By now, you probably know the story of the game by heart, so you won't find it on this page.

By now, you've probably heard tactics and advice from dozens of people telling you where to put this and what to do with that.

Not here!

By now, your probably sick to death of fancy animated crap that takes your out-dated computer decades to load.

Do you see any dancing mice here?

This page is here for only two reasons. It was free, and I was bored. So don't expect too much.

You've learned how to move units. You've learned how to expand your empire. You've learned how to ruin another player's day. Now, are you ready to learn the REAL way to play?

Step 1. Get home from work or school or the bathroom or wherever you spend your time. (DO NOT SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE PLAYING METALKNIGHTS!!! There is more to life.)

Step 2. Find something to eat. I recommend Goldfish, because they're small and poundable, yet not greasey. Also, they have personality and it's fun to bite the heads off.

Step 3. Pop open a nice cold beer. Corona Extra is the preferred beer for this step, because your not tempted to peel the label off and make a mess on the floor. Drink slowly and enjoy.

Step 4. Go outside and smoke a cigarette. If you don't smoke, sit and twiddle your thumbs and think about how fresh the air smells.

Step 5. Put off calling your girlfriend and fire up the computer. Open up MetalKnights! (I can tell you were waiting for this step!)

Step 6. Play your turns any way you want to. The secret of any strategic anything is to know what your opponent is going to do, and not have him know what you're going to do! If you master this, you can take on anyone.

Step 7. Be creative, yet classy. If someone's about to take a city, rename it to let him know what you think of him, his troops, and his mother. Also, use mail frequently. Give yourself personality!

Step 8. Have fun. It's a game.

There, now you know the REAL way to play MetalKnights! See you on the field.