The Desert Can Do Strange Things
by Valerie

The FFVII crew is lost in the desert near Corel Prison. They’re running short of supplies and are becoming ravenous beasts!

Cloud: I’m starving! How much longer are we gonna be stranded here?

Red XIII: Stop whining. I’m sure we’re all hungry.

Cloud: I got an idea. Let’s eat Red XIII!

Barret: $%#@, that’s disgusting!

Red XIII: !?

Cloud: Yeah, you’re probably right. Besides, I have a feeling that we’ll get somewhere soon.

Barret: Hey, look!

(Barret points to a man in a carriage coming towards them)

Barret: How many times have we seen that guy?

Red XIII: I believe this is the 14th time not counting the times we were asleep.

Man in carriage: You guys need a ride?

Cloud: No thanks but do you have any food we can borrow?

Man: You don’t borrow food!

Cloud: You don’t know that.

Man: What do you mean?

Cloud: Just give us the food.

(Man gives them some milk and cookies)

Cloud: Who’re you, my grandma?!

Barret: %$*&, what’s wrong with you. It’s food.

Cloud: Okay. By the way, what’s your name?

Man: The name’s *#&@^@. It’s kinda hard to pronounce so you can just call me Bob.

Red XIII: What an original name.

Bob: What’re you doing in the middle of the desert anyway?

Cloud: We’re chasing a man in a black cape. Have you seen him?

Bob: Nope. But I have seen a man in a green cape. A very nice guy he is. Call’s himself Edgar, King of Figaro.

Cloud: Uhhh…yeah… that’s interesting. Anyway, what brings you here?

Bob: I’m heading toward the Gold Saucer to do a little gambling.

Cloud: We just passed there but someone was killing everyone so we left.

Bob: Oh, that’s nice. Well, I better get going. It was nice meeting you all.

Cloud: Bye Bob!

Barret: Yeah Bob, see ya.

Red XII: My acquaintance with you has been exquisite.

Barret: Who talks like that?

(Bob waves bye as he disappears into the desert)

Cloud: So what now?

Barret: I guess we should try to find Dyne.

Barret turns around and standing before him is Dyne. They do a lot of arguing and everything builds up into a big fight.

Barret: Take this Dyne.

He rapidly shoots at him but Dyne manages to dodge the shots.

Dyne: Oh yeah, well take this.

Barret leaps onto a platform above missing the bullets.

Cloud is leisurely talking to Red XIII.

Cloud: Don’t they sound like little kids?

Red XIII: ....

Cloud: Red XIII?

Red XIII: ....

Cloud shakes Red XIII but he doesn’t get up. A stream of blood pours out his side.

Cloud: YOU SHOT RED XIII!!!

Barret & Dyne: It was him.

(They point to each other)

Everything is silent and they all crowd around Red XIII’s body.

Suddenly an ghostly figure in the form of Red XIII floats down.

Ghost: What have you done to my son?

Cloud: Seto!? It was those two.

Barret: We’re really sorry.

Dyne: We didn’t mean it.

Seto: I’ll probably regret this but…

Seto chants a song and Red XIII’s body floats in mid air. Suddenly Red XIII wakes up and falls to his feet.

Cloud: Red XIII! You’re alive! I’m sorry I ever wanted to eat you.

Barret: Yo, I’m sorry bout the violence. If it makes you feel any better, me and Dyne settled things.

Dyne: Yeah.

Red XIII: What!? You nearly killed me!

Seto: Be calm Nanaki. I must go now but I want you to travel with these people. I see a lot in their future and I want you to be part of it.

Red XIII: Okay father. Farewell.

Seto: Goodbye.

Seto floats away into the night sky.

Cloud points to a heap of junk.

Cloud: Look, a heap of junk and...a buggy!

Barret: Alright let’s head back.

They all hop in the buggy and drive away, out of the hot desert sands.


THE END

Author's note: I know this fan fic sucks but it only took me 15 minutes to write and I wasn't very serious about it. Anyway, it's my first fan fic and I wanted it to be kinda goofy in the first place so thanks for taking the time to read it.

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