I AM DISGRUNTLED. FEAR ME.
06/10
Yeah, that's right.. .you heard it here first. I'm disgruntled. Cranky, angry, pissed off, out of sorts, petulant, irritated, cranky... wait, I already said that. Whatever the case, I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore. Why, you ask? Fool. What makes you think I'm not gonna waste the next ten minutes of your spare time bitching about bitches? Ah ha! So you're on to my tricks... Well, that's just too bad. You have to listen anyway.
This more or less sums up my mood... I DARE Netscape to crash... I Double-Dare you, motherLOVER
Damnable geocities... always censoring me...
HOW TO RUIN MY DAY
ITEM 1: WAKING UP WAY TOO DAMNED EARLY
The early bird gets the worm indeed... I hope there's some early hunter with early bullets to dissaude people from that sort of nonsense... Morning, as it was once said, is only there to keep night and afternoon from bumping into each other. Note the fine plumage on this foolish early bird, shot while feasting on his ill-gotten worms.
If there's anything that has the power to piss me off, it's waking up before the hour of 11:00. If I was meant to wake up that early, I'dve been born four hundred years ago, when you pretty much had to to get anything done properly. Especially aggravating is when you stay up until about 3:30 the night before, resulting in mass overtiredness. Then again, this didn't really translate itself into my work, since that was more or less mind-numbing boredom anyway.
ITEM 2: @HOME- CURSE YOU!!!!
'Curse' is a term I use loosely in this instance, since according to the Geocities terms of service, I am unable to engage in obscenity or vulgarity. Anyhow, last night, while actually pissed off, I was trying to update this section when piff! @Home lost one of their servers or something. The net result was lightning slow speeds of under 0.5k/sec, as well as disgustingly high ping in any game I tried to play. I'm not sure exactly what caused this little glitch; they'll probably chalk it up to the solar storm that's charged up Earth like a lightning rod, but in reality it's the fact that there's too many little punkasses in my neighbourhood straining the freakin' service! Only I should have good access, dammit! Me! Me!
Oh, all right... so I'm not that selfish... I do wish that the freaking thing had worked so I could write this while pissed off... Now I'm just faintly bitter.
This image(courtesy of Blizzard Entertainment) is a Geocities executive's reaction to the news that profanity and obscenity had entered his prissy domain. Terms used to describe the explosion ranged from "unreasonable" to "mildly erotic, in a disturbing sort of way". Interestingly, stalking is also forbidden, so I guess I'm out of luck... And I was so looking forward to stalking you with my page...
NOTE: This section is defamatory to the overweight, contrary to some stupid law in California; herego, please don't read this if you're from CA. </political correctitude>
ITEM 3: THE UGLIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD
I should perhaps clarify: work wasn't entirely boring, as when I wasn't staving off insanity, I was dealing with dumb/ugly bitches(note the term is interchangeable). The low point of the day, however, came when the ugliest woman I've ever seen tottered her way ponderously to the front desk. Having been forewarned of her presence, I had been studiously attempting to avoid her at all costs, but salespeople have some sort of radar akin to a mother- if you're not doing something, they zoom in on you like rats on cheese. Anyhow, I was thusly suckered into dealing with this behemoth, and I can honestly say I've never seen anything uglier. She weighed about four hundred pounds, and stood between five and a half and six feet tall. Now, fat doesn't necessarily mean ugly, but in this case it sure as hell didn't help. Her face drooped in folds over a sunken chin, and was framed by several of the most unsavoury characteristics I've ever seen. Frizzy red hair shot out in all directions, held back by the nastiest bandanna in existence. This sweat-soaked piece of.. cloth... was permanently cemented to her flabby forehead(Yes, that takes either talent or excessive eating combined with poor metabolism, a combination this woman evidently had in spades) and from beneath it, white tufts of werewolf hair stuck out. Her face was best described as froglike in appearance, with deep-set piggy eyes. That was about as nice as it got- the neck down was considerably more traumatic. She was dressed in a spaghetti strap tank top, and short white shorts. I don't know what supermodel she thought she was, but she failed miserably in her half-baked impression; her arms, spattered with various unfinished and ancient tattoos, also sported gigantic, ugly stretch marks that looked rather like a balloon stuffed with cheese(which had managed to escape in some places) hung in distressing view, while her legs looked like someone had taken a shotgun and blasted away her shins. Finally, just to top it off, her fingers had little bulbous points(adding to the frog imagery) and the nails, bitten down to ridiculous levels, were ringed in Angry Infection Red. Say, that'd make a good crayon colour, no?
