Land of Dave Wavs (and MP3s)

davef.jpg (31272 bytes)

These are the various Dave Foley sounds I have compiled.  All are in wav and MP3 format (except for one in .au format) -- the wavs were gleaned from various different sources, and the MP3s are from Madbean's page Fraggle Radio (she has about 20 times more MP3s than I have--check it out when you're done at my page!).  The majority of these sounds are from Newsradio, the rest are from Kids in the Hall. These aren't exclusively Dave sounds (though they all include him), most feature other people too.  I have discovered that I have too many damn Dave sounds (nearly 60 megs) to fit on an 11 meg server space, so most likely I will be compiling a second page sometime in the near future.  These ones are the best of the best and I've generally picked ones where Dave has the punch line.  Oh, and if anyone can tell me which eps a few sounds are from it would be much appreciated.  I know I've seen them all but there are a few I couldn't quite place.  Email me if you know.


Newsradio Sounds

Starring:

Dave Foley as "Dave Nelson"

Also starring (in alphabetical order):

Khandi Alexander as "Catherine Duke"

Andy Dick as "Matthew Brock"

Phil Hartman (another comic genius) as "Bill McNeal"

Vicki Lewis as "Beth" (that's just Beth)

Jon Lovitz as "Max Louis"

Joe Rogan as "Joe Garelli" (your name is Garelli?)

Stephen Root as "Jimmy James" (the man so nice they named him twice)

Maura Tierney as "Lisa Miller" (or is that Miller-Johnson?)

Cameos by:

Lauren Graham as "Andrea Planbee"

File Name Content Episode Name Size
1_bobbafett.wav Dave:  "Hey!  Bobbafett!" Presence 13 k
1983.wav Dave:  "I..uh...I spent...I...I spent half of high school playing Stargate Defender.  Two solid years."

Jimmy: "Two years, huh?"

Dave: "Mmhm."

Jimmy: "Well, I mean you must have been pretty good.  What was your best score?"

Dave: "1 248 500, March 7th, 1983."

Arcade 189 k
76ers.mp3 Bill:  "I don't know if you've worked with one of these, we call it a microphone."

Dave: "Thanks, Bill, you know I did do a little bit of this in College."

Bill:  "Well then you won't be needing my help."

Dave: "Just...just let me know when I'm on, alright?  Alright, New York 108, Philidelphia 96.  Philidelphia, PHILIDELPHIA, Philidelphia.  Is that alright for level?  Is that fine?  Philidelphia, OK, the Philidelphia 76ers.  Just let me...let me know when I'm on, Bill. The Philidelphia 76ers!  Philidelphia 76ers!   The Philidelphia 76..ers...played a game of basketball today.  Now here's Bill McNeal to tell you all about it!"

Pilot 280 k
absa.mp3 Dave:  "Well, I think we stand a pretty good chance of bringing home some ABSA's tonight."

Bill:  "What on earth makes you think that?"

Dave: "My gut."

Bill: "Oh, let's all be real quiet and listen to Dave's gut!  <funny voice> We're gonna win some ABSAs!  We're gonna wi...<back to normal>   Have you ever considered colon-hydrotherapy?"

Awards Show 129 k
accidentlywritesmth.mp3 Dave:  "You picked a hell of a time to actually start working."

Matthew:  "Oh, I'm not...I'm not working, Dave.  I'm just, I'm so nervous about Mr. James that I'm, you know, just hitting keys randomly."

Dave: "Well, be careful you don't accidentally write something."

Matthew: "Yeah."

