, pardon my asking, but where art thou headed?  I surely regret to inform thee that I must keep thee in thy room for the duration of thy journey.)

Lenore:  Sorry, I need to see Marel right now.

(Lariot draws his sword)

Lariot:  (I shan't allow it, my lady.)

Lenore:  Dammit, Bridgette, disable this moron for me.

(Bridgette steals Lariot's sword)

(Lenore kicks Lariot's ass)

(More cannon blasts sound.  The ship shakes violently from the recoil of firing)

(A bunch of various clockworks jump in front of Lenore)

Lenore:  Why the heck do they want me to remain in my room so badly, anyway?

Bridgette:  (Perhaps they fear a security breach very much like the one which is occurring right now thanks to us.)

Lenore:  Whatever.

(After fighting a bunch of clockworks, Lenore and Bridgette arrive at the top of the saucer)

Lenore:  Hmm... that's wierd.  We're on top of this thing.  Where's the bridge, anyway?

Bridgette:  (All saucers are automatically piloted from the main Gold Saucer through use of large attached tranceiver satellite dishes like that one over there.)

Lenore:  Out here on top of the saucer?  What if it gets damaged?

Bridgette:  (They are built to withstand quite a lot of damage.)

(Lenore walks up to Marel, who's still yelling into her loudspeaker.  Cervas is standing next to her)

Marel (into loudspeaker):  Oh yea?  Well, yo mama's so ugly that...

Lenore:  Um, Marel?

Marel:  What?  Can't you see I'm busy?

Lenore:  That's really Yuffie.  At least, I think it is, since Nathan and Irene are with her.  Now that I think about it, I think the Yuffie back at Wutai is an evil twin or something.

Marel:  So?

Lenore:  So?!?  Stop shooting at her!  Duh.  And cut it out with the "Yo mama" jokes, too.

Marel:  Well, might as well stop the jokes since she's winning, but that doesn't mean I have to stop shooting at her.

Lenore:  And why is that?

Marel:  Well duh, because I'm supposed to either kill her or capture her.

Lenore:  BUT THAT'S THE REAL YUFFIE!

Marel:  I KNOW!  Look, Lenore, you're not supposed to be out of your room.  Now get back in there and fade back into nothingness where you belong.

Lenore:  Okay, I don't know what got into you, but I'm going to have to stop this.

Marel:  Ha, go ahead and try.

(Lenore takes out her gun while Marel takes out her two batons)

(Lenore fires at Marel, but she blocks it)

(Lenore fires again, hitting Marel in the shoulder and sending her slamming to the ground)

Lenore:  That was easy.  I don't know why you're acting so confident since you don't even have any sort of special power or weaponry to make you stand out...

(Marel gets up)

Marel:  ......

(Cervas shakes her head, then snaps her fingers.  Marel's batons latch onto Marel's arms and turn into cannons)

Lenore:  Huh?

(Lenore jumps out of the way as Marel fires.)

Marel:  You bitch!  Nothing that will make me stand out, huh?  I'm tired of always living in your shadow!  Why couldn't you just stay in your room for all eternity where you belong?  Go back to living in your own little world!  Things are much better, that way.

(Lenore and Marel fire at each other.  Marel misses Lenore, but Lenore hits, sending Marel to the ground again)

Lenore:  There!  Bridgette, disarm the firing mechanism.

Bridgette:  (Very well.)

(Bridgette walks up to the large transceiver and presses some buttons.  All of the cannons on the saucer self-destruct)

(Cervas shakes her head, then snaps her fingers again.  Red targetting goggles emerge from Marel's cap and covers her eyes while Marel's skin becomes hard adamantyne.)

Lenore:  What the...?

(Marel fires at Lenore.  Lenore attempts to dodge, but still gets hit and the bullets explode.  The explosion from Marel's blast sends Lenore flying in the air, then slamming down again)

(Lenore gets up and shoots Marel, but her bullets ricochet off her)

Lenore:  What on earth did you do to yourself?!

Marel:  Since I didn't have any natural talents handed to me on a platter like you did, I had to resort to artificial means.

(Marel blasts Lenore again)

Lenore:  Ow..... do you honestly believe that.... Tenko would still like you, now?

Marel:  Nice try.  I'm not stupid.  This is only temporary.

(Cervas snaps her fingers, and the adamantyne dissappears)

Lenore:  (Bridgette!  Help!)

Bridgette:  (I also have orders to not bring any harm to Cervas or Marel.)

(Marel stands over Lenore)

Lenore:  (Is there any way I can escape?)

Bridgette:  (Is that an order?)

(Marel points her cannons at Lenore)

Lenore:  (YES!)

Bridgette:  (Very well.)

Marel:  Huh?  Cervas?  What's that thief-type clockwork doing?

(Bridgette grabs Lenore and runs to the edge of the saucer, then jumps off)

Lenore (falling through the air with Bridgette):  Um....

Bridgette:  (You said you wanted to escape.)

Lenore:  Perhaps I should have added that I want to escape AND LIVE THROUGH IT!

Bridgette:  (You have no need to worry.  I have judged the distance and we will land on the Highwind below us.)

Lenore:  Oh!  Cool!  Except... even if we do land on the Highwind, the fall will still kill us.

(Lenore and Bridgette crash onto the Highwind)

Lenore:  Ouch!  Well, that actually didn't hurt THAT much.  Hey, Yuffie!  Nathan!  Thanks for breaking my fall.

(Lenore gets up and looks down at Yuffie and Nathan)

Nathan:  Ow... my back....

Yuffie:  .......

Lenore:  So, how have you guys been?

Bridgette:  (Hmm.  Now that I'm done assisting Lenore, I wonder how I will get back onto the gold saucer.)

Irene:  (Why?)

Bridgette:  (To recieve commands from my superiors.)

Irene:  (Oh, that's okay!  You're better this way!  Now you're free!  Free!  Free as a bird!)

Bridgette:  (I'm ecstatic....)

(Another explosion)

Lenore:  Huh?  What was that?  I thought all of the cannons on the saucer were destroyed.

Highwind Member:  Oh, that was just the engine exploding from the collected damage of the cannon blasts.  Guess it finally couldn't take it.

(Everyone pauses)

Everyone:  AAAAAAAAAH!!!

(Everyone runs down to the command room)

Cloud:  Shit!  We're going down, fast!  Cid, is there any way to stay in the air?

Highwind Member:  I'm not Cid!  The captain's gone!  I'm piloting this, now.

Cloud:  Oooookay.  So, airship piloting guy, is there any way to stay in the air?

Highwind Member:  I have a name, dammit!

Other Two Highwind Members:  Just stop complaining and try to steer the ship!

Yuffie:  Nathan!  You're the geek guy!  Think of something!

Nathan:  Well, according to my calculations, if we can maintain this speed, change the direction a little to the left, and hold on for just a little longer, we'll crash.

(Nathan and Yuffie pause)

Yuffie:  Oh... that's... just great.  Really, it is.

(The airship crashes into the edge of the ice continent)
 
 
 

(The small village a small distance past the bone excavation site)

(Two feet are sticking out from under the airship)

Villager A:  Oh my gosh!  That airship landed on the wicked witch of the east!

Villagers:  Ding dong, the witch is dead!

Villager A:  Which old witch?

Villagers:  The wicked witch!

Villager A:  Oh wait a minute... That's not the wicked witch of the east under the airship.  That's my mom!  Dammit!

Villagers:  Ding dong, the witch is dead!

Villager A:  Shut up!

(The airship tips over and falls on the side, crushing all the villagers)

(Yuffie exits the airship)

Yuffie:  Hello?  Hellooooooo?  What the hell?  This town is abandoned!  What could have happened, here?

Lenore:  Something really evil, I'm sure.

Nathan:  Oh well, we might as well make use of all these unused houses and provisions lying around while we're here.  I'd better get to work on fixing the Highwind.

Yuffie:  You can fix the Highwind?

Nathan:  Hell no.  Not that it's really damaged, but I haven't gone to mechanic classes yet.  Still, I might be able to fix it.  Although you can expect a bunch of random things to go wrong once I'm done.

Yuffie:  That's okay.  As long as it doesn't explode while we're on it.  You won't screw with it THAT badly, right?

Nathan:  Um... maybe?

Yuffie:  Aw what the hell!  Just get to work on the damn thing.  We don't have any other options, anyway.

Nathan:  Right!

(Nathan runs into the item shop to get some supplies.  Of course, since the item shop owner is dead as well as every other villager, he simply takes them)

Godo:  Ah well.  Kafan, Gorky, and I are going to help ourselves to some hot mocha in the abandoned coffee shop while we wait.

Kafan:  Mocha?  I only take decaf.

(Godo drags Kafan away with Gorky following him)

Cloud:  I hope Tifa is alright.

(A Gelnika Shinra plane lands at the village)

(Cait Sith and some Shinra soldiers exit the plane)

Cait Sith:  Whew!  All the weapons on that patrolling Wutai saucer somehow were destroyed, so we could finally get here!

