Cliches

Here we go again....

Every Bond movie has the essientials that make it....Well, a Bond movie. Although these give Bond his big movie successes, these elements start to get stale after a while, becoming cliches that you'd really like to see get thrown away. Here's a list of most of Bond's cliches, from the start of the movie to the finish:


"When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work'." -- Jerry Seinfeld, "Sein Language"

THE BARREL SHOT:

Bond movies have always opened with the barrel shot sequence, starring whomever is the actor playing Bond in that movie. But what happened to the hat? Connery wore a hat originally. Since then, it has disappeared....
THE CLASSIC OPENING SEQUENCE

This sequence, absent from most of the Bond books except Benson's, is usually meant to excite you and get you prepared for the movie itself. Many times, a plane is involved. Take The Living Daylights, GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, Licence to Kill, A View to a Kill, Octopussy, the list goes on....
TVBond
THEME SONG

Here's most definitely the part most worth watching of a Bond movie. ;-) Just kidding! The theme song is usually done very poorly and just bores you to death, while shadows of nude women dance across the screen, often times accompanies with guns or other 'items'. Don't ask me where they get these ideas. The only movies not to include the theme songs are 'Never Say Never Again' and 'Casino Royale'.
A-ha
SOMETHING TRAGIC HAPPENS:

Oh, yes, something terrible must always happen, otherwise there's no reason for Bond to go investigate!
BOND FLIRTS WITH MONEYPENNY:

The classic encounter of Bond and moneypenny. Interestingly enough, Moneypenny used to be the one putting the moves on Bond. But, due to feminist complaints, now Bond is doing the flirting. This especially shows in the movie GoldenEye, when Moneypenny threatens Bond with a 'Sexual Harrasment' claim.
Bond and Moneypenny
M'S BRIEFING

Usually this happens, although there was the exception in For Your Eyes Only where M did not appear. This was because the actor, Bernard Lee, had passed away. Out of respect for Lee, they did not recast the role during the filming. M briefs Bond on what to expect, (even though Bond usually tells M more than what M knows on the subject). M invariably sends him off after the person or group in question.
M
BOND VISITS Q BRANCH

Q is always excited about some of his newest gadgets, but by the end of this 'section', he is annoyed by Bond's lack of maturity. 'Oh, Grow up, 007' is one of his most common remarks. Q was absent from only two Bond films: 'Live and Let Die' and 'Dr. No'
Q
BOND GOES WHERE M TELLS HIM TO GO

This happens in just about every movie except 'License to Kill'. Instead of Bond following M's orders, Bond kicks M in the gut and jumps off the balcony! WOO-HOO!
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<TD><B>BOND PICKS UP A GIRL OR AN OLD GIRLFRIEND</B> <br>
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This will always happen in a James Bond movie unless Raymond Benson dies and a queer replaces him. Bond uses everything to his advantage, even casinos, automobiles, planes, and sometimes associates, just to get the girl. Yet, he only gets married in one Bond movie. </TD>
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D'OH! BOND GETS ATTACKED

Bond becomes the victim now, usually of the villain's henchmen. There are a few exceptions to this, most noteably License to Kill, but then, that one pretty much breaks most of these cliches, anyway. Bond will win the fights, but not before getting the crap kicked out of him by somebody else.
Gobinda
SOMEBODY DIES

Always the case in today's Bond movies....Usually a golden girl falls victim to our bad guy. Of course, now Bond has to avenge her death, so he keeps on with the case and doesn't even bother with their funerals.
Parisdead
BOND GETS PURSUED

Inevitably, Bond will do something to get somebody mad and they'll go chasing Bond and sometimes his girl as well. Usually this is in a car, but in some cases, it's in a tank, or some other strange device.
The chase
BOND GOES AFTER THE EVIL ONE:

In true Bond fashion, Bond usually goes to infiltrate the big boss's base, usually taking his girl with him. This is about the same time that Bond gets captured by the bad guy, who taunts him and tells him of his evil plans.
BOND USES Q'S GADGET:

Bond obviously couldn't help but make fun of Q's gadgets when he was with Q, but now it's most definitely not a laughing matter. Bond will then go and fight the main villain. Usually it's a pathetic fight, a few exceptions are: Trevelyan (this is the best Bond fight), Zorin, Whittaker, Sanchez. There are probably more than that, it just depends on your taste.

FORTRESS GO BYE-BYE!

Bond will proceed to blow the whole place up, sometimes having to fight the henchman first, and escape with his girl just in the nick of time.

The rest you can guess.....Bond will usually refuse to be rescued and will make out with his girl, who mysteriously 'disappears' until the next Bond movie. The credits say 'THE END OF 'movie title'. JAMES BOND WILL RETURN'.



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