STUPID CUSTOMER TRANSCRIPTS

Part 1

Yes, that's right.  Inspired by the gross stupidity of the many idiots who pass through the place where I work each day, as well as those who see fit to telephone, I have compiled herein a thorough account of their glaring moronics.  Sit back and enjoy the worst of idiots.

1.  THE DVD LADY

Me: Hello, how may I direct your call?

DVD Lady: What is D... V... D ?

Me: Well, it stands for Digital Video Disc player, I think.

DVD Lady: So it's not a music player?

Me: Well, you can play music on it, but I think the whole purpose is to play videos...

DVD Lady: Oh.  Well.  Thank you.  I was just doing research for my daughter's school report.

Me: ...Ok.

2.  Gay Delivery Fellow

Me: Hello, how may I direct your call?

GDF: Well, I'm calling to inquire about my delivery.  It was sssuppossed to be delivered this morning, and it hassn't arrived yet.

Me: <Checks order> Hmm.  All it says in here is that it was supposed to be delivered before 5:00 PM. 

GDF: Well, it's not here yet.

Me: ...Yes, well... Is there a problem?

GDF:(Anxious sound of dismay) Well yes! We have to go OUT!

Me: Hmm.  Well, is there any way you could have someone be there for you to let in the drivers?

GDF: No!

Me: Ok... well, then can you leave your garage open and we'll leave it in there?

GDF: Now listen! I paid $2000 for this order, and you think I'm going to move it into my house myself? Oh, no, my boy!

Me:(Growing threatened by pedophilic tone of conversation) Well, I'm afraid we'll have to reschedule your delivery...

GDF: What? What? Well.. I never! I was pleased with your service before this, but now I am upset!

Me: Well, I'm sorry, sir, there's really nothing I can do. 

GDF: Well, I'm not impressed!(In whining, mosquito-like tone) (Smacks lips) Fine.  We'll be here... but I'm not happy.

Me: ....

3.  A big idiot

Me: How may I direct your call?