Not the ugliest woman in the world; however, in an effort to prevent the poisoning of your mind as was my unfortunate fate, I figured this would probably be just the thing. Note the non-shotgun looking shins, the sub-overweight physique, the non-toadlike face, and seductive exrpression. If that doesn't clear your mind, my apologies, and remember, lobotomization is always an option.
Oh, yeah. Little kids, don't get your minds poisoned by this licentious image. Sex, sexual images, and all things related to sex are bad. I AM FAMILY ORIENTED!
ITEM 4: THE ANNOYING DEMOGRAPHIC CHUNK KNOWN AS "YOUR MOTHER"
Yes, that's right. The female, 35-60 year old portion of the population is comprised primarily of evil harpies whose job it is to make my life a misery. Allow me to get something clear now: I hate self-centered bitches. There. Now, to the meat of my argument: Somewhere back in the fifties, some idiot convinced people that customer service was a really good idea. As a result of that, combined with the fact that Canada's economy is largely based upon the service industry(at least the part that isn't involved selling off our natural resources to the rest of the world), evil bitches have been brought up on the overriding principle that they are somehow the center of the universe, the sole source of any given company's income, and absolutely essential to our success. Allow me to retort: en masse, this may be true, but on an individual level, this is simply not the case. Not only do you evil old hussies not rule the world, your pathetic purchase of six hundred dollars CASH MONEY does not grant you the exclusive right to rain holy terror upon the heads of those unfortunate enough to be in your path. Furthermore, customer service is, while certainly adequate, not tailored to meet your every convenience, since there are other customers who have similar viewpoints to your own, and a lamentable propensity for outbursts remarkably like your own should they be inconvenienced. Additionally, things happen! Planning can't account for everything, so don't fly off the handle if you don't get your fridge because our truck drove over a cliff and blew up in a schoolyard. There's just no reason to try and lay blame if something is five minutes late and you're a little tardy getting to your afternoon coffee, bridge game, or whatever the hell else it is you do. It's not important, and, quite honestly, one evil bitch screaming bloody murder won't make a lot of difference. We don't care! Certainly, we'll remedy the problem if we can, but not at the expense of other people.. You are NOT the center of the universe, whatever you may have been taught to think.
Ok, I'm done. I know nothing will really change, since the evil bitches have a reasonably good turnover rate, but I really hate it when people complain about their service when everything possible has been done to cater to them.
Imagine this.
Now, imagine this, on the phone, bitching about being unsatisfied.
She's REALLY upset with her service, and blame must be laid.
Now, imagine it 7 times a day, every day. Not only does she look like she's ready to throttle someone, but she's also got the evil temper to do it! Beware!
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
Honestly... why would anyone put up with this? It's ludicrous, that's what it is! Those old harridans are responsible for this hat, this delightful coat, this awful photograph, and the six pounds of swiss cheese I found and ate last night! Now they'll be paying for weeks! Those diapers will never be clean again! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yes... even Intrepid baby soils himself sometimes. You got a problem with that? Don't make me intrepid you!
I will!
That's more like it.
GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE
Unlike this quote's originator, I will not be satisfied with a piece of meat. I'll just end off here, since SOMEBODY is pestering me to do so. You know who you are... shame! This would've had a fifth item for discussion. Now you've ruined it.
Excuses aside, see you next time.
Junk mail gets tedious.. send me something real, and I'll even reply to it on this page!
Go Home! Inmediately!
... AS INTREPID BABY DOES.
Intrepid Baby's babymobile was last seen speeding south in the company of a white bronco with an adorable hat. His location is not known, as a goofball interrupted the live feed to complain. Further updates to follow.