(Cait Sith looks around)

Cait Sith:  Oh no.  We're too late!  That evil cult has already claimed all of the villagers, here.

Cloud:  Evil cult?

Cait Sith:  Oh, what are you guys doing here?

Cloud:  I'm searching for Tifa.

Yuffie:  I'm trying to stop Richiese from reviving Sephiroth in all his glory to wreck havoc on the planet.

Godo:  I'm drinking hot mocha!

Cait Sith:  Well, I don't know about anyone reviving Sephiroth, but I think that cult took Tifa hostage.

Cloud:  What?

Cait Sith:  They have someone in captivity that they call "The Wicked Witch."  She's been described by members of the cult as "one bitch of a witch."  Other more impartial observers (mainly male tourists) described her as "one hot sexy mama very reminiscent of Lara Croft."

Cloud:  Yea, I guess that's her.  She's been taken hostage by a cult?  What are their demands?

Cait Sith:  They don't have any demands.  They plan to sacrifice her to their patron saint.

Cloud:  And that is?

Cait Sith:  Er.... Aeris.

Cloud:  AERIS?

Cait Sith:  Yea.  They're a really wierd Cetra cult.  Sprang out of nowhere when Carnie betrayed us, flew the coup, and used embezzled Shinra funds to arm a bunch of fanatic people who claim that they're going to "free humanity from it's greatest oppression," which they probably mean Shinra.

Cait Sith's Moogle:  That's REEVE ENTERPRISES, dammit!

Cait Sith:  Whatever, Reeve.

(Cloud and Yuffie look at each other)

Yuffie:  Reeve's gone cookoo.

Highwind Member:  An evil cult?  Wow... that brings back memories.  I remember one of my three best friends always wanted to join a secret society.  That reminds me of my girlfriend who went to live in Midgar and my other friend who joined the Shinra armed forces.  But... we all split up and lost each other, now.

Cait Sith:  They're held up deep within the ice continent, but we couldn't get to them because that gold saucer blocked our air craft and the Ice Castle which they're held up in is protected by some force field.

Yuffie:  How'd they get that gold saucer?

Highwind Member:  HEY!  Aren't any of you paying attention to my sad story?

Yuffie:  Be quiet!  I'm trying to listen to Cait Sith, here!

Cait Sith:  Ahem.  Wutai attacked the Golden Saucer and took it over, then found out that many parts of that amusement park were actually flying machines.  We're officially at war, now.  Men, arrest this bitch.

(A bunch of soldiers grab Yuffie)

(A bunch of soldiers try to grab Godo, but he snarls at them and the freaked out soldiers quickly back off)

Yuffie:  HEY!  Not again!

Cloud:  Er....

Yuffie:  The Yuffie leading Wutai is an imposter, dammit!  How hard is that for you to figure out?

Cait Sith:  Really?  She seems to be doing exactly what you'd be doing.  Although I have to admit, she does seem to be a bit smart to be the real deal.

Yuffie:  Yea!  You see?  I'm too stupid to have been able to lead Wutai through all this and... wait a minute.

Cait Sith:  Oh fine.  Men, release her.

(The soldiers let go of Yuffie)

Cait Sith:  You can prove that you're not the Yuffie we want by doing something for us.

Yuffie:  And that is?

Cait Sith:  Well, we think that the cult is being given aid by Wutai, which would explain why there was a Wutai saucer patrolling here.  So if they think you're the Yuffie leading Wutai, you should be able to infiltrate the Ice Castle then turn off the forcefield.

Yuffie:  Um... just how deep inside the continent is this Ice Castle?

Cait Sith:  Let's just say you'll regret the fact that we can't give you a ride there because it'd be too obvious to detect Shinra vehicles.

Yuffie:  Oh great.  Well, I have to get deeper inside anyway to get to the crater and stop Richiese.  Might as well get going, now.

Cloud:  Hmm....

Cait Sith:  You'll have to go alone.  Besides Wutai diplomats, the cult doesn't accept anyone that they haven't deemed as a worthy.

Yuffie:  Er..

(Yuffie looks at everyone staring at her)

Yuffie:  No problem!  Infiltrating an Ice Castle should be easy for a master ninja like me!

Cloud:  But what about Tifa?

(A soldier whispers something into Cait Sith's ear)

Cait Sith:  Oh!  It appears that they want Cloud, too.  So I guess he can come along.  Then once he gets there, they'll probably throw him in the jail or something, I guess.  We don't know what the heck they'd want with you.

Cloud:  It's a risk I'll have to take!  Let's mosey!

(Cloud grabs Yuffie and begins to head for the exit of town)

Soldier:  "Let's mosey?"  That loser is the guy who saved us from meteor?

Nathan:  Hey!  Yuffie's not a loser!

Soldier:  What?

Lenore:  Aren't you worried about her?  Since you always seem to be stalking us with your damn tracking devices.

Nathan:  Stalking?!?  Sheesh, sometimes a guy just can't get any appreciation around here.  Hey, Yuffie!  Can I come along?

Yuffie:  What?  Haven't you been around me long enough?  You need to stay behind and fix the airship, remember?  You can harass Lenore while I'm gone.  Besides, I have Cloud with me and he's like the uber-protector or sumthing like that.

Nathan:  Harass?

Lenore:  I'm curious as to what that Cetra cult is doing.  I'd like to see what exactly crazy cults do.  But I'm not going to trek through an entire continent of freezing winter just to do it.
 
 
 
 

(Later, at the edge of town)

Yuffie:  Dammit, it's cold!

Cloud:  Yea...

Yuffie:  But this is no problem, right?  Not like we haven't been through this before.  Of course, this time it's just you and me!

Cloud:  Hooboy.  Hey Yuffie, do you think Tifa will like this bouquet of flowers that I got from the abandoned item shop?

Yuffie:  Dunno.  Does Tifa like flowers?

Cloud:  Well, it's better than nothing.

Yuffie:  Huh?  What's this cave doing, here?  I thought this was supposed to be a downward slope or sumthing.  You know, that one that you snowboarded down...

Cloud:  You're right.  Did this continent change while we were gone?

(Yuffie and Cloud enter the cave)

Yuffie:  Wow, it's dark in here!

(Some shadows appear behind Yuffie and Cloud and begin following them)

(Cloud and Yuffie walk deeper into the cave)

(More shadows appear above and to the side.  Some eyes appear in the shadows watching Cloud and Yuffie)

Cloud:  I have a bad feeling about this...

(The shadows leap at Cloud and Yuffie)

Shadows:  KUPO!!!!

(A bunch of moogles tackle Cloud)

(Mog's theme music from FFVI starts)

Moogle:  Kupo!

(The moogle bops Cloud on the head)

Cloud:  Ack!  What the HELL is this?

Yuffie:  Oh wow!!!  Moogles!  I thought these things were extinct!

(Yuffie picks up a moogle by it's one hair)

Moogle (distressed and waving its arms):  AAAAH!!!  Kupo!!!

Yuffie:  Haha, they're even fluffier than the stuffed animal moogles and the ones in the arcade games!

(Yuffie squeezes the moogle, which faints from lack of air, then drops it)

(All of the moogles stop attacking Cloud)

Cloud:  Wierd....

(The moogles start running circles around Yuffie kupoing angrily at her)

Yuffie:  Haha, they're cute!

(Yuffie kicks one of the moogles, sending it flying through the air)

Yuffie:  Hey, Cloud!  Come try it!

Cloud:  Sorry, Yuffie, but I have better things to do than play "kick the moogle."

Yuffie:  Whatever.

(Yuffie playfully boots another moogle through the air)

Yuffie:  Hahaha.  You let yourself get ambushed by these things?

(A huge sasquatch lumbers behind Yuffie)

Cloud:  Um, Yuffie?

(A moogle jabs Yuffie in the back with a spear)

Yuffie:  OW!

(Yuffie turns around and sees the moogle and behind him, the really large sasquatch)

Moogle:  Kupo!!  We've had enough of you!  I am Mog!  Now stop being such a meanie, or I'm going to have to sick Umaro on you!

Umaro the sasquatch:  Uguh!

Yuffie:  Eeek!

Mog:  Kupo!  Why are you here?

Cloud:  We need to get to the Ice Castle.

Mog:  Oh!  Kupo!  Non-Cetra trying to join the Cetra cult, huh?  Well, to get to the Ice Castle, you have to pass three tests!

Yuffie:  T... Tests?  Oh no...

Cloud:  What's wrong?

Yuffie:  Not...

(Mog claps his hands)

(Fresca appears.  Once again, she's wearing white instead of blue)

Fresca?:  Hello, everyone!  Tis me, Pepsi, the great Snow Princess!

(Yuffie groans)

Yuffie:  Not again!

Pepsi:  Oh!  Yuffaruni!  Wow, you're just a glutton for punishment, aren't you?  Okay, you know the drill!  Pass the three tests, and if you fail, you'll be severely punished beyond your wildest most evil pain-inflicting torturous horrendous nightmares!  For your first test, you and Cloud must beat Mog, Kupop, and Kumama here in a snowboarding race.

