Yuffie:  Wow!  People actually live down here?

Disgruntled Dwarf:  You are in LaliLand, the village of the disgruntled dwarves!

(The disgruntled dwarf glares at Yuffie, who is nervously looking at him)

Disgruntled Dwarf (foreboding like):  Laaaaaa.....Liiiiiii...... Hooooooo...........

Yuffie:  Eeek!

Lenore:  This place is really freaky!  I wonder what's up.

(Yuffie and Lenore enter the village and bump into another dwarf)

Disgruntled Dwarf:  I've been feeling a bit.... disgruntled, lately!

Yuffie:  Um.... you mind telling us why?

Disgruntled Dwarf:  We haven't appeared in a Final Fantasy game in ages!

Yuffie:  Huh?  What the hell are you talking about?

Disgruntled Dwarf:  That's it, snobbish bitch!  Prepare to die!

(The disgruntled dwarf whips out an uzi and points it at Yuffie and Lenore)

Lenore:  Break!

(Yuffie and Lenore quickly dive behind a building and watch a bunch of bullets fly by.  All the other dwarves stop to watch, then simply shrug and get back to their business)

Yuffie:  What the HELL is wrong with these people?

Lenore:  Beats me.  But we need a place to stay for the night.

Yuffie:  But here?!?  I hate this place!

(Yuffie and Lenore head to the inn)

Disgruntled Dwarven Innkeeper:  Sleep?  That's 100 GP!

Yuffie:  GP?  What's that?  Isn't it supposed to be gil?

Disgruntled Dwarven Innkeeper:  WHAT?!  GP not good enough for you?  That's it!  Prepare to die!

(The disgruntled dwarven innkeeper whips out an uzi, but this time Yuffie's ready and she knocks it out of his hand with her shurikan)

Yuffie:  Look here, you prick!  We want a place to stay for the night and we want it NOW!

Disgruntled Dwarven Innkeeper:  EEEEK!

(The disgruntled dwarven innkeeper runs out of the building)

Lenore:  Well, that worked at least.

(The next morning)

(Yuffie wakes up surrounded by a bunch of disgruntled dwarves that are staring at her)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAAAH!

(Yuffie smacks them all away)

Yuffie:  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

Lenore:  Come on!  I want to get out of here as soon as possible!  We should move on now.

(Yuffie and Lenore leave the inn)

(Outside, Nathan is lying unconscious and injured on the ground.  Irene is standing over him)

Yuffie:  OMIGAWD!!!
 
 

(Yuffie and Lenore run up to Nathan.  Both of them kneel down)

(Sad music)

Lenore:  Nathan!

Yuffie:  What happened?  Oh gawd, no!

(Nathan slowly opens his eyes and looks at Yuffie and Lenore)

Nathan:  Whoa!

(Nathan quickly jumps up)

(Regular town music starts again)

Nathan:  Whew!  What a trip!

(Nathan takes out his gameboy from his pack and dusts it off)

Yuffie:  You're all right?

Nathan:  I think so.  A couple stray pirahnas ignored my decoy and attacked me instead, but I seem to have made it here alive, thanks to my decoy.

(Nathan takes an even more beat up Shake out of his backpack)

Nathan:  It was easy, really.  I just waved her like a piece of meat and the pirahnas swarmed all over her instead of me.

Shake:  You jerk!

(Shake starts trying to punch Nathan, but Nathan is holding her out of her reach so all of her swings can't hit him)

Yuffie:  What happened?  Judith banished you here, didn't she?

Nathan:  Judith?  What are you talking about?

Lenore:  You know!  Judith is taking over Wutai as the leader!

Nathan:  She is?

Yuffie:  If Judith didn't banish you down here, then how did you get here?

Nathan:  Oh, I got worried about you two, so I followed my tracking devices and they led down here!  I took Shake with me to keep the pirahnas at bay.

Yuffie:  STOP WITH THE DAMN TRACKING DEVICES!!!

Lenore:  Yea!!  That stupid tracking device thing is freaking us out!  How would you like it if someone was always watching where you were going and what you were doing all the time?!?

Tiamat:  Like the readers of this fan fic are doing to you guys right now?

Irene:  :}

Yuffie:  Oh great!  Now that you and Shake are down here, there's no one to oppose Judith from taking over Wutai!  Except for the grownups, but we all know how incompetant they are.

Nathan:  I still don't understand.  Last I checked, you were getting ready to take over as leader of Wutai because your dad dissappeared.  But I wanted to check up on you before your coronation ceremony, so I ended up following my radar down here.  What are you doing down here, anyway?  Your coronation ceremony started two hours ago!

Yuffie:  You moron!  How can I be getting ready to take over Wutai if I'm down here?!?

Nathan:  Beats me.  You should have thought of that before you announced that you were taking over as leader of Wutai.  I mean, if I were stuck in some underground world and no one knew where I was, I wouldn't appear in public to give an announcement to the people that I was taking over as leader.

Yuffie:  WHEN THE HELL DID I ANNOUNCE THAT I WAS TAKING OVER AS LEADER OF WUTAI?!?

Nathan:  Yesterday.

Yuffie:  BUT I WAS DOWN HERE YESTERDAY!

Nathan:  Well gee, that's just great, isn't it?  Look, I shouldn't have to explain what you did and didn't do.  I'd think you would know what you were doing and not doing.

Yuffie:  Nevermind!  You'll have to help us out of here.

Nathan:  Um, sure.

(Lenore walks up to one of the dwarves)

Lenore:  Excuse me, but could you give us directions on how to get back to the overworld?

Dwarf:  Lali.... ho?

Lenore:  Well, at least tell us where a town that isn't filled with disgruntled dwarves is!

(The dwarf points to the east)

Lenore:  Thanks!

(Yuffie, Lenore, and Shake walk off)

Nathan:  .......I have my work cut out for me, don't I?

Irene:  >{

Nathan:  There isn't any Tenko, Cloud, or Jared to do everything this time around, so I guess it's up to me, huh?

(Irene shakes her head)

Nathan:  Okay, okay.  I know, I know.  Yuffie and Lenore don't need me at all.  But it's too late and I'm stuck down here now so I might as well come along and help them out as much as I can.

(Yuffie, Lenore, Nathan, Shake, and Irene exit town and head east until they reach a spooooky forest.  In the center of the screen are the bones of a dinosaur.  There are a lot of different paths leading off the screen)

Yuffie:  Oooo, spooky.  How do trees grow where there is no light, anyway?

Lenore:  We'd better stick together or we'll get lost.

Yuffie:  So... um... which way?

(Yuffie and co take the east road and walk off the screen.  Moments later they walk back onto the screen from the west side)

Yuffie:  Hmm....

(Yuffie and co take the upper road and run off screen.  Moments later they walk back onto the screen from the lower side)

Yuffie:  Dammit!  We aren't getting anywhere!

Nathan:  Maybe we should split up after all.  I'll just use that tracking device if we get lost from each other.  And we can keep in contact with Yuffie's PHS.

(Lenore whispers into Yuffie's ear)

Lenore:  Tonight when Nathan is asleep, I say we steal his tracking device and stomp it into little pieces.

Yuffie:  Agreed.

(Everyone runs off in different directions then later come back on screen from different roads then crash into each other)

Lenore:  Hmm... let's try this again.

(Everyone runs off screen and back on from different paths again and again.  Shake takes a seat on a log in the center of the screen and watches them run on and off screen for a while, then starts laughing)

Shake:  LOL!!!  You guys all look like idiots!

Yuffie:  Shaddup!  Do you have any better ideas?

Shake:  Well, at least I'll be saving my energy while you guys run around like morons.

(Shake goes to sleep)

Yuffie:  Come on!

(Everyone runs off in different directions again)

(Shake gets up)

(Shake taps her foot)

Shake:  Eh?  They should be running back any moment now.

(Shake looks around)

Shake:  Guys?  Are you all right?

(Yuffie jumps out from behind Shake)

Yuffie:  BOOGIE BOOGIE!!!

Shake:  AAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Yuffie:  Hahaha!  Take that!

(The dinosaur bones come to life.  The dinosaur skeleton pokes Yuffie in the back)

Skullrous Rex:  Roar, I say!

Yuffie:  Not now, Lenore!

Lenore:  Oh come on!  Why the heck would I say "Roar, I say!"?

Yuffie:  Oh.  Um... Nathan?

Nathan:  Nope.  I'm over here.

(Yuffie looks at Nathan who's to the side of her)

Skullrous Rex:  Dammit, I said ROAR!!!  What the hell is wrong with you people?

(Everyone looks at the enormous dino skeleton, Skullrous Rex)

Yuffie:  Dammit, it figures.  Can't go anywhere without some stupid monster that wants to kill me.

Skullrous Rex:  Oh shut up!  I haven't eaten in ages!  Look at me!  I'm just skin and bones!

Nathan:  Um... I just see bones.

Skullrous Rex:  That's even worse!

(Skullrous Rex observes his "catch")

Skullrous Rex:  Damn.  Nothing good here.  Just some stupid anorexic ninja, unfit dork, small midget, another anorexic idiot, and some wierd bird that doesn't look like she has eaten anything in the last five years!  Why the hell can't anyone plump ever come through here?

Irene:  >{

Yuffie:  Can we go now?

Skullrous Rex:  Well, if I let you go without a battle, then this whole encounter with me would have been pointless, wouldn't it?  Seeing as to how I'm not relevant to the storyline, anyway.  So I guess I should be happy with something to eat besides stupid dwarves at least!  Here I come!

