The Adventures of Yuffie Kisaragi Video Game?
Aeris: Hi, all! I'm home!
(Aeris enters the Seventh Heaven)
Yuffie: Word up, Aeris! Wait a minute...
Cid: What the hell? I thought Aeris was dead!
Tifa: (Aw crap. Aeris came back from the grave to haunt me or something because I married Cloud)
(Cloud walks in)
Cloud: Hi!
Tifa: Cloud! Where were you!? And what is Aeris doing, here? Isn't she, like, dead?
Aeris: What are you talking about? I'm not dead! When did I die?
Tifa: Sephiroth killed you!
Aeris: He did?
Yuffie: Damn, this is soooo confusing.
Tifa: Cloud, what's going on?
Cloud: I got Aeris back! Isn't that neat?
Tifa: NO!
Vincent: I thought Squaresoft didn't put in any ressurection process.
Cloud: I didn't ressurect her. I simply time travelled!
Tifa: How?
Cloud: I found this strange time device, and those nice squaresoft executives let me time
travel back in time and save Aeris but we got stuck on another Final Fantasy place and Aeris
and I got to make a special appearance in another Squaresoft game, Final Fantasy Tactics!
Yuffie: Damn, what a run-on sentence...
Vincent: You got to be a secret character in a Squaresoft videogame?
Tifa: Does this mean I'm not married to Cloud anymore?
Aeris: Yeah, I did a little time travelling too and stopped that:)
Tifa: WHAT?!
Yuffie: Hmm.... (Cool!)
Vincent: Why doesn't Squaresoft make me a secret character?
Cid: Ha! You'd probably get a part in that game, "Parasite Eve" and be some mitochrondria
infested vampire!
Vincent: ........ (Gee, that'd actually be pretty cool. Any Squaresoft executive paying
attention here?)
(Disgruntled Postal Worker bursts in)
Disgruntled Postal Worker: Mail for Cloud and Tifa!
Cloud: Hey, what's that?
(Cloud and Tifa start reading the letter)
Tifa: Wow! Squaresoft is inviting me to be in their latest fighting game, Ehrgeiz!
Cloud: Me too! (How do you spell Ehrgeiz?)
Vincent: Cloud get's to be a secret character AGAIN?!
Cid: Damn, man. Ah well. I don't care. I get to be in EVERY Final Fantasy game!
Vincent: WHAT?
Cid: Yeah! Every Final Fantasy Game has a "Cid," even Tactics!
Yuffie: Damn.
Cid: 'Ep. Leave it to good old cid!
Fat Cid with beard from FFII: CID POWER!
Fat Cid with beard from FFIV: CID POWER!
Medium weight Cid from FFV: CID POWER!
Fat Cid with 'stach from FFVI: CID POWER!
Skinny Cid with cigar from FFVII: CID POWER!
Extremely powerful wierd looking Cid from FFVII: TG CID POWER!
Vincent: ????
Aeris: DAMN! Cloud's going to be in another game WITH TIFA?
Tifa: (DAMN! Aeris is still alive, and is ruining my life)
Vincent: Sigh, I guess Tifa was destined to be in a fighting game. She just looks so much
like a fighting game character. Well, that and Lara Croft's long lost cousin.
Tifa: Ah well. So long! (Stupid Aeris) Come on, Cloud!
(Tifa drags Cloud out to head to Square Headquarters)
Vincent: Cloud sucks. He's just some spiky haired freak.
Cid: And your just a friggin vampire!
Vincent: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!
Aeris: .... (Gets all teary eyed) SO that's it? It's over? I don't get to appear in any
more Squaresoft games?
Vincent: At least you DID appear in another Square game.
Cid: Heh heh. I always appear in other Square games. Slightly mutated, though.
Yuffie: Gee.... I came across a startling revelation!
(Yuffie leaves)
Vincent: Where the hell is she going?
Red XIII, Barret, and Cait Sith: WHY THE HELL AM I NOT IN THIS FAN FIC?
(Yuffie uses her ninja skills and penetrates deep into Squaresoft HQ)
Yuffie: Ah ha! The file room!
(Yuffie starts rummaging through files. Suddenly, Sakaguchi and Amano come in!)
Sakaguchi (Head Squaresoft Exec): I thought I heard a noise in here.
Amano (Squaresoft Artist): Hey! Look! It's one of those Japanese girls that dresses like
an anime/videogame character for parties! Wow! The resemblance is striking!
Sakaguchi: Uh oh. That's the real Yuffie.
Yuffie: Materia hunter extraordinaire!
Amano: Um... who's Yuffie?
Sakaguchi: Don't you remember? She's a FFVII character.
Amano: Really? I played through FFVII and never got a character named Yuffie.
Sakaguchi: .....
Yuffie: .....
Amano: Was she like some secret character I missed?
Yuffie: .....
Sakaguchi: Ahem, anyway, why are you here?
Yuffie: I'm trying to find out what video game Square is going to put me in!
Sak (I got tired of typing Sakaguchi and decided to abreviate): Huh?
Yuffie: Don't you get it? First Cloud got into a Square game with Aeris. Next, he got
into a Square game with Tifa! The next female up in line to be in a Square game with Cloud is
me:)
Sak: Say what?
Yuffie: Wow! I can't wait!
Sak: Huh? We're not putting you in another Square game!
Yuffie: What? But, Aeris and Tifa got to...
Sak: ...... Didn't I already tell you? You're not popular!
Yuffie: Sure I am! I mean, I AM, right?
Sak: Obviously, you don't pay attention to player polls on the internet.