Yuffie:  No way!  I've never snowboarded in my life!

Pepsi:  Then you'll have to fight Umaro.

Yuffie:  Okay!  We'll fight Umaro!  He's no match for Cloud!  Cloud's my hero!

(Yuffie pushes Cloud up to Umaro)

Umaro:  UGAH!

(Umaro pounds Cloud through the ground)

(Yuffie looks at the hole where Cloud stood)

Yuffie:  On second though, I think we'll go with snowboarding.

(Yuffie looks into the hole)

Yuffie (into the hole):  Is that okay with you, Cloud?

Cloud:  .......... AYE!

(Pepsi spirits Yuffie and Cloud to the top of a snowboarding coarse and hands Cloud and Yuffie some snowboards)

Mog:  Kupo!  We're going to win!

Kupop:  Kupop!

Kumama:  I'm a sexy bitch!

Pepsi:  Only one of you needs to get first place.

Cloud:  Well, that shouldn't be too hard.  I'm pretty good at snowboarding.

Pepsi:  Ready!  Set!  GO!!!

Yuffie (fumbling with her snowboard):  How the hell to you get on these stupid things, anyway?  EEK!

(Yuffie slides down the hill with the snowboard on backwards)

(Yuffie crashes into Kupop and Kumama)

(Mog and Cloud snowboard side by side)

Mog:  Okay, spike head, you're going down!  Kupo!

(Mog rams into Cloud)

Cloud:  Hey, that tickles!  You realize you're too small to really hurt me, right?

Mog:  Yea, but I do a good job of distracting you.

Cloud:  Huh?

(Cloud rams into a tree)

(Cloud gets up)

Cloud:  Dammit!

(A big snowball with Yuffie, Kupop, and Kumama rolls over Cloud)

(Cloud gets up again and spits out some snow)

Cloud:  ......

(Yuffie jumps out of the snowball and lands on Mog, flattening him)

Yuffie:  Woohoo!  I'm in first place!  This is great!  I'm going to win!

(Cloud, Mog, Kupop, and Kumama zip past Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Aw dammit!

(Cloud passes the finish line first)

Cloud:  Yes!  I won!

(Yuffie crashes into Cloud)

Yuffie:  My hero!

Cloud:  My spleen!

(Pepsi appears over Cloud and Yuffie)

Pepsi:  Congratulations!  You passed the first test!  Now for the second test, you must.... win another snowboarding match!

Yuffie:  You're running out of ideas, aren't ch'ya?

Pepsi:  Shaddup.

Yuffie:  Ah well, my hero Cloud will easily win!

Cloud:  Why do you keep calling me that?

Yuffie:  What?  You don't like it?  Fine, I'll stop it.

(Pepsi spirits Yuffie and Cloud to the top of another snowboarding course)

Pepsi:  This time you must beat Umaro to the bottom!

(Umaro stomps over to Cloud and Yuffie)

Umaro:  UGAH!!!

Pepsi:  GO!!!

(Umaro balls up and starts rolling down the hill.  Cloud and Yuffie quickly zoom after him)

(The three snowboard into an ice tunnel and icicles start falling from the ceiling)

(Umaro crushes any icicles in the way of him)

(Yuffie trips over an icicle, sending her flying off her snowboard and onto Cloud's back)

Yuffie:  Um, hi there!

Cloud:  ACK!  What the hell are you doing?

(Cloud and Yuffie pass Umaro)

Cloud:  Dammit!

(Cloud barely dodges an icicle and exits the tunnel)

Cloud:  Can't.... steer... with you on top of me!

Yuffie:  Oh please!  I don't weigh that much, do I?

(Cloud and Yuffie slam through a mound of snow)

Yuffie:  At least

(Cloud and Yuffie slam through a mound of snow)

Yuffie:  my extra

(Cloud and Yuffie slam through a mound of snow)

Yuffie:  weight is

(Cloud and Yuffie slam through a mound of snow)

Yuffie:  making us

(Cloud and Yuffie slam through a mound of snow)

Yuffie:  go faster!

(Cloud and Yuffie slam into a tree and fall to the ground)

Cloud:  Ow...

(Yuffie's snowboard, which has been going down the hill too, all this time, slams into Cloud's head)

(Umaro rolls past Yuffie and Cloud)

(Yuffie gets on her snowboard)

Yuffie:  Dammit, Cloud!  Get up!  We're going to lose at this rate!

Cloud (in a daze):  Just a second, mama, I don't wanna do homework right now...

(Yuffie slaps Cloud)

Cloud:  OW!  $@#&()@#$....

(Cloud gets on his snowboard again and dashes down the hill with Yuffie following)

(Cloud zips by Umaro and barely beats him to the finish line)

Cloud:  Yes!  I won!

(Yuffie crashes into Cloud)

Yuffie:  My wonderful slave!

Cloud:  Wonderful slave?!?

Yuffie:  Well, yea.  You said you didn't want me to call you "hero", anymore, remember?

Cloud:  ...... Hero is fine.  Yes, hero is good.

Pepsi:  Congrats on passing the second test!  And now, the third most difficult test.

Yuffie:  More snowboarding?

Pepsi:  Nah, that was funny the first two times, but it's getting boring.

(Pepsi spirits Yuffie and Cloud into the inner ice continent, where it snowstorms 24 hours a day, the screen constantly rotates, and it's freezing)

Yuffie:  AAAAAH!!!  It's freezing!

Pepsi:  The Ice Castle is deep within the continent.  Good luck getting there alive!

(Yuffie and Cloud's skin turns blue)

Yuffie:  D... dammit!  D... didn't we go through this b... before?

Cloud:  Y... yea, it wasn't this.... c...cold, was it?

Pepsi:  Actually, it's the same temperature that it's always been.  It's just that your uncanny ability to cheat reality and not catch pneumonia while wearing clothes like that doesn't work anymore because the natural laws are changing.  But... ah, whatever.  I'll get some fur coats for both of you.

(A bunch of moogles run over, throw a hooded fur coat over Cloud which completely covers him and makes him look like a big fat mound of fur, then run away)

Yuffie:  HEY!  What about me?

Pepsi:  Well, you'd get a fur coat but the moogles don't like you because you were mean to them.  Buh bye!

(Pepsi dissappears)

Yuffie:  WAAAAAH!  I'm going to diiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Cloud:  Okay, okay!  I'll share my fur coat with you.  Sheesh.  It's a little too big for me, anyway.

Yuffie:  Yay!

(Yuffie runs up to Cloud and he zips up the fur coat so that it covers both him and Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Wow!  It IS big, isn't it?  Really roomie!

Cloud:  .......

(Cloud and Yuffie begin treking across the ice continent)

(Yuffie pops hear head above Cloud in the hood of the fur coat)

Yuffie:  Dammit, mush!  Can't you move any faster?

Cloud:  Well, it would help if you'd actually walk, yourself!  Get off me!

Yuffie:  Aw, but I'm tired!  At least it's really nice and warm in here.

(Yuffie sticks her head back in the coat as Cloud continues trudging along)

(Irene lands to the side of Cloud and looks at him)

Cloud:  Huh?  Who are you?  Oh yea, you're Yuffie's mute friend.

(Yuffie sticks her head out of the fur coat, surprising Irene)

Yuffie:  Irene!  What are you doing here?  And how the hell did you survive the cold to get this far?

Irene:  (Cold?  What cold?)

Yuffie:  You know, cold as in low temperature?

Irene:  (Oh!  THAT cold.  I lost the ability to feel temperature long ago.)  :(

Yuffie:  So, what are you doing here?

Irene:  (Nathan got worried so I decided to accompany you for him while he went with Lenore to someplace.)

Cloud:  Forget it, Yuffie.  She's not going to answer.  She can't talk.

Irene:  (OOoooooo!  It looks comfortable in there!  Can I hitch a ride, too?)

Yuffie:  What?  There isn't enough room!

(Irene hops in front of Cloud)

Irene:  :(

Cloud:  Oh all right!  We'll share the fur coat with you, too!

Irene:  :)

Yuffie:  Great... just great....

(Picture a big hooded fur coat with three heads and six feet attempting to waddle along through the snowstorm)

Irene:  (Oh!  This is nice!)

(Four of the six feet disappear)

Cloud:  HURGH!  Too heavy!!!

Yuffie:  Quiet, slave!

Irene:  (I like him.  He's silly.)

Yuffie:  (He's also married!)

Irene:  (I still really like him.)

(Nightfall comes.  Coincidentally, Cloud, Yuffie, and Irene reach an ice cave)

Cloud:  Wow!  What a coincidence!

(The three enter the cave and take off the fur coat)

Yuffie:  Well, good night, everyone!

(Yuffie puts the fur coat over herself and goes to sleep)

(Irene yanks the fur coat from her)

Yuffie:  Dammit!  It's mine!  You can't even feel the cold!

