The Town
Ok, so here you are outside Eve's house. You recall Eve (if you played the first game): she's the one you thought was going to be your perfect match. Naturally it didn't turn out that way (you know all about this if you managed to sit through the opening sequence). Anyway, she doesn't really want anything to do with you (hmmf!), and in fact she's pretty much thrown you out, with not a penny in your pocket. So, the first thing to do (as even the manual will tell you) is to go into the garage, maneuver Larry to where you can't see him, and get the dollar bill that's tucked away in a pair of jeans. Now you're ready for fame and fortune. Leave the garage, go all the way north to Krod Studios, then due east to the Quickie Mart. Buy a lottery ticket, entering any six numbers you please; they won't be the right ones, but it won't matter. The soda machine comes later, so don't touch it now. Ok, back to Krod Studios, and enter this time. Show your ticket to the pretty but not especially bright receptionist. Get your pen ready, and write down the six numbers she mentions as being the winning numbers. This is cheating, of course, but it's a mean world out there, and you won't get much further in the game if you're honest. Now, when she asks for your numbers, tell her the ones she just gave you. How about that, you're a winner! She opens the green room for you to wait in, so just have a seat when you enter. A rather interesting person will come by eventually and hustle you off to a TV show, although it's not the one you expected: The Dating Connection. If you thought the receptionist was bad, this is worse. No matter, just sit there (try not to be sick) and type in whatever you want when it's your turn to say something. When the show is over, you will be the lucky winning bachelor (but say...do you REALLY want to be alone for a month with Barbara??), and have a cruise ticket handed to you. Wait again in the green room, and shortly afterward you'll be on the lottery program. Note that almost all of this is automatic; except for the two times when you say something on Dating Connection, Larry is operated entirely by the program. So for the most part you just sit there and watch, which isn't all that bad, at least you can't screw up (grin). Ok! Larry spins the wheel and wins the big one, a million dollars a year for life! Not bad for someone who just spent his last dollar (and lied about his lottery numbers). So where is he going to spend all that loot? Not to mention, where is he going to get change for a million dollar bill? Why, at Molto Lira of course. Head for this appropriately-named store, and buy the one thing Larry can afford, namely a bathing suit. Fortunately, the clerk can change your million-dollar bill, so you will be able to buy a few other things you need. Once that transaction is complete, return to Eve's house. If you're going on a trip, you're going to need your passport. The garage is shut now (good thing you found the money earlier), but there is a load of trash out front. Search in that, and you'll find your passport. Messed up your suit a bit, but who cares? You're on your way to a big vacation. Hanging on to your passport, trek on back to the Qmart, where you can now purchase a grotesque gulp. I don't recommend that you drink it now; your bladder will have some problems. After that, head south to the drug store, and move to the middle shelf on the far left. Get the sun screen and pay for it. We don't want Larry coming down with sunburn under the hot tropic sun. As long as you're in the vicinity, head on over to the barber, who will do wonders for your hair (it's a wonder you still have some!). After paying him for doing nothing, move along back to the music store, which is now open (how about that) and enter. Make casual quasi-Spanish chat with the clerk, who gives you a strange musical instrument called an "onklunk". Good thing Larry can't read the subtitles like you can! This part of the game now moves into automatic, as you see what happens after Larry leaves the store. Hmmm...looks like Larry could be in for some trouble, what with the KGB and the Henchettes on his tail. Better be careful around the pretty girls, Larry. All right! Once the auto-sequence ends, just make your way over to the port (the lower-right hand part of the map where the gate is) and show your ticket to the man standing behind it. Everything's in order, and you're on your way to a glorious vacation! (suuuuuuure)
The Ship
Ok, so here you are on the beautiful cruise ship. Well...when you see all those stairs you know you'll be climbing, maybe not so beautiful. Anyway, head right into your cabin (maybe cubbyhole would be a better term; these freebies ain't all they're cracked up to be). On the table in back is a basket of fruit. Take that, then open the door in the right-hand wall. Who could be on the other side? Lovely bachelorette Barbara? Well, not quite. There's a Bimbo in there, but it's Mrs. Bimbo, Barbara's mother (chatting with her may explain Barbara). This is not a woman you want to get intimate with (especially if you take a look in her closet). When she's finished talking, go back to your room, walk around it a little bit, then return to her room. She should be gone now. If she isn't, leave and come back a little later. Once the room is empty, head for the nightstand and open it. Inside is Mother's sewing kit. Grab that and hurry out (because she could come back at any time, and you DON'T wanna be there when she does. Larry may be a bit of a masochist, but not that much!). Back in your own room, change clothes. You're now wearing that expensive bathing suit (hmm..Larry doesn't look too bad in it..wonder where he got that tan?). Head for the pool. There's one deck chair left, but before you sit in it, Larry would be wise to apply some sun screen. Ah, that's better. While Larry lounges in the chair, a beautiful woman arrives and gives him a big come-on. Rather suspicious, isn't it? If Larry is smart (or if he isn't, you should be), he won't go trailing after that luscious babe (oh, all right, save the game and then follow her, just to see what happens). Instead, take a dip in the pool. Remember to type "swim" as soon as Larry hits the water, or he'll drown. Move him to about the middle of the pool, then type either "go underwater" or "dive" (this is the only place you can do this). You may want to