The Turks Get Drunk: Part 2: Cosmo Canyon
by Chaos Engine
The Turks have continued on their world pub crawl. They have now got to Cosmo Canyon. Unsurprisingly they are drunk and slumped in the small Cosmo Canyon bar.
Elena is holding a drink unique to Cosmo Canyon - the Cosmo Candle (It's like one of those drinks that's set on fire before you drink it)
Elena: (Trying to drink the still burning Cosmo Candle) Owww!!!
Reno: No....no.....no.....no.....you have to put the fire out before you drink it.......I'll do it.
Reno pours his double vodka into Elena's Cosmo Candle. The flame burns brighter.
Elena: It doesn't look like it's been put out.
Reno: Hmmmm.
Elena gets an idea. She grabs the distracted Rude's hand (he's spotted a bottle of something they haven't tried yet) and puts it on top of the glass. Rude's reaction is hidden by his sunglasses, but he reacts and tries to pull his hand away. Elena holds it there.
Rude: (sweating)................
Reno: No! Not like that!
Elena: Oh! (releases Rude's hand)
Rude: (Examining his hand for damage)...............
Elena: Hey it worked! (Indicates the now extinguished Cosmo Candle)
Reno: (looks confused)
Elena: (Downs the Cosmo Candle).........whoa!
Reno: Good drink?
Elena: Oh.......yeah............
In the meantime, Rude has managed to get a bottle of the stuff they haven't tried yet. He has poured himself a drink and is studying the bottle.
Reno: Hey Rude.......what is that?
Reno grabs the bottle from Rude as Elena starts swaying in her seat due to the effects of the Cosmo Candle.
Reno: (reading) C-O-S-M-O-S-P-I-R-I-T………..what’s it like?
Rude: …………. (Downs glass)
Nothing happens.
Reno: Can’t be much good….(turns bottle)
Rude: ……(grips edge of bar)
Reno: Made from the finest blah blah blah, unique to Cosmo Canyon…etc etc…ah! 80%…….80%? Rude? Rude!
Rude: (Rude is desperately trying to maintain his grip on the bar as he slides backwards)………….
Elena: Wow a Limbo contest!
Elena leans back along with Rude. Due to her consumption of an entire Cosmo Candle in a very short period of time, her balance is a bit off.
Elena: Whoa! (Falls to the ground)
Rude loses his grip on the bar entirely and falls next to her on the floor.
Reno: (Snorting) Lightweights…..(pours himself a class of Cosmo Spirit)
Elena and Rude are desperately trying to get into a position where they can move properly and failing . Rude has managed to get one leg hooked round the bar stool, while Elena has managed to get Rude in a headlock.
Rude: ……………
Elena: Awww….but Rude…I love your big bald head…….
Reno: !!!!!!
Rude: ……………
Elena starts licking Rude’s head, much to the disturbance of Reno.
Reno: Hmmphhh. (Looks around for any single women. He spots a new student of Cosmo Canyon in a corner, nursing a coke).
Reno quickly decides a new course of action. Downing the drink quickly he slides off the bar stool, stepping over the intwined Turks. He walks forward across the small bar. After about 5 steps his legs give out and he collapses to the floor. Not wanting to miss this oppourtunity he desperately crawls across the floor. The bar man mearly stares in bemusement at the Turks. Fortunately the student doesn’t: she’s concentrating on a book in front of her and doesn’t see Reno’s agonizing crawl across the floor. The first sign of his existence that she does see is his hand clutching the edge of the table pulling himself up into the seat next to her.
Reno: Hi.
Meanwhile……
Rude has somehow managed to gain enough of a grip on the bar stool to reach the barely touched bottle of Cosmo Spirit. Fumbling he grabs it and collapses back onto the floor next to Elena. With immense difficulty he undoes the top of the bottle.
Elena: Ohhhh!!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Rude, as carefully as he can manage pours the drink into Elena’s mouth. And all over her head and suit. Elena doesn’t notice. Thinking she’s had enough, Rude takes a swig before finding the bottle ripped from his hand and Elena drinking it like water….
There is a scream from across the bar and the young student flees out the door, leaving a slightly confused and coke covered Reno trying to give chase and failing very quickly. He collapses onto the floor next to the other 2 Turks.
Rude and Elena are locked into a battle over the bottle of Cosmo Spirit. More and more of the liquid is spilling out covering the Turks.
Reno, feeling depressed grabs Elena’s Spirit soaked sleeve and starts sucking the Cosmo Spirit from it.
By this point the bottle is empty.
Rude follows Reno’s lead and starts sucking Elena’s other sleeve.
Elena (Not wanting to believe that there is nothing left in the bottle) is futilely drinking the few drips in the bottle.
It’s around this point that all 3 pass out.
The End!
Next: The Turks Get Drunk 3: Niebleheim!! (very possibly. Only doing it if I can’t hink of anything else to write)
Author’s Note: Hmm…I’ve written 2 fan fics and both are supposed to be comedies….(I can’t judge my own stuff)…time for a serious story….yep. That’ll be the next thing I write…..possibly
Legal stuff: All Character are property of Squaresoft (And very good characters they are too). I’m not intentionally breaching copyright ok? (Look you lawyers or whoever is reading this and worrying about copyright….every place you’ll find this fic contains vast quantities of other fan fiction all of which carry similar copyright things…so I’ll just go along with what everyone else has said about not intentionally breaching copyright)
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