(Yuffie walks up to a cave with a small rock in front of it)

Yuffie:  Sheesh.

(Yuffie looks at the small rock)

Richiese:  I didn't think you cared anymore.

(Richiese steps out of Yuffie's shadow)

Yuffie:  It's just that I had a busy summer.

(Yuffie jumps over the rock and enters the cave)

Richiese:  I thought we were supposed to say the password!

Yuffie:  Psh.

(Yuffie jumps back outside the cave and looks at the small rock)

Yuffie:  May the Wutai Mafia forever smite its enemies and make lots of money to get rich quick.  ~WM Boss

(The little rock moves aside)

Yuffie:  Dammit, I still don't see why we have to say the stupid password all the time.

(Richiese dissappears as Yuffie enters the Wutai Mafia headquarters)

(There is a huge amount of people in the arena all talking to each other and conversing.  They slowly fade and dissappear.  Yuffie enters.  The arena is quiet and empty, except for Nathan, who's sitting on one of the front seats and playing his gameboy, and Stilt, who's standing at the platform making imitation speeches)

Stilt:  And today, we shall show our tyranical government who the ones that hold the true power are!  All shall cower before the power of the Wutai Mafia!

(Stilt looks at Yuffie)

Stilt:  Halt!  You are entering the presence of the leader of the most powerful gang in all of Wutai!

Yuffie:  Stilt, shut up!

Stilt.  Ok.
 
 

Stilt:  Well, it's good to have Yuffie back at least.

Yuffie:  Hey Stilt, how did things go over the summer?

Stilt:  Beats me.  My parents sent me to summer camp.  Shake got to stay at home because she decided to take up the ball and chain known as the power of the god of speed.  But Richiese told me about your summer.  Seems cool.  Must really be something to save the world from a big meteor all by yourself.

(Yuffie looks around)

Yuffie:  Um.... yea....

Stilt:  So, now that you're back, what will we do today?  Well, first thing's first.  We should procure our "protection" payments from the local populace.

Yuffie:  Oh yea, sure.

(Nathan jumps out of his seat and he and Yuffie leave)

(Nathan, Yuffie, and Richiese come back carrying Shake)

Shake:  Unhand me you stupid jerks!

Stilt:  Quiet, you!  Now that's not how you talk to your protectors!

Shake:  Protectors?  Yo, what's the big deal?!?  Always forcing me to pay these stupid fees and trash!

Stilt:  Ah, you have to remember!  Over here, I am not your brother anymore!  I am Stilt, the leader of the great Wutai Mafia!  And you must now pay for our protection.  So hand over your lunch money!

Shake:  $@$#@....

(Shake reaches into her pockets and gives Stilt 10 gil)

(Stilt whispers to Shake)

Stilt:  Aw, don't be so sad.  I'll give it back to you in an hour.

Nathan:  Protection payment from the local peasants has been recieved.

Stilt.  Good.  We shall make sure that nothing "happens" to you for the rest of the day.  After that, your payment will be up and you will have to renew your protection!

Shake:  .....

Stilt:  Nathan, take her away.

(Nathan leaves with Shake)

Stilt:  Back to our schedule.  I'll read off the minutes of the last meeting.  Well, basically Nathan fragged me a lot in Golden Eye 007.  I still need to get revenge on him for that.  So I propose that today, we head over to Nathan's and play some Golden Eye 007.

Richiese:  Frankly, I don't feel like playing Golden Eye today.  I was thinking about Mario Kart.

(Yuffie looks around the big empty arena again)

Stilt:  Is something wrong?

Yuffie:  The Wutai Mafia used to be huge!  Almost like a secret society.

Stilt:  We aren't a secret society?

Yuffie:  No, I mean they had real power and forced everyone to do their bidding and a ton of people were actually Wutai Mafia members but their membership was secret, so the Mafia had lots of spies.

Stilt:  Well, we have Richiese.

Richiese:  I think I'm a good spy.

Stilt:  What do you propose we do?

Yuffie:  First of all, we really need more than four members...

Stilt:  We have five members.

Yuffie:  No we don't!  Irene doesn't count.  She's been missing for three years.

Stilt:  Irene never quit.  She's just been inactive.

Yuffie:  She left and never came back!  I am quite sure that she's gone forever.

Richiese:  I have to agree with Yuffie.

Stilt:  Hmm... well, do we have any other potential members?

Yuffie:  Aaaaah, not really.  I wish we had Irene back.  Why did she leave, anyway?

Stilt:  Not very polite of her to just leave Wutai without notice and never even drop us a letter.

Yuffie:  Yea.  Whenever I asked dad where she went, he just replied that she left for Midgar.  But why would she do that?

