THIS REALLY BURNS ME UP....
06/22
Yeah.. my file for this column is now woefully misnamed, since this is effectively 2 days late. Netscape, suffice to say, is an evil creature, and it better not freakin' crash this time(yeah, I know I could use IE, but I already have Netscape open, and I'm too lazy to switch at this point. Besides, when it works, this program does work better in Netscape). Anyhow, I'm torturously close to the finish of school, the Jays are doing well, and.. ech. I've got a blood test for a doctor's appointment next Friday. Fun, fun, fun by the megaton.
Damn you a thousand times, Netscape! I sentence you to the glare of Luke Edwards, of 'the Wizard' fame, shown here being dark and evil in a crappy movie that will remain nameless. That glare is more or less my sentiments exactly, so I'll just leave it at that.
RIOTS, HOOLIGANS, AND THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT
Well, this was a little more current on Sunday night, but hey- who cares? I enjoy writing stuff again. Anyhow, I was kind of hilarified by the riots in LA after the Lakers won the NBA championships. It's funny what people will use as an excuse to bust up cars, set stuff on fire, and generally run around creating a ruckus, if given a chance. Then again, I figure it was just because the riot crowd in LA didn't want the British soccer hooligans to steal their reputation as the biggest idiots in the world. The best part was a story I heard on the radio about some of the Brits who were quartered in the Netherlands, particularly those in Amsterdam. Apparently, some of the prostitutes from the Red Light District were unhappy because the hooligans were getting so sloshed out carousing that they were unable to perform. Personally, if I was an international hussy, I would be more inclined to want as little contact with British hooligans as possible(provided, of course, they'd already paid). It's like a free evening, really, and no pesky Mad Cow Disease to worry about. Then again, it's nice to see people who take their work seriously, particularly in that field :).
These gents are preparing to go out for a night of carousing, after some jolly good footie. On the downside, they appear to be much more interested in each other's asses than any of the women to be found in the Red Light district. They were last seen committing indecent acts in downtown Amsterdam, in August of 1967. A sight not to see, by Jove!
JERKHEADS, JERKHEADS, ROLY-POLY JERKHEADS
I had occasion to go to Toronto yesterday in search of the course information that would turn my vague scholastic intentions into something more concrete. Equipped with a card directing me to the registrar's office, and no watch, I set out from home at roughly 11:45 and took a train to Toronto. Now, the train ride usually takes about 40 minutes or so; thus, it would be reasonable to assume arrival in Toronto at about 12:25. Then, it's about an hour's walk to the University campus, where I had to go and pick up my course material. With this time frame in mind, you'd expect an arrival around 1:30, roughly. This was more or less in the back of my mind as I arrived at the registrar's office around that time. There was a sign posted on the door that made it basically clear that there was a lunch hour from 12:30-1:30, but you can't very well NOT knock on the door in the off-chance that it stays closed, right? So naturally, I did, and I had the misfortune to be greeted by a big dickhead, chewing on some unidentifiable(but presumably healthy and non-fattening), disgusting chunk of food, which reeked of hot peppers. Upon asking if this was the registrar's office, I was greeted with a faceful of peppery indignation, as I had apparently committed a gross affront to the dignity of his lunch hour. After being rudely informed that lunch was in progress, the door was slammed on me and I was left standing in the hall. Officious bastards absolutely disgust me. I hate when people who have some small authority use it to make the lives of people around them miserable. Rather than being polite, this ass chose to make a scene, and left me with a very disagreeable perception of him. And come on! You'd think at a university of that size he'd have a freakin' lunch room or something! It was a really nice day outside, so I kind of expected people would be eating there. Oh, well. Jerks suck, in conclusion, this guy especially.
If only I'd had this hat.. maybe then I would've gotten some respect.
An object which I should evidently become more familiar with. Repeat after me, kids: Do not bother the fuckface before 1:30! Do not bother the fuckface before 1:30!
This is unrelated. I just thought it liked kinda nice.
