Women

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Men know that if a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she would probably save the infant's life, without even considering whether there were men on base.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealing with men.

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

It is silly for a woman to go to a male gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has never even owned his own car.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

I want a guy that's sensitive and caring, and that loves cats. Unfortunately, most guys like that are gay.

God invented women because he wanted a good laugh.