Michelle vs. Tara: A Cautionary Tale
By: Kacie
(Author's note: I wrote this fic after the 1999 US nationals because I was sick and tired of all the debating about the 1998 Olympics. Despite my poking fun at them in this fic, I enjoy both skaters, and NNN. Please do not send me hate mail for this story!)
It has been one year and six months since the Olympics and seven months since the 1999nationals. Michelle and Tara have both bumped into each other while checking in for the pro-am event they are both competing in. This is not a happy reunion of old friends, as you shall see.
Tara: You're such a loser, Michelle.
Michelle: You're calling me a loser? Look at who everyone likes!
Tara: But I won the Olympics!
Michelle: I won 2 worlds and 3 nationals, you brat!
Tara: I'm the youngest to have won them. You're old and stale!
Michelle: Stale? Look at who decided to go pro already, Miss Prissy!
Tara: Hey, I bet you would've gone pro if you had won the Olympics.
Michelle: And what would make you think that?
Tara: The bad attitude you've got, that's what!
Michelle: I'm the best!!
Tara: No, I am!
Michelle: Get a life, I am!!
Tara: Everyone knows I'm better than you!
Kristi Yamaguchi, also competing, suddenly walks in and breaks up the fight.
Kristi: All right, the rest of us are sick of you fighting. Pretend the cameras are watching and be surypy sweet toward each other.
Michelle and Tara: SHE STARTED IT!!
Kristi: Look, just chill, OK?
Michelle: Easy for you to say
Tara: Yeah, you didn't have an intense rival like us!
Kristi: No, but my friend Nancy Kerrigan did. (Pausing) Nancy and Tonya, come over here!!!
Nancy, who is competing, walks in. Tonya Harding comes too. Nobody knows why she's around.
Kristi: Here's two classic rivals that now get along.
Nancy: Get along? Yeah right! She hit my knee!!
Tonya: No I didn't! My friends did!
Nancy: Go to h***, Tonya.
Tonya: Look who's talking!
Nancy and Tonya start trading blows. Finally, Tara, Michelle, and Kristi exit.
Kristi: Never mind, guys. I THOUGHT they'd gotten over it!
Tara: Well, I'm going to my hotel so I don't have to talk to Ms. Snotty here!
Michelle: And I think I'll go talk to Brian Boitano. A friend. Something YOU'LL never have.
The two exchange nasty looks and go their separate ways.
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The scene shifts to the other side of the building, where Naomi Nari Nam is preparing for the event with her coach, John Nicks. She is the youngest and least qualified at the event.
Naomi: Do you really think I'm ready for this, John?
John: Sure you are Naomi. You just gave Michelle a scare a hte 1999 nationals.
Naomi: All these Olympic medalists...It's amazing! I can't believe I'm here!
John: Can be pretty overwhelming, huh?
Naomi: Yeah. I've never been to worlds, and I don't have a triple lutz yet....
John: Stop worrying. Just go out there and do your best.
Naomi: I guess you're right, John. I'm going to show them that I can skate!
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Two hours later, the skaters are out for the warmup of the competition. The competitors are: Michelle Kwan, Tara Lipinski, Nancy Kerrigan, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Naomi Nari Nam. All are Olympic gold and silver medalists except Naomi. On the ice, Michelle and Tara have been having a conversation.
Michelle: My triple lutz is higher than yours!
Tara: Oh yeah? I have a harder triple triple combination!
Michelle: Who gives? Everyone loves my spiral. Yours sucks!
Tara: At least I look like I'm having FUN out there!
Suddenly, the announcer inturrupts them...
Announcer: Skaters, please clear the ice.
Tara: Oh my god! I haven't even done a waltz jump!
Michelle: Me either!
Michelle and Tara: This is all YOUR fault!!!!!!
Announcer: Miss Kwan and Miss Lipinski, I just announced for you to get off the ice. Please hold your conversation somewhere else!
The two reluctantly leave the ice.
Announcer: The first skater to take the ice will be....Ms. Nancy Kerrigan!
Nancy goes out and skates her program to "Indian and the cupboard." She does a nice job but has a couple of jump misses. She still seems to be recovering from having her baby boy. When she is done, Nancy goes to the mike to talk, which is a customary thing at this competition:
Nancy: I'd just like to thank you all for supporting me throughout the olympics, especially while TONYA (making a face) was bothering me!
Nancy leaves the ice but recieves no marks. The judges are holding everyone's marks until the end of the event.
Announcer: Our next skater is.....Miss Kristi Yamaguchi!
Kristi skates a nice program. But everyone knows she stands no chance against the two skaters yet to come. She stands at the mike and says:
Kristi: I really appreciate this. It's really an honor to be skating with all these skaters
Kristi leaves the ice.
Announcer: Now, our current Olympic gold medalist, Miss Tara Lipinski!
Audience: Boo, we hate you! You beat out our precious Michelle! You suck! We can't believe what a brat you are!
The audience continues throwing oranges at Tara. When they finally stop, she skates a perfect program to "Anastasia." The audience boos anyway. Tara goes to the mike and says:
Tara: Michelle, I hate you! You're the worst sport there's ever been! It's YOUR fault they all hate me! I can't believe I ever looked up to you! What was I thinking?
As Tara leaves the ice, a soda bottle hits her on the head. It takes the workers 10 minutes to clean up the ice.
Announcer: And now, the current world champion, Miss Michelle Kwan!
Audience: WE LOVE YOU MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!
Michelle also skates a perfect program to "On My Own." When she finished, the audience cheered so loudly that the music was almost impossible to hear. But then Michelle goes to the mike and says something astonishing:
Michelle: I'm tired of being a nice girl in public. I hate you Tara! In fact, I'm jealous of your sucess! But not your attitude! From now on, it's war! You have no life!
Then, something amazing happened. The audience turned on Michelle and started throwing soda bottles at her, too! Everyone thought the event was over, until they remembered there was one more skater......
Announcer: Please welcome the final skater, Naomi Nari Nam!
Audience: Naomi, you're so cute! You can do it!
Naomi skates a very cute and very fun, bubbly program to music from “The King and I.” The audience absolutely loves her, even without the triple lutz! She steps to the mike and says:
Naomi: I'm so overwhelmed. I'm here with all these great skaters, and I feel almost at home. It's such a shock to be greeted as warmly as they were.
As Naomi leaves the ice the ice rains flower boquets.
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(Five minutes later)
Announcer: The judges would have put Michelle and Tara in first and second, but they have been tied for last instead for their obnoxious behavior.
The audience cheers.
Announcer: Third place goes to.......Miss Nancy Kerrigan!
The audience offers polite cheers as Nancy skates to the podium.
Announcer: Second place goes to........Miss Kristi Yamaguchi!
The audience cheers much more loudly as Kristi gets her medal.
Announcer: And the winner of the event is....Miss Naomi Nari Nam!!
The audience can't hold back. The ice again rains flowers as the announcer's voice was drowned out. At least two people were known to go deaf. During the medal Ceremony, Michelle and Tara have a conversation by the boards:
Michelle: Maybe we shouldn't fight anymore
Tara: Yeah, the audience hates us both now!
Michelle: So, have we made Peace?
Tara: Yeah, peace.
Announcer: Tara and Michelle, please step on the ice to share the pewter medal.
Tara: There's a medal? I want it!
Michelle: It's mine!
Tara: No way, I'm so much better!
Michelle: You took the Olympics from me, you're not taking this away!
Tara: That just shows how much more deserving I am!
And on and on as the audience starts throwing more oranges and soda bottles on them as Kristi says to herself:
Kristi: I guess those two will never learn.
THE END