NOW MY COUCH HAS HIPPY SMELL!
10/06
Hmm... technically this has slipped to 9 days. Shame on me! To think... all that free time and not a single update. Well, no matter. Now that people seem to be visiting again, I have some reason to do updates, and plus I'm feeling happy AND bemused. Good stuff, no? Yeah, well... Things have a tendency to feel that way when you're bombarded with lousy news all week, only to have really good, funny, excellent news bubble to the surface for unknown reasons at the end of the week. The news? You shall shortly see. The bubbles? A figure of speech. Of course? Of course. Filling space? I would never DREAM of doing that...
Wait. Yes I would. In fact, I'm do-ing-it-riiiiiiight now. Boo.
Scared ya! :P
Lonely? Depressed? Oh well.
Bored? Ugly? Look no further.
HIPPY-STYLE ANECDOTES
English. You hated it in high school, so you avoided it like plague in university. Good on you! My English class is easily the most pointless waste of 700 dollars I've ever committed to. For one, I'm pretty sure I should've picked a different section. Does the name "Wordsworth" ring a bell? If it doesn't, count yourself lucky. While his poetry is nice enough to read, his justification behind it sure isn't. He drones on interminably in his self-serving preface about the style and structure of language and how wonderfully ecstatic it is to couch things in such terms as reveal the grace and beauty of the placement of words. I could just melt with the prosopoeaic beauty of it all. Prosopoaeic, incidentally, has some connotation similar to anthropomorphism, in case you're interested. You shouldn't be, though, since I have the nagging suspicion my professor came up with it just to justify her continued presence in the teaching profession. This is not to say she's a bad teacher(although she did disappear mysteriously one day, looking furtively about and then dashing through the door. She was gone for about 20 minutes, and when she returned, she was verrrrry dishevelled. Ooooooooooooo!</Married:With Children>), but rather that she's stuck with a truly awful subject to teach. I just can't abide by gushing about the wonderful symbolism of everything while ignoring the basic fact that the poet PROBABLY wrote the poem to make money, regardless of his proclaimed literary pretensions. Then again, what do I know? Maybe some people are just so fond of symbols that they just have to go around, coming up with laborious justification in mind-numbing prose for these ridiculous symbols. Now, if only they weren't the same symbols everytime... It never fails to amaze me just how many things people can chalk up to the same tired event. If you believe what we're being forcefed, Wordsworth's childhood separation from his mother resulted in a deep-seated something-or-other that continually manifests itself in his poems. Again, this is another excuse for people to go on in glowing terms about the sudden "break" in the mood of the poeml, where it changes "pace" and "tone" and suddenly takes on a "dark" atmosphere. GIVE ME A BREAK! Like a lousy poem is going to spur you into some fit of hypnotic dread just because the moon rose. Personally, my only response to that is to turn into a wolf and howl... but that's another story. At any rate, heed me well- DON'T TAKE ENGLISH(Unless you have to. If that's the case, however, it's probably Defec Tech and you're an engineer. Go away!)
The Moon: Causing Poetic license since 1543.
Impending doom and thickening tension strike as Corbis.com realizes I haven't credited them for these pictures. Note the "Laser".
The "Laser"
will defeat you!
HOCKEY HALLOWEEN AND HOPING TO TEAR DOWN THE SCHOOL OR BUILD A CASTLE WALL
Nothing like the hockey season starting. The Leafs managed to get rid of the whiney agent in town, Mark Gandler, by trading his client to Chicago. Good. I don't care how lousy McCabe is- at least he's not in Russia. Speaking of Russia, it's nice how it stopped falling apart, isn't it? However, in the general Russian area, I discovered the following interesting tidbit(From FYI Toronto, a daily subway issue, and also Reuters):
Khazakstan: Dozens of corrupt traffice police and customs officers were busted when the minister of trade, riding in a melon truck, went cross country and bribed them all. It's good to know corruption is alive and well, isn't it? Anyway, I only kept this little article because the word "Incognito" was used. Hey, what can I say? I'm a sucker for cheesy words, and who can forget Homer saying "I am Ian Cognito"?
... Yeah, it was pretty forgettable. So what? You wanna make something of it? Anyway, back to hockey... Yeah. Marty McSorley's on trial for attempting to behead Donald Brashier. I think this is pretty stupid, since a) it's part of the game- suspend him for life, muzzle him and be done with it. and b) it's an assumed risk. The guy is a short-long with a weapon and a bad temper. What were they expecting?
Anyhow, I hope the whole mess bubbles its way out of the courts before anything stupid takes place, like a jail sentence. Friends should let friends hack up friends... But only while playing hockey. The axe-wielding sort of friend shold generally be avoided at all costs.
Awww... how could I get rid of this picture?
I can't! I won't!
Don't be disturbed by my actual use of paragraphs. It won't happen again, I assure you.
NEXT ON THE BLOCK WE HAVE THIS SHOE!
My freaking shoes are too small for me again! This really pisses me off, because now I have to go to size 14, and I don't even know if you can get those in stores. How irritating.
Man Finding Strange Shoe Under Bed.
