THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS
05/04
Well... ok. Perhaps it isn't the eighth day of Christmas, but hey... I haven't updated in eight days, so at least the eight is accurate. Think I'll just leave that Maple Leafs logo there as long as they're alive and kicking, since they still are. Adds a certain air of dignity to the place (which is to say I'm too damned lazy to move the thing. Of course, I do have to come up with a new caption :( )
Damnable caption... Leafs didn't even play particularly well this week. They betta shape up!! Now... to fill up space to make this look better.
AND SPEAKING OF THE LEAFS....
THIS guy nearly cost the Leafs the game yesterday. As I sat there, watching them lose four faceoffs in a row, it became increasingly evident that unless something drastic happened, a goal would be scored. It was pretty brutal to watch, in all. They hit the goalpost twice, and finally, the fourth time through the whole business, the Leafs managed to clear the puck. So they got some decent offensive pressure for about twenty five seconds or so, but New Jersey finally got control. So, you're up 2-1, you're a defenseman, and the other team's about to come up ice. What do you do? Well, pinch, and make a half-assed attempt to knock down the puck, and then skate laboriously back towards the other end as your goalie, somehow able to save the initial shot, kicks the stupid puck into the net. I strained both my calf muscles jumping up to swear about it >: (. Anyhow, this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened; in conclusion, they should ditch this guy before he becomes a REAL liability. Oh wait... he already is. .
Wither under my penetrating glare! I am lousy! I could barely play for the Lightning when I was there! And I'm SLOWWWWWWWWWW! (but man, do I look mean) By the way, did I mention I suck?
AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT....
My goodness... That's two ellipsi in titles that I've put an extra dot on... The grammar police will surely be breathing down my neck now. At any rate, I strongly advise against ever going into a Wal-Mart on the first Wednesday of the month. The reason is the place is filled to the brim with anyone on any sort of government assistance, all of them rooting through discount bins, buying items of dubious quality and questionable taste (perhaps this is not entirely a matter of choice; last time I checked, it was fairly difficult to find much else within their price range in that store). At any rate, I was in there to buy golf balls and a shitty hat to stave off skin cancer for another 4 years or so. The golf balls are another story I'll shortly relate, but after I bought said low-quality merchandise, I wandered back to the in-store McDonald's, not without some doubts as to the quality of the establishment. My fears seemed confirmed when it looked like they didn't have Monopoly cups there (incidentally, the only reason I ever go to McDonald's... that and the other dozen or so promotions they tack on to bring you crawling into upsizing your meal in the hopes of somehow defeating the 1 to 376 million odds of actual victory... Oh, and by the way, if you get 8 of the things, did you know it goes down to a whopping 1 in 64 million? Yeehaw...), but fortunately, they were proven unfounded when they trotted out a big roll of the things. This seemed somewhat slapdash, but who am I to complain? I dutifully upsized my meal, scooped up my lousy merchandise... and I actually won something! Yessir, I got me a 20 dollar gift certificate to Toys R Us. Eat that, ridiculous odds! Yeah, I know it's a cheap trick to get me to buy something at Toys R Us, but so what? They could use the business, from the look of it.
The Order of Operations
1. Fall victim to shameless marketing ploy by evil corporate executives at McDonald's and Hasbro( I even bought Monopoly recently :) )
2. Bank Error in my favour! Collect lame gift certificate token that can't possibly cover anything I'd want from Toys R Us. Fall victim to second cheap marketing ploy, spend more money at:
3. Curse bitterly upon the realization that the online store only accepts credit cards. Think dark thoughts. Buy Fight Club and watch credit card buildings blow up. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
AND NOW, THE TALE OF THE STUPID GOLF BALL I HATE
Never, ever by X-out balls if you can avoid it. The occasional one will be ok, but I got this box of absolute duds. The complete worst came while I was teeing off on the sixth hole. Looking to break out of a rather abysmal nosedive, I set up, and shot... perfectly, it seemed. But alas... the ball had absolutely NO velocity whatsoever. Despite hitting it well enough for at least decent yardage, the stupid thing hit in a most unsatisfying way, stuttered, and lurched through the air, falling dead about twenty feet in front of me. Needless to say, I didn't break out of the slump for another couple holes, although two shots later (I buggered up the intervening shot with a real masterstroke of golf, somehow managing to lose distance) by banking it off a tree with a resounding crack and landing it mere feet from the green. Incidentally, the bastards at the "course", which is actually a field which they realized would be much more profitable from golf than through growing rutabagas, jacked up the price again... It's no longer the cheapest golf in town, so they should really watch out.
Incidentally, this movie rules. Buy it or rent it, or do something. Just see it. In other news, it's selling for $107 at amazon.com for some reason.
You! Pay attention to this stuff...This picture's only here to fill space, and I know it's pretty lousy besides, but I have to put something here.
As I type this confounded caption for the third time... I must say, though the XLs are an excellent brand of golf balls, the X-outs suck ass. I wouldn't presume to besmirch such a fine maker of golf balls as Top Flite, but the only thing that goes farther than these balls is the old ladies that somehow always end up ahead of me on golf courses. The worst such incident was a week and a half ago, when an old bat and her grandson matched each other stroke for inept stroke over the first six holes of this course. Adding to the aggrevation was the two 12-year old members of a figure skating ( I think) team named "the Mavericks". Not to dwell upon this obvious misnomer, but these two, later dubbed B-Boyz for their ridiculous, irritating, and disturbingly homosexual routine of clicking their heels midair like Dorothy on crack, were quite obviously only Mavericks in a purely annoying sense, and they were between us and the old lady. They were far more irritating than her, and assholes besides.
AND FINALLY....
Look how bored I am! Send me email!
Wow... text that stayed put! Anyhow, I'll be back, hopefully sooner than eight days, but that seems to be the pattern at this point. Until then, I must work, work, and work more. Damnable Leon's. Look for Annanisms soon. Till then, good bye.
Go Home! Inmediately!