Balloon 117 k
advise.mp3 Dave:  "I sure wish you were awake right now because I...uh...well I'm...I'm thoroughly...uh...confused, and usually when I'm confused you're the...you're the one I go to.  Generally speaking you manage to confuse me even further, but some...somehow it al...it always helps me to figure out what...what I...what I should do.  Um...well, here's the...here's the situation...as I understand it...um...Lisa has decided that she wants to have a baby, but that she doesn't want to get married.  Now I know if you were awake you would probably say something like 'Well, son, why..why milk the cow when you've got a fridge full of steaks.'  And I would probably say, 'That makes absolutely no sense, sir.' And then I'm sure you would say, 'Well it sure sounded like it made sense when that guy Chuck Conners said it in that movie Chinatown.'  And I'd be forced to say, 'Sir, Chuck Conners wasn't in the movie Chinatown.' And I'm sure you would come back with, 'Well, Dave, if I'd wanted to have this converation I'd have hired that guy Siskel Ebert to do your job.'  And I would say, 'Sir, Siskel and Ebert are two guys.'  And I'm sure you would then come back with, 'Dave, just 'cause the man is fat is no reason to make fun of him.'" Sleeping 514 k
airport1.mp3 Dave:  "Have you ever heard the expression that when life gives you lemons, you should just make lemonade?"

Bill:   "Great.  I knew it.  Four days in the mid-west and you've already reverted right back to what you were."

Dave:  "No, this is who I am, Bill.  I'm...I'm a polite, reasonable, friendly person."

Bill:  "You're like one of those trained police attack dogs they set loose in the wild and it goes all soft and gets eaten by a deer or something."

Dave:  "What?"

Bill:  "Have you ever heard the expression: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place."

Dave:  "I just, I wish you could be here long enough to get the full mid-western experience."

Bill:  "Maybe another time."

Dave:  "That would be great because I think...I think a good hunting accident would really open up your mind."

Airport 363 k
babygap.mp3 Lisa:  "Are you OK?"

Dave:  "Yeah, fine.  I'm just restin' up for that big sale at...Baby Gap."

Bitch Session 81 k
belleball.mp3 Dave:  "Alright what the hell, after all, I am the belle of the ball."

Lisa:  "Well, more like party slut."

Dave:  "Jealous!"

Halloween 41 k
bignight.mp3 Dave:  "Finally...uh...tonight is the big night, and I'm not going to try to hide it I'm just as nervous and excited as the rest of you."

Bill:   "Oh, let me guess.  Mom and dad are out of town and you and Lisa are finally gonna go all the way!"

Awards Show 85 k
bill-lies-to-you.wav Dave:  "Bill..."

Matthew:   "Yeah."

Dave:  "Tells you lies...because he thinks that's funny." 

Matthew:  "I don't see what's funny about that."

Dave:  "That's kinda the point."

Led Zepplin Boxed Set 102 k
bitchslp.wav Dave:  "Ever been bitch-slapped?" Lucky Burger 28 k
boss-husband.mp3 Lisa:  "Did I get upset when that sweet, 18 year old intern from accounting had a crush on you?"

Dave:  "Well that's different."

Lisa:  "Why?"

Dave:  "Well, for one thing, he was a guy."

Lisa:  "Yes."

Dave:  "And he was convinced I was gay."

Lisa:  "Well, yeah."

Dave:  "You know then he brought his mother into work and introduced me as his boss/husband!"

Lisa:  "It was still flattering, wasn't it?"

Dave:  "Oh, lord, yes!"

4:20 (I think) 189 k
boymaniac.mp3 Dave:  "I was a little concerned that maybe I was coming off as...I don't know...an insane, Norman Rockwell, Bible-school boy, maniac!" Bitch Session 75 k
canadaspy.wav Dave:  "Excuse me.  Listen, if you are insinuating that I am a spy, or that any member of my family is a spy, then you're way off base!  Look, just because we're Canadian does NOT mean we are spies!" Trainer 141 k
coffeemachine.mp3 Dave:  "Good GOD, woman, what have you done!"

Beth:   "<something inintelligable>"

Dave:  "Bill!  Coffee machine broken!  No coffee!"

Bill:  "Calm yourself, little one..."

Who's the Boss (Part 1) 130 k
complaint.mp3 Dave:  "I..I..I take the complaint box very seriously and I seem to be the only one who does."

Bill:  "A complaint about the complaint box, delicious."

Dave:  "Bill, I'm serious, I am not amused, alright? I happen to be the one who has to deal with all of these complaints no matter how stupid they are."

Beth: "Well, Dave, how stupid could they be?"

Dave: "Well, let's have a look here: "You suck; you suck; Howard Stern rules!; If you can read this you are a dork; Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl; we need more complaint cards; coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a guy...""

Joe: "Hey!"