Yuffie: Uh oh...
Sak: We're not making another Square game with you. By the time we even will start thinking
about putting Cloud in another game, FFVIII will be out.
Yuffie: You mean... I don't get to...
Amano: Aw. She's sad. Like my art.
Sak: Shut up. Where's security when you need it?
Yuffie: Never mind. I'm leaving.
(With a broken heart, once again, Yuffie leaves the room)
Amano: FFVII characters suck. That's what you get for hiring a different artist to design them.
Sakaguchi: SHUT UP!
Yuffie: Dear Da-Chao, if you truly do help those in need...
Da-Chao: Crap. Someone's praying to me. Damn.
Yuffie: I never asked much of you before, but I need a favor.
Da-Chao: Never asked much of me before? What about, "Gimme all the materia in the world!"?
Yuffie: If you could find it in your heart, could you convince Saki to give me a role in a
Square video game with Cloud?
Da-Chao: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach! Feed me!
Leviathan: Damn, you're greedy! I'd better help the girl before she decides to do something
like commit suicide.
(Leviathan goes to visit his liege, Bahamut, on the Moon)
Leviathan: Bahamut? You there?
Tiamat (in Bahamut costume): Um... yes!
Tiamat: (I love posing as dad while he's away preparing for his role in the next Square game!)
Leviathan: That town that worships me needs help.
Tiamat: (Damn! WHY DOES LEVIATHAN GET A TOWN THAT WORSHIPS HIM AND NOT ME? IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT HE GETS TO BE THE KING OF THE SUMMONED MONSTERS!)
Leviathan: Hey, help me get in good with the Square Execs to get her in a game!
Tiamat: (I'll show those Wutaians who the real god should be!) Leviathan, you're a loser! I
should be the Wutai god!
Leviathan: Huh? OH NO! IT'S TIAMAT!
(Tiamat eats Leviathan)
Tiamat: Heh. Now that the competition is gone, I need a way to prove to Wutai that I'm more
godly than Leviathan. I know! I'll get that girl in a Square game! Then Wutai will know the
power of the great Tiamat! Hmm... but how will I go about getting her into a Square game?
I know! I'll do the same thing Cloud did! Time Travel! I need to get my hands on that time
travel machine Cloud used to get into tactics! Hmm... Maybe I'll need help. Hey, Kraken, old
buddy, could you do me a favor?
Kraken: No.
Tiamat: Aw, come on! I helped you take over the mermaid's shrine a long time ago! You owe me!
Kraken: Yeah, I took over the shrine. Then those freaking light warriors broke in and mugged
me! Damn assholes!
Tiamat: Don't blame me if you couldn't beat those light warriors! Wimp!
Kraken: HEY! You couldn't beat them either!
Tiamat: That's because that lazy bum, Warmech, didn't help me! As far as I know, there's even
only a 1 in 64 chance that he tried to fight the light warriors at all!
Warmech: STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME!
(Warmech nukes Tiamat)
Tiamat: OUCH!
Kraken: Heh. Ah well. Fine. I'll help you. What do you want?
Tiamat: Help me break into Square HQ and steal that time device.
Kraken: That's stupid. We have our own time device. That black orb that we used in FFI.
Remember?
Tiamat: Oh yeah! Cool! We can use that!
(Tiamat and Kraken head over to the black orb)
Kraken: Shit. Only Garland knew how to use it.
Tiamat: Looks easy!
(Tiamat grabs the black orb and gets elecrocuted)
Tiamat: OUCH!
Kraken: Hmm...
Tiamat: This sucks. How does this thing work?
(Tiamat smacks the orb and dissappears)
Kraken: Huh?
(A huge Tyranosaurus appears with Tiamat in its mouth)
Tiamat: Help!!!
Kraken: Okay, now that it works, what do we do?
Tiamat: We simply teleport Yuffie into a Square game!
Kraken: Sure. Know how to make it teleport people into Square games?
Tiamat: I..... ......... .......hmm.......This sucks.
(Back at Wutai)
Chekhov: YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! Leviathan is gone!
Staniv: Uh huh. Yeah, sure. A god just simply dissappeared. (Damn psycho woman)
Yuffie: This stinks. I hate being in this boring town. Nothing ever happens. And I'm
never going to ever do anything ever again. I wish Final Fantasy VII never ended! WAAH!
Eventually, everyone will forget about me, but they'll still remember Cloud, who gets to
continue to appear in other games, while no one ever sees me again and I never will go on any
more adventures or do any heroic deeds and I'll always be confined in this boring place.
Tiamat: Hmm... always be confined to this boring place?
Kraken: What are you thinking of, now?
Tiamat: Using the power of my four brains, I have come up with an idea!
Kraken: Uh huh. What?
Tiamat: I shall use this planet, the nation of Wutai, and our time orb to create a new
adventure where Yuffie will be the star!!! HA HA HA!!!!! Then Wutai will know that I, Tiamat,
am the true god! Not some stupid string of spaghetti Leviathan!
Kraken: Think I'll get to be a god, too?
Tiamat: Sure, why not?
Kraken: So, now what?
Tiamat: I'll get to work on it right away!!!
Kraken: Um... so you mean you didn't even start on it yet?
Tiamat: Um, yeah.
Kraken: If you didn't finish making the adventures of Yuffie Kisaragi videogame, how will
THIS fan fic that's going on right now end?
Tiamat: Um....
The End
Tiamat: How's that?
Kraken: You're stupid.
Yuffie: Wow! I get to be in my own video game? Cool!
Tiamat: Gimme some time to write up a script, k?
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