Stilt:  Ah ha!  Now I know what we will do today!  I shall send you and Richiese on an assignment.

Yuffie:  An assignment?

Stilt:  You'll have to do a little detective work.  Your job is to find out whatever happened to Irene and incorporate her back into the Mafia.  It will be our first step back into greatness!

Yuffie:  Um... any idea where to start?

Stilt:  Beats me.  That's your job.  Now I have to go kick Nathan's ass in some Golden Eye 007.

(Stilt leaves)

Richiese:  I think Stilt is only a mediocre leader for our mafia.  But I also feel that he's probably the best we can have right now.

Yuffie:  Whatever.  Any ideas on where to get clues on Irene's whereabouts?

Richiese:  I was told that she lives in Midgar.

Yuffie:  Obviously.  But I dunno.  It doesn't make sense that she would move there.

Richiese:  I remember that you and Lenore were with her the day before she left.

Yuffie:  That's right!  Maybe Lenore knows more.  Let's go talk to her.

(Richiese dissappears as Yuffie leaves the Wutai Mafia headquarters and heads for Wutai)
 
 

Wutai...

Yuffie:  Well, we're here.

(Yuffie wanders around Wutai until she comes across Lenore and Marel)

Lenore:  Hello, Yuffie!  Oh, hi Richiese.

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie)

Marel:  Whoa!  Where'd she come from?

Yuffie:  Oh, Marel, this is Richiese.  She's my official arch nemesis.

Marel:  Your official arch nemesis?

Yuffie:  Yes!  Richiese has declared that she shall be the major villainess that all of Wutai shall fear!  And I, being the daughter of the leader of Wutai, am naturally inclined to fight her.  So we're officially declared to be arch nemesises!

Marel:  I thought Shake or Judith was your arch nemesis.

Yuffie:  Nah, Shake's just the annoying brat for me to get into flame wars with and Judith is just the overworking one who is jealous of my success.

Marel:  Oh.  So... you two are sworn enemies... yet you're together?

(Lenore whispers to Marel)

Lenore:  They're actually best friends because they found that they had something in common in that they were both outcasted from society.

Marel:  Oooookay.

Yuffie:  Hey Lenore, do you remember anything about Irene?

Lenore:  Irene?  Didn't she leave for Midgar or something three years ago and never came back?

Yuffie:  Yea.

Lenore:  Um... well, she dissappeared right after I got Nathan to make my gun for me.  I think it was when he designed your arm and leg guard, too.  Irene got something too, although she never showed us what.  Then the next day, she was gone and everyone told us that she left for Midgar.

Yuffie:  Maybe she just didn't like whatever Nathan made for her?

Lenore:  Maybe.  You think Nathan knows more?

Yuffie:  We could ask him.  Stilt's playing Golden Eye 007 with him right now, so he should be home.

Lenore:  What are we waiting for, then?

Marel:  Who's Irene?

Lenore:  She's just an old friend.  Don't worry about it.

(Richiese dissappears as Yuffie and Lenore leave)
 
 

(Yuffie and Lenore enter Nathan's house)

Yuffie:  Again with the unlocked doors...

Lenore:  I don't see Nathan.  Or his N64 system, either.

(Yuffie picks up a note on the table)

Yuffie:  Ha ha ha!  It says that he left with Stilt to get his N64 repaired because Stilt smashed it in a fit of rage when he couldn't beat Nathan in Golden Eye 007.

Lenore:  Oh.  Perhaps we should leave?

(Yuffie and Lenore look out the window at a run down house in the background)

Yuffie:  Ugh... there's Irene's house.  I never went there after she left because it got all spooky.

Lenore:  Well, if we are to get anywhere with this little investigation, guess we'll have to go there.

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie)

Richiese:  I don't want to go there!  Even I find that place to be scary!

Yuffie:  What are you so worried about?  It's not like you'll be out in the open.

Richiese:  I will go along then, but I still don't think it's a good idea.

Yuffie:  Now that I think about it, the Shinra Mansion was much creepier than that place, anyway.  We should have no problems.

(Richiese jumps behind Yuffie and dissappears as Yuffie and Lenore leave Nathan's house)
 
 

(Yuffie opens up the door to the house and walks inside)

Lenore:  Eww... cobwebs.

Yuffie:  Grossness.  I wonder why most of the furniture is still here.  I would think that Irene's family would have taken it with them to Midgar.

(Yuffie and Lenore head into the basement)

Yuffie:  Eeek.  Big large brick basement.

(A huge spider crawls by)

(The huge spider crawls back and glares at Yuffie)

Lenore:  Ew!  Kill it!  It's probably evil, like all giant spiders.