Dave: ""...You will go on a journey, happy long time; Matthew is a moron; no I'm not; yes you are; no I'm not infinity; yes you are infinity plus one..." and this one "I have doobie in my funk." which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament funkadelic song "Chocolate City". Uh..."You got peanut butter in my chocolate; you got chocolate in my peanut butter; together they taste like crap; Matthew has been staring at me all day...and I love it..." I don't think I get this one, it says "I try to be good hard worker-man, but refrigemater so messy, so so messy...""

Lisa: "I think that one's probably from Milos, the janitor."

Dave: "Oh...refrigem..oh, then that one's legitimate...uh "Who's the black private dick who's the sex machine with all the chicks?""

All: "SHAFT!"

Bill: "I thought we'd all enjoy that."

Dave: "...and "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box!" which is actually kinda funny."
Complaint Box 382 k
cutestthing.wav Andrea:  "Aren't you the cutest thing!"

Dave:   "I am NOT the cutest thing! <polygraph beeps> Aww!"

Super Karate Monkey Death Car 215 k
daveinsane.mp3 Matthew:  "Yeah, hi, Dave.  I was just looking over this piece that you edited for me and I have to say I'm a little bit upset."

Dave:   "Seedle-eedle-eedle."

Matthew:  "I'm sorry."

Dave:  "What..what...what did you wanna talk about?"

Matthew:  "That I think you and I are gonna have to work at least an hour and a half..."

Dave:  "<barks like a dog>"

Matthew:  "...what...what are you saying?"

Dave:  "Matthew!"

Matthew:  "Yes"

Dave:  "Get to the point, alright?"

Matthew:  "Well the point is, is that..."

Dave:  "Meow!"

Matthew:  "...what...you know I...I...actually maybe we should just talk about this later."

Dave:  "Alright I'm right here when you need me."

Matthew:  "Alright.  Alright."

Lisa:  "What was that?"

Dave:  "Well, I...uh... found from experience that sometimes the only way to get rid of Matthew is to act completely insane."

Lisa:  "Did that work?"

Dave:  "Well <Matthew knocks on door>....OWOOO!"

??? 371 k
davemaxhug.wav Dave:  "Well, that was kinda sickening."

Max:   "Yeah.  Wanna hug?"

Dave:  "Yeah, but don't tell anyone about it."

Spooky Rapping Crypt 48 k
doctordan.wav Max:  "See, or in Madison I was Doctor Dan."

Dave:   "Wait a minute, you were Doctor Dan?  Doctor Dan the Bull Sesh man?"

Max:  "Yeah I was."

Dave:  "Ooh...I used to listen to your show."

Max:  "Uh...I thought the only people who listened to that show were confused adolescents with serious questions about their sexuality."

Dave:  "I never called in."

Lucky Burger 195 k
don'tcare.wav Dave:  "Wait a minute, Joe, if what you're saying is true...then I still don't care." ??? 172 k
donthateme.mp3 Lisa:  "And your hat looks just exactly the right size..."

Dave:  "Please!  Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!"

Halloween 34 k
dramaclub.mp3 Lisa:  "I have decided to retake the SATs."

Dave:   "Good for you!  I'm trying out for the drama club!"

Arcade 54 k
evildave.wav Dave:  "Hear me well.  As of today a new Dave is born...a Dave who, for a lack of a better phrase, is...pure evil." Pure Evil 178 k
evilgame.wav Dave:  "What evil game are we playing, little man?" Meet Max Louis 56 k
evillaugh.mp3 Dave:  "Why get someone new when you have a perfectly good canditate right under your nose, hmm?  Hmm...hmm hmm hmm hmm ha ha ha ha!"

Catherine:  "Are you OK?"

Dave:  "Haven't been sleeping well lately."

Pure Evil 81 k
fastcboy.wav Dave:  "Not so fast, cowboy." Big Brother 31 k
horse1.mp3 Bill:  "Hey, really...I just want to thank you both once again for getting everyone really excited about my impending failure!"

Dave:   "Settle down, Bill, you know, I...I think I have a solution to the problem, alright here?  Um... I want you to take this tape recorder, just carry it with you through the day and just talk into it whenever anything pops into your head."