Irene:  (So?  I like it!  It's fluffy!)

Yuffie:  Fine!  If this coat could fit all three of us while we were walking, I guess it can fit two of us.

(Yuffie and Irene put the coat over them and go to sleep)

(Cloud sits in a corner and freezes his ass off)

Cloud:  God dammit!

Yuffie:  How selfish of you, Cloud!  Fine, we'll share it with you, too.

Cloud:  .......

(Cloud gets crammed in between Yuffie and Irene)

Yuffie:  Well, at least it's warmer this way.

Irene:  (Menage a trois!  Menage a trois!)

Yuffie:  (That's not funny!  And besides, Cloud is married to Tifa.)

Irene:  (Menage a quatro!  Menage a quatro!)

Yuffie:  (Oh be quiet and go to sleep!)

Irene:  (Haha.)

Yuffie:  (Well, this is kind of nice.)

(Yuffie puts her head on Cloud's chest, smiles, and closes her eyes)

(Irene looks at Yuffie, and does the same thing)

Cloud:  (ACK!  What the heck?  I can't breathe!)

(The three get up the next morning and the six legged furry beast continues to waddle through the snowstorm)

(For a long time)

(For most of the day, in fact)

Irene:  (It's a good thing that I rarely have to go to the bathroom.)

Yuffie:  (It's a good thing that I'm anorexic and rarely have to go to the bathroom)

Cloud:  (God dammit, I really need to take a piss.)

Yuffie:  Oh!  Look over there!  The Ice Castle!  We made it!

(Yuffie, Cloud, and Irene quickly waddle over to the ice castle and get electrocuted)

Yuffie:  AAAAAH!!!  Invisible forcefield!

(Yuffie, Cloud, and Irene back up)

Yuffie:  Dammit, I forgot.  Cait Sith mentioned this.  I was supposed to somehow disable it.

(Yuffie looks around)

Yuffie (yelling):  I bring Cloud!

(A bunch of soldiers wearing pure white ice armour surround them)

Soldier:  Halt!  Who goes there?

Yuffie:  It's me!  Yuffie!  Leader of Wutai!  I am here to... um... offer funding and stuff like that.  And I bring a wonderful meaty sacrifice!

(Yuffie pushes Cloud up to the soldiers)

Cloud:  Meaty sacrifice?

Yuffie:  Well, why else would they want you, Cloud?

Irene:  (Whew, I thought you were referring to something like cooked bird.)

(Carnie walks up to Yuffie)

Soldier:  Bow to the leader of the Cetra!

(Yuffie, Irene, and Cloud bow down)

Carnie:  .....

Yuffie:  Sup?

Carnie:  You're... not the Yuffie that's leading Wutai!

Yuffie:  What?  Me?  H... How did you know?

Carnie:  Well, it's pretty obvious.  I've seen you before.  That and the Yuffie leading Wutai is supposed to arrive by parking
her gold saucer right behind the castle.

Yuffie:  Well... um... my gold saucer... it needed some emergency maintenance.  Oh, and you wanted Cloud, right?

Carnie:  He could very well be an imposter, too!

Yuffie:  Cloud has an imposter, too?

Carnie:  Well, no, not really, but he MIGHT have an imposter and we just haven't found out yet to know he does have one.  Throw these three in the prison!

Yuffie:  Oh, good work, Cloud.

Cloud:  HUH?  You know, if I really didn't need to take a peel right now, I'd be really pissed at you.

(Cloud, Yuffie, and Irene get thrown into jail)

(Tifa and Da-Cha look at them)

Tifa:  Cloud?  Yuffie?  What on earth?

Cloud:  Tifa!  Oh, I finally found you!  But... er, excuse me!

(Cloud quickly runs to a corner)

Tifa:  Yuffie, what's going on?  Why's Cloud here?

Yuffie:  Cloud came all this way to see you and try to make up with you!

Tifa:  He did?

Yuffie:  Yea!  If I were married to him, I'd appreciate him more!  You're too hard on him.

Tifa:  Well, it wouldn't be this way if Cloud wouldn't always mouth off to me and...

(Yuffie and Tifa pause)

(Yuffie and Tifa get disgusted looks on their faces)

Tifa:  God dammit, Cloud!  Could you pee any louder?!?

Cloud:  Shut up!

Tifa:  Anyway, Yuffie, maybe you're right.

Da-Cha:  ........

Tifa:  I'm going to stop being so mean to Cloud and...

*ZIP!*

(Yuffie and Tifa glare at Cloud)

Cloud:  Well excuuuuuuse me.

(Cloud walks up to Tifa)

Cloud:  Sorry about that.  But Tifa, I brought you these.

(Cloud takes out the flowers that he brought at the item shop)

(Da-Cha snaps his fingers before Tifa can see them)

(The flowers transform into a stick with doggy turds at the end of it right before Cloud hands it to Tifa)

Tifa:  ?!?  What the hell?  You're giving me dog shit on a stick?!?

Cloud:  Huh?  What the...?!?

(Tifa slaps Cloud)

Tifa:  FORGET YOU!

(Tifa stomps off to the other end of the dungeoun)

(Da-Cha snaps his fingers and the dog shit transforms back into flowers right before Cloud looks at them)

Cloud:  She.... doesn't care for them.  Why do I bother?  Here, Yuffie.  You take them!

(Cloud hands the flowers to Yuffie)

Yuffie:  I... I love you!

(Yuffie hugs Cloud)

Cloud:  Yea, yea.  Now I have to figure out if there's any way I can save my marriage.

(The soldiers open up the cell door and Lenore enters)

Yuffie:  Oh no... don't tell me that they caught you, too!

Lenore:  Huh?  Oh no, I'm fine!  I'm a guest here.

(Lenore looks at the guards)

Lenore:  The spiky haired one, Yuffie look-alike, and bird are friends of mine.  You can let them go.

Soldier:  Er.... okay.  You sure you can trust these people?

Lenore:  Of course!

Soldier:  You're free to go!

Cloud:  No!  I'm staying here until Tifa finally accepts my apology!

Da-Cha:  Curses....

Yuffie:  Okay, see ya Cloud!  We'll pick you up, later.  Thanks for escorting me here!

(Yuffie kisses Cloud on the cheek)

(Yuffie and Irene exit the cell and leave, but Lenore stays behind)

Lenore:  Are you sure you want to stay in this dirty cell?

Cloud:  Not really, but Tifa and I need to talk and what better way to finally get her to listen to me than by being locked up with her?

Lenore:  Why do you bother?  It's obvious that any illusion of love that you two had for each other has been dispelled long ago.

Cloud:  What?  Get out!

(Cloud charges at Lenore with his sword but Lenore just slams the door shut and Cloud crashes into it, making a big Cloud shaped outprint)

(The guards escort Yuffie, Lenore, and Irene through the halls)

Yuffie:  So, Lenore?  How did you get here?

Lenore:  Well, after Nathan got done fixing up the airship as much as he could, he decided to go after you.  And I decided to come with him so I could see how crazed cults work.  We arrived at this cave of moogles and they said that because we weren't Cetra, we'd have to past three tests.  But then they did a scan and what do you know?  I'm .05% Cetra!  Turns out that way back in my family tree there was a Cetra person somewhere.  So, since this cult is looking for Cetra for some reason, they escorted me and Nathan here through a series of underground railroads and that's how I got here.

Yuffie:  ........

Lenore:  Isn't that neat?

Yuffie:  ........

Lenore:  Well, Nathan sent Irene after you just in case.  I'm glad to see you're okay.

Nathan:  Yuffie!  Irene!

Yuffie:  Hey, Nathan.

Nathan (sarcastically):  It's great to see you here, so I can stalk and harass you.  Hmph.

Yuffie:  Aw, I'm sorry.  Lenore and I weren't being serious when we said those mean things to you.

Lenore:  We weren't?

(Yuffie elbows Lenore)

Lenore:  Oof!  Oh yea, we weren't!  Sorry, Nathan.

Nathan:  Whew!  That's good to hear.  At any rate, Lenore, while you were off to the dungeoun to get Yuffie, guess who I found.

Lenore:  Jared!

(Lenore runs up to Jared and hugs him)

Lenore:  Jared, I heard that Midgar High was completely destroyed and I was so worried about you and I thought you might have died and I was so sorry that I had to desert you and I'm so glad to see you're safe!

Jared:  .........

Lenore:  Why do you always do that?  Can't I worry about you without you always looking at me like I'm wierd?  Or does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Jared:  Er.... it's not that....

Nathan:  Yea, Jared stares at everyone that way.  Freaks me out.

Jared:  .............sheesh.

Lenore:  Well, now that we're all here, we can have formal introductions!  Jared, this is my best friend, Nathan.  Nathan, this is my best friend, Jared.

Nathan:  Actually, we've already met.

Yuffie:  Yea, we hauled Jared's arse out of the fire back at Midgar High.

Jared:  .........