(Yuffie looks at the giant spider)

Yuffie:  Aw, I think he wants to be friends.

(The spider crawls up to Yuffie, and she pets it)

Yuffie:  See?  I shall name you, "Spidey"!

Spidey:  Moo.

Lenore:  Spidey?

Yuffie:  Cool!  I get a pet giant spider!

(Spidey bites Yuffie and poisons her)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAAAH!!!!  BITCH!  You die now!

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie and counterattacks Spidey while Yuffie darts her shurikan at Spidey, who dies)

Lenore: AAAAAAAAAH!!!!  You KILLED Spidey!  You bastard!

Yuffie:  Ok, you were right.  All giant spiders are inherently evil and deserve to be killed on sight.

Lenore:  Shall we go on?
 
 

(Yuffie, Richiese, and Lenore kill all inherently evil giant spiders on sight until they reach a small room with a book on the shelf)

(There are 3 levers on the wall)

(Yuffie reads the book)

Yuffie:  "I hid a secret.  But I'm stupid so I'm giving a hint to how to solve this puzzle.  Of course, for no reason at all, I'm not going to directly tell you the answer but instead have it hidden in between the lines.  So here it is.  The girl works in the forest at night.  Praise the king."

(Yuffie looks at the three levers)

Yuffie:  Ooooooookay.....

(Yuffie pulls one of the levers but nothing happens)

Lenore:  I think you need to have the right combination of levers pulled.

(Yuffie pulls every combination of levers pulled and unpulled as possible)

Yuffie: WTF?  NOTHING?  But I did every combination possible with three levers!

Lenore:  Maybe the order in which you pull them counts?

(Yuffie pulls them in every possible combination and order of levers possible)

Yuffie:  ARGH!! NOTHING!  Dammit!  I hate it when they have stupid puzzles where the answer is so vague and impossible to figure out that it makes you want to pull out your hair.

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie)

Richiese:  I think there might be a hidden fourth lever.

(Yuffie finds a hidden fourth lever, then pulls every possible combination and order of levers possible)

Yuffie:  $&29)#$&()#*&_%)(*%_)$%*!!!!!!

(Yuffie kicks down the wall in a fit of rage)

Lenore:  Cool!  You did it!

Yuffie:  OOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

(Yuffie grabs her foot in pain)
 
 
 

(Several spiders and other miscellaneous things that go bump into the night later, Yuffie and crew finally reach...)

Yuffie:  A dead end!  Joy!  This better not be another damn puzzle that doesn't give any good hints to its solution.

(Lenore and Yuffie walk up to a teenager their age, who is unconcious on the ground... with lots of cobwebs all over her)

Yuffie:  Ew.... who is this?

(Yuffie and Lenore dust off all the cob webs)

Yuffie:  Irene?

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie)

Richiese:  I think that is Irene...

Lenore:  She does look like Irene would look in three years, I think.

Yuffie:  Is she dead?

Lenore:  Maybe a coma?  Prolonged sleep if you will.

Yuffie:  I wonder what happened...

(A stealthy unhearable sound is heard)

Yuffie:  Dammit, Richiese!  Stop that!

Richiese:  That wasn't me.  Something else is here...

Darkmoore:  (My beautiful darling... I won't let the intruders hurt you.)

Yuffie:  Did you hear something?

Richiese:  I didn't hear anything.

Lenore:  I did...

(All three of them look around as a dark robe [like a jawa] creeps out from the shadows)

Jawa look alike, Darkmoore:  (Intruders, begone!)
 
 
 

(Darkmoore blasts Lenore with a fire2 spell)

Lenore:  Ow!  What the hell is that thing?

(Lenore shoots Darkmoore with her gun while Richiese dissappears behind Yuffie)

(Yuffie smacks Darkmoore with her shurikan)

Darkmoore:  (I won't let you lay a finger on my precious darling!)

(Darkmoore summons an earthquake from the floor, causing the floor to burst upwards which sends Yuffie and Lenore slamming into the ceiling then back down)

(Richiese quickly jumps out from under Yuffie as she falls to the floor and slams her claws into Darkmoore then dissappears)

(Yuffie and Lenore get up)

Yuffie:  Holy crap!

(Lenore casts cure on herself and Yuffie)

(Yuffie swings her arm in an upward arc, and Richiese quickly jumps out from behind her and lands behind Darkmoore.  Richiese then grabs Darkmoore while Yuffie runs up to him and spin drills her shurikan into him)

(Richiese stabs Darkmoore in the back then dissappears)

Darkmoore:  (My darling... I refuse to fall to these...)