(Skullrous Rex fires off a bunch of bone missiles from his rib cage that fly at everyone.  He tries to chomp on Yuffie, who quickly jumps out of the way)

Yuffie:  Dammit!

(Everyone runs off in opposite directions then run back on from different directions with bone missiles chasing after them.  They crisscross past Skullrous Rex)

(All the bone missiles slam into Skullrous Rex and he explodes)

(Skullrous Rex's head lands next to Yuffie)

Skullrous Rex:  HEY!

Yuffie:  Look, ya stupid prick, just tell us how to get past this forest and we won't smash your stupid bone head into dust.

Skullrous Rex:  Grr!  I'm going to tell Master Li about this!!  Just take the north path, then the east path, then the west path, then the south path.  It spells NEWS for some stupid reason.

Yuffie:  Thanks!

(Yuffie kicks Skullrous Rex's head and it crumbles into dust)

Yuffie:  Let's go!

(After going North, East, West, and South, everyone ends up back at the dwarven village)

Yuffie:  .......

Nathan:  Well, at least we're out of there.

(All the disgruntled dwarves glare at them)

Yuffie:  This sucks.

Nathan:  Hmm... just give me a night.  I have an idea!

(The next day)

(Yuffie is looking at the burnt down forest)

Lenore:  You burnt down the entire forest?!?  What kind of idea was that?!?

Nathan:  A really good one?

Lenore:  Nevermind.

(Everyone walks past the burnt forest and go through the underworld until they get to an underground mining town)

(A generic miner looks at Yuffie)

Miner:  Do I know you?  Oh yea!  You're Barret's friend!

Yuffie:  What the hell?  What are Corel miners doing down here?

Miner:  Well, we found out that there was a huge cavern down here!  And who better to excavate its treasures than the Miner Union of Corel?

Yuffie:  Treasure?

Miner:  Everything was going fine until these two girls named Saki and Nari came along.  They brought along this doom materia that had the power to summon an army of undead!  Since then, we've been warring with the undead master, Li.  Li has five very powerful generals.  We don't know their names, but they are referred to as the death penalty, the suicide squad, the pumpkin queen, and the man eating cow.  We've been at an extreme standstill with them ever since!  If we could just take out those generals, things would be much easier.

Lenore:  Damn!  Nari and Saki!  I forgot about them!  They're still around.

(Another miner runs over)

Miner 2:  AAAAH!  We need help!  Barret is trapped at the northern pass!

Miner:  Oh no!  We must send reinforcements!  Where is everyone?

Miner 2:  All our other units are held up in battle at other places!  What will we do?

Yuffie:  Barret needs help?

Miner 2:  YES!

Yuffie:  Hmm...

Lenore:  Aren't you going to help him?  I thought he was your friend.

Yuffie:  Yea, I guess.  Besides, if I help him, that'll mean he's obligated to me later!  I might even be able to convince him to give me some of whatever precious stuff he finds!
 
 

(Underground Northern Pass.  Vladimir, a priest, and two oracles have Barret trapped against a wall.  Biggs and Wedge are unconscious behind Barret)

Vladimir:  Hahaha!  Now we have you!  No one can stand against us now that we have the Earth orb back!  It is time for the undead to rule!

Barret:  What ya tryin ta do?  I pity the foo that tries to take me down!

(Barret unloads a barrage of bullets into Vladimar)

Vladimir:  ARGH!!!

(Vladimir turns to the priest)

Vladimir:  Finish off this bitch.

(Vladimir dissappears)

Dark Priest:  Heh.  One of the god's latest hero characters.  He'd make an excellent weapon against them.

Oracle:  But doesn't Barret suck?

Barret:  What the hell ya talkin about?

Oracle:  I mean, when I played FFVII, I found him to be pretty damn worthless.  Cloud has higher attack power, for crying out loud!

(Barret blasts the oracle)

Dark Priest:  We need all we can to win.

(The dark priest raises his arms and ten zombies crawl out of the ground)

Zombies:  Instestines....

Oracle:  INTESTINES?  Aren't they supposed to eat brains?

Dark Priest:  .....

Yuffie:  Hold it right there!

(Conditions for winning:  Save Barret!)

(Due to really REALLY stupid AI, Barret runs right into the middle of all the zombies so he can shoot the priest)

(All the zombies jump on Barret and eat him)

Yuffie:  Well, that sucked.

(Barret throws off all the zombies)

Oracle:  Well, Barret withstands a shitload of damage, I'll give him that much.

Lenore:  Um, stupid question, but what's an Oracle?

Priest:  It's a Final Fantasy job that no one asked for nor wanted.

Oracle:  Oh shut up!

Priest:  Well, it's true!  Everyone knows that oracles SUCK!

Oracle:  Oh yea?  Priests aren't much better!  A freaking CHEMIST is more useful!

Irene:  :(

Other Oracle:  Actually, I do pretty well.  Maybe that's because I have ludicrously high faith so my magic has a high success rate.

Priest:  Does it matter?!?  You two losers are made completely inferior by temple knights!

(Barret grabs Biggs and Wedge and sneaks away.  Yuffie and her group follow him)

Oracle:  You'd better watch your mouth or I'll cast silence on you then stab you to death with my stick!

Other Oracle:  And I'll talk you to death with my dictionary!

(Everyone looks at the other oracle)

Other Oracle:  What?

Oracle:  Dictionaries are lame!

Other Oracle:  No they're not!

(They all start fighting each other)
 
 
 
 

(Back in the Corel underground mining town)

Wedge:  We escaped?!?

Barret:  How da hell did they find out where we were?!?  Dat mission was supposed to be a secret!

Biggs:  Well, you never know.  Maybe they had some zombie spies hiding in the earth.

(A miner runs over to Barret)

Miner:  Whew!  You made it back!  Just in time.  Your friend, Cloud, is here!

Barret:  Eh?

Yuffie:  Hey Barret, since I went out of my way to come all the way down here to save you, how about sharing some of whatever you find?

(Barret glares at Yuffie)

Barret:  What the hell are you doing down here?

Yuffie:  What?!?  I can't visit my old avalanche friends without them expecting that I'm doing it for self-gain?

(Barret glares at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Ok, ok, but admit it!  You could use the help of a master ninja like me!

Nathan:  Why are you glaring at Yuffie like that?  Without her, you wouldn't have been able to save the planet from meteor!

(All the miners, Biggs, Wedge, and Barret look at Nathan)

Nathan:  WHAT?

Yuffie:  Ulp.

(Yuffie whispers to Nathan)

Yuffie:  Um, well, you see, they don't know all the stuff I did behind their backs to save the planet from meteor.

Nathan:  They don't?  Well it's about time they find out then!

Yuffie:  No, really, it's not that big a deal!

Lenore:  Being modest there?

Shake:  Something's wrong.  Yuffie would never be modest.  Besides, you guys don't honestly believe that she was important to saving the world from meteor, do you?!?

Nathan:  Well, she was!  And it's about time that she got some appreciation!

Yuffie:  No, Nathan!  It's NOT that big a deal!

Nathan:  For one thing, at the ancient temple, if it wasn't for Yuffie, Aeris wouldn't have...

(Yuffie covers Nathan's mouth)

Yuffie:  SHUT UP, Nathan!

Barret:  What the hell is he talking about?

(Nathan looks at Yuffie)

Nathan:  You don't want them to know?

Barret:  I don't have time for this!

(Barret and the miners run off to one of the houses)

Nathan:  Well, if you don't want them to know, I guess I should be quiet then.  But that's not like you.  You always enjoyed bragging about every little thing that you did and...

Yuffie:  Look, just shut up, please.

Lenore:  Well, you can tell me about it, at least.  We still need the information for our project.  Er... once we get back to Wutai.

Yuffie:  Um, believe me, you really should get one of those counterfeit stories that everyone else knows.  Like I said, no one knows about what I told Nathan.

Lenore:  You're probably right.  Kafan seems to accept that false history crap we learn rather than the real thing, anyway, judging by the grade Judith got on her quiz.
 
 
 
 
 

Tifa:  I don't understand him.  He hasn't been happy with ANYWHERE!

Cloud:  It's not that!  It's her stupid uncle that's always following us around!

Tifa:  There you go again!  I'm tired of putting up with your crap!

(Tifa punches Cloud, who flies into the wall, then she walks away)

Barret:  Hmm.  You seem to be having problems with the misses.

Cloud:  Yea.

Yuffie:  Wow, but I always thought that you and Tifa got along great.  Her uncle is THAT much of a problem?

Cloud:  I hate to admit it, but I need some help here.  Hey Barret, you were married.  Any advice?

Barret:  Over here, foo!

(Barret grabs Cloud and yanks him into a room nearby.  Yuffie runs after him)

Shake:  Hmph.  I'm going to go get something to eat.

(Shake leaves)

Nathan:  I dunno.  I wouldn't think that the subject of so many girls' fan clubs would have so much trouble in his marriage.

Lenore:  Cloud and Tifa don't make a very good couple.

Nathan:  They don't?  Childhood friends that always loved each other seemed like the common perfect couple to me.

Lenore:  It's too... cliche.

Nathan:  I thought you loved cliche stuff.

Lenore:  Where did you get that?!?  That's not true!

(Lenore leaves)

Nathan:  It isn't?

(Nathan looks at Irene)

Nathan:  Why is everyone acting so different now?

Irene:  ??
 
 
 
 

(A large room with some chairs and a table in the middle)

Barret:  Now the first thing to do is apologize to the woman!

Cloud:  But I don't feel sorry for anything!

Barret:  Shut up, foo!  You have to at least LOOK like you were sorry for saying all those rotten things about her uncle.