Lenore:  Huh?  Really?  Wow!  Thanks for helping him out!  Er... how'd he get here?

Jared:  The cultists took interest and escorted me here when they found that I was considered the leader of the students in the Midgar High incident.

Nathan:  Actually, they kidnapped him, but I guess escort is sorta the same thing.

(Jared looks at Nathan)

Jared:  They asked me politely to come along.

Nathan:  At gunpoint!

Jared:  They weren't pointing the guns at me.

Nathan:  Well, they still had them.

Lenore:  Can you knock that off?

Nathan:  We're just joking with each other.

Jared:  Yea.

(Nathan elbows Jared in the ribs, hard)

(Jared jokingly pushes Nathan, who slams into the wall)

Lenore:  .....

(Yuffie and co reach the main hall)

(Yuffie looks at the 50 foot tall painting of Aeris, smiling and holding a bundle of flowers, on the wall as lots of Cetra-cult people walk by)

Yuffie:  Um...

Lenore:  Oh, that's the cult's patron saint, Aeris.  Although why they worship her so much is beyond me.  Guess they like the fact that she was a Cetra.  You knew her.

Yuffie:  Total weirdnescity.  I thought Aeris was the last Cetra.

Lenore:  Yea.  Me too.  But according to Carnie, Aeris was the last Cetra known to everyone else, but there really were a bit more.  It's not easy to kill off an entire race, I guess.  Even with plagues like Jenova.

Yuffie:  So... Now that we're in a cult, when do we all start committing suicide?

(Everyone looks at Yuffie)

(Carnie walks up to Yuffie)

Carnie:  What?!?  Do you think we're an insane bunch of extreme crazy cultists?!?

Yuffie:  Eep!  Er... no, of course not!

Carnie:  What are you doing out of your cell, anyway?

Lenore:  She's a friend of mine.  Besides, just because she's not the Yuffie you're dealing with doesn't mean she should be thrown in jail.

Carnie:  What if she's a spy sent to infiltrate us and disable our forcefield so the Shinra can break in?

Yuffie:  Who?  Me?

Lenore:  Really, you can trust her!

(A low rumbling noise rings through out the halls)

(Everyone looks out the windows and sees a bunch of Shinra mechs and tanks surrounding the castle)

Carnie:  Oh, and you're telling me that's just a coincidence?  Why would they put us under siege if they didn't have a plan to get rid of our forcefield?  We have enough provisions here to last two years.

Cait Sith (from outside using megaphone):  Don't mind us!  We just decided that the next two years would be a lovely time for a.... um.... camp out in the ice country!  Yea!  This is purely recreational coincidental activity.  We don't really have a spy that infiltrated your headquarters to disable your forcefield so we can break in!  Really, we don't!

Cait Sith's Moogle:  Oh, and that's Reeve Enterprises!

Yuffie:  Hey!  I brought Cloud!  You should appreciate that!  Although... why do you want Cloud, anyway?

Carnie:  Oh.  That's right.  You did bring him, I guess.  It's simple, really.  We want to reunite him with his true love, our patron saint, the one who went against the evil gods which bind us, Aeris!

Yuffie:  Hmm?

Carnie:  Oh yea, and of course he can't do that while he's married.  So we plan on burning Tifa at the stake, too.  That oughta show that bitch of a witch to encroach on a Cetra's true love.

Yuffie:  Um, Lenore?  Can I talk to you for a moment?

(Yuffie and Lenore back away from Carnie)

Yuffie:  I think Carnie is wrong when she says these people aren't crazy.

Nathan:  Well, don't worry about Lenore.  She's only .05% Cetra, if that much.  That's means that there's still 99.95% of her which is a different race and isn't obligated to join this cult.

Lenore:  Gee, it's nice to know that I've been broken up into percentages, now.

Carnie:  Are you all done whispering evil plots among yourselves?  Night time is coming.  Go to the lodging section to get assigned your rooms.  Oh, and I'm going to keep some extra security around you so don't try anything.

(Carnie leaves)

Yuffie:  Why did all these people join this cult, anyway?  I highly doubt the Shinra missed THAT many Cetra.

Cult member:  Actually, most of us aren't Cetra.  But being in a cult for the liberation of the planet makes us feel special.

Other Cult member:  Yea.... it's nice to feel special again.  I remember how I used to be special despite being generic.  With three friends of mine, we managed to rise above the common folk and even got to enroll in a special academy for gifted people, despite the fact that we weren't born with any "gifts."

Cult member:  It's just nice to belong.  Much better than being yet another one of many people living under the Shinra.

Yuffie:  Hmm...

Lenore:  We should get going to our rooms.

(Boring miscellaneous stuff happen like the receptionist showing Yuffie's party to their rooms and all the "goodnight" stuff)

(That night, piano music is playing.  It sounds similar to the... ah, dance ball abandoned castle flashback tune in Anastasia)

Yuffie:  Where the heck is that music coming from?  I can't sleep!

(Yuffie exits the room)

Lenore:  Oh, Yuffie!  You can't sleep, either?

Yuffie:  Yea... that music, it sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Lenore:  It does!  I think... wasn't that the song that Nathan used to play for us on Irene's piano when we were really bored?

Yuffie:  Yea!  Although he kinda had to stop once Irene's family moved out.

(Yuffie and Lenore follow the tune to the main hall, which is now big and empty.  Nathan's playing a piano with Irene leaning on it and Jared standing nearby)

Yuffie:  What are you doing?  Don't you think everyone will get a bit peeved about you playing this during the night?

Nathan:  It's been a while since I got to play the piano again.  Besides, Carnie said it was okay.  Something about a boyfriend she used to have that loved music and fine arts.

Lenore:  It's nice, actually.  I have trouble remembering the last time we just sat around goofing off listening to piano tunes and not worrying about stuff like saving the world or adventuring.

Nathan:  Oh, I got Carnie to remove all the guards guarding your rooms, too.

Yuffie:  Thanks.

(Yuffie and Lenore walk up to the piano)

Lenore:  So... ah...

(Lenore looks around)

Lenore:  Jared?  Would you like a dance?  That's something else that we never do anymore.

Jared:  If it'll make you feel better.

(Yuffie watches Lenore and Jared waltz for a while)

Yuffie:  I thought Lenore's boyfriend was Tenko.

Nathan:  Officially, yea.  But I don't think the two have a very passionate relationship.  They seem to have gone on several mutual adventures together but that's it.  I don't think Tenko's ever danced with Lenore or...

(Nathan coughs)

Nathan (a bit jealously):  Had someone play the piano for her.

Yuffie:  Well, she likes your piano playing, doesn't she?  It sounds nice.

Irene:  (It's l33t!)

Lenore:  Yea, Yuffie and Irene are right.  I like your piano playing, too, Nathan.

Nathan:  Yuffie and Irene?  What did Irene say?

(Carnie enters the main hall)

Carnie:  Sir Nathan, I really would wish that you keep playing, but I think you should all be getting some sleep now.  You all want to be awake tomorrow when we burn Tifa at the stake.

Nathan:  Er... where will that be?

Carnie:  Well, it'll be at the main hall.  Actually, we don't really plan on using old fashioned torches.  We're using our high powered heater system instead to start the fire.  It's a sacrificial ritual which will require a lot more energy than a simple bunch of sticks and torches could provide.  In fact, I think that if done right, we can exchange Tifa's life for Aeris's and have our patron saint back.  Well, get some rest.

(Carnie leaves)

Yuffie:  Um.....

Lenore:  You want to save her, huh?

Yuffie:  She's... a friend and Cloud's... husband.  I guess I have to.  Besides, I don't think ressurections are really possible.  At least, the gods wouldn't allow them.  Should we go get Cloud out of the prison?

Jared:  Not a good idea...

Lenore:  Yea, Nathan might have gotten Carnie to ease up the security on us, but Tifa's probably pretty heavily guarded if these people hate her that much.

Yuffie:  Hmm.... they're using a high powered heating system?  Maybe if we could turn off the power...

Lenore:  But that would only temporarily save Tifa.

Jared:  The forcefield...

Yuffie:  Oh yea!  Turning off the power will probably get rid of that forcefield, too, won't it?  Then the Shinra can shut down this wierd cult!  Besides, I have to do that, too, in order to get Reeve's trust.  I'll kill two birds with one stone!

Irene:  (You see, now if I were really a bird, I'd be irritated right now.  But I'm not!)

Lenore:  We don't have much time, then.

Yuffie:  Yea, we should do it tonight while everyone's sleeping.

Nathan:  So.... where's the power source?

Lenore:  Probably past that door marked "Danger, do not enter.  Power supply within."

Yuffie:  Convenient!  Let's go.

(Two guards are guarding the door)

Lenore:  How do we get past those?

Jared:  We have a ninja with us...

Lenore:  Yuffie?  What would she do?

Yuffie:  Yea!

Jared:  She could assassinate them or something like that.

Yuffie:  What?!?

Nathan:  Shh!  Not so loud!