(Darkmoore's magic attack power gets greatly enhanced)

(Lenore casts her holy light spell on Darkmoore, blasting him.  Darkmoore then uses his countermagic ability to blast Lenore back with that same holy light spell)

Yuffie:  GO!

(Richiese quickly dashes up to Darkmoore and slashes him, then jumps out of the way right in time for Yuffie's shurikan to slam into him)

Darkmoore:  (I can't do this!  But it won't be soon until I am back with my precious darling again...)

(The robes slump to the floor)
 
 

(Yuffie steps up to the robes and steps on them)

Yuffie:  Just a bunch of robes?

Lenore:  What was that thing talking about?

Yuffie:  Something about his "darling."  Guess that thing fell in love with Irene or something, even though she's in a coma.

Richiese:  I didn't hear him say anything.

Lenore:  You must not have been paying attention.  He talked loud and clear.

Richiese:  He did?

(Yuffie and Richiese walk back up to Irene)

Richiese:  I feel sorry for Irene.

Yuffie:  Well, we don't even know what happened to her.  So now what?

(Lenore takes a piece of paper from Irene)

Lenore:  Well, this thing here says "Made by Edrick's Super Duper Clockwork Company."

Yuffie:  Well that helps a lot, not!  We don't even know where that is!

Darkmoore:  (Take a right at the Turtle paradise, go down the street, walk past the river, and go around the mountain.  Once you get beyond the Clockwork Tower, you'll be able to meet the wiseguy of the mountain and he'll help you.)

Yuffie:  Thanks!

Richiese:  Thanks for what?  I didn't hear anything.

Lenore:  Hmm... that's odd.  Well, maybe Richiese has something special about her shadow abilites that keep her from hearing that thing.
 
 

(Later...)

Yuffie:  I'm starting to get real tired of running across this puny continent all the time.

Lenore:  Well, this was an OPTIONAL side quest.  You didn't have to do this.

Yuffie:  Shaddup.
 
 
 

(Yuffie and Lenore arrive in front of a huge clock tower)

Yuffie:  Gee... you'd think I'd notice something like this in my entire life at Wutai.

(Lenore and Yuffie enter the clockwork tower)

(Lenore walks up to a grapling hook in a glass case)

Lenore:  "In case of someone falling down a bottomless pit, break glass"

(Lenore breaks the glass and grabs the grapling hook)

(A robot ninja runs up and slams into Yuffie)

Yuffie:  The hell?

(Yuffie smacks its head off and it explodes)

Lenore:  Must be security.  But we have to get through.

Yuffie:  Um... what did we do with Irene?

Lenore:  We did what everyone does with their party members when one of them gets wounded but no one has any phoenix downs.

Yuffie:  And that is....?

Lenore:  Beats me.  I guess we stuffed her in the sack where we hold all our items.

Yuffie:  Oh yea!  Forgot about the infinite item sac.  We can store tents in that thing for crying out loud.

(Yuffie, Lenore, and Richiese fight past a couple more kamikaze ninja clockworks until they reach a place with lots of platforms hovering over a bottomless pit)

(A clockwork ninja slides down a rope, chucks a shurikan at Yuffie, then continues to slide down into the bottomless pit)

Yuffie:  Gee.... I didn't think clockworks were so automated.

Lenore:  Yea.

Richiese:  I don't even know what a clockwork is.

Yuffie:  They're robots or something.

(Yuffie and Lenore jump across the platforms until they reach swinging pendulums over the pit)

Yuffie:  Great.

Lenore:  You're the ninja.  You go first.

(Yuffie times her jumps and lands on the pendulum and gets across.  She then throws the grapling hook, and Lenore grabs onto it and gets pulled across)

Lenore:  Wow!  That grappling hook is pretty cool.

(Yuffie looks up and sees a huge system of pendulums and moving platforms above that she'll have to jump across.)

Yuffie:  AW CRAP.

Tiamat:  On a side note, there is also a huge portrait of Cervas in the background.

(Yuffie jumps for the next pendulum but mistimes her jump.  Yuffie misses the pendulum as it swings away and falls into the bottomless pit.  Richiese quickly jumps out of Yuffie's shadow before she falls)

(A slamming noise is heard)

Richiese:  I thought the pit was bottomless.

(The grapling hook flies out from the bottomless pit and latches onto Richiese)

Richiese:  EEEEEEEEK!

(Yuffie uses the hook to pull herself up as Richiese chokes)

Yuffie:  Oops!

(Richiese dissappears)

Yuffie:  Damn, that hurt...

Lenore:  You'd better be careful.  You can only fall down a bottomless pit so many times before you die or something.