save the game first, as there is only a limited amount of time down below. When swimming down, don't stop for anything or to take a look around. Just head right for the bottom, get the bikini top, and reverse direction. Keep your finger on the arrow key until the scene changes. Whew! Just made it! Now, swim over to the ladder and climb out. Walk carefully around the pool, and go back to your room. After another change of clothes, climb on over to the barber. This one is a little better than the last...at least you get something for your money, the very latest in hair styles: a mop wig. Just what you've always wanted. It'll really come in handy when you have your own cable channel. From there make the long trip up to the nightclub. While you may be dying for a drink, dying is what you'll be if you order one. The bartender is actually a KGB agent, just waiting to get you in his clutches. So, just mosey on over to the left end of the bar and grab the spinach dip (always refer to this as dip, not spinach). You're doing pretty well here. It's about time to leave this luxury cruise tho. After all, it's hardly safe with all these secret agents running around. Take the stairs to the bridge. Very carefully, walk over to the lever on the machine in the middle of the room. Pull the lever. Do NOT walk any further forward or try to leave by the other door at the far end. This will have rather unpleasant consequences (of course, you can always save and find out what they are). Larry has just started the lifeboat timer, so he'd better hurry on over to the lifeboat deck. Note that once on the deck, he won't be able to leave (at least not the way he came), so check to make sure he has everything he needs before going up there. Move him over to the safety chain, and jump into the boat. Now comes the tricky part. Watch as the lifeboats are lowered. As soon as Larry's boat hits the water, type in: Wear wig (the ONLY place you can put it on), followed by: wear sun screen, and then: throw dip overboard (you really don't want this with you later). After this, everything goes back to automatic again. As long as you have all the items you need, Larry will survive his stay on the ocean. The game will inform you (as time passes) of what's being used. Eventually, a storm will arrive and toss Larry off to the shores of a beautiful resort island. Does this mean Larry's luck has taken a turn for the better? (naaaaah)
The Jungle
Of course, Larry ends up tangled in the trees. Still, this is no problem; that's why you have a knife. In no time at all, Larry will be free to plummet to the ground below, losing some of his stuff (like the money...but hey, there's more where that came from, right?), and smashing his precious onklunk. No matter, Larry is alive and in one piece, and that's what counts. Then again, with the trials ahead, possibly Larry might wish he hadn't worn that parachute. First things first, get the hefty stick that's lying on the ground; it will be useful later. Now maneuver Larry carefully over to the bush near the lower left. A swarm of killer bees is sitting on the bush, and you don't want to disturb them. There's no way around, but there's a way under: crawl under the bush. That was pretty easy, wasn't it? Too bad the rest won't be. It's a good idea to save the game as you get past each obstacle...just in case. The next delightful denizen you come across is a hungry anaconda, stretched out across the branch of the tree. He's a little hard to see, but take my word for it, he's really there. Walk carefully under the tree. Right after the box comes up that says "maybe he won't notice you", type in "use stick". Sonuvagun! It worked! The humiliated snake crawls off, leaving you free to move on to the next problem, everyone's favorite jungle peril: quicksand. Here you might want to adjust the speed so that Larry walks slowly. If you look carefully at the ground, you'll see that there is a line across the quicksand, which is a different color. Larry has to follow this line over to the end of the screen. There's no trick here, just careful movement. Ok! You're almost there (wherever there is). The last thing you have to do is cross the piranha-filled river (for a laugh, save the game and then plunge right in). Hey, you've always wanted to play Tarzan, right? It's easy (suure). Just walk Larry over to the edge of the bank by the rock, so he's near the sixth vine from the left. Now, type in "swing vine". As soon as that takes effect, type it again (use the F3 key, it's easier). Right after that, type in "release vine"...we don't want Larry falling into the river after all that hard work. However, before you go running off to the beach, stand next to the longest vine on the right and get it. You'll need it later. So now you can go to the beach, where you find....Larry's true love. Really! Honest! It's really her. And once again, Larry goes on auto-pilot. Just sit back and read the screen as events unfold. Eventually, having proved himself partially to his love's daddy, Larry gets his big chance: to climb the volcano and put an end to the evil Dr. Nonookee. Daddy leaves you the chasm's edge, but you have to go back to the village for something you need before your assault can begin. Go all the way back to the first village screen and get ashes from the dying fire. If you have been wondering, there is nothing important about the wood chopper; he's just a red herring. The ashes are all you need from here. Ok, back at the chasm, position Larry carefully at the edge, at about the middle, and use the vine. It will wrap around the tree branch and Larry can swing across. Too bad the branch breaks; Larry won't be able to come back this way, but I'll bet you suspected that anyhow. Onward and upward! A short trek through a jungle-like area (with nothing special) and Larry arrives at the glacier. This is no sweat (considering you're surrounded by ice, sweating would be difficult); move to the middle of the screen, just below the ice, and use the ashes. Larry will continue to do this and he will climb up to the top and beyond. After this is a pathway with steep cliffs on both sides. Walking up is actually easy, as long as you aren't careless. Just don't try flying, because you can't. And there, at last, is the top of the volcano! Complete with mysterious elevator. No, you can't get in there....yet! First you have to cause some underground