Yuffie:  Isn't there anyway we could distract them?

Jared:  .......

Yuffie:  Oh, fine!  But... I've never really assassinated anyone before.  Couldn't we just knock them unconscious?

Nathan:  Are any of us skilled in martial arts?

Lenore:  Nope, just swords and guns.

Jared:  Ditto.

Yuffie:  Um... swords and shurikans.

Nathan:  Er... nothing.  Well, maybe guns.

Irene:  (Nothing!  Yay!)

Everyone:  .......

Lenore:  So let's use our swords, guns, and shurikans!

Yuffie:  But that will kill them!

Lenore:  Hmm....

Jared:  .........

Yuffie:  Sigh......

(A few silencer gunshots and shurikan throws later, Yuffie is standing over the bloody corpses of the two guards)

Lenore:  Well, that didn't go too badly.... yeesh.

Nathan:  Crap.  If someone comes across all this blood before we can get the Shinra in, we're in trouble.

Yuffie:  Well, time to lockpick the door.  Pray there isn't an alarm system and if there is, I don't trip it.

(Yuffie lockpicks the door.  A loud ringing alarm goes off)

Yuffie:  ........

Jared:  Hurry!

(Everyone runs into the room and slams the door behind them, then dash down the stairs beyond the door)

Nathan:  So who gets to be the poor sap that stays behind and holds them off while the rest turn off the power?

Yuffie:  No one!  Every time that happens, the poor sap that stays behind gets killed!

Lenore:  Well, not everytime, but most of the time.

(The five destroy some security bots in the way)

(A bunch of guards catch up to them)

Guards:  Halt!

(The guards take out ice mako guns and begin firing before being quickly killed by Jared and Lenore's guns and Yuffie's shurikans)

(Everyone runs past another door and Yuffie slams it shut)

Yuffie:  Nathan!  Is there any way to seal that?  Do you have a blowtorch?

Nathan:  Er.... I think so.

Yuffie:  Then what are you waiting for?

(Nathan fumbles around and takes out his drill, then drills out the doorknob)

Nathan:  There!

Yuffie:  ......

Nathan:  Well, it'll help a little, won't it?

Yuffie:  Just.... come on!

(The party eventually gets to the bottom chamber.  A large power core similar to the one in the mako reactor that held Kafan's poison orb lies in the middle of the room.  It contains another orb inside its core)

Voice:  Automatic primary power source security system activated!

Yuffie:  Ack!  Carnie must have embezzled a heck of a lot of money to pay for all this!

(A bunch of laser guns pop out around the walls of the room and from the core's base)

Yuffie:  Duck and cover!

Lenore:  Break!

(Everyone runs off as the lasers begin firing)

(Yuffie looks at the broken power core after the smoke clears)

Yuffie:  Wow....

Nathan:  Whew, she might have embezzled a lot of money but it's obvious that they built this all too quickly to correctly calculate the mathematics of everything.

Yuffie:  Whatever!

(The core explodes and the orb falls to the floor)

Moggie:  Kupo!

(Carnie's stuffed moogle quickly grabs the orb and runs away)

(The castle starts rumbling)

Nathan:  Oops.  Looks like we destroyed a lot more than that power core.  We also completely ruined the castle foundation.

Yuffie:  Great....

(Everyone dashes out of the room and back up the stairs, killing a bunch of cult guards in the way)

(Yuffie bursts out of the "Danger" door and sees a bunch of guards run by.  Carnie is staring at her)

Guards:  The Shinra are invading!  And the castle is crumbling!  And there's a security breach!  AAAAAAH!!!

Yuffie:  Wow, Reeve didn't waste any time, did he?

Carnie:  Y... you....

Cait Sith (over megaphone):  We have you surrounded!  Surrender now or else!  And quit doing suicide kamikaze runs at us, dammit!!!

(Gunshots are heard in the distance)

Lenore:  They're not doing suicide runs.... they're just trying to escape from here.

Carnie:  W... why....?

Yuffie:  Well, I don't know what the hell your little cult is doing but I can't just let you burn Tifa like that... oh no!  Tifa and Cloud!  They're still in the prison!

(Yuffie, Nathan, Irene, Jared, and Lenore quickly run past Carnie)

Carnie:  .........

(Yuffie kicks down the prison doorway)

Yuffie:  OW!!!

(Yuffie starts hopping around on one leg holding onto her now injured foot)

Yuffie:  I really have to stop doing that.  So, Cloud, any success, yet?

Cloud:  Not really, since Tifa's now mad at me because I can't save her from being burned at the stake since I let myself get locked in with her.

Tifa:  Yea, thanks.  Good move, hero.

Yuffie:  Oh.  Well, that's not good and all, really, but we need to get out of here, like, now.

Cloud:  Don't worry, Tifa!  I'll get us out of here!

Tifa (rolling eyes):  I think Yuffie's already done that, Cloud.

(A bunch of guards run up to Yuffie)

Guards:  There they are!  They're the ones that caused all this!  Kill them!

Yuffie:  Must be suicidal.

(Everyone kills the guards)

Lenore:  So... now we got a bunch of suicidal guards to hold us off while this place collapses....

Jared:  We could always send Yuffie ahead to scout and avoid for us while we follow.

Yuffie:  Why do I always have to do everything?

Jared:  Because you're the ninja?

Yuffie:  I never knew being a ninja sucked this much.  Yeesh.

(Yuffie runs on ahead then the hall way behind her collapses, separating her from everyone else)

Yuffie:  Oh great!  Thanks, Jared!

Jared (from behind the collapsed wall of rubble):  Well, I can't predict the future!

Nathan:  Wow, that... occurred really quickly, didn't it?

Lenore:  Er... well.... you're a good ninja, right?  You should be able to get out by yourself.

Nathan:  I could drill a hole through this if you want me to.

Yuffie:  No, that'll take too long.  Go find some alternate path or something!  I'll catch up!

Nathan:  Er, sure.

(Yuffie reaches the main hall and notices that none of it has collapsed, yet)

(The hallway behind Yuffie closes, blocking out the noise from the rumbling)

(Yuffie looks around)

Yuffie:  Um.... hello?

(Yuffie looks at the large painting of Aeris holding a bunch of flowers.  The room slowly gets darker and the painting does, too.  Aeris's dress and hair darken and the bundle of flowers slowly get contrasted and focused until the painting looks like Karda carrying Moggie, instead)

Yuffie:  Eh?  What the heck....?

Carnie:  One of the many patron saints who opposed the gods but went unrecognized.  Aeris really wasn't the first.  She was simply the most famous.  The easiest to unite behind.

(Yuffie turns around and looks at Carnie)

Yuffie:  What are you talking about?

Carnie:  But poor poor Aeris.  Poor poor light warriors.  She couldn't go against the gods.  They couldn't go against the gods.  The planet was never saved.  The Cetra were doomed to die.  And soon, everyone else will follow them.

(Carnie takes an orb out of her pocket.  Moggie runs up to her and hands her the other orb from the power core.  Carnie walks to the left while an image splits from her and walks to the right.  The image solidifies and becomes Karda)

Yuffie:  ??

Carnie:  There was no fighting against them.  Saki was doomed to die.

Karda:  And to die again.

Carnie:  Kafan couldn't reclaim her heritage.

Karda:  And remained an emotional wreck of depression.

Carnie:  And Nari could only watch as her world crumbled before her.

Karda:  Her second chance will most likely end in failure.

Carnie:  And Carnie?  The freak of Black Shadow?  She didn't want to get involved.  So she became Karda.

Karda:  But universal matter can neither be truly increased or decreased.

Carnie:  Karda and Carnie are one.  And now, even if failure is written in stone, she will not run away anymore.

(Carnie and Karda hold up their orbs and the orbs flash)

(Carnie's clothes turn black while Karda's become white and Carnie takes out her flute)

(Yuffie darts a shurikan at Karda but it ricochets right off her)

Carnie:  Is your aim a little off?  You just attacked nothing!

(Carnie fills the air with magical musical notes which fly at Yuffie while Karda begins spinning around)

(Yuffie dodges out of the way as the notes fly at her, then loses hp to Karda's hp reducing dance)

Carnie:  And why did you do this?

Yuffie:  Trying to kill Tifa, and rebelling against Reeve in the name of a nearly extinct race isn't exactly something that I care to allow to continue!

Carnie:  You're the one that should talk!  You've wanted your nearly wiped out pathetic Wutai to take out the Shinra long ago!

Yuffie:  What?!?  How dare you!  That was totally different from this!  Shinra isn't even the same company anymore!  It's led by a completely different person, now.

Carnie:  Was it?  Is it?  You're a blind fool!

(A ring of musical notes surround Yuffie then slam into her and explode)

(Yuffie blasts Carnie with a trine spell, then Karda hits her with an magic reducing dance)

Yuffie:  I actually trust my friends!

Carnie:  I can't believe you!

