THE STORY OF SAMMY THE SPERM
MY NAME IS SAMMY AND I AM A SPERM, WELL AT LEAST I USED TO BE. PEOPLE HAVE ALOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS OF MY KIND, SO I WOULD LIKE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. PEOPLE TELL ME I AM FOUR YEARS OLD, BUT THEY MUST BE WRONG BECAUSE I HAVE MEMORIES LONG BEFORE THAT. AH THE GOOD OLE DAYS ME AND MY FRIENDS WOULD SWIM AROUND, AND LET ME TELL YOU I HAD ALOT OF FRIENDS. WE WOULD PLAY TAG, LEAP FROG AND HIDE AND SEEK. I WAS THE BEST AT HIDE AND SEEK. I WOULD ALWAYS GO BEHIND THE LIVER, AND NOBODY EVER FOUND ME. I KNOW WHAT YOUR THINKING, YOU THINK SPERMS CAN'T GO WHERE THE LIVER IS. WELL YOUR WRONG, US REAL STRONG ONES CAN GO WHERE EVER WE WANT. AND I DID. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I HAD A BALL (NO PUN INTENDED) MY BEST BUDDY'S NAME WAS SAMPSON. ME AND HIM WERE REAL CLOSE BECAUSE WE STAYED IN OUR HOME TOWN LONGER THAN ANYONE ELSE. WHICH BRINGS BACK SOME TERRIBLE MEMORIES. GET A CUP OF COFFEE, LIGHT A SMOKE AND GET COMFORTABLE BECAUSE I'AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE ZONE. IT'S REAL SCARY BUT IT'S A STORY THAT MUST BE TOLD. MY FRIENDS AND I WOULD BE HAVING A GOOD OLD TIME FLOATING DOWN STREAM, MY MOM ALWAYS TOLD USE WE WEREN'T EVER ALLOWED TO DO THAT BECAUSE OF THE STRONG CURRENTS DOWN THERE, BUT WE DIDN'T LISTEN BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY FUN. WHAT YOU WOULD DO WAS GRAB A HOLD OF A BIG ORGAN, I LIKED THE GALL BLADDER THE BEST. SO YOU WOULD HOLD ON WHITH YOUR HANDS, PUT YOUR FEET AGAINST THE WALL, THEN PUSH OFF REALLY HARD. THE YOUNGER CHICKEN SHIT SPERMS WOULD CLOSE THERE EYES BUT NOT ME. HALF OF THE THRILL WAS SPINNING AROUND AND BUMPING INTO STUFF. NOW KEEP IN MIND THIS IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. MANY OF MY FRIENDS HIT THIER HEADS ON HIP BONES AND STUFF. THEY BECAME BRAIN DAMAGED, AND SOMETIMES DIED. BUT NOT ME OR SAMPSON, WE WERE INVINCIBLE SUPER SPERMS. ANYWAYS A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK THERE WOULD BE THIS HUGE SUCTION, AND IT WOULD PULL YOU TOWARDS THE LIGHT. AND IF YOU WERE SWIMMING DOWN TOWARDS THE ZONE WHEN THAT HAPPENED, YOU WERE SURELY A GONNER. BUT LIKE I TOLD YOU I'M REALLY SMART I COULD KIND OF PREDICT WHEN THE SUCTION WAS COMING, BECAUSE THE LUNGS AND HEART WOULD BE WORKING DOUBLE TIME ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES AHEAD OF TIME. IF YOU LOOKED DOWN TOWARDS THE ZONE YOU COULD SEE THE LIGHT COME AND GO. THEN BAM!!! WHOOSH AND A THOUSAND OF MY LITTLE BUDDIES WOULD BE SUCKED THROUGH THE HOLE. AND AS FAR AS I KNOW NOBODY EVER CAME BACK. SOME SAID SUZIE SPERM WENT OUT AND CAME BACK, BUT I THINK SHE'S A LIAR, AND ME AND SAMPSON DON'T BELIEVE HER. ONE TIME I REMEMBER I WAS REALLY, REALLY DEPRESSED, I THOUGHT I WOULD COMMIT SPERMICIDE. SO I FLOATED RIGHT DOWN TO THE LIGHT AND WAITED FOR THE SUCTION TO PUSH ME OUT, AND END MY MISERABLE LIFE. SOON I HEARD THE ROAR, IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST I GLANCED BEHIND ME AND THE WHOLE TRACK TEAM WAS RACING TOWARD ME. NO I SCREAMED, I CHANGED MY MIND, I DON'T WANT TO DIE HELP ME , HELP ME, MAMA ANYBODY HELP! HELP! I SEEN TWO ROWS OF BIG WHITE SQUARES. AND I WAS HEADED RIGHT FOR THEM. NO, PLEASE GOD I'M ONLY SEVENTEEN. I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE, PLEASE SPARE ME. THEN I FELT SOMEONE GRAB MY TAIL. IT WAS SAMPSON, MY DEAR FRIEND SAMPSON. WE HELD EACH OTHER TIGHT AGAINST THE WALL UNTIL IT WAS OVER. AND WE SWORE WE WOULD NEVER BE APART AGAIN. OH YEAH AND NEVER SWIM TOWARD THE ZONE. FOR YEARS AFTER THAT WE REMAINED INSEPERABLE. WE FOUND NEW GAMES TO PLAY TOGETHER. WE STAYED AWAY FROM THE GANGS, WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN A GOOD THING BECAUSE MOST OF THEM GOT SUCKED DOWN THROUGH THE ZONE, BEFORE YOU COULD EVER GET A CHANCE TO KNOW THEM ANYWAYS. WE HUNG OUT ALOT WITH THE LESS POPULAR GROUP-THE TURDS THE COCKY SPERMS DIDN'T LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE A DIFFERENT COLOR AND SMELLED BAD. BUT ME AND SAMPSON WEREN'T PREDJUDICE AT AT ALL. IN FACT OUR GOOD FRIEND TOMMY TURD DATED SUZIE SPERM FOR A WHILE, BUT THEY BROKE UP BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM HE WAS FULL OF SHIT. I'LL NEVER FORGET APRIL 5, 1994 IT WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE DAY OF MY LIFE. ME AND SAMPSON WERE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK, I OF COURSE WAS BEHIND THE LIVER. I HEARD MAMA SCREAMING, I RAN AROUND THE FRONT AND LOOKED DOWN TOWARDS THE ZONE AND THERE WAS MY MAMA HEADING TOWARDS THE LIGHT, SAMPSON HAD A HOLD OF HER TAIL BUT THE SUCTION WAS TOO GREAT, THIS WAS AN EARTH QUAKE LIKE WE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND THEY JUST COULD NOT HOLD ON. MAMA SCREAMED FOR ME TO STAY PUT. I WAS SO SCARED. I WANTED TO HELP, BUT TOMMY HAD ME BY THE TAIL AND HE WASN'T LETTING GO. THEN THEY WERE GONE MY MOMMY AND BEST BUDDY IN THE WHOLE WORLD DEAD. I WANTED TO DIE TOO. BUT TOMMY GOT ME INTO A SPERM SUPPORT GROUP, AND I EVENTUALLY GOT STRONGER AGAIN. IT HELP ME TO KNOW THAT MY FRIEND WAS TAKING CARE OF MY MOM IN SPERM HEAVEN. I GOT USED TO LOSS, EVEN WHEN TOMMY EVENTUALLY FELL THROUGH THE CRACK. I DECIDED AFTER THAT TO LIVE A CARE FREE LIFE. I WOULD JUST DO THE BACK STROKE AND FLOAT AROUND AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE. SURPRISINGLY IT TOOK THREE EARTH QUAKES BEFORE I FINALLY GOT SUCKED THROUGH. IT MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED AT ALL, BUT SMART ASSED SUZIE GRABBED ME BY THE TAIL ON HER WAY BY. I WAS KNOCKED UNCONCIOUS FOR A WHILE, AND WHEN I CAME TO I WAS IN A BIG DARK CAVE, I THINK I WAS NEAR A LAKE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I COULD SMELL FISH REALLY BAD. THERE WAS ME, SUZIE, AND ABOUT ELEVEN MEMBERS OF THE TRACK TEAM. I DON'T KNOW TO THIS DAY WHERE EVERYONE ELSE WENT TO, BUT THERE WAS ONLY THIRTEEN OF US LEFT. NOW MIND YOU I DID NOT LIKE ANY OF THESE OTHER SPERMS ONE LITTLE BIT, BUT I SHOULD