disturbance. Checking your inventory, you see that all Larry has left is the barf bag, rejuvenator, and matches. Not much, but just enough to do the job. Provided you can get around the weirdities (not to mention stupidity) of the parser. Here's what you have to do: first get Larry over to the left side of the big hole, just in front of the rock. This is the only place he can do anything. Now (are you ready for this? probably not): say "put matches and bag in bottle". You MUST say that, or else it won't work. The matches don't actually go into the bottle, only the bag does. However, if you try just putting the bag alone in there, the program screws up and Larry dumps the bottle by itself into the fissure. So, make sure you say "matches and bag". All right, light the bag and drop the bottle into the fissure. Move Larry over to the elevator and inside when it opens. After that, sit back and relax...this is the end of the game (a rather protracted ending) and from here on in Larry goes through his paces with no help from you. However, at least it's a happy ending! Really! Leisure Suit Larry finds love at last...in the right place!
The Island
How about that, Larry actually managed to survive everything, even sand in the face! Then again, when you find out what's coming next, you may wish Larry had drowned out there after all. From your starting point on the beach, there are three ways to go (you can ignore the umbrellas, by the way). To the right is a nest of KGB agents, and you aren't ready for them yet. A good place to avoid. To the left is the nude beach. Trudge over that way to see what's there (naked people, of course, what else would you expect?). One of the women seems to be really interested in you. Again, highly suspicious! I wouldn't trust this one, whether she's nude or clothed. When she tells you to follow her, just wait until she's entirely off the screen, and a little longer besides. Then go in that direction, which brings you back where you started. Now comes the dull part. South of the beach is a jungle. You will have to go through it a total of eight times (or more, if you make a mistake, so don't make any mistakes). I suggest having a book handy so you can read while you travel through the jungle. This part is again automatic: you just sit there while Larry wanders around the screen looking for an exit. The first time, watch carefully, until Larry is close to the bush in the middle of the screen. As soon as he is, type: "get flower" (the one in the pot under the tree is a red herring and you can't get that one). This is the only important thing you need do. Having done that, you can open your book (War and Peace is a good choice) and just read it while you wait for Larry to find a way out. Of course, you can also watch Larry's antics on the screen. They're pretty cute...the first time. However, they never change on subsequent visits, so you might as well stick with your book. The first place Larry finds is a snooty restaurant. Talk to the maitre d', who will have you sit and wait while he takes other people to their tables (you have to sit through this five times...boring). Eventually the maitre d' will get around to you. A special folding table is set up right near the kitchen door (choice location). There is food on the table, but I don't recommend eating it. Instead, meander over to the buffet and get the knife. That's all you need from this place, so you can leave as soon as you have it. Of course, you're back in the jungle again; a good time to resume your reading. Eventually, Larry comes out into a guest room. A maid appears soon after, to inquire if everything is all right. If you say no, she'll ask if you want something that isn't on the room service menu. She means herself. You can have a romp in the bed with her, but I advise against it. Her brother Carlos, and his gun, will turn up while you're enjoying her charms, at which point it will be bye-bye Larry. Just wait until she leaves then pick up the matches from the table and the soap from the bathroom. Now you can leave, to wander yet again (lucky fellow!) in the jungle. This time, you come out at the barber shop (they're all over the place, aren't they?). This one is even better than the last. He really makes your hair grow long and luxurious. So what if you also just turned blonde? Blondes have more fun anyway (and isn't Larry having fun?). Time for another trek through the jungle, which brings you to...the beach where you started. Hmmm..wonder if anything has changed since last time? Hop over to the nude beach, and you'll see a bikini bottom on the rock. Ah, now you have a complete suit...wonder what that means? Let's find out! Yes, you guessed it...you have to go back through the jungle again (see, I told you to read War and Peace!). The restaurant has nothing important, so just leave it as soon as you enter. When you arrive at the guest house, go around behind the bathroom and change clothes. My my, don't we look pretty! However, Larry is somewhat underdeveloped in the upper chest region, and this will never do. So, "Stuff bikini top with soap". Wow, what a beauty! Gee, Larry could almost pass for female now. Except that he's kinda hairy. Don't worry, the barber will take care of that for you with a total body wax. Ok, it's a trifle painful, but hey, you want to get out of here, right? Right! Now that you're properly dressed, stuffed, and waxed, you can just sashay on by the admiring KGB agents to the cliffs. These cliffs look a little formidable. Maybe even a lot formidable. Bet your hands are shaking already. Well, I'll tell ya: you don't have to worry too much about these cliffs. Larry will slip now and then...that's built in and can't be avoided. However, he won't fall (but go ahead and save the game if it makes you feel more secure). Now, after you round the last cliff, the game will tell you that Larry pauses for a breather. As soon as you see that, type in "change clothes". Your get up may be good enough to fool the dumb KGB agents, but the sharp-eyed guards at the airport will know better. Now that you're more like yourself again (in spite of the long blonde hair), you can walk up to the airport door. However, there are two KGBishna agents standing in front of it. This is the time to spread some peace and love. Give your flower to the agents. Overwhelmed, they wander off, leaving you free to enter the airport.
