STUPID CUSTOMER TRANSCRIPTS

Part 2: First Blood

May 28th

Inspired by the rush of idiots who came into my place of work yesterday, I've decided to update this section, so enjoy.

1. Mysteries of Space and Time unravelled

Me:  Hello, how may I direct your call?

MST: Hi.  This is Mrs. Campbell calling.   I was wondering if my stock is in.

Me: Well, I can certainly check that for you.  Can I have your order number?

MST(Gives order number)

Me(checks order) Hmm... unfortunately, it looks like it isn't in yet...

MST: What? (Voice goes up three octaves) I ordered that three weeks ago!

Me: Well, it does say on the bill that it can take four to six weeks...

MST: But I wanted it for May 12th! I have it on my order!

Me: Well, I'm sorry, but it's still not in...

MST: So that means I'm out of luck for delivery on the 12th?

Me: Excuse me?

MST: I'm not gonna get it on the 12th?

Me: Well, that was three weeks ago, so probably not, no... Call again on Wednesday and it should be here...

MST:....(Hangs up).

It's funny... all old ladies tend to say "I'm Mrs. X" when they call... it's as though you'll somehow know who they are just on the baiss of having heard their name, as though it were famous or something.

2. The Newfie From Hell

It should be noted that this is ten times as easy to understand as listening to this person was... it's also condensed from an hour and a half of his meandering babble, most of which made little (if any) sense.

Me: Hello, how are you today?

NFH: G'g, thnks.

Me: So you bought this furniture here?

NFH: Yep, yep...

Me: Okay, your total cost comes to this...(points to cost)

NFH: Yep, th's whut the salsprs'n said... where d'I sign?

Me: Right here.

NFH(Scanning prices) Wait a sec'n... th's mr'n that n' there... Lookit price tag... s'more...

Me: Well, that's probably because of freight down to Newfoundland... they have to charge higher prices at that store.

NFH: Oh, no, no, no... Dn't try n' put 'n o'er n' me... Sears's the same's here n' there, n I checked... oh, thr's n'hour down the tubes... (Sighs)

Me: Sorry, but that's all I can think of...

NFH: Mighta bin true 30 yrs'go, bt not t'day, no.  The fed'rl gov't, they cov'r fre'n'such down home, I te'ya.  So y'can't tellmuh it cos'thamuchmor fer this!

(Causes hour long debate over prices, finally buys at NF prices and leaves...)

More to come later this week!

Go back to the Main Page before you get too disgusted...