A New Perspective

By: xenobart@yahoo.com

***

The meeting was awkward, to say the least.

When Seifer walked into Balamb Garden's cafeteria and demanded to talk to Squall, the normally loud area immediately hushed.  To break the awkward silence, Quistis politely agreed to find Squall for him.

"Where are his posse?" I heard Nida whisper to Xu, who were eating together at the next table.

"Didn't you hear him?" Xu replied quietly. "He said he wanted to talk to him alone. I wonder why."

"It is odd," Nida said nervously.  My friend Zell, who I had been eating lunch with, just sat there,  gaping in shock.

A moment later, Squall walked in with Quistis, nodding to me before turning to Seifer, I noted happily. He walked over to Seifer, and they sat down at the table with Zell and me.  The lunch room was still completely silent.  "All right, you can all go back to what you were doing," Squall muttered in his cold voice that hid his feelings. The students obliged, though I noticed that quite a few left the area.  Not surprisingly,  many students were afraid of the former Sorceress' Knight.

Seifer eyed me before turning to Squall.  "Seifer," Squall said coldly, "What exactly do you want from me?"

"Well, obviously, I came to see you," he said dryly.  A few moments of awkward silence followed.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Squall muttered.

"Squall, I have been leaving you alone.  What's so bad about coming to Balamb Gardens to congratulate an old rival?" Seifer said with heavy sarcasm.

At this point, Zell learned across the table to speak to me.  "Maybe we should leave," he whispered in my ear.  "You know that those two can get pretty nasty when they argue. And I'd prefer to stay away from Seifer, given how he normally treats me."

"I think I'll stay," I whispered back. "But you can go. I understand."

"All right, if that's what you want," he replied.  Zell got out of his chair, presumably to join Irvine and Quistis on the other side of the room.  "See you around!" he yelled as he ran off.

I giggled silently to myself as I scooted my chair closer to Squall.  I certainly was not going to sit with Quistis, not after our little run two weeks ago.  Besides, I had a very good reason for staying.  For the three weeks since I, excuse me, we, had defeated Ultimecia, I had figured Seifer would come.  Finally, he made the long trip from Fisherman's Horizon to Balamb.  

Now, he and Squall would fight each other for the beautiful prize that both of them wanted, no, needed, desparately.

Which, of course, was me. The amazing Rinoa Heartilly.

My attention turned back to the conversation.  "Why are you always following me around?" Squall asked Seifer threateningly.

"Squall, I do not follow you around, and you know that," Seifer said in a defiant voice.

"Whatever," Squall replied. "I couldn't go an hour without you managing to pick on me when we were younger.  Even when you were brainwashed by the sorceress, you still managed to have a few run ins with me."

Oh Squally baby, you can be so dense sometimes, I thought to myself.  Obviously, he followed you around because he wanted me.  After defeating Ultimecia, I thought I had known for sure that Squall was the man for me. The kiss we shared that night on the balcony was, in my book, the ultimate test.

But now, as I looked at Seifer, I realized that he could be the one for me, too. I felt my stomach speed up as a result of just looking at him.  His sexy blue eyes and amazing blond hair made me melt.  How could I have forgotten the passion we had shared the previous summer?  Maybe he wasn't the nicest guy, or the happiest.  But charm oozed out of every pore of his body.  Seifer would push his weaknesses aside and charm me with his strengths.

I could imagine Seifer approaching me, begging me to love him.  He would be cool and suave about it, his natural charm taking over.  Maybe he would be a bit awkward around me, the girl he truly loved, but I would pull him through with my own girlish innocence.  I could just imagine him begging me to love him, begging me to leave Squall...

Seifer got up and walked to my side of the Table.

"Oh Rinoa," he whispered into my ear, "You look so beautiful today."

I set there, smiling and giggling to myself.  I was going to play hard to get.

"Rinoa," he begged me, kissing me on the lips. "What's a girl like you doing with Squall?"

"He's just a friend," I whispered in his ear.

"Leave Squall and come with me.  Come here," he whispered, taking me in his arms...

A loud clatter of pans from the kitchen abruptly snapped me out of my daydream.

"You're always there!" exclaimed Squall, actually speaking with emotion.  Only Seifer could make him speak with that much hatred.  "Do you really hate me this much? I hate you, Seifer! I hate you!"