(Carnie's clothes become white while Karda's become black)

(Yuffie slices at Carnie with her sword but it doesn't do any damage)

Karda:  Haha.  My dances must have truly charmed you, to make you attack the air like that.

Yuffie:  What's with this?

(Carnie sings a speed song on herself and Karda while Karda spins around Yuffie, wrapping a papyrus scroll around her then flinging Yuffie through the air)

(Yuffie slams into the wall)

Karda:  Do you think that just because he helped you defeat Sephiroth that Reeve is any better than those other people that led Shinra?

Yuffie:  First of all, that's Reeve Enterprises, and I definately trust him more than President Shinra and his son!

(Karda and Yuffie both blast each other with fire spells while Carnie sings a mana song)

Karda:  Hmph, so just because you think that way, you think Reeve deserves to rule over two-thirds of the planet?  Even when many of those ruled over are from races that have been greatly wronged by his company?  I guess that's how you'd like it!  After all, he allowed Wutai to have independence.  You got what you wanted!  Screw everyone else!

Yuffie:  Don't think you can appeal to my conscience because all my friends will tell you by experience that it's nearly nonexistant!  Besides, you're also going against the planet itself, and that's definately not right!

(Yuffie and Karda dash at each other but Yuffie manages to dodge Karda's punch and slashes her with her sword while passing by)

(Carnie begins singing a healing song)

Karda:  Against the planet?  Where's your reasoning in that?

Yuffie:  You're trying to overthrow the gods, dimwit!

Karda:  Haha!  Your gods?  You're the one who will cause the planet's demise!

(Karda spin kicks Yuffie then punches her, but Yuffie blocks the punch and slashes Karda with an upwards slice)

Karda:  You'll die... just like almost all the Cetra did!  Everyone will...

(Karda and Carnie's clothes revert to grey colors)

Karda and Carnie:  I... won't give up!  Never again!

(Karda performs a wind slash dance which sends Yuffie spinning in circles through the air while Carnie sings a protection song)

(Yuffie slams into the floor)

Yuffie:  W... why do you keep saying that everyone will die?

(Yuffie uses her Clear Tranquil limit break)

Carnie:  The Cetra became too powerful for their own good, so your gods decided to get rid of them!

Karda:  Do you really think that the crisis from the sky is only a one-time occurrence, and can only affect Cetra?

Yuffie:  And why am I supposed to believe you?  I never heard anything about this before in my life!

(Yuffie darts a shurikan at Carnie and it slams into her arm.  Carnie and Karda stumble back in pain)

Karda (holding onto her arm):  H... how did you do that?

Carnie:  This is... the end... then....

(Karda performs a snowfall dance and a hailstorm flies at Yuffie while Carnie sings an evasion song)

(Yuffie runs up to Karda and attempts to use her Greased Lightning limit break on her, but Karda jumps to the side and kicks Yuffie in the back)

(Yuffie darts a shurikan at Carnie's head, causing both Carnie and Karda to put their hands to their faces, then slashes Karda with her Murasame, sending her slamming into the wall behind her.)

(Carnie falls back to the ground.  Karda's and Carnie's clothes revert to their normal colors)

Yuffie:  .........

(Yuffie stands over Karda)

Yuffie:  Is that all?

Carnie:  Ungh.... w.... where am I?

(Carnie and Karda look around)

Karda:  W... what am I doing here?

Carnie:  Why am I bleeding?

Karda:  M...

(Carnie and Karda fall back against the walls, and both close their eyes.)

Karda:  Maslow.... where are you?

Carnie:  Kafan?  Reeve?  H.... help....

Yuffie:  ........

(Cait Sith and a bunch of Shinra tanks and soldiers bursts into the room)

Cait Sith:  We're finally in!  Er... in the one room that's left standing, that is.

Yuffie:  ........

(Cait Sith looks at Carnie and Karda)

Cait Sith:  Hmm, n'okay......

Yuffie:  How many did you kill?

Cait Sith:  Huh?

Yuffie:  Those cultists.  You said they were doing kamikaze runs at you.

Cait Sith:  Oh, we blew the brains out of the first few, then we realized they weren't really charging at us but were trying to escape from the castle which was breaking down.

Yuffie:  ........

Cait Sith:  Hey!  Don't go around trying to make me feel guilty!  Not like I knew that they weren't performing kamikaze runs!  For all we knew, they might have had bombs strapped to their backs and could have killed a ton of Shinra people!

Cait Sith's Moogle:  That's Reeve Enter...

Cait Sith:  SHUT UP!  I'm not in the mood for this!  I'm pissed!  God damn Carnie betrays us and embezzles all our funds, Wutai goes to war with us, half of Midgar melted down for unknown reasons and now is infested with mutants....

Yuffie:  Half of Midgar melted down?

Cait Sith:  Yea!  Soon after Midgar's largest Highschool exploded!  Sheesh.  What a $#&@)ing world we live in...

(Cait Sith wanders off while cursing more than Cid does.  The soldiers follow him)

(Moggie grabs the corpses of Karda and Carnie and drags them away, leaving the two orbs there)

(Yuffie picks up one orb, walks over to the other, and notices Tina standing next to it)

Tina:  Hmm... Carnie had two orbs.  But only one of them is the original eight that Ki Ra Yo gave to Lars.  She must have gotten the other from Genmari.

Yuffie:  And....

Tina:  About what Carnie said?  The truth?  No one ever knew, but the Cetra were attempting to become gods, themselves.  They wanted to rise above everyone else and overthrow us.  So we did the most logical thing and taught them a lesson in humility.  Of course, we won't do that to the entire human race... unless humans everywhere simultaneously became a cesspool of corruption that wants to become gods, themselves.

Yuffie:  And Aeris?  You let her die....

Tina:  Truth can hurt.  It's why we didn't tell you sooner.  But I guess I have to.  Aeris herself made the very same mistake, because she felt she was special and because she had power that no one else had.  The prayer of holy?  Aeris was trying to defeat Sephiroth so she could take his place as the one god.  Holy was just another means to destruction.  Look at what happened when both meteor and holy combined.  It only amplified meteor's destructive effects.

Yuffie:  But the lifestream....

Tina:  You think Aeris led the lifestream?  Where's the proof of that?  She didn't care anymore.  She was dead.  Her plot failed, and...

Yuffie:  Enough!  I don't want to talk about this, anymore!  I.... I'm going to find the rest of my friends here then go stop Richiese.  This should have never happened!

Tina:  Very well.  Your friends are waiting for you outside.  But on stoppiing Richiese...  You don't honestly think her plan will succeed, do you?  There is no need to "stop" Richiese.  Take my advice.  Don't go to the Northern Crater.  Just head back to your airship.  It should be working by now.  Hey, I'll even teleport you and your party there, myself.  Once you get on the Highwind, you should get as far away from this cursed continent as possible.

Yuffie:  No thanks.  I need to talk to her.

Tina:  .......  Fine.  Keep both of the orbs, for now.  Good luck, then.

(Tina dissappears)

(Yuffie picks up the other orb and exits the main hall to the rubble of the Ice Castle outside)

Lenore:  Ah!  Yuffie!  There you are!  Cait Sith told us you were still in there.  We were waiting for when you'd come out.  Is everything okay?

Yuffie:  Yea.  I'm going to the Northern Crater, now.

Lenore:  Oh!  The Northern Crater?  I'd love to see it, myself.  Besides, it always makes me feel better when I beat up Richiese after what she did to us.

Nathan:  I'll go too!  Of course!

Irene:  (Yay!  We can get Richiese back!)

Lenore:  Jared?  You'll come too, right?

Jared:  .......Well, I'd rather resume my search for Genmari or Tenko, but since you commandeer the Highwind and it won't leave without you anyway, then I might as well.

Yuffie:  Well, that's it, then!

(Yuffie runs up to Cloud and kisses him on the cheek)

Yuffie:  Bye bye, love!  I'll be right back!

(Yuffie runs off with her party following her)

Tifa and Cloud:  ?!?

Cloud:  Well, that was a cruel joke.

Tifa:  Is she mocking us?
 
 
 

(A freezing mountain climb and one dead two-headed ice-fire dragon boss not related to Tiamat  later...)

(FFVI Fanatics Tower music)

(The screen fades in to the top of the crater.  Richiese is standing near the edge)

Richiese:  ........

(Yuffie walks onto the screen)

Yuffie:  Hey....

Richiese:  AAAAAH!

(Richiese turns around and looks at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Richiese, what are....

Richiese:  DO YOU MIND!?  I don't want you to scare me like that, again!!  I want you to go back, now, then come back again!  I have to redo this.

Yuffie:  Er.... okay?

(Yuffie runs off the screen and Richiese turns to facing into the crater again.  Yuffie runs back on screen)

Richiese:  Ah.... I've been waiting a long time for you, Yuffie.  A really long time, actually.  I wonder what the heck took you so long!

Yuffie:  I ran into some other stuff.  And, dammit, Richiese!  Can you stop this stupid charade?  This is ridiculous!