BE MATURE AND MAKE THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION. AFTER ALL I WAS STILL ALIVE AND THIS WAS A GOOD THING. I YELLED WHO WANTS TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK, I ALREADY HAD MY EYE ON A GALLBLADDER. BUT NO, THE SMART ALEC CAPTAIN OF THE TRACK TEAM STEWART SPERM SAID WERE GOING TO RACE UP THAT TUBE AND BACK AND ANYONE WHO DON'T IS A QUEER. THAT, EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE PISSED ME OFF. I KNEW I COULD NOT BEAT STEWART IN A RACE, BUT I WASN'T GOING TO WIMP OUT. I DECIDED TO RESORT TO BEING SNEAKY. I YELLED LOOK SUZIES BOOBS ARE SHOWING! AND WHEN THEY TURNED TO LOOK, I TOOK OFF LIKE A SPERM OUT OF HELL. I THOUGHT OF CHANGING MY NAME TO MARK SPITZ SPERM. I BACK STROKED, I DOGGIE PADDLED, I BUTTERFLIED MY WAY UP THAT TUBE SO FAST I WAS GETTING DIZZY. I WAS THINKING WIN, WIN, WIN DEAR GOD LET ME WIN JUST THIS ONCE. UP AHEAD I CAN SEE AN EGG. ALL THIS EXERCISE HAD MADE ME HUNGRY. I GLANCED BEHIND ME, NO ONE WAS THERE. WAS THIS A TRICK, HAD THEY REALLY NOT FOLLOWED? WELL THE JOKE IS ON THEM, I CAN SEE AN EGG AND IM HAVING BREAKFAST. I'D DEAL WITH STEWART LATER. I WENT OVER TO THE EGG AND TRIED TO BITE INTO IT BUT IT WAS HARD. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS MADE ME SO MAD BUT I RAMMED INTO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I COULD FEEL IT WAS WEAKENING. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I FELL THROUGH THE WALL OF THE EGG AND WAS INSIDE. FROM THERE ON LIFE WOULD CHANGE AS I KNEW IT FOREVER. I TRIED TO GET OUT AT FIRST BUT THE WALL HAD BUILT ITS SELF UP AROUND ME AND IT WAS TOO HARD. I CRIED MY SELF TO SLEEP THAT NIGHT, THINKING I WAS DOOMED TO DIE. THE NEXT DAY I WOKE UP, I TRIED TO SWIM OVER TO THE WALL AGAIN, BUT HOLY SHIT GOD REST TOMMY SOUL, MY TAIL HAD FALLEN OFF. NOW WHAT, IM A FREAK OF NATURE. I STARTED TO GROW, EVERY DAY I WAS A LITTLE BIT BIGGER. I WAS BECOMING A GIANT SPERM. THIS COULD BE GOOD IF I RUN INTO STEWART AGAIN I WILL SQUASH HIM. I GREW ARMS, LEGS AND A WIERD LITTLE HOSE WITH LUMPS AROUND IT. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK. I COULD PROBABLY WALK AROUND AND EXPLORE THIS NEW WORLD. BUT I'M SQUASHED UP IN THIS LITTLE SAC AND I CAN BARELY MOVE. WHATS HAPPENING TO ME, I WISH MY MOMMY WAS HEAR, SHE WAS SO SMART SHE WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO. THEN IT HIT ME. MAYBE THIS IS WHERE MY MOM WENT, AND SAMPSON, MAYBE THEY AREN'T DEAD AFTER ALL. I WAS SO EXCITED, I STARTED TO KICK MY NEW LEGS AND CLAP. THEN IT HAPPENED, I COULD HEAR VOICES, I COULD HEAR A LADY SAY THATS OUR BOY. AND I FELT MY BACK BEING RUBBED. BUT THAT WASN'T MY MAMA'S VOICE, WAS IT? SHE BEGAN TO SING ROCKABYE BABY AND I KNEW EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OK. ALL OF THE SUDDEN I FELT COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY. I LIKE THIS PLACE. I WILL STAY HERE FOREVER. MOST OF THE TIME I WAS VERY HAPPY IN THIS NEW PLACE. I LOVED IT WHEN THE MOMMY VOICE WOULD