-----The Core forces on Barathrum sat, assembled, by a lava valley. None moved. Time was, for the moment, seemingly frozen, though for some reason, the molten rock carried on glowing. The Core commander's suit stood alongside them. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, his mind wasn't, in fact, on the battlefield, but instead encased in a diminutive organic body, several thousands of years beforehand. Commands were mostly sent between body and suit by a tiny rubber sphere, surrounded by a 5" by 3" lump of hollow plastic. This was controlled by one of four major protuberances from the organic body.
-----After the mind had given a set of instructions to the metal body, another protuberance extended, and depressed one of many - roughly cubic - smaller plastic constructs, set on a large plastic base.
-----Back on Barathrum, time suddenly unfroze again. The Commander walked over to a lump of metal, conveniently sticking out of the ground next to where he had suddenly appeared, and began to shoot some featureless green dots at it. It was custom for these dots to have little shaded areas, but the commanders link between brain and body was a bit weak, having been purchased for "only" £599.99 (plus postage and packing). By any normal standards, the machine would have been brilliant, except, unfortunately for the Core commander, it had been inflicted with the curse of microsoft. This curse, summoned by an ancient and powerful religious people, who worshipped the Dark Gods "William", and "Gates", was an incantation that would slowly eat - from inside out - anything it touched, guaranteeing a short life span.
-----Fortunately, the followers of this cult were not entirely soulless; any problems caused by said curse were easily sorted out via a primitive telecommunication system, costing only £5.00 a minute. The operator on the other end was on hand 24 seconds a day, to give you clear, helpful instructions on how to bu.gger off, and buy a new system.
-----None of this bothered the Core commander now, as his metal body continued to build up a base. First a couple of metal extractors, then a couple of solar panels… theenn aa K…booot laaaabb.
-----Unfortunately, the link between brain and body was again having problems. Despite the fact that the brain had already reduced the information being sent back to it, it was apparently too much for the struggling machine to handle. One of the upper protuberances from the organic body reached out again, and pushed down a sequence of the cubic structures in front of it. At the same time, an orifice at the top of the organic body opened, and out came a nonsensical stream of dialect in an ancient tongue. It appeared to be describing the machine in front of it as having been born out of wedlock, implying that it was engaged in reproductive activity, whilst at the same time also implying that it was composed of an organic waste product of some kind.
-----Meanwhile, on Barathrum, time had once again frozen. Suddenly, all the unit's shadows disappeared! Then they seemed to lose many of the colours making up their surfaces. Finally, their surfaces appeared to lose their texture. Time unfroze again, but only just noticeably to the brain, as things still crept along at snails pace. The units on planet were, of course, oblivious to this, and carried on their duties as normal. The commander's metal body (hereintoforthwith referred to simply as 'the commander'), continued creating an army, to attack the enemy forces, stationed on the other side of the unnaturally symmetrical planet he was on. Why? Because an ethereal voice had just floated down, and told him to do so.
-----As the Core army got bigger, time slowed even further, until it seemed to come in bursts. The commander's organic casing (hereinetc. Referred to as 'the body'), gave a series of construction orders, that would automatically build more units. But as construction of a single A.K.started, tiiimmme sloooowed ssoooo mmmuuccch… that the body decided to go off down the Pub with its mates. First, though, he told three advanced C-bots to guard the K-bot lab - *that* should  speed construction up a bit.
-----When it got back, four hours later, only a couple more K-bots had been made. Wondering why it was taking so long, the commander checked around, and found that the C-bots were slacking! Both had the audacity to claim that they were nanolanthing, but they were plainly sitting around, apparently on a coffee break! Quickly disintegrating them, the commander realised that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, so he started helping with the construction.
-----Within a few minutes (as he perceived them - to the body it was several hours) he had an army ready for battle. He quickly sent a scout to the other Core base (which he was attacking only due to the age-old premise that they were a different colour), and discovered that, enormous though it was, only the side directly facing his own base was guarded - it would be ridiculously easy to attack from another side!
-----Grouping his troops together, he told them to move north-east. Unfortunately, there was a three metre wide ridge between them and their destination. While a couple of the front K-bots managed to go round it, the rest of the armada decided to try and climb up it. All of them failed, of course, so they turned around, only to bump into another coming up, and turn around and have another go. This carried on for about two hours, until the commander noticed, and, gritting his teeth in frustration, gave each unit individual, step-by-step instructions on how to get where they were going.
-----Finally, they arrived, and started to divert their course to go round the enemy base, to attack where it was safe. However, their way was suddenly blocked! Not by enemy units, but by a huge black line that stretched from horizon to horizon, and  the commander found himself unable to tell his units to move beyond it.
-----Eventually, he gave up, and told his units to attack the front of the other Core base. They were quickly ripped to shreds by the fortifications there, and also because the commander found that each time he told a unit to attack another, there appeared to be a sudden gap in time, so instead, his unit just moved to where its target had been! Once all his forces had been massacred, the commander realised it was up to him.
-----He marched into the base. A lone A.K. ran out at him - what a joke! He turned towards it, his D-gun at the ready, as it fired at him. Instead of firing, however, for no reason whatsoever the commander kept on tracking it, still turning to face it. After his armour had been halved by its tiny laser, he finally decided to fire, and the little K-bot exploded, satisfyingly. Instantly, the commander realised that a Gaat gun, was chipping away at what remained of his armour.
-----Since it was out of range, he decided just to sit where he was, and let it kill him.
-----All of a sudden, the body noticed, and ordered his metallic alter-ego to attack the gun that was destroying him.
-----The commander got up, walked around in circles for five minutes (still under fire), and then finally walked towards the Gaat gun, and blew it up. His battlesuit was so weakened that a single further hit would destroy it, but by some miracle, its operation was in no way impaired. Seeing this, he walked further into the base, to destroy a solar collector he had just noticed - he might as well go all the way, now, since when he was destroyed, the explosion would vaporise a large amount of the enemy base. Suddenly, he saw the other commander walking towards him. Perfect! He could D-gun the guy, and take him with him! He started walking towards his nemesis, then realised that, for some reason, the other was approaching *him*! Suddenly, the other Core Commander fired *his* D-gun, in an apparent suicide attempt! It worked. Time paused, once again, for five seconds, then both commanders blew up with such astounding force that most of the Core base was destroyed!
-----Finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, the body of the commander (still safe, thousands of years in the past, millions of light years from Barathrum) once again started building up an army, this time staying for the whole 24 hour (or so) process, to make sure nothing went wrong. Finally, he amassed a force large enough to finish off the Core base.
-----On Barathrum, the Core army ploughed through the opposition, until there remained only one solitary metal maker… The Core forces brought their weapons to face it, and… everything went dark, and text came out of nowhere, saying:
-----"Syntax error on line 2453876
-----"program terminated"
-----An unearthly howl rang out, , as an enormous fist appeared, and struck Barathrum, shattering it into thousands of glass shards. Then everything went black…

I was in a bad mood when I decided to write this (there's always *some* excuse, isn't there?!). Does anyone else sympathise with all this? Let me know if you think, for some strange reason, that this is good (we English call that fishing for compliments…).