"Squall.." Seifer whispered softly, hesitantly.

Squall was the man I had met during my extraordinary journey for Timber and the planet.  Although not as strikingly gorgeous as Seifer, he had amazing assets.  His chocolate brown hair and large, cold eyes, gave him a mysterious aura.  He cold, calculating personality was actually a turn on.  I often can't hear him talk, but I always know what he's thinking.  I'm that good.  And how could I turn on him for Seifer so quickly?  Squall had so beautifully protected me from every danger while we journied the planet, and after we saved the world, took me into his arms.  He was truly my knight.

Squall had feelings for me, feelings he may not even have realized yet, himself.  Of course I've noticed that I've always been the one putting the passion in our relationship.  But I've expertly known that he just needs a little time, and more loving from me, to understand.  Perhaps Seifer's challenge for my love would be the way Squall would understand how he really felt.  I returned to my fantasy...

Squall slowly looked at Seifer and me hugging and got out of his chair.

"Rinoa," he said softly, walking up to me, pulling me away from Seifer.

"Yes?" I said, seemingly ignorant of what he was about to say.

He nervously collected his thoughts for a second before speaking.

"Rinoa, I just wanted to tell you that I..."

"Look, Puberty Boy, I came all the way to Balamb Garden to tell you something! Not to have stupid arguments!" Seifer exclaimed, making me jump in shock.

"Whatever," muttered Squall.

"I'm serious," Seifer said with conviction.  "We need to talk.  For real."

I looked at Squall, giving him my oh-so-adorable puppy eyes.  Talk to him for me, Baby, I thought in my head. "Oh, fine," he said without interest.  I grinned. I knew that I would be able to influence him.

"Good," Seifer said.  "Now, if you don't mind, we need to talk privately.  Alone."

I looked around in confusion.  But you are alone, I thought. Now have your discussion about who gets me, all ready!

Then I saw the two boys staring at me.  Oh. I was the person they didn't want around.  I decided not to protest.  "Guys, I just realized that I agreed to meet Edea to talk about Sorceress powers," I said sweetly, feigning my innocence from the entire situation. "Have fun chatting!"

But why on earth would they want me to leave ?  They were fighting for me, for Hyne's sake!  Then, the obvious answer hit me.

Like any dispute, the fight for me would be solved with a gunblade match.  Squall and Seifer would have a duel, and the winner would receive me.  Like two gentlemen, they obviously didn't want to the sweet, beautiful girl they were fighting over to witness their long and bloody battle.  How kind of them.

I wasn't about to obey, though.  There was no way I would miss this epic fight.  After they had put sufficient distance between themselves and myself, I followed quietly behind.

Not surprisingly, the two walked into the training center.  I continued behind, careful to avoid the monsters lurking.  All of the sudden, I noticed that they weren't in the training center anymore.  The two had actually snuck into the secret area.  Well, that was certainly an...odd location for a fight.  But I figured they probably wanted to take extra precautions that so that I, or anyone else, wouldn't see them fighting. Quietly, I snuck into a corner of the secret area and hid myself behind a row of benches.  Fortunately, I was easily able to hear what they were saying.  I wouldn't want to miss that!

Seifer approached Squall and faced him head on.  "First of all, you don't really hate me, do you Squall?"

Squall looked around hesitantly.  He dropped his head so he was staring at the ground. "No, I don't hate you," he muttered. "I hate what you say to me, and I hate how you treat me – but I don't hate you."

Seifer looked a little away from Squall and said nervously.  "I don't hate you either."  For once, Seifer stepped out of his hot headed personality and acted compassionate.  He clearly looked embarrassed.

Squall looked up in shock.  "Why do you bother me, then?"  Then he seemed to have a sudden epiphany.  "You mean you...."

"Yes!" Seifer exclaimed, "You do too!  And I knew it before you did, I'm always one step ahead of you Squall," he added with the typical arrogance back in his voice.

"But I do better," Squall said, who actually seemed happy.  He looked at Seifer with a look I have never seen before, that I couldn't place.  "I care more..."

"I care just as much as you; I just haven't shown it," Seifer said, staring at Squall intently.

