STUPID CUSTOMER TRANSCRIPTS

Part 5: 4th Blood

July 4th

What better day to celebrate the moronry of people than Independence Day?

1. My "Retarded Boy"

Me::  Hello, how may I direct your call?

MRB(Old man, cigarrette voice): I was supposed to receive a delivery yesterday, and it isn't here yet. I was wondering if you could tell me where it is. 

Me: I can certainly try...(pulls up order) Hmm.. it says here that it was delivered, sir, to 425 Adelaide street. 

MRB: Well that doesn't make any sense! I didn't tell them to... That's my son's address...

Me: Well, he must have called them, then, because it says here that someone from your home called to request a change of address. .

MRB: That's impossible! My son's a retarded boy!  

Me: Well, someone from your address called... I really don't know what's happened.

MRB: That's stupid.  I ordered my television, and I want you people to deliver it. 

Me:: Well, sir, there's really nothing I can do.  We've already delivered it to your house, so it's out of our hands...

MRB: No you didn't! You delivered it to my son's house.. That doesn't make any sense! It's a retarded group home, for retarded people! My son is a retarded boy! Why was it delivered there!?!?

Me: I honestly couldn't tell you, sir... There's really nothing I can do.

MRB: Well, you better do something! I paid 500 dollars CASH to have that TV delivered, and I want it now!

Me: Well, sir... would you like to speak with a manager?(gives up)

MRB: Yes.

At this point, overcome by wanton use of the term "Retarded boy", I staggered into a nearby office and collapsed laughing.

The manager was later forced to go to the "retarded group home", pick up the TV, which the mystified attendant had signed for and left to rot in a corner, and haul it over to this curmudgeon's house, where the man promptly complained about the manager's choice of vehicle. Apparently, GM makes crap, while Ford is the king.

2. Picture Wire... Does anybody have some picture wire?

Me:(having processed a bill for a painting) So, will you be picking this up now?

PW:(holds up floor model w/ no wire) Yes. I want some picture wire. Do you have picture wire?

Me: No.. you can't have that floor model anyway.  We're going to give you one out of the warehouse.

PW: Oh, no, no no! I'm in a hurry. I want this one.  Now, do you think you could find some picture wire?

Me:(after extended search) No, there isn't any here, unfortunately.

PW(Taken aback) Well I never! You'd think a store of this size would have some picture wire! Well, I'm not impressed.  Are you going to at least WRAP this???? (flounces out after wrapping)

Handily enough, the warehouse replaced the picture she bought moments later.  On the back of the new picture? Yep, a nice big ol' piece of picture wire. I guess good things do come to those who wait. Not that she deserved anything....

3. A crash course on nitpicking bastardry

The following is a list of items which a pair of particularly troublesome customers decided to argue about while purchasing something yesterday.  To make this tediously long story short, they were there for one hour, fifteen minutes, and not due to any error on our part.  No, instead, they argued each and every minute detail appearing on their bill, apparently convinced of our underlying motive of ripping them off. Below is a list:


1. The restocking fee.  Charged because they'd had the television they were returning after 9 months of extensive use, they were taken aback that it would be 25%, claiming that no other store in the area would even consider such a charge and accusing us of wantonly ripping them off.

2. The processing fee.  Charged a YEAR ago for financing which took effect then, they figured it should be removed because she(one of the customers) hadn't wanted to pay it back then, and certainly didn't want to pay another one now. They argued for about 15 minutes about this(FYI: A processing fee is charged each time a person finances... thus, both were warranted).

3. The amount of their credit as it related to the restocking fee. They felt that their credit(for the TV they returned)  was unduly small because they were shown the amount they'd be getting back after the new order which they put through, as well as the restocking fee, came off. This particular argument was extensive, lasting 20-30 minutes.

4. The extended warranty.  First they wanted it, then they didn't, then they did... then they argued about the price, just to top things off.  Fun people, these two.

Bah.. i won't even comment on these idiots.  As soon as I saw them I knew it'd be trouble, so I quickly took a break before they could snare me.

This section irritates me.  Thus,  I update it infrequently :)

Now... go back to the Main Page for more.