I just couldn't have said that any better. Thanks, Corbis!
AND IN THE END WAS YOU
Well... I guess the Canadian team did break into double digits after all, augmenting our previous mastery of such fine events as Trampoline Artistry and lightweight judo with Grecan Wrestling and synchronized diving medals. This can only be viewed as sad, since a) they're adding more sports where judging is involved, which inevitably degenerates into politics regardless of the actual quality of the athletes, and b) because it's trampolines! COME ON!
Anyhow, moving along, I guess Sydney went off pretty well, all things considered. Now, if only we could find a way to leave Mel Lastman there... Oh, well. Maybe the continent will sink under the weight of all the crappy keychains he was doling out down there. That was really sad... I personally don't even think the Olympics should come here, given all the threats of terrorism. There's just too many invitingly close nuclear power plants nearby for uncreative miscreants with nothing better to do to try and do things to. Add to that the fact that traffic will be screwed up, homeless people unceremoniously turfed from the city, and all other manner of generally inhumane activities committed just to make us look like a gleaming gem of... whatever, and I think you can see why I would be against this. Then again, maybe you enjoy seeing people pumped up on hormones out-hormone each other. Hey... whatever blows your hair back...
mmm... fire. I shudder to think how much gas they waste keeping the stupid torch burning. Why not have a symbolic popsicle or something, that slowly melts while the games progress?
PIERRE TRUDEAU: 1919-2000
Damnable ex-prime ministers. They just have to go and die right in the middle of the Olympics. It truly is sad, however, that this man did die, as he was undeniably the last real leader this country had. Unfortunately, good leadership does not preclude you from cancer of the prostate gland(and presumably cancer of the everything, as Kurt Vonnegut likes to call it) as well as Parkinson's and pneumonia, and assorted other ailments. Thus, the country was launched into a protracted siege of melodramatic mourning, which conspired to suck up a week straight of newspaper headlines, chronicling death, collapses, tributes, lineups, funerals, and other assorted trappings of the passing of a great leader. I hate the media. It's so hypocritical that they would shamelessly run massive tributes on the man after bashing him editorially for (probably) the bulk of his stay in power. Ah, well. Such is life. In other news, my stupid place of work, being the wonderful corporate giants they are, failed to lower their flag to half mast in the interests of not offending political sentiment. This is probably a wise choice, since we're situated smack-dab in a hick town that tries desperately to avoid its hickness, and yet manages at its core to remain a haven to the rednecks of the world. On top of that, every constituency for kilometres in any direction is Conservative, so there's definitely a vested interest in not lowering a flag for a Liberal. So fine. Good for them. I don't really care one way or the other, since I'm pretty sure Trudeau is in no position to fret over our flag. However, three annoying individuals, presumably suffering midlife crises of some sort, were. So they called, bitched about our flag, and demanded proper respect. Sure enough, two days later the flag was floundering at half mast. Way to stick to your guns! Bah. I guess I just hate mass hysteria and self-serving grief. How stoic would the prime minister REALLY look if he wasn't going to call an election in a month? Huh? Huh?
Sniff, sniff. Ex-cellent.
WHEN COMMUNISM ATTACKS II: IN THE STREETS OF SERBIA
Wow! After a week of stalling and hedging and generally making the whole thing look like a big sordid coverup, Slobodan Milosevic disappeared, just in the nick of time. Why in the nick of time? Because a big freaking mob got loose and wrecked up the Belgrade. Apparently, the police tried to fire tear gas, but there were just too many of them. It's always good to hear that a drunken mob can still take over, even in this day and age. It's kind of silly that they would smash up the parliament buildings, since they'll probably need them before too long. In fact, it would probably be useful to go through the records, just so they can see how badly Milosevic looted the treasury before fleeing to Bolivia. Or whereever he happened to go. There's certainly no sense in sticking around in Yugoslavia. You have to consider things from the despot's point of view in these sorts of cases. If he doesn't flee the country, what's the chance of him surviving the next six months? Or weeks? Or minutes? Not very good. Thus, it's probably very wise of him to have fled. Looting the treasury is definitely a shitty thing to do, but hey- he's done worse. Not that there's any excuse for that. It's about time somebody got off their ass and ousted him the hell out of there.
Anyhow, at this time I think drunks are still tearing up Belgrade, so this is a tale in progress. Check with a reputable news source for real information- I just bitch about stuff here.
Looks like fun!
AND IN CONCLUSION
Wow, hold off a day or two and just look at what pops out! For the record, I was gonna update this on the fourth, but I just didn't have enough to talk about. Technically, in my own personal day cycle, this is still the fifth, so it's only a day late. Ah, well. Life's like that. And now, to update other sections before passing out!
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
Muah! It is all going according to scheme. Rosa! Sunny! Call in the Scheming Minister!
INTREPID BABY REPLIES:
SCHEMING MINISTER:
Muhaha! It is all going according to plan. Next we will defeat Micronesia!
Excellent! Now, bring the intrepid baby back ribs! I hunger....
INTREPID BABY BACK RIBS:
Simmer, simmer. Boy, I sure am yummy.
Go Home! Inmediately!