Cloud:  ......

Barret:  Now let's see what you got!

(Barret sits down on the chair)

Yuffie:  Oh, this will be good.

Cloud:  What?

Barret:  Pretend I'm Tifa and apologize to me!

Cloud:  Dammit...

(Cloud looks at Barret)

Barret:  Well?

Cloud:  Um...

(Cloud looks at the big burly Barret)

Cloud:  .....

Barret:  What da HELL is your problem?

Cloud:  This isn't working.

Barret:  Hmm....

(Barret looks at Yuffie)

Yuffie:  Me?

Barret:  Make yourself useful!

(Barret gets off the chair and points to it.  Yuffie quickly runs over to it and sits down)

Cloud:  That isn't much better, but I guess this will have to do.

Barret:  Just remember that she's Tifa, not Yuffie.

Cloud:  Ok, um...

(Yuffie taps her foot)

Cloud:  Yuff... I mean, Tifa, I'm sorry about all the bad things I said about your uncle.  Will you forgive me?

Yuffie:  No way, bitch!

(Yuffie slaps Cloud)

Cloud:  OW!

(Cloud looks questioningly at Barret)

Barret:  WELL?  Your wife just denied you and slapped you!  What are you going to do about it?

Cloud:  Kill her?

Barret:  HELL NO.  Apologize again more sincerely and make up!

(Cloud looks at Yuffie again)

Cloud:  I'm so sorry, Tifa!  I was an evil bastard, but I swear that it will never happen again!

Yuffie:  K!  I'll forgive you, but just this once!  If you EVER are that cruel to my family again, I'll kill you!

(Cloud looks at Barret)

Cloud:  Tifa wouldn't have...

Barret:  Well, who are you to judge?  Anyway, let's move on.  You're honeymoon is probably over by now, so we have to start worrying about how you're going to take care of your children!

Bigg's voice:  Barret!  Marlene's run off again!  We can't find her!

Barret (yelling to Biggs):  Shut up, you fool!  Can't you see I'm busy right now?

Cloud:  Barret?

Barret:  Anyways, we'll use this here football to represent your baby.  Now first we have to learn how to properly handle a newborn baby.  You have to cradle the football.  Take good care of the football...

(Soft jazz music starts in the background as the room darkens and focuses on Barret, who begins to get lost in his Chef impersonation)

Barret:  Oh yea, hold the football.  But when it's bad, you have to spank the football...

Yuffie:  Barret?

Barret:  Spank that damn football like sweet lovin...

Yuffie and Cloud:  BARRET!

Barret (snapping out of it):  Oh yea, um, what?

Cloud:  Tifa isn't pregnant.

Barret:  Why not?

Cloud:  Um...

Barret:  OH, I get it!  You must be having a really poor...

(Barret looks at Yuffie)

Barret:  Um, nevermind.

Cloud:  NO!!!!  That's not it!  It's just that we haven't  been able to have a moment together alone thanks to her stupid uncle.

(Barret comes to the revelation on why Cloud is so pissed at Tifa's uncle)

Barret:  OH.....

Yuffie:  What?  What are you two talking about?

Cloud and Barret:  Nothing!

Barret:  Well, if she'd rather spend time with her uncle than you, than there must be something wrong with you!  Maybe you're no good at kissing or somethin?

Yuffie:  What the $&#* are you two talking about?!?

Cloud:  Hey, I like to think that I'm a good kisser!

Barret:  Oh?  Let's see then!  We can use Bubba the big hideous bearded lady dummy!

(Barret takes a dummy out of the closet)

Barret:  You can show me your method on it.

Cloud:  Um, no.

Barret:  Then what?  If you can't even give the gal a good kiss, then how da hell can you expect to have a worthwhile marriage?

Yuffie:  Wait, I think I get it.  Tifa would rather spend time with her long lost uncle than have a honeymoon with Cloud because Cloud can't even give her a good kiss?

Cloud:  Shut up.  That's not it!  I'm sure there's a better explanation.  Tifa just hasn't seen her uncle for years, that's all.

Barret:  You sure?

Cloud:  Look!  We'll let Yuffie be the judge.

Yuffie:  Ok!  I'm ready!  I'll sit here and watch you kiss Bubba the big hideous bearded lady.

(Cloud looks at Bubba)

Cloud:  .....

(Cloud looks at Yuffie)

Cloud:  Dammit.  Well, she looks better than Bubba, at least.

(Cloud walks over and kisses a surprised Yuffie on the cheek)

(Silence for a minute)

Barret:  What kinda PANSEY ASS kiss was that?!?

(Yuffie is rubbing her cheek)

Barret:  You wuss!

Cloud:  Well, this isn't easy!

Yuffie:  I give it a 1 out of a scale of 1 to 10.

Barret:  No wonder why Tifa would rather spend time with her uncle than with you!

Cloud:  Ok, ok.  That was just a warm up.  Let's try this again.

(Cloud takes a deep breath)

(Cloud puts out his hand and helps Yuffie up from the seat)

(Cloud looks into Yuffie's eyes, then they slowly kiss each other on the lips.)

(Cloud slowly pulls away then looks at Barret while Yuffie stares in shock)

Cloud:  Well?

Barret:  Hmm... not bad.  Although it could use some more emotion there and looked kinda weak.

Cloud:  Argh!

(Cloud looks at Yuffie)

Cloud:  Well?  What did you think?  Barret wouldn't know how to kiss a lady if his life depended on it.

Barret:  Shut up, foo!

Yuffie:  I.... I wouldn't know.  No one's ever really kissed me before....

Tifa:  Cloud, what are you doing?

(Everyone quickly turns to look at Tifa, who's standing in the doorway)

Cloud:  WHOA!   Tifa!  Um, well, you see, it's like this, um, yea, well, I apologized for being an evil bastard then had to spank the football but Barret thought we had no passion for each other so I had to kiss Bubba the hideous bearded lady but nothing happened between Yuffie and I!  Honest!

Tifa:  How dare you...

Cloud:  What?

(Tifa slaps Cloud)

Tifa:  Do you really think I'm that stupid?  How dare you even think that I would think that you were having any meaningful relationship with Yuffie!  We all know that's completely absurd!  Yet you think that I'm so untrustful and foolish to actually think that you would be in love with her or something like that!  I've had it with you!  Until you get your act together, I'm leaving!  I'll be back at Nibelheim.  You can come when you aren't such a stubborn jerk!

(Tifa leaves)

Cloud:  .........

(Cloud bows his head down)

Cloud:  ......... she's right.

(Yuffie walks up to Cloud)

Yuffie:  Aw... I'm sorry.

Cloud:  No, this isn't anyone's fault but mine.  I'm a stubborn jerk.  Tifa deserves someone better than me.

Yuffie:  That's not true!  You're a great guy, Cloud.  I'll help you get back together with Tifa.

Cloud:  Thanks, but I have to handle this myself.

Yuffie:  No, really, I'll help in any way I can.

Cloud:  Well, guess I'd better go find her.

(Cloud leaves with Yuffie following as Barret puts Bubba back into the closet)

(Cloud and Yuffie walk over to the elevator room)

Cloud:  Can I get back to the surface?

Miner:  Sorry!  The elevator is malfunctioning.  It was working fine, but then this beautiful lady and her rather fat companion boarded it.  They made it to the surface, but the fat guy weighed so much that the elevator broke down right after they got off.

Cloud:  Oh great.

Miner:  It'll be repaired in a couple days!  Don't worry.

Cloud:  Why do I bother?  Someone up there must really hate me.

(Cloud leaves)

Yuffie:  Is there any way to get it repaired faster?

Miner:  Well, if we had some of those special pumpkin vines from the garden of the pumpkin queen, we could use those and repair it instantly.  But the garden is one of the bases of those evil undead that we're battling!

Yuffie:  That's ok!  I can handle it!  But where is it?

Miner:  It's east of here, but don't go there!  Too dangerous.

Yuffie:  Ok.

(Yuffie leaves)

Yuffie:  Yea, like I won't go there.

(Yuffie searches around the town until she finds the rest of her group)

Yuffie:  Are you guys done here?  Anyone want to come with me to the pumpkin garden?

Lenore:  The what?

Nathan:  Is it dangerous?

Yuffie:  I think so.

Nathan:  Then I guess I should come along.

Yuffie:  Huh?  That didn't make sense.

Nathan:  Nevermind.

Lenore:  I think I'll stay here for a little longer.  I'm gathering information on Saki and Nari right now.

Yuffie:  Whatever.

(Yuffie, Nathan, and Irene leave)
 
 

(The pumpkin garden.  Lots of pumpkins and pumpkin vines all over the place)

Pumpkin spirit:  Oh?  Who dares to tread upon the garden of the magnificent pumpkin queen?

Yuffie:  Um, me?

(The pumpkin spirit appears.  It's Fresca!  Except this time she's wearing pink instead of blue)

Yuffie:  Fresca?!?  What are you doing here?

Fresca?:  I'm not Fresca!  I'm Sprite the Pumpkin Queen, one of the five great commanders of Master Li!  I believe that I'm the third strongest of us.

Yuffie:  Uh huh.

Sprite:  So, tell me, why do you risk your life to come here to my garden?

Yuffie:  I need some of your pumpkin vines to fix the broken Corel elevator.

Sprite:  Well, you can't have them for free.  I didn't get to be one of the commanders of one of the ultimate gods of evil by being generous, you know.

Yuffie:  Ok, Fresca, so what do I have to do?  Fight you?

