Quotes
The mind of a madman is an interesting place to hide.
-dan 'the man'
I'm sorry you didn't know your father, but he died before you were concieved.
-Paul (in relation to the court ruling that a wife could take sperm from her dead husband).
Something WICKED this way comes
-unknown
Don't worry it's only a UYF'r
-unknown UYF'r
You seem so soft, cuddly and sweet - until that acid streak turns up.
-Chase, by Dean R Kootz
I wish I loved the human race;
I wish I loved it's silly face;
I wish I liked the way it walks;
I wish I liked the way it talks;
And when I'm introduced to one
I wish I thought, 'what jolly fun'.
-Sir Walter Raleigh
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"...It's 4800 miles back to Chiba, we've 30 rounds and half a pack of cigarettes. It's night, and we're wearing mirrorshades..."
"Hit it"
Excuse me, I've got a bull mastive caught in my throat.
It must have gone in after the frog.
The frog went in after the fly, ....
... and the fly went in after the shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes.
-Flacco (Good News Weekend)
My thoughts are my own, and in No Way represent the thoughts of my Employers
If they could see whats going on inside my head they'd either promote me or fire me
-James Moore
I'm not sick but I'm not well, and it's a sin to feel so well
-Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
I'm the kinda guy that laughs at a funeral. Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will.
-One Week by Barenaked Ladies
A real friend is someone who would feel loss if you jumped on a train, or in front of one.
Is it worse to get your head handed to you, or your heart handed to you in a couple of pieces?
Sex...Drugs...Crime...Alcohol...God, I love TV evangelism!
...most of them were the classic cowpat-like shape, an echo of their taste, but there were also buns, close combat crumpets, deadly throwing toast and a dusty array of other shapes devised by a race that went into food-fighting in a big, and above all, terminal kind of way.
-Terry Pratchett describing dwarfian bread
"T'dr'duzk b'hazg t't!"
- Today is a good day for someone else to die!
(Dwarfian Battle Cry)
NON TIMETIS MESSOR
-- Don't Fear The Reaper
"Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
-- My dog has no nose.-- How does he smell?-- Terrible.
If Random Breath Testing is so random how come they always pick the driver?
Is the glass half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be?
"You think it's a good idea?"
"I think it will be the most exciting creation since God said to himself, 'God, it's a bit dark round here'"
-Rowan Atkinson
"I had a dream"
-Martin Luther King
"I had a fish and chip shop"
-Pauline Hanson |
"Does this job have a disability pension?"
"Sure," Swordfish said. "Fuck up and I disable you."
-Wilhelmina Baird (Clipjoint)
Yes Sir. Yes Sir. Three bags full Sir.
-Lt H. Welsh (Due South) actor unknown
'I was puzzling over the injustice of a situation the other day and I was thinking. I don't understand this, a nun goes into a bar, no-one says anything. A bar goes into a nun and I get ex-communicated from the catholic church.'
-Adam Spencer
'Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.'
(AKA: 'When you've got their full attention in your grip, their heart and mind will follow.'
or much better:-
'Whose balls you've got, those heart and brain you will get.')
'My uncle always used to swear at Wow-Wow Sauce'
'You mean swear by, surely?'
'Possibly both'
-Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)
'...And all those exclaimation marks, you notice? Five! A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head'
-Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)
'You should have done something peaceful, like aligator dentistry'
-advise given to the Theatre owner in Maskerade
'Er... I went for a brisk run around the city, don't know why, just felt like it...'
'Well?'
'My boots caught fire on the second lap'
-the effects of Chocolate Delight with Special Secret Sauce
-Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)
'Mind you, a lot of cruelty does the trick as well'
-Nanny Ogg on working with Greebo
'Gerrt lorssst, coppuurrrr...'
-Greebo after changing from a man back to his natural cat form
-Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)
Ah, yes, "Divorce", from the Latin word meaning to rip out a
man's genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams
To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
- Inspiring Quote of the Day
'Dude, your dead.'
'Undead actually'
'Well????'
'There was this big bright white light at the end of a long tunnel...'
'So what happened?'
'We were like, forget that man... too far.'
-Idle Hands trailer
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schulz
Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People travelled with them.
-- The eight Bikers of the Apocalypse
(Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)
All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)
"Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged".
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)
The Letter of Reference
"To Whom It May Concern:
"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."
Delivered a short time later:
"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote
the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
every other line."
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