Jimmy: "Two years, huh?"

Dave: "Mmhm."

Jimmy: "Well, I mean you must have been pretty good.  What was your best score?"

Dave: "1 248 500, March 7th, 1983."

Dave: "Thanks, Bill, you know I did do a little bit of this in College."

Bill:  "Well then you won't be needing my help."

Dave: "Just...just let me know when I'm on, alright?  Alright, New York 108, Philidelphia 96.  Philidelphia, PHILIDELPHIA, Philidelphia.  Is that alright for level?  Is that fine?  Philidelphia, OK, the Philidelphia 76ers.  Just let me...let me know when I'm on, Bill. The Philidelphia 76ers!  Philidelphia 76ers!   The Philidelphia 76..ers...played a game of basketball today.  Now here's Bill McNeal to tell you all about it!"

Bill:  "What on earth makes you think that?"

Dave: "My gut."

Bill: "Oh, let's all be real quiet and listen to Dave's gut!  <funny voice> We're gonna win some ABSAs!  We're gonna wi...<back to normal>   Have you ever considered colon-hydrotherapy?"

Matthew:  "Oh, I'm not...I'm not working, Dave.  I'm just, I'm so nervous about Mr. James that I'm, you know, just hitting keys randomly."

Dave: "Well, be careful you don't accidentally write something."

Matthew: "Yeah."

Bill:   "Great.  I knew it.  Four days in the mid-west and you've already reverted right back to what you were."

Dave:  "No, this is who I am, Bill.  I'm...I'm a polite, reasonable, friendly person."

Bill:  "You're like one of those trained police attack dogs they set loose in the wild and it goes all soft and gets eaten by a deer or something."

Dave:  "What?"

Bill:  "Have you ever heard the expression: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place."

Dave:  "I just, I wish you could be here long enough to get the full mid-western experience."

Bill:  "Maybe another time."

Dave:  "That would be great because I think...I think a good hunting accident would really open up your mind."

Dave:  "Yeah, fine.  I'm just restin' up for that big sale at...Baby Gap."

Lisa:  "Well, more like party slut."

Dave:  "Jealous!"

Bill:   "Oh, let me guess.  Mom and dad are out of town and you and Lisa are finally gonna go all the way!"

Matthew:   "Yeah."

Dave:  "Tells you lies...because he thinks that's funny." 

Matthew:  "I don't see what's funny about that."

Dave:  "That's kinda the point."

Dave:  "Well that's different."

Lisa:  "Why?"

Dave:  "Well, for one thing, he was a guy."

Lisa:  "Yes."

Dave:  "And he was convinced I was gay."

Lisa:  "Well, yeah."

Dave:  "You know then he brought his mother into work and introduced me as his boss/husband!"

Lisa:  "It was still flattering, wasn't it?"

Dave:  "Oh, lord, yes!"

Beth:   "<something inintelligable>"

Dave:  "Bill!  Coffee machine broken!  No coffee!"

Bill:  "Calm yourself, little one..."

Dave:   "I am NOT the cutest thing! <polygraph beeps> Aww!"

Dave:   "Seedle-eedle-eedle."

Matthew:  "I'm sorry."

Dave:  "What..what...what did you wanna talk about?"

Matthew:  "That I think you and I are gonna have to work at least an hour and a half..."

Dave:  "<barks like a dog>"

Matthew:  "...what...what are you saying?"

Dave:  "Matthew!"

Matthew:  "Yes"

Dave:  "Get to the point, alright?"

Matthew:  "Well the point is, is that..."

Dave:  "Meow!"

Matthew:  "...what...you know I...I...actually maybe we should just talk about this later."

Dave:  "Alright I'm right here when you need me."

Matthew:  "Alright.  Alright."

Lisa:  "What was that?"

Dave:  "Well, I...uh... found from experience that sometimes the only way to get rid of Matthew is to act completely insane."

Lisa:  "Did that work?"

Dave:  "Well <Matthew knocks on door>....OWOOO!"

Max:   "Yeah.  Wanna hug?"

Dave:  "Yeah, but don't tell anyone about it."

Dave:   "Wait a minute, you were Doctor Dan?  Doctor Dan the Bull Sesh man?"

Max:  "Yeah I was."

Dave:  "Ooh...I used to listen to your show."

Max:  "Uh...I thought the only people who listened to that show were confused adolescents with serious questions about their sexuality."

