DONUT SHOP MAYHEM

04/09 Okay, those of you who put your money on "Bad" last update? Well, it looks as though you were right.  Find out why in a moment. For now, let me just say that I have just three more days of school, 90% of other universities have already let out(DAMN YOU!) and I'm REALLY looking forward to summer, so I can have four months free from guilt caused by skipping. Please to be excusing the one twenty day interval between columnar updates.  It was unavoidable in view of several things, none of which I feel compelled to explain to you. You'll just have to make due with the dribs and drabs I deem entertaining, or at least worthy of writing about.  On that note, let's proceed, shall we? I've almost made it through the intro without... Well, if I did it, then I'd be doing it, now wouldn't I? Yes. Yes I would.

Lonely? Depressed? Oh well.

castomel@hotmail.com

Bored? Ugly? Look no further.

The Archives

20 TO 1 ODDS

Right, then. The aforementioned 'bad'ness struck with a vengeance fourteen days ago, when a certain essay came due. On the downside, I didn't quite clue in to this until yesterday- so, with a little diligent math, that leaves me- you guessed it- 14 days late! At five percent a day, we're looking at a nice 70% chunk of the mark falling out the bottom of my GPA. It's worth only 15% of my final mark, but that's still going to hurt.  Guess it's my own fault- I haven't been to Philosophy in two months, I should have dropped it the moment I realized I hated it(along with the pompous jackass of a TA), and it really would've been wise to check the course's website occasionally to see what was up with things and such.  As it stands, I have absolutely no idea what my mark is in the class anyway, so I don't know if I'm failing or what. For all I know, I could be running an A(although that seems somehow doubtful, given the fact that one of my essays was pure crap and the other, written the day it was due, basically dissed philosophy into the dirt, despite being, in my humble opinion, one of the better essays I've ever written) in the class.  That said, I could really care less about philosophy anyway. It's the study of seeing how smart you can sound while stating the obvious, as far as I'm concerned, and if it makes the people involved with it happy to sit around trying to sound smarter than each other happy, that's just fine by me, but realistically, unless you can somehow hornswoggle someone into buying and publishing your meandering treatises on the Grand Theory of Everything(Mit Religious Justification und Circular Logic), then I'll settle for my own philosophy, which is if thinking about it endlessly is pointless, then why think about it? You can't really prove definitively one way or the other that everything exists anyway(as evidenced by the maddening tendency of every philosopher I've run into in the course resorting to the existence of God as proof of all that is good and in existence), so why bother writing about it? Probably to keep the PHL100 professors employed, no doubt... Bah. I'm not bitter, I just hate my TA. Really! The guy, despite an inflated notion of his own intelligence, is, by his own admission, hated in the faculty of philosophy(seems his personality rubbed a few people the wrong way, which ended up getting him lower marks than the straight A average he so lovingly hides behind as proof of his intelligence) and has a great stutter that flares into power whenever someone challenges him. Moreover, he doesn't look people in the face when he speaks(even I at least try for eye contact once every minute or so) and can't remember what people look like after seeing them as a consequence.  And just to top it all off, he voted ALLIANCE in the last election!!!! ... Which segues quite nicely into my next segment(alliteration much?)

I think, therefore I am... A monkey! On a log!