"So now we know we both feel the same way," Squall said.  "What do we do about it?"

To myself, I giggled once again.  The two of them were getting ready for their gunblade fight.  Now they're both going to admit they love me! I thought excitedly. This is it!

"Oh Squall," said Seifer in a rather odd voice, "This may seem crazy but I'm going to..." Seifer's voice drifted off as he grabbed Squall and passionately kissed him.

"Seifer..." Squall groaned as he happily returned the kiss.

I didn't move for a moment, completely frozen in shock. This wasn't supposed to be happening. It wasn't right.

But it was.

I continued to watch out of pure shock as Seifer and Squall broke the kiss. "So, what did you think, Squall?" Seifer asked, grinning happily.

"You're....good," Squall said, his voice sounding less detached than usual.

"And look, I managed to beat you to the big moment again by kissing you, Squall," he said, playfully punching Squall's shoulder as Squall's face actually showed a hint of a smile.

Suddenly Seifer grabbed tightly onto Squall, acting nothing like himself, but a teenager in love, without another care in the world.  That moment, for Squall and Seifer, no one existed in the world except each other.  I could have jumped out of my hiding place and screamed, and I doubt they would have noticed.

Watching them together, I felt something new, a feeling of maturity that had never come to me until that moment.  This love they shared was obviously true love. I felt almost ashamed for falsely believing both of them had feelings for me.  Their arms wrapped around each other, they looked so beautiful, so peaceful, so right.  I couldn't feel the slightest twinge of hurt or jealousy. What I felt was irritation, because that romantic dream I’d created didn't have room for a twist like this. They were supposed to love me.

Except I’d completely missed the fact that they obviously loved each other.

I began to sigh to myself in frustration, and then I broke into quiet little giggles, not caring if Squall and Seifer heard.  Although I didn't have their love, I gained a new understanding of myself.  I realized that there had never been a fight for me: not that summer I shared with Seifer, not while we fought against Ultimecia, and certainly not today.

I then understood that what I had seen as my ‘exciting situation’ and the love I’d thought that I had felt for both Squall and Seifer had been nothing more than a fantasy, something I came up with in my head. I’d sewn my own blindfold against reality, and proceeded to live in the life I’d made for myself behind it. Obviously, I had to be in love with them!  The story wouldn't be complete without that magical touch. But when it came right down to it, I felt nothing for the actual people behind my labels of ‘handsome charmer’ and ‘daring protector’. I’d fallen for fake people behind my ignorance, and now reality was telling me to grow up. Real relationships were based on more than how well we fit into selected roles. And in that, Squall and Seifer were far better than me.

"What are we going to tell the others?" I heard Squall say softly, interrupting my revelations.

"We’ll think of something." The confidence in Seifer's voice made me smile though I didn't really feel like it. "Let's just stay here together for a while longer, OK?"

"Yeah." Nothing more was said, and when I looked back at them, they remained perfectly still, holding each other tightly in perfect, wordless love. I tried to remember that beautiful moment, to hold as a reminder.

With a sigh, I moved quietly away from my hiding place, ready to go back to the cafeteria, the world where I belonged.  Sad as I was, I emerged from the training center with a new understanding.  Perhaps I had been nothing more than an annoying, ditzy girl running after unrequited love.  But I vowed to myself in that hiding spot to grow up and take control of my own life.  Maybe I could even reconcile with Quistis and others that I had hurt and annoyed with my silly pining for Squall and Seifer.

And maybe, if I waited patiently enough, I would find the same unconditional love that Squall and Seifer had.

With the blindfold of innocence ripped from my eyes, I think I finally understand.

***

Author's notes: So, what did you think of the story? I love yaoi and the Seifer/Squall pairing, but so many of the stories, although they are wonderful and very well written,  seem to have very similar plots. So I set out to write a unique story about them, and the Rinoa narration was what I came up with.  I also liked the idea of Rinoa growing up and gaining maturity from the experience because, as we all know, she is a pathetic and worthless ditz in Final Fantasy VIII. I wanted to make her a better character at the end of the fic, instead of completely trashing her.  (She receives enough trashing from yaoi authors as it is!) If you want to send me some feedback of any kind (praise, constructive criticism), e-mail me at xenobart@yahoo.com.