(Yuffie jumps across some more pendulums and makes her vertical ascent, getting Lenore to follow via grapling hook whenever she lands on a stable platform.  After a bunch of clockwork ninjas and a couple of instances where Lenore or Richiese had to take over the athletics, they finally reach the top)

Lenore:  Whew!  That was exhausting.  We're really high up.

(Lenore looks out the window)

Richiese:  I think we're supposed to get on the roof.

(Yuffie, Lenore, and Richiese enter the door that leads to the roof)
 
 

    A huge flying clock hovered in the background.  It had a bunch of automated clockworks on it as well as a special clockwork in the center.  Two clockwork ninjas jumped from the clock onto the roof and started attacking Yuffie and Lenore with shurikans, sword attacks, and kamikaze charges.  After they were taken out with a quick toss of Yuffie's shurikan and smashed with Richiese's claws, two samurai clockworks jumped from the clock and attacked with sword dances and draw outs.  Afterwards, the last two monk clockworks jumped from the clock and...

Konami Lawyer:  Tiamat, if you don't stop this rip off of a level from a Konami game, we shall have to sue your sorry ass!

Tiamat:  Sheesh!  Well EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!  It's not like I'm going to be selling this video game for profit.... hmm...

(Tiamat grins evily)

Tiamat:  I wonder how much money I could make if I sold this.

(After jumping onto the clock for a quickie battle with Bridgette, who was the head clockwork, the clock explodes and Yuffie and Lenore get sent falling to the ground, where they fall through the roof of a house and land in front of a man with a large fluffy beard)

Yuffie:  Ouch!

(Yuffie looks at the man)

Yuffie:  You must be the wiseguy of the mountain!

Wiseguy:  And you must be an idiot for going through that clockwork tower instead of using the simple road back there to get to my house.

Yuffie:  ......Shut up, wiseguy.

Wiseguy:  What do you want?

Lenore:  We need you to help a friend of ours.

(Yuffie pulls Irene out of the item sack)

Yuffie:  So now what, wiseguy?  Can you help us?

Wiseguy:  Hmm... I need some more medical instruments.  Head to a young man's house by the name of Nathan and get me a box marked "Clockwork devices, NOT medical instruments" and bring it to me!

Lenore:  That doesn't sound so hard.

(Yuffie and Lenore leave)

(The wiseguy waits until they're gone, then happily dances around)

Wiseguy:  Heeheehee!

(The wiseguy rips off his beard to reveal... Edrick!  With white hair.)

Edrick:  I can't believe it!  After all these years!  They came back!  They came back!

(Edrick quickly stops dancing, then quickly puts his hand to his chin where he ripped off his beard)

Edrick (in extreme pain):  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
 
 

Nathan:  Whew!  I thought it was a goner!

(Nathan pats his N64 then plugs it in)

Stilt:  Yep.  It's working perfectly again.  See?  I told you it wasn't a big deal.

Nathan:  Hurry up and pick your character.

(A couple of sound effects and shooting noises occur)

Stilt (thinking about the game):  (Ha ha ha.  There he is with his back turned to me!  I'm going to shoot him now!)

Nathan:  (I wonder if he knows that he's standing on the proximity mine I placed there)

(An explosion sound effect is heard and dying music follows.  Stilt glares at the screen)

Stilt:  BAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Stilt karate chops the N64, which promptly explodes)

Nathan:  ......

(Yuffie, Lenore, and Richiese run in)

Yuffie:  Excuse us, Nathan, but can we borrow that box you have hidden in your top shelf?

Nathan:  Um... the cookie box?  Sure, go ahead.  It's empty right now anyway.

(Yuffie takes the clockwork box next to the cookie box and rushes out with Lenore)

Nathan:  Why are you still staring at the screen?  The N64 broke!

Stilt:  I think I can still see my score etched into the screen!  It's higher than yours!

Nathan:  Argh!  Whatever.  I have to get my repair kit out now.  The N64 isn't beat up badly enough to bring it to the shop again.  It only blew up, unlike last time when you threw it into the blender.

(Nathan reaches into the shelf and takes out the cookie box)

Stilt:  Cookies?  Cool!  I'm starved.

Nathan:  They took my clockwork box?  Why would they...

(The phone rings and Nathan picks it up)

Nathan:  Hello?

Edrick:  Nathan my boy!  Guess what?  They came back!

Nathan:  Who is this?  Edrick?  What the hell?  I thought you gave up on clockworks when the authorities busted you!

Edrick:  Well I did.  And if I ever find out who ratted on me to the authorities, I'll KILL HIM!

Nathan:  Ulp...

Edrick:  But I've decided to continue my experiments!  Because they came back!  Ha ha ha!  I shall design the greatest clockworks EVER!  And you're welcome to help.  They should be arriving back at my lab any moment now with my tool box.