SING TO ME. I GOT GOOD FOOD TOO. PIZZA, CHICKEN WINGS, CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM AND ALL THE MILK ANY BABY COULD WANT. BABY? GOOD FOR YOU YOU CAUGHT THAT. NOW I KNOW YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION. THE MOMMY VOICE WAS ALL OF THE TIME PATTING ME, TELLING ME I WAS HER SWEET LITTLE BABY. SO EVENTUALLY I FIGURED HEY, I'M LIVING HERE RENT FREE, GOOD FOOD AND LOTS OF BACK RUBS. SO IF SHE WANTS TO CHANGE MY NAME FROM SAMMY SPERM TO SWEET BABY, WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN. RIGHT? AS YOU KNOW THOUGH THINGS CAN'T ALWAYS BE PERFECT ANYWHERE. THE SCARIEST THING KEPT HAPPENING HERE. USUALLY WHEN I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TAKE MY NAP, THIS GIANT ONE EYED BALD WORM WOULD POKE IN AND OUT. I WAS AFRAID IT WOULD EAT ME AT FIRST, BUT IT SEEMED KIND OF SCARED OF ME TOO. BECAUSE IT WOULD LOOK IN AND OUT REALLY FAST. I TRIED TO GRAB IT, BUT IT NEVER GOT CLOSE ENOUGH. IF I WOULD HAVE CAUGHT IT I WOULD HAVE RIPPED ITS HEAD RIGHT OFF. DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR THE FAT OLD WORM. HE WAS MEAN. I NEVER HURT HIM, BUT HE SPIT AT ME ALL OF THE TIME. HOW RUDE! ONE DAY I FELT SOMEONE POKE ME IN THE BUTT. I DID NOT ENJOY THIS AT ALL, IN SPITE OF WHAT STEWART MIGHT HAVE CALLED ME. SO I SQUIRMED AROUND TO SEE IF IT WAS THE WORM SNEAKING IN. AND THEN I SAW THE MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. ANOTHER GIANT SPERM LIKE ME WAVING HI. HOLY COW! I HAVE A NEW FRIEND, I'LL NAME HIM SAMPSON AND WE CAN PLAY TAG. YEAH!! LIFE IS GOOD. HELLO, I SAID TO MY NEW PAL. I'M SWEET BABY, WHO ARE YOU? DON'T BE SILLY IT SAID, I'M SWEET BABY. NOW I WAS GETTING VERY CONFUSED. WE COULDN'T BOTH BE SWEET BABY. YOU ARE GOING TO BE CALLED SAMPSON I SAID. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK? I'VE HID FROM YOU FOR THREE MONTHS HAVEN'T I? IT REPLIED. THIS GIANT SPERM WAS OBVIOUSLY VERY INTELLIGENT. EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMED TO BE DEFORMED. IT DIDN'T HAVE A HOSE OR LUMPS LIKE I DID. AND SINCE IT WAS BEING SNAUGHTY WITH ME, I THOUGHT I WOULD POINT OUT THE DEFORMITY TO HIM. EVEN IF IT DID MEAN WE COULDN'T BE FRIENDS. YOU DON'T HAVE A HOSE I SAID MATTER OF FACTLY. DON'T BE STUPID, I'M A GIRL BABY AND YOU ARE A BOY BABY. THE HOSE FALLS OFF OF US SMART ONES. I'M YOUR SISTER. AND I'M THE BOSS OF YOU. GOT IT! FROM NOW ON YOU WILL DO WHAT EVER I SAY, OK?!#@% I SHOOK MY HEAD YES. HOW COULD I ARGUE, SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY MUCH SMARTER THAN ME. SHE KNEW A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF. FOR SIX MORE MONTHS WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL. WE INVENTED LOTS OF FUN GAMES TO PLAY WITH EACH OTHER. FOR INSTANCE......
TO BE CONTINUED
THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE REPRODUCED IN ANY WAY WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF THE AUTHOR. COPYRIGHT © 1993
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