Of Canaries and Foolery

Censor: PG
Summory: A very humorous and extrmely stange twist on the final scene of Final Fantasy IX!

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"And now my Dagger, come to me!"

With those words, Zidane Tribal threw his cloak off, revealing his true identity.  He watched as Queen Garnet looked at him gasped in happiness.  Zidane smiled, knowing that all would be well with himself and his true love.

But wait!  In her haste, Garnet had dropped the pendant in her rush to see Zidane.  If she went back to get her pendant, she would be pushed away from Zidane, back to her place in royalty.

Please Dagger, hurry up, he thought to himself in pure agony.

After a few minutes of staring at the pendant, the beautiful woman looked up at Zidane and smiled tenderly.  She was ready to give up her royalty for her one true love.  She ran toward Zidane and jumped into his arms.

Zidane's heart jumped for joy in pure elation.  "Dagger," he whispered, "You've come."

"I sang my song," she said quietly back. "I knew you would come."

But after holding Garnet in an tight embrace for a few minutes, he looked at her and noticed something was wrong.  Her face did not seem to be shaped correctly.  And her eyes were...blue?

Garnet looked up at Zidane.  "And now, it is tiem for you to see the truth," she said, in a much more childish voice than she had used previously. Then, to Zidane's utter shock, she pulled off a face mask and revealed that she was really...Eiko!?!?

The crowd gasped in horror.  "All right Eiko, joke's over!" Zidane yelled angrily.  "Go get Garnet!" He then paused a second.  "W-wait a minute... if you're here, who is the Eiko in the stands?"

The second Eiko jumped up and ran passed the stunned crown towards Zidane.  "Zidane..." she said quietly.  She then pulled off her mask to reveal that she was Garnet, dressed as Eiko.

"WHAT ON EARTH?" Zidane demanded of the two giggling women.  Meanwhile, Beatrix made her way down to see the threesome.

"Well," Garnet began, "Eiko and I kind of switched places last night."

"Is that why you two wanted to have a sleepover so badly last night?" Beatrix asked in a frustrated voice.

Garnet and Eiko smiled guiltily.  "You see Zidane, Garnet and I both have something to tell you," said Eiko.

"What?" asked Zidane, completely confused at this point.

Garnet cleared her throat nervously.  "Well Zidane, you may not be aware of this, but seven years have passed since you last saw us."

"It took nearly that many years for the Iifa Tree roots to recede," Zidane replied.  "When I was finally able to leave the tree, I rode my gold chocobo to Tantulus in order to plan my surprise way of meeting you."

"I really do appreciate the effort, Zidane," Garnet said, keeping her voice steady.  "But, you must realize that seven years is a lot of time.  Since I assumed you were dead... I moved on."

"Moved on?" Zidane asked nervously.

"Yes.  I have been dating Blank for two years now."

The crowd murmured in complete surprise as Blank came out from backstage and kissed Garnet. Meanwhile, Beatrix and Zidane both glared at the queen.

"You have been keeping this secret from the people all of this time?" Beatrix questioned angrily.  "This was a very bad thing for you to do!"

Garnet bowed her head.  "I apoligize to you citizens of Alexandria for keeping this away from you," she told the crowd.  "I felt it was necessary at the time.  I hope you understand and forgive me."  The crowd cheered, showing they were still very supportive on their queen.

Turning to Zidane, Eiko whispered, "Blank told Garnet that you were coming today. So we went to town and had an expert face maker craft masks of ourselves.  Then we switched places for the play today."

Zidane achknowledged Eiko and then bowed to the Queen.  "Dagger, I love you very much," Zidane said, choking back tears. "But I understand that you have moved on. I wish you and Blank a happy future."

Garnet pecked him on the cheer.  "Thank you," she said with geniune happiness, "And you will always be an esteemed friend of mine."  She then left the stage, ready to give a long explanation to Steiner and all of her friends here watching the play.

Zidane sat down on a chair next to Eiko.  "But there's one thing I still don't understand," he said to her.  "How come you two had to pull such an elaborate switcharoo? Dagger could easily have just told me."

Suddenly, Zidane wasn't the only person on the stage with misty eyes.  "Zidane, Dagger moved on with her life," she explained sadly, "But I never did."

"What do you mean, Eiko?" Zidane asked, now more confused than before.

"From the time I saw you, I knew you wre the only man for me.  But you were with Dagger, and I knew a little six year old could never be with a sixteen year old teenager. But now Dagger isn't into year anymore, and I'm not six.  So, what do you think?" Eiko finished and clasped her hands, imagining her shocked parents' reaction in the stands.

"Well, Eiko, thanks for the offer, but I'm really not into pedophilia..."

"Zidane, she's thirteen now," Beatrix said, interrupting him. "Your age difference may not be acceptable in some cultures, but here on this continent, it is very common and accepted for this to occur."

Zidane's eyes brightened.  "Great!" he said, looking happy for the first time since throwing off his cloak.  "Since I can't have Dagger anymore, I might as well grab a piece of that Eiko before she's off the market!"

"Well, I guess you can put it that way..." Eiko trailed off, knowing Zidane was back to his usual self.

Zidane looked up at Eiko.  Well for a thirteen year old, she was pretty well endowed. And very pretty, too. She had been quite the ugly little rat as a six year old, but she was maturing into a beautiful woman.  "All right, let's go inside together!" He said enthusiastically.

"Think of all the 'fun' we can have tonight!" she said with a wink as she emphasized the word fun.  Zidane then grabbed Eiko's hand and they ran off into the sunset to the cheers of the crowd.  Heaven help Cid and Hilda in finding them the next day.

"You know, Eiko, I came back to Alexandria to get my canary back," Zidane reflected.  "It didn't turn out the way I expected, but in the end, I have a beautiful little canary sitting right by my side."

"Oooooooh Zidane, I love you sooooooooo much!" Eiko exclaimed with girly enthusiasm.

Then two then rode on Zidane's gold chocobo to Lindblum, to do who knows what that night.

THE END

Author's note:  I know, I know, it was totally weird, totally gross, totally out of character, and totally a lot of other things.  The weird idea popped to my head, and I wrote it. What can I say? I hoped you like this vintage Misty 2 fic! (And if not, you can flame away!)