(Nathan hangs up)

Stilt:  What's wrong?

Nathan:  We have to go, NOW!

(Nathan runs out the door)
 
 
 
 

(Yuffie is sitting on the table drinking some Mocha coffee while Lenore is reading a book on ancient legends)

Edrick:  Irene will be fine!  Just wait a little longer.

(Edrick looks at Irene, who's lying on his counter)

Edrick:  Hmm...

(Edrick takes out a remote control and presses a button.  But nothing happens)

Edrick:  What the...

(Edrick removes a small device from Irene's hair and starts fiddling with it using his tools)

Lenore:  Doesn't the wiseguy look familiar to you, now that he got rid of his beard?

Yuffie:  I think so.  But I can't quite put my finger on it.

Edrick:  Who changed the frequency...?  Of course, not like it would help much.  I'll have to fix the main CPU.  After that, I'll figure out the correct frequency.

(Edrick puts the device back in Irene's hair and takes out another one.  After a couple of repairs, he puts it back)

Edrick:  She should be okay now.  But could you step over there?

Yuffie:  Us?

Edrick:  Yea.  I need room.

(Yuffie and Lenore step into a corner)

Edrick:  Now I'll just push this button and everything will be all right!

(Edrick pushes a button and a huge boot slams out of the wall into Yuffie and Lenore's back, who scream as they are kicked across the room and slammed into the wall on the opposite end)

Yuffie:  What...?

Edrick:  Oops!  Wrong button!  I think this was the right one.

(Edrick presses another button and a huge explosion blasts Yuffie and Lenore into the center of the room)

Lenore:  AAAAAAAH!

Edrick:  Oh!  Here we go!

(Edrick presses another button and a large boulder falls from a trap door in the ceiling and slams into Yuffie and Lenore, sending them flying in opposite directions)

(Yuffie gets up and falls against the wall)

Yuffie:  I... don't feel so good...

Lenore:  Ungh....

(Edrick quickly runs up to Yuffie as Richiese jumps behind him)

Edrick:  You two are mine now!  I should never had let you escape before.  I hadn't even began to develop the perfect clockwork when the damn police stopped me three years ago!  Only a couple cosmetics and small devices like that arm guard and gun were completed, and they were all done by my apprentice.

(Richiese stabs Edrick in the back)

Edrick:  AWK!  What the hell?  Where did you come from?!?

Richiese:  I don't like it when someone sends a large boulder crushing down on my friends!

(Edrick pushes a button and a spring pops up from the floor, but Richiese jumps out of the way)

(Edrick takes out his gun)

Edrick:  That's it!  I'll kill you, you little pest!

Yuffie:  Damn!  I think I just felt a new level of pain.

(Lenore and Yuffie get up)

Lenore:  You jerk!

Edrick:  So much for my ambush.  But I'll take you all out anyway!

Yuffie:  Gee, this psycho needs to take a chill pill or something.

(Edrick snipes Lenore's arm and a resounding cracking noise is heard as Lenore screams)

Lenore (holding her temporarily broken arm):  Damn!  And I thought getting kicked into a wall and crushed by a rock hurt...

(Richiese jumps behind Yuffie and dissappears as Yuffie uses her clear tranquil limit break)

(Edrick snipes Yuffie's arm too)

Yuffie:  Aw shit!  What kind of loser shoots people in the arm, anyway?

(Edrick blasts Yuffie in the leg)

Yuffie:  AAAAAAAAH!

Lenore:  The same kind of loser that shoots people in the legs, I guess.

(Richiese jumps out from behind Yuffie and casts Dark Bomb on Edrick, then dissappears)

(Edrick takes out a huge camera and blinds Yuffie and Lenore with its large flash, revealing Richiese for a moment.  He then snipes Richiese in the leg before she could dissappear again)

Richiese:  Uh oh... I think we're screwed.

Yuffie:  This sucks!  I hate status ailments and cheap pot shots.

(Edrick takes out a bio blaster and fires a huge cloud of poison gas at everyone, poisoning them)

Lenore (coughing):  This is only getting worse!

(A healing light sweeps over Lenore, Yuffie, and Richiese, recovering all their status ailments)

Edrick:  What the hell?

(Edrick turns around and looks at Irene, who has gotten up)

Edrick:  What are you doing?  You're supposed to work for me!

Yuffie:  Woohoo!  Irene decided to help us out, and for some reason she can use healing magic!

Lenore:  That's odd... I never knew she had any Esuna materia of any sort.

Yuffie:  Who cares?  Let's show this wiseguy who's boss!