Dave:  "I never called in."

Dave:  "Please!  Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!"

Dave:   "Good for you!  I'm trying out for the drama club!"

Catherine:  "Are you OK?"

Dave:  "Haven't been sleeping well lately."

Dave:   "Settle down, Bill, you know, I...I think I have a solution to the problem, alright here?  Um... I want you to take this tape recorder, just carry it with you through the day and just talk into it whenever anything pops into your head."

Bill:  "Aah, can't hurt I guess...how's this thing work anyway?"

Dave's voice on the tape:  "...been through the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be out of the rain, in the..."

Dave:  "Let me get you a fresh tape."

Lisa:  "What is your obsession with that song!"

Dave:  "It wasn't me, it's just the tape that this thing came with."

Bill:  "See for yourself."

Dave:  "Alright."

Dave's voice on the tape:  "...I can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for..."

Bill:  "That helped me get to bed last night.  My stuff's on the other side."

Dave:  "<giggling> If I were a chick I wouldn't be talking to you."

Dave:   "Cards.  Just...just cards."

Lisa:  "Oh, you a little nervous about your big speech tonight?"

Dave:  "What?  No...no no."

Lisa:  "No?  You sure?"

Dave:  "Yeah, yeah I...I'm cool."

Lisa:  "You're cool?"

Dave:  "Yeah..I...I'm cool with it...I mean I'm just hangin'...I'm just hangin' with it I'm just...uh...chillin'."

Lisa:  "Huh?  Well...word to your mother."

Bill:  "Yes, Dave."

Dave:  "I stole your cane!"

Dave:  "Hi, Mr. James."

Jimmy:  "Something troubling you?"

Dave:  "Yeah."

Jimmy:  "Work-related?"

Dave:  "No."

Jimmy:  "Girl?"

Dave:  "Yeah."

Jimmy:  "Lisa?"

Dave:  "Between you and me?"

Jimmy:  "Yeah."

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "Problem?"

Dave:  "Big fight."

Jimmy:  "Due to?"

Dave:  "Argument."

Jimmy:  "Issue?"

Dave:  "Temper."

Jimmy:  "Hers?"

Dave:  "Mine."

Jimmy:  "Hit her?"

Dave:  "No!"

Jimmy:  "Throw something?"

Dave:  "No."

Jimmy:  "Call her a name?"

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "What?"

Dave:  "B-word."

Jimmy:  "Bitch?"

Dave:  "Yes."

Jimmy:  "Hot dog!  Now you're talkin'!"

Jimmy:   "Oh yeah, what'd she say?"

Dave:  "Come home, Pumpkin.  I just can't...I just can't help but feel..."

Jimmy:  "Unloved?"

Dave:  "No...it's...well yeah!"

Jimmy:  "Aww...Pumpkin."

Dave:  "I will, how's your hand?"

Jimmy:  "Oh it's great, no sensation at all."

Dave:  "Hey, everyone!"

Beth:  "Hey, Dave."

Dave:  "Hey, hey, hey.  Listen, does anyone here have any problems with the way I run the station?"

Jimmy:  "Yeah!"

Dave:  "You do?"

Jimmy:  "No, no, no I was bein' supportive.  Just go ahead, do it again."

Dave:  "Does anyone have any problems with the way I run this station?"

Jimmy:  "Amen!"

Dave:  "You know, Sir, I think this might go a little quicker without your support."

Jimmy:  "OK, I gotcha, Pumpkin."

Dave:  "...No."

Catherine:  "Ooh, Dave!  That's a good start!  OK, go with it, go with it!  Come on!  More!  More!"

Dave:  "Get your own damn soda!"

Catherine:  "Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Alright, come on!  Come on!"

Dave:  "That's really all I've got right now."

Polygraph Guy:  "Oops.  Hang on a second, I kicked the plug out."

Beth:  "You know what?  That means a lot coming from you...<rips name off hat> Rockaway Lumber."

Dave:  "OK, this sucks...but you know...no...this just sucks."

Dave:   "What!"

Lisa:  "...what happened to our little truce?"

Dave:  "Huh?  You want something from me?"

Lisa:  "No."

Dave:  "What do you want?"

Lisa:  "Nothing."

Dave:  "What is it?"

Lisa:  "No no no no no no..."

Dave:  "Come on, what do you want?"