Sprite:  Nah, I'll give you a test, instead!  Your test shall be to find which pumpkin has my special golden bough underneath it.  But beware!  Everytime you choose the wrong pumpkin, you shall be severely punished!

Yuffie:  ......

Nathan:  What's wrong?  You seem like you've done this before.

Yuffie:  Nothing.  Just help me pick some pumpkins.

(Yuffie picks up a pumpkin.  It sparkles then explodes on her)

Yuffie:  ..... ow.

Nathan:  That's your punishment?

(Nathan picks up another pumpkin.  But it has arms and legs!  It's a pumpkin man!  It kicks off its head which flies into the air, then lands and squashes Nathan)

Sprite:  HA HA HA!  Oh, that's so funny!

(Irene casts heal spells on Nathan and Yuffie)

(Yuffie picks up another pumpkin, which sparkles, so she quickly throws it away before it explodes)

(Yuffie and Nathan quickly run around throwing pumpkins around for a while as Sprite laughs at them)

(There's only one pumpkin left)

Yuffie:  Well, this has to be it!

(Yuffie lifts it up.  It sparkles and explodes on her)

Yuffie:  .....

Sprite:  Ha ha ha!!!  That's right!  There is no golden bough!!  I tricked you, loser!

(Yuffie punches Sprite HARD, sending her flying into the stratosphere.  She then picks some vines)

Yuffie:  Come on, let's go!
 
 
 
 

(Back at the Underground Corel Mining Town)

(Yuffie looks around at all the smoldering buildings)

Yuffie:  Um, is the town supposed to be bursting into flames like this?

Nathan:  Must be that damn spontaneous combustion again, I guess.

(One of the now zombiefied miners walks up to Yuffie)

Miner:  Eat brains...

Yuffie:  Oh gawd!

(Yuffie shoves the zombie aside and runs for the main building with Irene and Nathan running after her)

(Yuffie stops to watch Vladimir, who is commanding the zombie army)

Vladimir:  What do you mean they escaped?!?  FIND THEM!

Saki:  They escaped because you are a fool.  An incompetant fool who can't do anything right.

Vladimir:  Shut your mouth!  How dare you talk to the head vampire like that!  The only reason you weren't thrown in the trash bin with the other useless corpses is because you just happened to have a friend who had something we wanted.

Saki:  Oh?  You think that's it?  With the revival of the Light Warriors, I've obtained greater power than you can possibly imagine.

Vladimir:  Bah!  Light Warriors.  Just a stupid scheme of Li and his friends to try to off the gods.  But you failed miserably!

Saki:  We didn't fail at all.  Everything was planned this way.  We have our own storygods writing the script.

(The Priest runs over to Vladimir)

Priest:  Ok, we've just recieved word from the suicide squad.  The enemy is quite a ways to the north of here.

Vladimir:  Ah ha!  This is my chance!  Li is still annoyed with how Barret got away last time.

(Vladimir, the priest, and all the zombies except four of them leave)

Saki:  Hmm... he'll be weeded out soon enough.  What a moron!  You don't torch a town when you are attacking with undead!  Undead are weak to fire, duh!

(Saki spins and throws an air blade, creating a huge wind that blows out the fire)

Marankalanevshkofk:  Brains?

Saki:  Yea, Nari told me that the reason we failed was because we wasted too much time on personal matters when we should have just headed to the Moon and been done with it.  But I won't leave here until my ressurection is complete!

Yuffie:  Ressurection?

Saki:  Huh?  What are you doing down here?

Yuffie:  Accident.  But what's this ressurection thing?  What's going on?

Saki:  Li, the dark god of death, promised me that I could achieve ressurection in full if I stuck around to help him take out Barret.

Yuffie:  Stuck around?

Saki:  I've already fully charged my orb.  I should be regrouping with everyone else at the Mirage Tower right now.  Maybe Nari was right.  But I still won't leave until Li fulfills his promise.  At least I could trust him to not obey some stupid rules set by the gods!  Like that "No ressurection rule".  I mean, how stupid is that?

Yuffie:  Yea, I guess that's pretty dumb.

Fresca:  You're getting a little off task, aren't you?

Yuffie:  Yeep!

(Yuffie turns around to face Fresca, who appeared behind her)

Fresca:  Lucky for you, I happened to be strolling by!  You really should do what the gods asked you to, or else they'll whip up a punishment more severe than mine, even.

(Yuffie and Nathan are staring at Fresca's pink hat)

Fresca:  What?  What are you guys looking at?

Nathan:  Um, nothing.

Saki:  Wait, what did the gods ask you to do?

Yuffie:  I'm the chosen one to defeat the light warriors!

Saki:  YOU?  No offense, but I don't think you can do much to stop us.

Yuffie:  I think I'm the perfect choice!  I'm a master ninja!

Saki:  Oh, this will be good.  Hey, let's have a little test then, shall we?

Yuffie:  Um... ok!  But you'd better watch out for my mad skillz!

Nathan:  Are you sure you don't need help?

Yuffie:  I can handle this!

(Yuffie darts her shurikan at Saki, but she simply brushes it aside)

(Yuffie darts Cloud's Ultima Weapon at Saki, but it doesn't have much effect)

Yuffie:  Hmm... you weren't this powerful before...

Saki:  I had Li empower the Earth Orb for me.  You don't stand a chance!

(Saki dashes up to Yuffie and uses the ultimate martial arts move, bum rush, on her, spinning around her causing a huge flash and knocking the wind out of Yuffie)

(Yuffie flies past Nathan and slams into Irene)

Yuffie:  Holy crap!

Irene:  @!#$@!

Saki:  Don't bother going after the Light Warriors.  They're way out of your league.

(Saki leaves.  Her four zombie friends follow her)

Yuffie:  Dammit!  Stupid gods!  Who do they think they are, putting me up against invincible people?  That's not fair at all!

Fresca:  Being a hero is supposed to involve going up against impossible odds, but you should have been able to do more damage than that...

Yuffie:  Well, I tried my best!  I even darted away Cloud's ultimate weapon at her!

Fresca:  You DID remember to activate that license to kill that I gave you, right?  That license gives you the ability to penetrate special storyline related defenses.

Yuffie:  What?  How do I activate it?

Fresca:  Well, all you have to do is verify it by signing your name on it, duh!

Yuffie:  ....

(Yuffie signs her name on the license to kill, and it starts glowing)

Fresca:  See?  You now have the ability to kill things instead of just wounding them.  Although if a specialized chemist manages to get a phoenix down to them in time, they'll live.  Well, guess I'll be off now.  Good luck beating those light warrior people.

Yuffie:  Wait!  A question.  What do I do about Genmari?

Fresca:  Genmari?

Yuffie:  Yea, he's the guy that brought those light warrrior guys here in the first place.

Fresca (eyes perking up):  Oh?  You mean this Genmari guy from Marilars, right?

Yuffie:  I think so.

Fresca:  That's very interesting.  I don't think even the gods knew that!  I'll have to make it a note to tell them.

Yuffie:  Oh, by the way, that pink hat looks real ugly when worn in combination with that blue dress.

Fresca:  WHAT?

(Fresca takes off her hat and looks at it)

Fresca:  EEP!

(Fresca dissappears)

Nathan:  Gee, I hope Lenore is okay.

(Celebration music and drums are heard in the distance)

Yuffie:  What's that?

(A drunken Cloud, Barret, and group of miners come strolling into town)

Cloud:  Woohooo!!!!

Barret:  Aaaaaaaw YEA!  We unleashed a can of hard HARD whoop ass on those mofos!

Miners:  YEA!

Biggs and Wedge:  .......

(A drunken Cloud puts his arms around Biggs)

Cloud (drunk and grinning goofily):  Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?

Yuffie:  What happened?

Barret:  They thought they could beat us with dat darn invincible girl with dem, but when they attacked without her, dey were no match for us!

(Everyone clinks their beer bottles together)

Nathan:  But your whole mining town was burned!

Miner:  Aw, that's no big deal, it only took us a week to build that stupid thing, anyway.

(Lenore walks over to Yuffie)

Lenore:  Hey Yuffie, you just missed a really big battle.

Shake:  Not like she would have been of any help, anyway.

Nathan:  Um, was it a dangerous battle?

Lenore:  I don't think so.  We won after all, didn't we?  That's a pretty wierd question.

Nathan:  Nevermind.

Barret:  But we need a safer place to stay.  They know where we at, now!

Biggs:  Oh, I know of a safer place.  It's perfect!

Barret:  Well then, lead the way!
 
 

(The Corel Mining Group parties their way over to a graveyard)

Lenore:  A graveyard?!?

Yuffie:  When you're at war with the undead?

Nathan:  That's just stupid!

(Everyone is too drunk to pay attention to them)

(Everyone passes out in the center of the graveyard)

Barret (sobering up cause he's the biggest):  Hey, what's going on here?

Wedge:  Huh?  Shouldn't you be passed out like everyone else?

Barret:  What?  Take more than a couple strong bottles of booze ta knock me out!

Biggs:  Damn!

(A bunch of zombies rise from the ground and a bunch of ghouls appear)

Zombies:  Intestines....

Ghouls:  Intestines.... I mean, brains!

Zombies:  Yea, brains!

Barret:  What?

(Cloud gets up)

Cloud:  Ugh, hangover.  What the...?

Wedge:  The hero characters withstood our sleeping booze.  What now?

Biggs:  Dammit!  We should have used tea!  That alway works.

Wedge:  They wouldn't have drunk tea!  That's for sissies.

Cid:  Shut up!  What do you $&#@()ING know?

Yuffie:  Um, need help getting rid of these undead thingies?