(Richiese blasts Edrick with an unholy light spell, then dissappears behind Yuffie.  Yuffie then blasts him with a fire two spell)

(Edrick pounds Lenore with a hammer)

(Lenore shoots Edrick in the arm with her gun and a loud cracking noise is heard)

Lenore:  Cool!  I wondered if that would work!

(Lenore figures out how to do sniping moves)

Edrick:  ACK!  Sons of bitches!

Yuffie:  Sons?

Edrick:  Computer, floor crush!

(The floor underneath Lenore rises up and crushes her against the ceiling, then falls back down)

(Lenore gets up)

Lenore:  Ow... oh great, now he's using the traps again.

(Richiese smacks Edrick down then dissappears as Yuffie runs on top of him and slams her shurikan into him)

(Irene closes her eyes and a protective barrier forms around Yuffie)

(Edrick's arm gets better and he takes out a chainsaw and slashes at Yuffie with it, but the barrier blocks it)

(Lenore slashes Edrick with her sword)

Edrick:  Preposterous... that I should lose to my own... but I shall make my escape now!  You'll never catch me.  What was left of the entire Wutai ninja elite couldn't catch me three years ago, and I won't let you, either!

(Cervas appears behind Edrick as he turns to run.  He looks at her.)

Edrick:  My original clockwork!  What are you doing here?

Yuffie:  Uh oh.

Lenore:  Cervas is still alive after all this time?  Oh great...

(Cervas takes off her triangle hat and smiles)

Cervas:  Father....

Edrick:  Yes!  Take care of these pests for me!

Cervas:  I don't listen to you anymore.  You gave me away to the Wutai Mafia, remember?  They are the Wutai Mafia.

Edrick:  What?  I didn't mean to.  The Wutai Mafia threatened to close down my company if I didn't give them my prototype...

Cervas:  You were a weak man.  If only you resisted, things might have different.  And now you're trying to prove to yourself that you are strong by picking on poor teenagers and trying to turn them into your mindless slaves?  I'm not with the Wutai Mafia anymore, but I will grant them one last favor.  This shall also be repayment for all the suffering you put me and the rest of my fellow clockworks through.  Farewell, father.

Edrick:  What?  NO!!!

(Cervas casts quick, and in less then a second Edrick and she are gone and there is nothing but blood where Edrick was standing)

Yuffie:  Ew...

Lenore:  Was it Edrick who designed my gun?  But I'm almost sure that Nathan was it.

Yuffie:  What was with that freak?  Why'd he do that?

Lenore:  I guess that the arm guard that Nathan designed and my gun reminded him so much of his once glorious clockwork company, that he freaked.

Yuffie:  Well, at least he got Irene out of her coma.

Irene:  ??

Lenore:  I wonder what Nathan designed for Irene, anyway.

(Yuffie and Lenore walk up to Irene.  Two huge wings open up from a small backpack and slam Yuffie and Lenore into the wall)

Yuffie:  Sheesh!

Lenore:  Cool!  Nathan gave her some sort of angelic powers or something!  That might explain her healing magic.

Yuffie:  Nathan must have screwed up.  I don't think that design is based on an angel.

Lenore:  Sure it is!  How beautiful.  I always thought that angels were majestic beings.

Yuffie:  She's a damn bird!  She's preening her feathers, for crying out loud.

(Yuffie and Lenore look at Irene, who's cleaning her wings off.  Her wings quickly flutter, then close back into the backpack)

Richiese:  Bird or not, I think it's a good thing that we have Irene back now.

(Nathan and Stilt run in)

Stilt:  Ok, so we're finally here after you got lost all the time.  Now can you tell me what's going on?

Nathan:  No time!  We have to stop Edrick!

Stilt:  Well gee, I think we would have had much more time if you didn't take the wrong turn at that road back there, TWICE!

(Nathan looks at Yuffie, Richiese, and Lenore.)

Nathan:  What?

Yuffie:  Way to go, oh knight in shining armour.  For your information, we had to save ourselves!

Lenore:  How did you know that we were here?  And how did you know where this place wass?

Stilt:  Well, one thing's for sure, he didn't know where this place wass.  We must have gotten lost like ten times before we finally got here by trial and error.

Nathan:  Don't blame me!  It's been three years since I last came here for... uh...

(Nathan looks at everyone, who is staring at him)

Nathan:  To get the materials from Edrick to make you guys all those cool thingamajigs!

Yuffie:  Uh huh.  And you knew that Edrick was an evil psychopath who enjoyed capturing young girls because...?

Nathan:  Oh, it's not that he enjoys capturing young girls.  It's just that you two were...

(Nathan looks at everyone, who is staring at him)

Nathan:  (Oh crap.  So now what?)

Yuffie:  Do you know something we don't?

Nathan:  Um...

