‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Corrupted by Valerie in an attempt to be funny, witty, and pay homage to a great show: Brimstone.

This is what happens when you mix not being able to sleep after a party with an Internet connection. Enjoy!

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through Hell

Every creature was screaming

Which suits Devil well.

The damned were all settled

All snug in their fire

And all dreamed of being

Someone "living" much higher.

Being someone asleep

Was all Stone desired

But the Devil had a cause

To which Stone must aspire.

"To rid Earth of my children

Is what you must strive.

Now get out of that bed,

And start acting alive!"

And up from the bed

Stone rose with a clatter

And shouted self-righteously

"Hey, what’s the matter?

"I rid the world of

Those people you’ve claimed,"

And counting on his hand

He called them by name.

"There’s Benedict and Skaras

And Solinas and Gwen,

Willy the Dogman

Da Ming Po and then…

"There’s Gilbert Jax

Who I had to kill twice!"

The Devil just smiled

And laughed not too nice.

"But there seems to be someone

You forgot to call.

Now Ash’s away, Ash’s away

Ash’s away all!"

Then down through the chimney

Came a demented St. Nick and

The Devil gave a nod

As if to say, "Sick ‘em."

His eyes, how they gleamed!

His whiskers, how scary!

If his nose were a fruit

You wouldn’t touch that cherry.

His uneven smile proved

That he’d drunk too much brandy

His horrid "Ho, ho, ho…"

Was pure nightmare candy.

Stone wasted no time

Which was really a surprise

He skipped witty banter

And went straight for the eyes.

The fighting took a break

So the Devil could say

How Satan’s Santa and Stone

Were alike in a way.

The fighting continued

Stone’s present sent well:

Santa’s soul for the Devil

Fed Ex’ed straight to hell.

Then thumbing his fingers

In front of his nose

The Devil took off;

Out the window he rose.

"Now children are safe

From this imposter who’s burned it.

Go ahead, sleep tonight.

You really have earned it."

And Stone heard him exclaim

As he poofed out of sight.

"Merry Christmas to all!

Many nightmares tonight!"