Cloud:  Well, it would be appreciated!

(Yuffie's group takes out the undead with Yuffie and Lenore's fire spells, Nathan's laser, and Irene's cure spells while Cloud fumbles around for his Ultima Weapon)

Cloud:  Dammit!  Where the $(&@ did my weapon go?

Biggs:  Shit!  They killed all of our soldiers!  That's it!  It's time for you to face...

Wedge:  Da da da da!!!

Biggs:  THE THIRD greatest of the five undead generals....

Biggs and Wedge:  The...

Cloud:  Um... wait!  Don't fight yet!  Give me a sec to find my weapon.  I must have left it back at the town.

(Cloud runs off as everyone stares at him in surprise)

Wedge:  Ahem.

Biggs and Wedge:  The Suicide Squad!!!

(Carnival music as Yuffie, Nathan, Irene, Shake, Lenore, and Barret (as a guest) enter a boss battle vs Biggs and Wedge)

Barret:  What?  But that means that...

Wedge:  YES!  We've been working for Li all this time!

Biggs:  We really WERE dead!

Barret:  Man!  You told me that you miraculously survived and escaped when the plate went crushing down on you back at Midgar!

Wedge:  Well, we lied!

(Wedge shoots Barret with his blaster)

Biggs:  We KNOW what it's like to die!

Wedge:  We do it all the time!  And are slated by the gods to do it again and again!

Biggs:  But no more!  When we destroy them, WE will have a REAL part in Final Fantasy, not just the part of some dumb throwaway characters!

Barret:  What are you talking about?

(Biggs runs up to Barret and punches him)

(Battle for a while)

(Biggs does his ultimate attack, "Summon Y Wing" while Wedge does his ultimate attack, "Summon X Wing".  Two  starfighters fly over and blast everyone)

Biggs:  You can't beat us!  We have the full power of characters whose names were ripped from the StarWars universe!

Nathan:  Great, how do we beat those?

(Everyone runs around getting blasted by the X Wing and Y Wing)

Wedge:  HA HA HA!  Let's do it!

(Wedge and Biggs combine their power to summon the Death Star!  It slowly approaches and begins to power up it's primary weapon)

Barret:  Aw shit!

Voice:  Use the force, Yuffie!

Yuffie:  Huh?  The force?  What the hell is that?

(The Death Star is beginning to fire)

Voice:  Concentrate, Yuffie!  Use the force!

Yuffie:  Um...

(The Death Star incinerates Barret)

Voice:  God dammit, you stupid girl!  Just throw your shurikan into that hole in the Death Star.

Yuffie:  Sheesh!  NOW you tell me.

(Yuffie throws her shurikan at the Death Star but it bounces off)

Voice:  Damn, you suck.  Screw you!

(Footsteps runnning away are heard)

Shake:  Ha ha!  That voice is pretty accurate.

(Yuffie darts Shake at the Death Star, sending it crashing into Biggs and Wedge with a huge explosion, sending them flying away)

(Carnival music ends)

(Yuffie runs over to Barret, who is just standing up saying nothing)

Yuffie:  They were your friends, Barret?  Killed before, I gather.  You really hoped they lived, didn't you?

Barret:  .......

Yuffie:  Barret?  Are you okay?

Barret:  ........  Man... what's up with that?
 
 
 
 
 

Barret:  It's time we mount our offensive!

Miners:  Yea!

Barret:  We'll take those scum out once and for all!

Miners:  Yea!

Miner:  But Barret, what about that invincible girl?

Yuffie:  Oh don't worry about her.  I should be able to take her on.

Barret:  What da hell could you do?

Yuffie:  Don't worry about it!  Although in return, you'll have to give me some of that treasure you got down here.

Barret:  No way!  That money is for Marlene's schoolin!

Miner:  Besides, we didn't find anything yet.

Yuffie:  WHAT?  How the hell do you know that there is treasure down here, anyway?

Nathan:  Yea, did it ever occur to you guys that you were wasting your time?

Barret:  Well, if we were wasting our time, then those undead wouldn't be fighting us so much, would they?

Miner:  Yea, they seem to be defending something.  So it must be valuable!

Lenore:  Who told you that there was treasure down here, anyway?

Miner:  We got the information faxed to us from a secret informat at Reeve Enterprises about a secret underground world filled with treasure.

Lenore:  Um... so you just trusted an anonymous source and came down here.  Did you ever think that maybe you were tricked?

Barret:  Now why would Reeve do that?

(Cloud runs over)

Cloud:  Sheesh!  I finally found it.  Although it looks badly damaged, almost as if someone darted it at someone.

Yuffie:  Shouldn't you be trying to make up with Tifa?

Cloud:  Dammit!  I have way too many things to do nowadays.

(Yuffie hands some of the miners the pumpkin vines)

Miner:  Well, at least we can now escape if we have to.

(A couple miners and Cloud head back to the Corel Mining town)

Barret:  Now let's show those foo's what we're made of!

Miners:  YEA!

(Barret and all the miners charge off)

Shake:  Oh, this will be good.

Yuffie:  What greedy jerks!  The way I see it, we deserve whatever treasure they find down here more than they do!

Lenore:  How did you come to that conclusion?

Yuffie:  Using my spectacular genius, of course.

Lenore:  Ok, and how do you plan to get whatever treasure there is down here before they do?

Yuffie:  Do I have to think of everything?

(Yuffie takes out a map that she stole from one of the miners)

Nathan:  Well, we could take this overpass here and hopefully Li's undead army will hold them off, but shouldn't you be concentrating on that little quest the gods gave you?

Yuffie:  That can wait!  Not like I'm getting paid for that, anyway.
 
 
 

(Vladimir, Milon, some generic priests and oracles, and a bunch of zombies are looking down at Barret's army from the cliffs)

Vladimir:  The plan is foolproof!  You guys can handle it yourselves.

Milon:  Of course!  I am, after all, the third greatest general of master Li!  But you aren't sticking around to make sure?

Vladimir:  Bah!  I'm going to go get some sleep or find some pretty vampire girls or something.

(Vladimir leaves)

Milon:  Ok!  Do it!

(The priest pushes a boulder down the cliff)

Barret:  What the...?

Miners:  AVALANCHE!!!

(The boulder rolls by Barret, up the cliffs on the other side, rolls down those cliffs, rolls back up the cliffs it originally rolled from, and crushes the priest)

Milon:  ......

(Yuffie, Nathan, Lenore, Irene, and Shake arrive)

Yuffie:  What's going on?  Dammit!  These guys are supposed to get into Barret's way, not ours!

Priest:  Hey!  It's those brats that stopped us from recruiting Barret the first time!

Oracle:  Let's get them!

(Yuffie easily kills the priest and oracles because they... well, suck)

Milon:  EEK!!!  They killed our super powered generic characters!  Enough!  Go, my children!

Zombies:  Brains... BRAINS!

Nathan:  Um... Isn't there a large mass of brains down there?

(Nathan points down the cliffs to Barret's army)

Zombies:  BRAINS!

(The zombies shuffle down the cliff, tumbling to their doom)

Yuffie:  Give up?

Milon:  NEVER!

Lenore:  Oh please, it's five against one.

(Lenore and Yuffie blast Milon with fire spells)

Milon:  Oh.... my body....

(Milon melts)

Yuffie:  Loser!

Milon:  HA HA HA!!!  You fools!  As the third greatest general of the undead, it's only natural that my true power comes through death!!!

(A huge zombified cow crawls from Milon's ashes)

Yuffie:  EEEK!!!  Ugly zombie cow!

Milon Z:  Now face the true power of being third!!!  I, Milon the man eating cow, will smite you all down!!!

(Irene casts raise on Milon Z)

Milon Z:  AAAAAAAARGH!!!

(Milon Z dies)

Yuffie:  Huh... HUH?

Nathan:  Irene, that was really REALLY cheap.  You shouldn't have done that.

Irene:  :P

Yuffie:  Oh yea, I forgot about that!  Reviving an undead kills it.  Gee, too bad Barret didn't know that.  Then he could take them all out just by dumping a bunch of phoenix downs on them.  Oh well, according to the map, Li's castle should be coming up soon.

Lenore:  Yea, we should probably get going while Barret down there ponders where that boulder came from.

(Yuffie waves to Barret)

Yuffie:  You owe us big time for saving you!

Miner:  Sir, isn't that Yuffie up there?

Barret:  WHAT?  So she's the one that did that?

(Barret gives Yuffie the finger)

Lenore:  I think he understands.  After all, he's waving back.

Nathan:  He looks pissed, tho.

Yuffie:  Oh well, let's go.
 
 
 

(Big castle)

Yuffie:  No guard?

(The huge doors open and everyone enters into a large foyer room)

(Vladimir appears)

Vladimir:  YOU $@(ING ASSHOLES!!!  You've ruined everything!  Master Li doesn't trust me anymore because we've failed!!!  I'm no longer the head vampire anymore!  I've been downsized to the pathetic number three position among his generals thanks to you!!!

Shake:  Hehe.  Looks like Yuffie isn't the only incompetant moron here.

Yuffie:  Looks like Shake isn't the only one that everyone is looking DOWN upon here.

Shake:  Yo, you calling me short?

Vladimir:  I'll kill you!!!  I'll kill you all!!!!!

(Irene starts casting a raise spell)

Nathan:  No, Irene, give him a chance.

Irene:  :(

Yuffie:  Look, insane vampire guy, if you just hand over all that treasure that you guys have been advertising all this time, we'll leave you alone.