Richiese:  I see you still don't take me seriously.  I'll show you what kind of charade this is!

(Richiese takes out a greenish-brown materia)

Richiese:  Now, watch as I unleash the power of a thousand random materias melted down into one and revive the greatest of all villains, Sephiroth!

Yuffie:  Greenish-brown?  That materia looks like crap, literally!

Richiese:  Well, it was the only color I could get after merging all those materia together!  I'd appreciate a break, here, thank you!

Yuffie:  .......

(Richiese prepares to throw the greenish-brown materia into the crater)

Yuffie:  NOOOOO!  Richiese, don't do it!

Richiese:  Haha, so I see that you're afraid of Sephiroth's revival.

Yuffie:  What?  I just don't want you to waste that greenish-brown materia.  It might be ugly, but think of all that materia you're throwing away!  That's a thousand random materias!  Many of which might be the good stuff like ultima, or full cure, or even, GASP!  MASTER materia!!!!  Oooooooh!!!!  The horror!

Richiese:  ..........hmm.... I see your point.

(Richiese looks at the greenish-brown materia)

Richiese:  I still think it's worth it to lose a thousand materias to revive Sephiroth, though.

(The crater rumbles, then begins violently shaking)

Yuffie:  NOOOOOOOO!!!

(Yuffie gets teary-eyed)

Yuffie:  Farewell, a thousand materias that I never got to use....

Richiese:  I... I didn't do anything, yet!

(Nathan, Lenore, Jared, and Irene run up to Yuffie)

Jared:  Damn!  You said you could talk her out of it!

Richiese:  But I didn't do anything!

(A humongous spike shelled thing wth a small yellow... nose, Lavos, begins to rise out of the crater)

(Chrono Trigger Lavos music)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAH!  It's Sephiroth!

Nathan:  And he's been reincarnated as a giant porcupine for some really wierd reason!!!

(Lavos roars)

Richiese:  I.... I don't know what's going on!!!

(A bunch of enormous explosive spikes rise out of the spiked shell, and fire off)

(The spikes begin falling from the sky)

Yuffie:  EEEEK!!!

(A small red forcefield appears around everyone while the spikes rain down.  The spikes explode against the forcefield and the force of the impact shakes the entire crater and causes everyone to lose balance)
 
 
 

(Back at the ruins of the Ice Castle)

Cait Sith:  Round up the rest of these cultists!

Soldiers:  Of course!

Cultists:  .......

Tifa:  And furthermore, Cloud....

(Tifa prepares to slap Cloud)

(The floor rumbles)

Cait Sith:  Eh?

(Everyone looks to the north and sees a rain of spikes coming closer and closer)

Da-Cha:  Oh, time to leave!

(Da-Cha snaps his fingers and a portal appears around him.  The portal sucks him in and Cloud and Tifa, too, because they're next to him)

(The spikes rain down on everyone and cause huge explosions on the ground, destroying what's left of the Ice Castle)
 
 
 
 
 

(The rain of spikes passes over Yuffie's party and continues across the ice continent as the red forcefield dissappears)

Yuffie:  Okay, what the HELL did you do, Richiese?!?

Richiese:  I told you!  I did nothing!!!

(Yuffie and Nathan look down the mountain)

Nathan:  Whoa!  That spike rain will wipe out everyone further out on the continent!  And maybe even the planet if it doesn't stop....

Yuffie:  Well then, we have to stop it!

(Yuffie smacks Lavos on the nose.  Lavos suddenly stops shooting spikes)

(Lavos does his signature stupid sounding roar)

(Boss battle with Lavos)

Richiese:  EEP!

(Richiese jumps behind Yuffie and fades away)

(Lavos shoots a bunch of smaller spikes that slam into everyone and explode)

Lenore:  I don't think it appreciated you smacking it on the... er, nose like that.  What the hell is that thing?

(Lenore blasts Lavos with a fire spell)

(Jared casts, then swings his sword and it drains energy from Lavos and gives it to Jared)

(Lavos blasts everyone with some wierd black portal spell thingy)

Yuffie:  Well, at least it stopped killing everyone.

(Yuffie uses Clear Tranquil while Richiese jumps out from behind her and casts a dark bomb spell on Lavos)

Yuffie:  But is this thing really that tough?  Besides that really large world destroying spike rain, it doesn't seem that hard.

(Lavos shoots out some spike at Yuffie, which she quickly dodges)

(Nathan drills a hole in Lavos' nose)

(Lavos roars then the nose explodes and the shell sinks back into the crater and disintegrates)

(Everyone looks down the crater)

Yuffie:  Okay, what was that thing?

Nathan:  Um.... I think it was a... er... Lavos type clockwork.  A porcupine like destruction thingy which destroys every living thing on the planet with a rain of spikes, then sucks the planet's energy away.

Yuffie:  And where do these types of "destroy the planet" clockworks keep coming from?

Nathan:  Er... it's sorta like those "weapons" you fought when you were trying to stop meteor.  Those things were also legendary type clockworks, believe it or not.  As for where they come from, well, I thought it was the planet itself but I'm not sure.

Yuffie:  Just great.

Lenore:  Think we stopped it before that rain of spikes could kill everyone?

(Everyone looks across the ice continent from the top of the crater.  Everything is a smouldering heap of burning.... stuff)

Jared:  Er, nope.

Nathan:  Nada.

Irene:  (Zippo!)

Yuffie:  Drat... wait!  That means that.... Cloud is... dead!  AAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Irene:  (AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!)

Yuffie:  Dammit, Richiese!  This is all your fault!

(Yuffie starts walking towards Richiese, who nervously backs up and falls into the crater but Yuffie catches her by the arm)

Richiese:  Eeek!

(Yuffie yanks Richiese out of the crater)

Yuffie:  Do you mind?  How the hell am I supposed to get revenge on you if you go jump into the crater and die like that?

(The Highwind lands on top of the crater, clogging it up)

(A ramp comes from the side of the Highwind to the edge of the crater)

(Godo, Kafan, Gorky, and the three Highwind Crew members walk across it)

Godo:  Wow, I imagine this ramp that Wutai added is so much more convenient than that damn rope ladder that you used to use to get off the Highwind.

(Godo walks up to Yuffie)

Godo:  Well, we're here to pick you up.  Are you done kicking the snot of of Richiese "Deathstar" yet?

Richiese:  ........

Godo:  Okay, tell me what happened.

Yuffie:  Cloud... he's....

Godo:  Oh, him.  He's on the airship.

Yuffie:  Huh?

Godo:  Yea.  He appeared out of nowhere with Tifa and our god, Da-Chao, who for some odd reason is wearing a hawaiian shirt and pretending to be Tifa's uncle.  Wierd.

Yuffie:  .......Joy!

Kafan:  It's a good thing we were able to lift off and fly away from that really... explosive hailstorm.  What was that?

Yuffie:  Richiese somehow summoned this death porcupine that would have destroyed the planet if we didn't stop it.

(Everyone glares at Richiese)

Richiese:  I didn't.... ah forget it.

Yuffie:  Well, a happy ending to this scenario!  Let's go!

Highwind Member:  Happy ending?!?  What about all those poor unknown nameless people that died?  Like those Shinra soldiers?  Or those cultists?

Yuffie:  Huh?  Oh, them.  Well, we have other things to worry about, right now.

Lenore:  Like shutting down the Gold Saucer so we can stop all those saucers patrolling around Wutai.

Yuffie:  Er, yea, like that.  Don't worry about it, Highwind Crew Member type person.

Highwind Member:  I have a name, you know!

Yuffie:  Yea, sure.

(Everyone begins entering the Highwind except Richiese)

Richiese:  .......

Yuffie:  Well?

Richiese:  Huh?

Yuffie:  Are you coming or what?

Richiese:  I.... yea.  Thanks.

(Richiese catches up to everyone else as they enter the Highwind and it lifts off and flies away)
 
 
 

(Tina and Shtar appear at the edge of the crater.  Shtar looks into the crater)

Shtar:  Ooooooookay, what happened, this time?!?

Tina:  ........

Shtar:  Do you know anything?

Tina:  I told her not to come here, but she didn't listen.  I didn't want them to die, just yet, so I put up a protective shield around them and didn't stop them from destroying it.  Dia's going to be really mad at me, now.

Shtar:  Hmm....

(Shtar grabs Tina and makes her face him)

Shtar:  Tina, listen to me.  That's not what happened.

Tina:  It isn't?  But I did it, myself!

Shtar:  No you didn't!

Tina:  I didn't?

Shtar:  Of course not!  You'd never disobey Dia like that.  Instead, Yuffie and her party came up here to stop Richiese, found Lavos, and managed to... stay close enough to it to have the rain of spikes pass over them without hitting them, then killed Lavos.  And you didn't know they were here, so it's not your fault that you didn't stop them.

Tina:  So....

Shtar:  And since that's what happened, that's what we'll tell Dia.  We'd be lying, otherwise.

Tina:  Of course!

(Shtar and Tina dissappear)