DRUGS'RE BAD, MMMKay? OR TIPTOEING AROUND PRUDISH GEOCITIES TYPES
Since I've already lost the contents of this page once, I won't risk it again on the off-chance of some old bag coming along and finding evil pro-drug rhetoric and whining me off the air. Instead, I'll whine about the old bags. I occasionally visit antidrug sites just to see what sort of asinine garbage they've managed to dredge up, and I wasn't disappointed upon visiting www.theantidrug.com. They used the same old trick that the vociferous old women worldwide use in their petty protests against whatever they deem to be against the moral fibre: complete, wrongheaded, tunnel vision. It seems to me that not a single activist/old woman/ whiny, worried, uniformed mother in the world is familiar with the concept of moderation, and it is one that would do them a world of good. It's really quite disturbing to see statistics bent so that "heavy" becomes "uniform" and 33% is touted around like it was 90%. Adding to the fun are such terms as "deviant" and "illegal", and other things like that, usually used to show how dreadfully awful the horrible horrible drugs will be. What I can't understand is how these people figure their argument is strengthened by deliberate distortion of the truth! It's mindboggling to see the same arguments that have been regurgitated since the 30s appear on supposedly well informed websites, along with detailed instructions on what exactly parents are supposed to do if they catch little Johnny in Bobby's basement, freaking out. I can't understand where they get off telling people what to do! They even have a list of prewritten statements to give your children when talking about drugs. I can just imagine that... saying one of those piles of claptrap and then having your kid reply "Nice work, mom... that was from the internet, wasn't it?" It's plain stupidity, unfortunately. The truth of the matter is, stupid old women with their heads buried in the sands of yesteryear will always attempt to impress upon the rest of society their dated and useless moralistic views, long beyond the point when they are valid or even beneficial. Come on, bitches! Moderation! How can you even preach tolerance otherwise? You may as well just don white bedsheets and go burn crosses in big fields if you're gonna be intolerant in any way, at all. It's pure hypocrisy. Then again, that's what you do best.
</rant>
Annanism # 67: "Where are all the really cool partiers on Friday? In Bobby's basement, freaking out! Not waitin' for Benji the Wonderdog to come sniff 'em out.. What a dumb time to hold Doobie Day..."
Drugs're bad, mmmkay? And remember, while I'm at it, sex is bad, violence is bad, food causes cancer, fun is bad, racism's bad(but I can still harbour racist sentiments) and alcohol's bad. Basically, you should just live in a bubble with a bible. It'll be better that way.
My arteries being unclogged ten minutes later.
WELL SHOOT.
I think I'm finally finished here, after 3 days of trying to get this accursed column up. Next one'll be sooner, I promise. Anyway, I'm gonna go put up some haikua now, so that's about it for here.
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
Marihuana could ruin my life! Just think! With this white coat and 27% reduced lung capacity and 34% reduced brain function, I'll be 56% less fiendishly adorable! Blast! I must prevent that at all costs! Time to go destroy some statistical analysis types! I'll set up a death machine! An INTREPID death machine! Yes, yes! That's the ticket! But first, I really must admire these wonderful cuffs... they're so soft and fuzzy, and I look smashing!
Ahem. Go! I must preen.
I have to question why there's a hundred pictures of this naked little fuck in geocities' default picture gallery. It's really quite alarming.
Junk mail gets tedious.. send me something real, and I'll even reply to it on this page!
Go Home! Inmediately!
... AS INTREPID BABY DOES.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, Intrepid Baby's intrepid groundwork was messed up and he ended up in this library, where he immediately carried out his plans of mass destruction, throwing soiled diapers on a giant statue of a triceratops and crawling about maliciously in the ancient British artifacts wing. To top it off, he set a bonfire in the rare books department, and charmed the pants off a couple of mummies in the Egyptian wing. Then he jumped in the lake, escaped in his Scubamobile, and fled to Idaho, where he's currently hiding out with a potato farmer.