The Tears of my Soul A book review by Jim Kaufman - 7/17/04

   

The Tears of my Soul, by Sokreaksa S. Himm. Monarch Books, 2003. 156 pp. $10.99.

A number of years ago I read a biography of a Cambodian boy who was a Christian during the Pol Pot regime. It was called Salvation in the Killing Fields and told the story of a boy named Chanla. Although I had hoped it would be, the book was not strongly evangelistic. Chanla's faith was manifest throughout the book, however, and one of the young men in our church youth group read it and gave a spellbinding (so he told me) oral report on it for his public high school English class. 1

I discovered The Tears of my Soul on the Internet and read some descriptions of it. Once again, I had hopes that it would be a good evangelistic book for Cambodian young people. It would do them good to see how the Lord worked in the life of one Cambodian teen in a war zone far worse than the Long Beach East Side. Unfortunately, this story also fell short of my expectations. I was sincerely touched by most of what the youngster went through but the Christian part of the drama was strangely incomplete.

The cover of the book asks a compelling question: "He survived Cambodia's killing fields. His family didn't. Could he forgive?" Sokreaksa Himm was eleven years old when the Pol Pot regime took full control of Cambodia in April of 1975. He was considered one of the "new-liberated people" who had been forced out of the cities to work in the countryside slave camps alongside the "old-liberated people," those rural farmers who had been under the control of the Khmer Rouge for some time before they surged in to take over Phnom Penh, the capital.

Sokreaksa's family faced discrimination and greater suspicion for being lighter-skinned city people. They lived in constant fear. Informants were everywhere. One slip-up and they could be "sent to school"--a euphemism for execution. The ruthless evil depicted in the teenage Khmer Rouge spies made me wonder what the Khmer teenagers I know today would have done if thrust into the same situation.

Sokreaksa experienced the horrors of seeing his younger and older brothers tortured nearly to the point of death as punishment for stealing food (false charges). He wasn't allowed to intervene or even display any emotion. Meanwhile, the old-liberated kids were urging the spies (chlops) to kill them as enemies of Angkar, the Organization.

Things were bleak (an understatement) but life wasn't bad one hundred percent of the time. One thing I liked a great deal was where Reaksa related the treasured opportunities he had to spend extended quality time with his father in conversation even in the midst of the Pol Pot horrors. It reminded me of how our young people today are crying out for their fathers to show an interest in their lives, to share their wisdom and their love by just hanging out together and communicating from the heart.

One day as Reaksa was heading out to the fields to care for his cows and water buffaloes, he encountered an old man who turned out to be a kind of prophet, telling him the shocking news of what would take place in the near future: His whole family would be killed inside of six months and he alone would survive. The man continued: "You're a special person in your family, and someone has been protecting you since you were born." Hmmm....someone?

Well, finally the day came. The Khmer Rouge came to get the family; it was time. The stranger's prophecy was coming true.

How he survived was miraculous in itself. Afterward, alone and living in the jungle, he was befriended by a kindly man who risked his life twice to save Reaksa's. The man took him into his family as a foster son.

Sokreaksa continued to live in Cambodia for years after the Vietnamese had driven the Khmer Rouge out of power at the end of 1978. He became a policeman with the goal of getting revenge on those who had murdered his family but, in the end, he couldn't go through with it. Finally, in 1984, with untreated mental problems and "bad karma" and with no hope for a normal life in Cambodia he decided to escape to Thailand.

Back when his family was being executed Sokreaksa had cried out, "Help us, God, help us." But after he made it to Khao-I-Dang refugee camp across the Thai border and came face to face with those annoying Christians going about the camp with their message of love and forgiveness, well, he just wasn't interested.

Although he lived in Khao-I-Dang for five years, he tells what happened there in a measly two pages! So in one paragraph he was dead set against the message of Christ. Two paragraphs later he realizes his need for Christ and gets saved. It would have been great if he could have fleshed out his conversion and the Khao-I-Dang years a bit more.

Here's something else that's a little odd: The back cover depicts Sokreaksa with his family but remarkably they are totally missing from the story--not even a paragraph telling us about how he met and fell in love with his wife!

Finally, in 1989 Sokreaksa was accepted for resettlement in Canada after rejection by the United States. His book recounts a little of what things were like for him in his new life--the kindness of Christians, his understanding of the gospel and his work and education. After college he went to seminary and graduated with a Masters in Counseling and Religious Education. He contrasts Buddhism, with its superstitions and constant attempts to earn merit, to the joy of living in the free grace of Jesus Christ.

It's at this point that the book shifts to analysis and instruction about the mental needs of Cambodians like him who endured the Pol Pot years. Two chapters and about 30 pages are devoted to helping people deal with psychological problems and trauma so that they can move on with life.

After taking an introductory psychology class Sokreaksa diagnosed himself as having post-traumatic stress disorder. Nightmares were frequent and meditating on the Psalms was a great comfort and became one pathway to healing.

Dealing with grief and guilt was also described. In addition to a lot of private crying he came up with his own ways to cope such as writing goodbye letters to his dead family members.

Another problem that he couldn't escape from was his lingering anger and desire for revenge on those who had murdered his family. It goes back to that question on the book's cover. Could he forgive? He resented those who would give sugar-coated pat answers that didn't come from personal experience. Nevertheless, the answer was not complicated but simple--he could have the power to forgive as Jesus forgave him by faith.

The problem of suffering and evil in the world is discussed next. It's basically the classic question revisited: If there is a God and He is good and all-powerful, why does evil exist? Sokreaksa explains that the Buddhist system lays the blame for suffering on the individual. Any selfish act causes suffering in this life or in the next reincarnation. So, if you are suffering--it's all your fault.

He then contrasts this view that plunged him to the depths of despair with his newfound hope in Christ. He shares timely biblical passages about suffering and points to the peace of trusting a God who is in control as we move thorough life in a fallen world.

Finally, to give the story a proper ending, Sokreaksa returned to Cambodia in 1999. After a season of resisting God's call, he overcame his fears and accepted a teaching position at Phnom Penh Bible School. The last chapter relates an all-too-common experience at Pochentong Airport, abundant counseling opportunities and his joy in serving the Lord in his homeland.

I recommend this book to remind you of the horrors Cambodians went through during the time of the Killing Fields. If you are a Cambodian who has never worked through these tough issues and found true peace, Tears will show you that there can be healing and hope only in Jesus Christ. Of all the Killing Fields-related books I've read over the years, this is the only one I can recall that explained things and gave encouragement based on Scripture and theology, with concrete suggestions to overcome the pain and scars of that era. And for that we can be thankful that this welcome addition to the genre has appeared.

1  I just did a web search and found out that Chanla is none other than Rev. James Dok, leader of the United Cambodian Community in Long Beach, a Seventh-day Adventist!

 

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