Bill:  "Aah, can't hurt I guess...how's this thing work anyway?"

Dave's voice on the tape:  "...been through the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be out of the rain, in the..."

Dave:  "Let me get you a fresh tape."

Lisa:  "What is your obsession with that song!"

Dave:  "It wasn't me, it's just the tape that this thing came with."

Bill's Autobiography 290 k
horse2.mp3 Dave:  "I guess the tape recorder didn't help, huh?"

Bill:  "See for yourself."

Dave:  "Alright."

Dave's voice on the tape:  "...I can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for..."

Bill:  "That helped me get to bed last night.  My stuff's on the other side."

Bill's Autobiography 126 k
ifuwerechick.mp3 Matthew:  "Dave, if you were a chick you wouldn't be giggling."

Dave:  "<giggling> If I were a chick I wouldn't be talking to you."

President 18 k
imcool.mp3 Lisa:  "What are those?"

Dave:   "Cards.  Just...just cards."

Lisa:  "Oh, you a little nervous about your big speech tonight?"

Dave:  "What?  No...no no."

Lisa:  "No?  You sure?"

Dave:  "Yeah, yeah I...I'm cool."

Lisa:  "You're cool?"

Dave:  "Yeah..I...I'm cool with it...I mean I'm just hangin'...I'm just hangin' with it I'm just...uh...chillin'."

Lisa:  "Huh?  Well...word to your mother."

In Through the Out Door 176 k
improvise.mp3 Dave:  "Not only am I a laughing stock, but I can't even do my act because no one will be my assistant.  Except for Matthew but that doesn't work because he likes to improvise." Stupid Holiday Charity Talent Show 34 k
istoleyourcane.mp3 Dave:  "Bill."

Bill:  "Yes, Dave."

Dave:  "I stole your cane!"

The Cane 58 k
iwishiwasbig.mp3 Dave:  "I wish I was big." Arcade 15 k
j-d-breakup.mp3 Jimmy:  "Hey, Dave!"

Dave:  "Hi, Mr. James."

Jimmy:  "Something troubling you?"

Dave:  "Yeah."

Jimmy:  "Work-related?"

Dave:  "No."

Jimmy:  "Girl?"

Dave:  "Yeah."

Jimmy:  "Lisa?"

Dave:  "Between you and me?"

Jimmy:  "Yeah."

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "Problem?"

Dave:  "Big fight."

Jimmy:  "Due to?"

Dave:  "Argument."

Jimmy:  "Issue?"

Dave:  "Temper."

Jimmy:  "Hers?"

Dave:  "Mine."

Jimmy:  "Hit her?"

Dave:  "No!"

Jimmy:  "Throw something?"

Dave:  "No."

Jimmy:  "Call her a name?"

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "What?"

Dave:  "B-word."

Jimmy:  "Bitch?"

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "Hot dog!  Now you're talkin'!"

The Breakup 176 k
naughtylilboy.mp3 Dave:  "I am NOT a naughty little boy!" Jumper 17 k
nrdavesigh.wav Dave:  "<patented Dave-sigh>" Office Feud (I think) 23 k
nrwhy.wav Dave:  "Why?" Office Feud 15 k
palefriendless.wav Dave:  "Wisconsin offers very few distractions for a ...pale friendless virgin." Arcade 38 k
pumpkin1.mp3 Dave:  "Well, except my mom."

Jimmy:   "Oh yeah, what'd she say?"

Dave:  "Come home, Pumpkin.  I just can't...I just can't help but feel..."

Jimmy:  "Unloved?"

Dave:  "No...it's...well yeah!"

Jimmy:  "Aww...Pumpkin."

Bitch Session 116 k
pumpkin2.mp3 Jimmy:  "OK, here we go now I want you to go in there and control the situation, take the bull by the horns, you know.  I'll be right behind you."

Dave:  "I will, how's your hand?"

Jimmy:  "Oh it's great, no sensation at all."

Dave:  "Hey, everyone!"

Beth:  "Hey, Dave."

Dave:  "Hey, hey, hey.  Listen, does anyone here have any problems with the way I run the station?"

Jimmy:  "Yeah!"

Dave:  "You do?"