Vladimir:  You fools!  There is no treasure!  That was a trick by one of our allies to get one of the god's hero characters down here!  Then we could eat his brains and make him one of us, so we could use his strength against the gods!

Yuffie:  WHAT?  No treasure?  You die now!

Vladimir:  Oh yea?

(Vladimir uses his dazzle spell to dazzle everyone and paralyze them)

(Irene casts Esuna and cures everyone's paralysis)

Vladimir:  Uh oh.

Yuffie:  What a loser!

(Yuffie darts her shurikan at Vladimir while Lenore shoots him, Nathan blasts him, Shake stabs him, and Irene casts raise on him)

Vladimir:  AAAAAAAAH!!!!

(Vladimir explodes)

Nathan:  Irene!!!

Irene:  :}

Yuffie:  .....

Lenore:  Come on, I know that you had to have worried about Barret a little.  You couldn't have done all of this just for money alone.

Shake:  She couldn't?

Yuffie:  Yea, I guess.  I'll tell him that it was all a hoax.

(All of the miners and Barret burst through the door and run over Yuffie)

Miners:  WE'RE HERE!!!!

(Yuffie gets up)

Yuffie:  Well, you might as well leave now.

Barret:  Huh?

Yuffie:  We found out that there wasn't any treasure here at all.  You guys were all brought down here as a trap so those undead could feast on your brains or whatever.

Barret:  Say what?

Miner:  Don't listen to her, Barret!  She's probably lying so she can get all of the treasure, herself!  Remember how she tried to kill us with that boulder back at the cliffs?

Barret:  Yea...

Yuffie:  I what?

Barret:  We can't trust you!

Yuffie:  You can't?  Why not?

(Yuffie thinks for a moment)

Yuffie:  Oh yea.  Well, you'll have to trust me on this one!  This was all a hoax!  You're only putting yourself more in danger by staying here.

Miner:  Yea, THIS is a hoax all right.  Get out of our face!

Yuffie:  H... hey!  Barret!

Barret:  I'm sorry, but they're right.

Yuffie:  But...

Shake:  Hahaha!  They all have a very good point, there.

Yuffie:  Stay out of this!

Nathan:  We should just forget about it.  It's not like the undead are much of a threat anymore since WE took most of them out.

Lenore:  Yea, besides, if Barret runs into trouble, all he has to do is use a bunch of phoenix downs on them.

Barret:  Eh?  Now why didn't I think of that...

Miner:  It's getting really late.  We should be turning in.

Miner:  Well, we have a really comfortable castle here?  Why not use it?

Yuffie:  Um, hello?  This is the undead's castle!

Barret:  Seems like it's only an abandoned castle to me.

Miner:  Maybe we can finally find that treasure here!

(All the miners and Barret run off in various directions)

Nathan:  This place really isn't very safe, is it?

(A miner's agonizing scream is heard in the distance)

Yuffie:  Yep.

Miner:  Purple curtains!  I always wanted purple curtains!

(The miner screams again)

Miner:  Why can't I have purple curtains like these ones?

Barret:  Shut up, foo!  Scared the damn heebie jeebies outa me!

Nathan:  So, what do we do, now?

Yuffie:  Um, we.... leave?  Since it's obvious that they aren't listening to us.

Lenore:  Why won't they?  I mean, I'd think that they'd trust you just a little by now.

Yuffie:  Nevermind.  Let's just get out of here.

(As they all head to the entrance of the castle, a ghosted image of Vladimir appears in front of them)

Vladimir:  Grr... using a cheap raise spell, huh?  I'll get my revenge yet!  With my last breath of life... er, death, I shall send you to hell with Master Li!

Yuffie:  Huh?

(There is a flash, and everything blacks out)
 
 

(Everyone looks around.  They are in a big grey stone brick room with a large pentagram in the middle)

Yuffie:  Oooh, never thought hell would be so... grey.

Li:  You shouldn't have intefered.  You have been quite a drawback to our operation.

Yuffie:  Yea, I'm so scared.

Li:  You should be.  I'm not just any power-hungry necromancer.  I'm the dark god of death!  One of the four anti-gods.

Yuffie:  Uh huh, yea.  And I'm the actually the secret spawn of Jenova sent to ruin everything.

Lenore:  And I'm actually another persona from a nonsquaresoft videogame sent to this world due to an obsessive freak.

Shake:  And I'm the queen of the leprechauns!

Nathan:  And I'm the reknowned infamous moron that writes fanfiction, Tiamat!

Li:  You dare to mock me?

Yuffie:  Look, you should have known who you were dealing with.  You can't try to harm any Avalanche member without dealing with the greatest one of all of them, me!

Li:  Ha ha ha.  Your gods won't protect you anymore.

Yuffie:  Who needs the protection of the gods?

Li:  You didn't know?  The only reason why you were so successful in the past was because the gods had ordained it.  But not anymore.  Allow me to show you!

(Li flashes and crumples into a pile of robes.  From the robes arise Lich, the fiend of the earth, god of death, and byproduct of someone's cigar smoke)

Lich:  Now you shall all feel true suffering!

(Irene casts raise on Lich, but nothing happens)

Irene:  >(

Nathan:  I don't think that cheap trick will work on him, this time.

(Lich blasts everyone with Ice 2)

(Yuffie darts her shurikan at Lich while Shake casts speed on herself)

(Lich blasts Nathan with his Sleep2 spell, putting Nathan to sleep)

(Lenore smacks Nathan on the head with her gun)

Nathan:  Ow!

Lich:  Drat.  I really should consider removing that crappy useless spell from my repertoire.

Nathan:  Couldn't you have de-equipped your weapon before whacking me?

Lenore:  At least I hit you with my gun!  Would you rather I smack you with my sword next time?

(Nathan rubs the back of his head)

Nathan:  Not really...

(Lich casts his all powerful zap spell)

(Irene and Shake get zapped into the fourth dimension)

Yuffie:  OMIGAWD!  What the hell was that?

Lich:  Heeheehee!!!  I zapped them to the fourth dimension!  They're gone!

Nathan:  Fourth dimension?  But don't we live in a three dimensional world?

Lich:  Oh.  Hmm.... good point.

Nathan:  There is no fourth dimension!

Lich:  Um.... well.... you can't prove that!

(Shake and Irene appear above Yuffie and fall down on top of her)

Shake:  Whoa!  The fourth dimension is damn cool!

Yuffie:  Get off me, you morons!

(Yuffie throws Irene and Shake off of her)

(Lich casts stop, stopping time for Lenore, Nathan, and Shake)

Yuffie:  Damn, this guy is annoying.  Well, at least he isn't as powerful as he said he was.

(Lich casts Nuke, vaporizing everyone)

Charbroiled Yuffie:  I take that back...

(Lich's stop spell wears off)

Lenore:  OW!!!  Holy crap!  What happened?  One minute we were fighting Lich then bam, we're all cooked!

Nathan:  Omigod!  He has the power to make his foes spontaneously combust!

Yuffie:  No he doesn't!

(Irene casts cure 3 on everyone while Yuffie uses her clear tranquil limit break to heal everyone)

Yuffie:  Is there anyway we can beat him quicker?  We won't last too long like this.

Nathan:  Well, he should be weak to fire, shouldn't he?

(Lenore and Yuffie blasts Lich with their fire spells)

Lich:  Hehe.  That tickles!  Yes, I'm weak to fire, but pathetic spells like that won't do much to me!

Nathan:  I think I have an idea.  If you could get him to cast nuke on us again, I might be able to absorb the energy into my flamethrower then unleash it back on him.

Yuffie:  You have a flamethrower?

Nathan:  Um... well, not yet.  But I've been meaning to make one.

Yuffie:  .......

Nathan:  All right!  I'll get to work on one right now!

(Nathan runs off while everyone continues battling Lich)

Nathan:  Oh great.  Stuck in this room.  Let's see... I need materials.  Hmm...

(Nathan rips a stone block from the wall)

Nathan:  But I need something to shape and carve this with.  Something powerful.

(Nathan slips behind Lich, and waits for Yuffie to dart her shurikan at Lich.  When she does, he quickly grabs it right after it slams into Lich)

Yuffie:  HEY!  What's the big deal?

Nathan:  Sorry!

(Nathan steals all of Lenore's gunpowder)

Lenore:  ?!?

Nathan:  Sorry!

Yuffie and Lenore:  You idiot!  This had better be worth it!

Lich:  YEA!  You ruined a perfectly good stone wall, you prick!

(Nathan starts carving at the stone with Yuffie's shurikan)

Nathan:  Ok!  Now it should only take me a couple days and I'll be finished.

Yuffie:  WHAT?  In a couple days, we'll all be finished!

Nathan:  Oh.  That could be a problem.

Lich:  Enough!  Time to nuke you all again!

Yuffie:  Oh crap!

Nathan:  Well, you do what you have to...

(Nathan throws Lenore's gun powder cartridge at Lich just as he casts Nuke on them)

Lich:  What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge....?!?

(There is a lovely fireworks display)

(Everyone appears back in the castle)

Yuffie:  Did we kill it?

(Yuffie coughs out some dust and ash)

Lenore:  I think so.

(Everyone begins dusting themselves off)

Barret:  Yo, shut up down there!  We tryin' to get some damn sleep here!

Yuffie:  ........  damn ingrates.

Nathan:  Let's go.  There's nothing more for us here.

Yuffie:  What a pointless journey.  I'll just be glad to get out of here.  Then I can get back to Wutai and kick Judith's ass.

(Yuffie and her group leave)

(Yuffie looks at Garren, Gern, Garf, and Marankalanevshkofk, who are milling about outside the castle)

Yuffie:  What are you doing?