The Airport
The first thing you see is a ticket counter and three lines. No matter which line you stand in, you won't get anywhere. Instead, walk left to the next room, where you will find...a barbershop! Not only that, but the barber looks vaguely familiar...haven't we seen her somewhere before (something to do with a king's quest, wasn't it?). Anyway, under her expert ministrations, Larry's long blonde hair is turned back into receding dark hair again. To make up for this, she gives Larry a bottle of hair rejuvenator. How nice of her...just don't light any matches. All right, time to buy a plane ticket. Go back past the ticket desk (ignoring any beautiful women who may approach you) and keep going right to the customs area. Show your passport to the man at the desk, then continue right through the gate. On the other side is the luggage examination area. The inspector is asleep, however, which gives you the perfect opportunity to snoop through other people's belongings (haven't you always wanted to do that?). As each piece of luggage moves in front of you, just say "get suitcase". What you're waiting for is the suitcase with the bomb in it. That's right...bomb (as in BOOM). Don't worry tho, it's not as bad as you think (it's not even worse than you think, either). Once again, this is an auto-sequence. Enjoy the show as Larry goes running around with an explosive suitcase, shouting about it to all the world and everyone else, too. Well, that's one way to buy a ticket. Which is what you should do, now that the lines are gone. Then return to the customs area, where you show your passport again, and pass through the gate again. This time, keep going past the luggage inspection area and you will come to the slide walks.
You'll see a couple of vending machines. One is broken, but the other is selling flight insurance...in the form of parachutes. It would be a smart move on Larry's part to buy some flight insurance. Hey, it's been a long time since you had anything to eat. Why not slip over to the counter and order the "Blue Pate" special? It's only a buck. Hmmm...makes you wonder what could be in it, at that price. Better not eat it, after all. In fact, why not examine it more carefully...never know what you might find. How about that, there was a bobby pin lurking in the gravy! Good thing you decided not to eat that stuff after all. Anyway, now it's time to get to your plane before it takes off without you. Just get on the slide walk and you'll be there in hardly any time at all (almost). Before you show your ticket to the clerk, look at the counter. There's a stack of religious pamphlets sitting on it. Go ahead, take one. If nothing else, you can always use it as bathroom stationery in an emergency (grin). Now you can board the plane. After making an impression (of the wrong kind) on the stewardess, Larry makes his way to the next compartment, where he finds things are a bit of a tight squeeze. Nevertheless, he does manage to get into his seat (maybe a diet is in order...). Once the plane has taken off, Larry finds he is stuck next to a bore. Not just any old kind of bore...a dangerous one. Given enough time, he'll give Larry a hair job that will fry his brains. Standing up doesn't help; as soon as Larry is on his feet, stewardesses will roll in drink carts...and roll them out again as soon as Larry is back in his seat. What we need here is a distraction, and that's where the pamphlet comes in handy. Just give it to the bore, and he will no longer be a problem. With that taken care of, look at your seat...a convenient barf bag has been thoughtfully provided by the airlines. Grab that, because it's time to take the long way out. Stand up (hah! no more drinks) and head into the smoking compartment. There are three doors here, of which only two are visible on the screen. The third (which is the exit) is in the lower right portion. Move Larry over to that and wear the parachute (there won't be time later). The door is not only shut, it is locked. But that's easy, just "use pin" (hmmm, wonder where Larry learned this skill?). Then pull the lever and push the door. WHOOSH! As soon as Larry is out of the plane, open the parachute. Whew, that was a close one! And so our hero floats merrily to earth, to what appears to be a tropical island. Has he found paradise at last? (With that volcano in the background, no way!).