Jimmy:  "No, no, no I was bein' supportive.  Just go ahead, do it again."

Dave:  "Does anyone have any problems with the way I run this station?"

Jimmy:  "Amen!"

Dave:  "You know, Sir, I think this might go a little quicker without your support."

Jimmy:  "OK, I gotcha, Pumpkin."

Bitch Session 344 k
pureevil2.mp3 Catherine:  "Dave, why don't you get up and get me a soda.  Thank you, honey-hon"

Dave:  "...No."

Catherine:  "Ooh, Dave!  That's a good start!  OK, go with it, go with it!  Come on!  More!  More!"

Dave:  "Get your own damn soda!"

Catherine:  "Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Alright, come on!  Come on!"

Dave:  "That's really all I've got right now."

Pure Evil 191 k
rainscum.wav Dave:  "I can't believe the rain hasn't washed you into the gutter with all the other scum!" Stupid Holiday Charity Talent Show 80 k
savehuman.wav Dave:  "Save the humanoids!" Arcade 12 k
sculley.wav Dave:  "Well, Agent Scully, you nearly shorted out the entire building." Led Zepplin II (I think?) 33 k
shoplift.mp3 Dave:  "I was...I was arrested for shoplifting once...hah!  Yes, convicted shoplifter!  The machine does not lie and either do I!"

Polygraph Guy:  "Oops.  Hang on a second, I kicked the plug out."

Super Karate Monkey Death Car 59 k
sucks.mp3 Dave:  "Look, regardless of where the hats came from it is still the thought that counts."

Beth:  "You know what?  That means a lot coming from you...<rips name off hat> Rockaway Lumber."

Dave:  "OK, this sucks...but you know...no...this just sucks."

Xmas Story 150 k
tolduso.mp3 Dave:  "Well then let me distill my thesis to it's essence:  I told you so!  I told you so!  I told you so!" ??? 37 k
truckers.wav Dave:  "For God's sakes, Beth, wha...were you raised by truckers?" Big Day 60 k
uwantsmthfromme.mp3 Lisa:  "Dave...!"

Dave:   "What!"

Lisa:  "...what happened to our little truce?"

Dave:  "Huh?  You want something from me?"

Lisa:  "No."

Dave:  "What do you want?"

Lisa:  "Nothing."

Dave:  "What is it?"

Lisa:  "No no no no no no..."

Dave:  "Come on, what do you want?"

??? 95 k
vader.wav Dave:  "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, Vader." Stocks 63 k
wentbetr.wav Dave:  "That went better than I could have possibly imagined." ??? 49 k
whtwrong.wav Dave:  "What is wrong with you?" ??? 27 k
wiscwinter.wav Dave:  "The winter in Wisconsin is the best seven months of the year!" ??? 23 k

Kids in the Hall Sounds

Starring:

Dave Foley as

File Name Content Size
canadian.au Dave:  "No, I'm Canadian, actually.  It's like an American, but without a gun." 34 k
elephant.wav Dave:  "Oh my God!  There's an elephant in the car!   Rogue elephant!  Rogue elephant!  Save the children!  Ha ha!   Oh, it's just you." 82 k
fraud.wav Dave:  "Now it's important to understand where the increase began, so you can understand the importance of long term blah blah blah <voice over blah blahs> Look at these smiling faces.  They just don't have a clue.  Look at them.  Don't they know that I don't know what I'm talking about?  How long is it before I'm finally found out?  When is someone going to expose me for the fraud that I am?" 250 k
menstration.wav Dave:  Hi.  My name is Dave Foley.   And...uh...something you might not know about me is, that I have a good attitude towards menstruation.  That's right, I'm the guy.  The guy with the good attitude towards menstruation." 157 k
notgod.wav Dave:  "I'm sorry...but I'm not a god!" 26 k
orgasm.wav Dave:  "We're not multiple orgasm people." 51 k
servesatan.wav Dave:  "I am ready to serve you, master.  And satan!" 45 k
thoughts.wav Dave:  "Oh my God!  They can ALL read my thoughts!" 25 k
urine.wav Dave:  "You know what this is?  Urine.  Another man's urine! I ask for it, and they give it to me! 135 k

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