Garren:  Gods....

Garf:  Wipe...

Gern:  Destruction...

Marankalanevshkofk:  Brains...

Yuffie:  Huh?

(Garren points to the side)

Nathan:  I think he wants us to step over there.

Yuffie:  Whatever.

(Yuffie, Nathan, Lenore, Irene, and Shake step away from the castle... and a huge earthquake rumbles around them.  The castle then crumbles and collapses)

(Yuffie's eyes open wide in surprise)

Yuffie:  Oh... my... GAWD!!!!!

(There is another earthquake)

Nathan:  Huh?  What's going on?

(Another rumble, and everyone loses their balance and fall to the ground.  They then quickly get back up)

Lenore:  Ack!  Whatever it is, we have to get out of here!

Yuffie:  But Barret...

Shake:  He's probably a damn pancake now!

Nathan:  Lenore is right, we have to leave now!

Yuffie:  I... I'll save him!

Lenore:  That's suicidal!

(Another rumbling)

Shake:  Yuffie risking her life something noble?  That's a new one.

(Parts of the ceiling high overhead start falling down.  A rock slams into Lenore's head and Shake gets flatted by a large chunk of dirt)

Yuffie:  Who's the damn pancake now?

Lenore:  .......this... is serious.... we can't stay here...

(Lenore stumbles back, then falls to the ground.  Irene quickly runs over to her and starts casting cure spells)

Nathan:  Crap!  Lenore!  Having a rock fall on you from that height could cause serious injury... if that one hasn't already.

(Chunks of dirt and rock slam down around everyone)

Nathan:  Yuffie, I don't know what you plan on doing, but I have to get Lenore out here.

Yuffie:  Don't worry about me!

(Nathan runs off with Lenore, Irene, and a pancake.... which is Shake, I guess)

(Yuffie runs over to the castle ruins.  Garren, Gern, Garf, and Malenkalanevshkofk shimmy after her)

(Yuffie slams into Saki.  Both of them tumble to the ground, then quickly get up)

Saki:  What the hell did you just do?!?

Yuffie:  Me?!  I didn't do anything!  Where's Barret?

Saki:  Probably crushed to a pulp!  Now that he's dead, my entire deal with Li has collapsed.

Yuffie:  Barret wouldn't die so easily!

Saki:  Oh great!  I'm doomed to live as an undead forever thanks to you!

Yuffie:  Well, hopefully you've learned a valuable lesson.  Don't play with dark gods of death or you'll get burned.

Saki:  What?  How would you like it if you were dead?  You'd better watch it!  I'll gladly make you experience death first-hand.

Yuffie:  Well, I have to beat you anyway, so I might as well do it now.

Saki:  Wait, you can't beat me!  Do I have to show you that again?

(Saki takes the doom orb out of her pocket and holds it up.  It flashes, then Yuffie's License flashes with it)

Saki:  Huh?  It never did that before.

Yuffie:  Oh great, here we go again.

Saki:  Garren, Gern, Garf, Malenkalenevshkofk, stay over there while I take out this arrogant bitch.

Garren:  Watch...

Gern:  Saki...

Garf:  Kill...

Malenkalenevshkofk:  Bitch?
 
 
 
 
 

(Yuffie and Saki are standing at opposite ends of the ruins)

Saki:  Some of us are destined to die no matter what.  Now your time has come!  Enjoy meeting your destiny.

(Saki fires a dark aura bolt across the ruins.  Yuffie quickly dodges out of the way and returns fire with her shurikan.  Because the two are far apart, they easily dodge each other's shots.  Saki starts chanting, and multiple fiery images of her appear and fly towards Yuffie in a zig zag pattern.  While Yuffie gets fried, Saki charges at her and unleashes her kenryu flaming uppercut on her.  Yuffie then counterattacks with her Murasame sword, slashing Saki repeatedly then finishing off the combo by darting a lightning ball at her.)

Saki:  Wait a minute... I'm supposed to be invulnerable to the likes of you.

(Saki puts her arm over her wound)

Saki:  This isn't right!  What are you doing to me?!?

(Saki looks at Garren, Gern, Garf, and Malenkalenevshkofk)

Saki:  Garren, Garf, Gern, Malenkalenevshkofk!

(Saki runs behind the four zombies)

Yuffie:  Cheater!

Saki:  I'm not going to lose to you!

(Two of the zombies start shambling towards Yuffie while the other two run around Saki.  Yuffie slices them down and starts running towards Saki.  Saki shouts and the two zombies reappear far behind Saki and start running towards Yuffie again.  Saki then starts throwing balls of energy at Yuffie with her wave fist.  A bunch of them slam into Yuffie and the other two zombies get in her way and start clawing at her.  Yuffie slices them down as Saki runs up to her and pummels her with repeated punches, but Yuffie is prepared for the attack and quickly turns around and runs the Murasame through Saki.  Saki stumbles back, then grabs Yuffie and suplexes her to the floor.  Yuffie casts cure 2 on herself then using her gauntlet limit break, throws her shurikan at Saki and the remaining two zombies, which explodes on impact)

(Saki coughs out some blood)

Saki:  No..... I thought that I was immortal!  The water orb of eternal life should be protecting me!  And I had Li fully empower my earth orb to prevent me from taking any damage.  What... is this?

Yuffie:  Whoa!  Now that I think about it... for some wierd reason, my weapon never drew blood before.

Saki:  You.... you're trying to kill me!  I won't let you!  I'll kill you first!!!

(Saki spins and causes a huge wind.  She then uses that wind to throw a bunch of air blades at Yuffie.  Yuffie runs up against the wind and dodges most of the airblades, but some of them slash into Yuffie and she gets slammed back to the far end of the ruins.  Saki then stops throwing air blades and shouts, reviving her four zombies again.  This time, all four start running towards Yuffie.  Saki sends several earth slashes along the floor at Yuffie.  Yuffie slices the four zombies down, and darts her shurikan at Saki.  Saki recovers herself with her chakra move, and uses her revive shout on the four zombies just as Yuffie runs up to her and smashes her with the Murasame.  Yuffie kicks Saki and slashes her with the conformer, then punches Saki in the face.  Saki quickly jumps backwards as Gern, Garren, Garf, and Malenkalenevshkofk run past her and attack Yuffie.  Yuffie burns them down with her fire materia, but is caught off guard as Saki runs up to her and X attacks her, punching her four times hard in rapid succession.  Yuffie backflips away and casts cure 2 on herself, then charges up to Saki and uses her Doom to the Living limit break, slashing Saki fifteen times with her shurikan and finishing off the combo with an upwards slice.  Saki stumbles backward and kneels down and Yuffie wipes some sweat off her own forehead)
 

(Saki stands up)

Saki (bleeding heavily):  I can't believe this...

(Saki falls back against a large piece of rubble)

Yuffie:  Ha... I won, right?  Hey... are you okay?

(Yuffie walks over to Saki and looks at the blood spreading among the piece of rubble, then backs up in shock)

Saki:  I'm... dying... but this time... for real.  How....?

(Saki slowly looks at Yuffie)

Saki:  What do you care?  From what I heard, you've killed countless numbers of Shinra Soldiers in the past, anyway.  Killing isn't new to you.

Yuffie:  For some reason, this seems different.  This doesn't seem right.

Saki:  I guess I had to finally truly die sometime.  All the medical technology, anti-gods, and orbs of life couldn't prevent it.  All of my efforts were a waste.  There is no fighting against it.  When you are doomed to die, you will die no matter what.  I should have just given in to my death like all of those weak people before me who didn't bother to try.

Yuffie:  Weak people that didn't bother to try...?

Saki:  You don't understand.  I suppose most of them were taken by surprise.  Most of them didn't know that the gods had ordained their deaths.  But if they did, they did nothing to stop it.  They merely accepted the fact that they were screwed, like weak hearted fools.  You've been through it.  I'm sure you know someone like that.

Yuffie:  Aeris...  but she died to save the planet!  She died to save all of us.  I would hardly called her weak-hearted.

Saki:  She didn't die to save the planet.  She died because she had to.

Yuffie:  But that's the point!  She HAD to die!  She... had... to... die...?

Saki:  Do you see what I'm talking about now?  Even if she didn't want to, even if she didn't give a $#)# about what happened to the planet, she still had to die.  Even if she didn't accept her death, even if her friends did everything they could, she would have died, anyway.  There was no stopping it.  Because the gods had written it.  The gods killed her.

Yuffie:  I...

Saki:  Doomed to die no matter what.  To the gods, we are all merely puppets who must do what they want.

(Saki closes her eyes as Yuffie kneels closer to her)

Saki:  I just thought that maybe... I could have fought against it...

Yuffie:  Saki?

(Yuffie bows her head down)

Yuffie:  I... didn't mean to kill you.

(Yuffie stands there in silence for a long time)
 
 
 
 
 

(There is another earthquake)

Yuffie:  ......

(Tina walks up behind Yuffie)

Tina:  Impressive.

(The earth shakes again and more rocks fall down around Yuffie)

Yuffie:  This hero stuff is more than I thought it was cracked up to be...

Tina:  Oh?  You shouldn't feel sorry for her.

Yuffie:  Is what she said true?

Tina:  That depends.

(Tina looks around)

Tina:  Do you believe in destiny?  Do you believe that fate is unchangeable?

Yuffie:  I don't know.

Tina:  Whether you do or not, however, can you prove it?

Yuffie:  No, I can't.

Tina:  There is your answer then.  She was merely feeding you the bunch of lies that Lars told her.