GOLF, HOTELS, AND GOVERNMENTS

Forgive me, but I'm going to lapse into annoying Canadian politics again.  It's unavoidable, really- the damnable Alliance has been belabouring a pointless point for the past few months, so it only stands to reason that I'd get tired of reading about it in the newspaper and decide to bitch about it. In that vein, then, let's review Shawinigate. It's like a columnist in the Toronto Star said- "We're so lousy we can't even come up with an original name for our scandal."  If it can even be called a scandal... The facts of the matter are this: Jean Chretien bought interest in a hotel overlooking a pretty golf course in Shawinigan(thus the clever name Shawinigate) before taking office, and once he was elected the conflict of interest powers-that-be advised him to divest his interest in it, which he may or may not have done, depending upon whose flimsy evidence you subscribe to.  Following these developments, in 1996, the sale of the hotel was still dragging on, as some financial snags had been hit and the value of the hotel decreased. Again,  depending upon whose flimsy evidence you believe, Chretien may or may not have been acting in self-interest when he poured $600,000.00 into the development of the adjoining golf course, either in an effort to jack up the hotel's value, or because he's a nice prime minister looking out for the interests of his constituents. It's really pretty much irrelevant, as far as I'm concerned.  If he is a deceitful bastard, fine. He improved a golf course to benefit from it, but in the end, it helped his constituents, so really, I could give a damn.  If he didn't- fine. He's upstanding and filled to the brim with integrity and goodness.  Either way, the part of this whole fiasco I take issue with is the reaction of the opposition in Government, who are treating it like the crime of the century(which they might have some case with, the century being just months old, but really... come on!), and even more irritating are the newspapers.  The Toronto Sun and National Post are conservative.  The Star isn't. The Globe and Mail used to be conservative, but under its new ownership is floating about the political scene, and in this case, leaning towards the Liberal side of things.  That said, the geniuses over at the Sun, responsible for such glorious headlines as ("Residents to Perv: Get Out!" and "I Know Who Killed Eddie!") are playing it neutral and unbiased, making various statements to the effect that their paper has no political bias whatsoever. Oh, really? Explain the editorials trashing the Liberals, the editorials railing against teachers, unions, and anyone else evil enough to oppose Mike Harris, and the various other cheese and sleaze that spawns in the pages of the Sun.  It's just plain stupid to even claim neutrality in this case, because there is no such thing.  They're just bitter that the Globe switched sides when they were bought out.   Meanwhile, the enterprising fellows at the Alliance have set up a website for people interesting in whining about Chretien's business dealings. Conveniently, they've left the message field blank, so I sent random anti-National Post mail to the Liberal party. Go me!

If government activities aren't scandalous enough for you, try some good, old-fashioned dumpster lovin'. It's amazing what a random search for 'free pics' can bring...

A RELEVANT SPORTS STORY? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS??

No, seriously. Once again, I had difficulty getting tickets to a Blue Jays game, and this time, I'm pissed, cuz I didn't even get in! It was a sight unlike any I've seen in about seven years, that being the last time the Jays were even approaching the suitable popularity required for a sellout(and also right before the player's strike, conveniently enough. Just think... If this newfound success continues, another player's strike will come along just soon enough to kill it back to normal- read next year, when the CBA expires).  They even had a nice band playing cool old-style 20s music, and scalpers selling tickets for such exorbitant rates they laughed at my offer of 25 bucks for 7 dollar seats.  Well, I'll get the last laugh when the Jays lose a few times, the fans realize that being a yuppie is much more fun when you're driving an SUV down the highway yapping on a cellphone, content in the knowledge that a new area code has been added to the Toronto area just because of you. BAH! Incidentally, they won, and remain in first place eight games in. Now, if only they'd give up Steve Parris, the pitcher whose two starts have seen a total of 20 runs cross the plate.  Good work!  On the hockey side of things, the Leafs hobbled into the playoffs recently. Stay tuned- by the next update, I should be in fine complaining form, or exultantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and the Senators dying horribly. The former seems much more likely, of course, but I can always hope. There's really not much else to do when you're a Maple Leaf fan.

Meh meh meh... Get out my eatin' shirt! We's got a sellout!

FURTHERMORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO...

Since I last updated 20 days ago, I thought I'd add on a bonus anecdote, just for fun.  Yesterday, after engaging in various illicit activities, me and a couple of friends(you know who you are) decided to go to a donut store.  After further illicitude(go jaywalking!) we ended up inside... and were instantly transported to Sudbury! ..At least that's what it felt like. This donut store, which will remain nameless(although ironically, it inspired the name of this update) had a nice assortment of hicks, both smoking and non, tacky surroundings, garish pink paint, mirrors on the ceiling(which, for some reason, were remarkably enthralling) and some crazy atmosphere. The counter even had row upon row of empty food shelves, and a cool-ass soup poster with no soup behind one of the soup bowl cutouts. Eerie, really... blank soup.  Anyhow, this anecdote has no real purpose; I just thought I'd stick it in as a pointless recommendation of the nameless donut store, since the sugar and cinammon twists were delicious.

POCHACCHO!!!! I thought this thing only existed on Winnie's pencil case, but it seems Yahoo has picked up some rights to it, so here it is! Oh, yeah. This has no point.

AND IN CONCLUSION

Okay, then. School's nearly done, and this place has been up and running for almost a year! Stay tuned for special celebratory updates and stuff.  Well.. there may or may not be stuff.  Who can tell in these troubled times?

INTREPID BABY SAYS:

Remember the Alamo! I sure can't! At least not in this wretched jumpsuit...

Go Home! Inmediately!