(Nathan looks at Irene then has a shocked look on his face)

Nathan:  AAAAAAAAH!!!  She's come back to haunt me!

(Nathan runs away)

Irene:  ??

Richiese:  I think Nathan is smoking some serious crack.

Stilt:  Mission accomplished at least.  We have Irene back now!  Although I don't know why we lost her in the first place.

Irene:  !!

Yuffie:  Maybe those stupid giant spiders gave her a venom that induced that coma?

Lenore:  That still doesn't explain why Edrick knew the antidote.

Yuffie:  Whatever.  Let's head back to the headquarters to discuss this.  Looking at that pile of blood on the floor is starting to freak me out!

Lenore:  Headquarters?

(Everyone looks at Lenore)

Stilt:  Oh great... I forgot.  We had a nonmember here.

Lenore:  Member of what?

(Stilt whispers to Yuffie)

Stilt:  She might know too much now!  We might have to kill her!

Yuffie:  Stop joking around!

Stilt:  Well, if you want us to be great again, we'll have to retain the secrecy of the WM too.

(Yuffie walks up to Lenore)

Yuffie:  You have no idea that we're the Wutai Mafia, right?

Lenore:  Other than Cervas saying that you were, nope!

(Yuffie looks at Stilt)

Yuffie:  See?  It's all right!

Stilt:  Fine.  Let's just get back to headquarters then.
 
 

(Back at Headquarters, without Lenore of course...)

Stilt:  Irene, welcome back!

Irene:  ??

Stilt:  Well, we're back to our full five membership, again.

Yuffie:  Still too little.

Stilt:  We can work on it later.  At any rate, we also had our first victim for failing to comply with the Mafia's wishes.

Richiese:  I am not sure if Cervas killing Edrick for trying to kidnap us counts as a kill of someone for annoying the Wutai Mafia.

Stilt:  Hey, she killed him in the name of the Wutai Mafia, didn't she?

Yuffie:  I guess.  Hey Irene, thanks for saving me back there.

Irene:  :)

Stilt:  Hmm... she doesn't seem very talkative anymore.  Do all people that come out of comas act like this?

Richiese:  I don't think so...

Yuffie:  Now that Irene is back, where will she live?  Her house is an absolute hell hole, now.

Stilt:  My family would get pissed at me if I took her in.

Richiese:  I don't even have a house.  I live in the shadows.  Well, actually, I live in that house across the street, but it's filled with cats, so I think Yuffie's house would be best.

Yuffie:  Oh gee, thanks, not.

Irene:  :(

Yuffie:  Oh nevermind!  I'll let her stay with me for a while then.

(Nathan walks in and looks at Irene)

Stilt:  You need to calm down.  What's wrong, anyway?

Nathan:  N... nothing.  Can I talk with Irene for a moment?

Stilt:  Whatever.  This meeting is ajourned.

(Everyone leaves except Nathan and Irene)

Nathan:  .....

Irene:  ??

(Nathan walks up to Irene and waves his hand in front of her)

Nathan:  Hello?

(Irene looks at Nathan)

Nathan:  Just what I thought.  Gone.

Irene:  ??

Nathan:  Would you ever forgive me?  This was my fault.  I was too cowardly to go up against him.  I allowed you, Yuffie, and Lenore to fall victim to his evil clockwork project.  That man threatened me more than the Wutai Mafia ever did to anyone.

Irene:  !!

Nathan:  Perhaps I didn't totally fail.  The authorities came and busted him before he could touch Yuffie and Lenore.  But by then, it was too late for you.  I'm sorry, I won't ever let it happen again.

(Nathan stops and thinks for a moment)

Nathan:  Up until now, I had let Yuffie and Lenore run off on their own adventures without me.  Even though I had the ability to keep up with them using all of Edrick's clockwork tracking systems, I figured that they wouldn't have a use for someone who's too engrossed in computers to learn how to fight.  But one day, when I was browsing through the library at Kesley's academy, I came across a book on Edrick's clockwork experiments.  I guess that made me realize that perhaps it's my responsibility to make sure that they were safe.  I know that as a hero I'm extremely incompetant and definately not athletic at all, but that's still no excuse for not trying.  From now on, things will be different.  I'm going to help both of them succeed to the best of my pathetic ability!

Irene:  :)

Nathan:  Take care of Yuffie for me, Irene.  Maybe someday, I'll find a way to undo Edrick's automation process.
 
 
 

(Yuffie's house.  Yuffie opens the door and walks in with Irene following her)

Yuffie:  Ack!  You can stay in the basement.  Just watch out for that cage that falls down on you if you get into the computer room.

(Irene looks around)

Yuffie:  I still think she would have been just fine living with all of Richiese's stupid cats...