Yuffie:  ........

Tina:  You only have seven more to go.  You can keep the earth orb for now.  You can give it to us soon enough.

Yuffie:  That was a hard battle.

Tina:  Don't worry, if you fail.  We have things covered already.

(Another earthquake)

Yuffie:  What is that?

Tina:  Alas, it looks like Lich was able to activate the earth orb before you destroyed him.  This place will consequently be wiped.  Destroyed, if you will.

Yuffie:  Why would Lich do that?  This was his realm.

Tina:  Who knows.  Last minute revenge, probably.  You should get out quickly.  Farewell.

(Tina walks away and slowly dissappears)

Yuffie:  Barret... BARRET!

(Yuffie looks around)

Yuffie:  Barret?  Are you okay?

Barret:  Down here, foo!

(Yuffie walks over to a huge pile of rubble)

Miner:  We're trapped!  We can't get out!

Yuffie:  This whole underground world is coming down!  You have to!

Barret:  Just get out, yourself!  We'll be fine!

Yuffie:  No!  You'll die!

Barret:  LEAVE!  I said we'll be fine!

Yuffie:  Ok, but if I don't hear from you again, I'll.... um.... er... cry?

Barret:  I didn't know you cared.  But we'll handle ourselves.

Yuffie:  I didn't know I cared either, but fine.  Good luck!

(Yuffie runs off as more rumbling sounds)

Barret:  So how we gettin out of dis mess?

Miner:  We'll dig our way out!

(Digging noises)

Barret:  No, you fool!  Dig UP!!!!
 
 
 

Yuffie:  Nathan, what are you doing here?  I thought you were with Lenore and Shake!

Nathan:  Well, we got as far as the elevator, but the place was crawling with undead!  They seem to want revenge because we killed their master.  Maybe not.  I don't know, because they seemed as eager to get out of here as us.  They were cramming into the elevator like crazy, along with some of those Lunaria guys.  I managed to get Lenore and Shake onto the elevator and to the surface, but I had to stay behind with Irene to hold them off.  After that, they got really pissed and they all blocked the elevator from us.

Yuffie:  So I guess we can't go out through the elevator, huh?

Nathan:  Nope.

Yuffie:  Is there any other way out of here?

(More earthquakes are going on)

Nathan:  Well, I did hear some of the Lunaria guys mention about another elevator in the castle, but it was hidden so they couldn't find it.

(Yuffie looks at a stair case downward that was revealed because everything hiding it was reduced to rubble)

Yuffie:  Well, that's as good a chance as any.

(Yuffie, Irene, and Nathan run down the stair case)

(The three enter a large empty stone room with nothing but a large coffin at the far end)

(Everything is quiet except for the sound of some water dripping in a far off corner)

Yuffie:  Stay here.

(Yuffie walks up to the coffin and reads the label on it.  It reads, "Death Penalty," and opens it to reveal... Vincent Valentine!)

Yuffie:  Vincent?!?  What the hell are you doing there?

Vincent:  Sleeping, what else?

(Vincent flips out of the coffin)

Vincent:  More accurately, sleeping while waiting for you.

Yuffie:  You were waiting for me?  What for?

Vincent:  For you to give me the Doom Materia, of course.  Assuming that Li was right when he said that you were the gods' new chosen fighter.

Yuffie:  Um.... yea, that's me.  But why do you want the Earth Orb?

Vincent:  Earth Orb?  Is that what you call it?  That's what Kafan referred to it as, also.

Yuffie:  Kafan?

Vincent:  Hand it over, then.

Yuffie:  No way!  Why did you join Li, anyway?

(Vincent thinks for a moment)

Vincent:  I have my own score to settle with the gods....

Yuffie:  You mean... that?

(Flashback)

(The PHS rings and Yuffie picks it up)

Yuffie:  Hello?

Vincent:  .......

Yuffie:  HELLO?

Vincent:  .......

(Yuffie hangs up)

(The PHS rings again)

Yuffie:  Dammit!

(Yuffie picks it up)

Yuffie:  Listen, you asshole, I don't like prank callers, so what do you want?

Vincent:  Sorry, force of habit.

Yuffie:  Oh.  Dammit, Vincent, you need to be more talkative.

Vincent:  Brevity is the soul of wit.

Yuffie:  Whatever.  What do you want?

Vincent:  I'm calling to tell you about a special job.  Rumour has it that it was offered by the gods!  After all, the job was referred to as Ehrgeiz, which means, "God's Hand."

Yuffie:  Uh huh.

Vincent:  They say they are giving the two optional characters during the Meteor Incident an invitation to a fighting tournament on a planet in a galaxy far far away.

Yuffie:  Yea, and I would care about this because?

Vincent:  This is our chance of a lifetime!

Yuffie:  Look, Vincent, I could care less if you and Cait Sith were given an invitation to a god fighting tournament!  Bye!

Vincent:  Huh?

(Yuffie hangs up)

Yuffie:  Psh.  Damn optional characters.  What about me?  Huh?

(Flashback ends)

Yuffie:  Okay, so how did the tournament go?

Vincent:  It was a damn hoax!  All they did was take a couple photographs of me then motion capture me using someone else and plugged in the moves of some loser named Godhand and then gave me the boot!

Yuffie:  Yea, I can see why you'd be pissed, then.

Vincent:  Actually, that isn't the real reason why I'm here, but at least you've confirmed the existance of the gods by believing that made-up story.  Back on topic, give me the Earth Orb.

Yuffie:  You can't be serious, can you?  I thought we were friends!

Vincent:  Very well.  We fight, then.  You've beaten the first, second, fourth, and fifth strongest of the undead generals.  But now, let's see if you can beat me!  Now you shall see the true power of being third.

(Vincent shoots Yuffie)

Yuffie:  OW!!!  What the hell did you do that for?

(Yuffie runs off to the side followed by Vincent's bullets)

Yuffie:  Stop it!

(Vincent flips into the air and lands in front of Yuffie, then slashes her face multiple times with his claw.  Yuffie gets knocked back and falls to the ground.  After she gets up, she puts her hands to her face then removes them.  Yuffie stares in surprise at the blood on her hands)

Yuffie:  What?

(Vincent runs by her and elbows her to the ground.  Yuffie quickly flips up and away from him)

Yuffie:  Ow ow ow!!!  Oh my gawd... you ARE serious...

(Yuffie begins using her clear tranquil limit break, although Vincent runs up to her and slashes her multiple times while she's trying to concentrate)

(Yuffie runs away from Vincent, but he flips across the room and in front of her, then shoots her down)

Yuffie:  No fair!  I demand a rematch, you jerk!  I didn't know that we were fighting for real!

Vincent:  You need to get more serious then.  You've been taking this way too lightly, so far.  Now hand over the Earth Orb or I will have to kill you.

(A bazooka blast slams into Vincent's back and explodes)

Vincent:  BLARG!!!

Nathan:  Yuffie!

(Nathan runs up to Yuffie)

Nathan:  I won't let you hurt her!

(Nathan fires again but Vincent dodges out of the way)

Vincent:  Who's this loser?

Nathan:  I'm Yuffie's guardian, that's who!

Vincent:  Look kid, you don't exactly look physically fit to be a bodyguard, and last I checked, Yuffie tended to go off alone by herself.

Yuffie:  When did I ask you to be my guardian, anyway?

Sephiroth:  Vincent!

(Sephiroth runs out of a secret passage in the wall and up to Vincent)

Sephiroth:  It's really pouring up there!  This shelter won't last much longer.

Vincent:  .......  I shall recieve the Earth Orb later.

(Vincent and Sephiroth run off)

(Nathan helps Yuffie up as Irene casts cure spells on her)

Yuffie:  Dammit, Nathan, taking your time, aren't ch'ya?

Nathan:  Sorry!  It's a big room!  It took me a while to figure out that you were in trouble from that far away.

Yuffie:  Nevermind.  OW!

(Yuffie puts her hand to her face)

Nathan:  Are you all right?

(Irene points to the hidden passage that Vincent and Sephiroth took)

(More rumbling and the room starts falling apart)

Nathan:  Damn!

(Nathan, Yuffie, and Irene head for the secret passage)
 
 
 

(An empty room with nothing but two rest rooms)

Nathan:  What?  There's nothing here but two bathrooms.  One for men and one for ladies.

Yuffie:  But Vincent went this way!

Nathan:  At any rate, I guess you should wash off that cut.

Yuffie:  Um, HELLO?  The whole place is exploding around us!  We don't have time for that!

(Irene opens up the ladies' door to reveal an elevator)

Yuffie:  Oh.  Here it is.  Let's get out of here!

(Yuffie and Irene board the elevator)

Yuffie:  Well?  What are you waiting for?

Nathan:  I can't go in there!  That's the ladies' room!

Yuffie:  ......

(Nathan opens up the men's room to reveal another elevator)

Nathan:  Cool!  There's an elevator for men, too.  I'll meet you at the surface.

(Nathan boards the elevator and it takes off)

Yuffie:  ......

Irene:  ??
 
 
 
 
 

(The elevator is going up, but rumbling noises are all around it and it's shaking violently)

Yuffie:  Crap!  Will we make it up in time?

(There is an exploding noise, then the elevator jerks, slamming Yuffie into the wall)

Yuffie:  Oh gawd... I can't take this....

(Yuffie closes her eyes while Irene watches over her)

Yuffie:  If we live through this, wake me when we're at the surface.  I'm so tired.  Two hard one on one fights do that to you, especially when you get the crap beaten out of you in one of them.

(Irene nods as Yuffie loses consciousness)