Fun Things To Do
January 1999
January 30, 1999
Eat a lot of greasy foods
This may sound weird but actually it can save your life. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure this out, you know. By eating all these fattening and greasy foods at a young age, you start to build a motabolism faster therefore when you get older you're aready immune to all the grease and fat. So eat all pizzas and twinkies you want at around 8-14 years old, then you're like 40 you wont have to worry about your arteries cloggin. Makes sense huh?
Make loud animal noises
Why, you may ask? Well, say you live in an apartment with a strict no pets rule and have a really crabby neigbor that's always parking in your parking space. Making these sounds will definetly raise some eyebrows. Chances are, that assoholic neighbor of yours will turn you in, and when your apartment gets checked and nothing is found....he's the dude that's going to look like an ass.
Making dogs and cats sounds are too traditional, try making like farm animals or something. This will get their attention more.
Dye your Underwear brown
Ok there's an obvious reason for this....need i say more?
January 27, 1999
Act retarded as much as you can
Ok i know this isnt hard for me cause i do it all day and everyday. What i mean but acting retarded is by saying things in the retarded acent, or voice or whatever you wantna call it. It's hard to explain, but really, it's not as hard as you think. You just have to talk with you're throat rather than your mouth, i guess.
The really best part is that everyone will think you're nuts and stupid and stuff but girls dig this. Once i get my mic. to work, i'll make some wavs of me saying retarded stuff and put it up for download.
Pee on Public Toilet Seats
This is great, pee all over the seat and then leave it for some sucker to come and sit...hehehehe.
January 23, 1999
Naming your dog Retard
Tell me why this isnt a good idea. This is a great idea in disguise. Ok, this is why, if you have kids in the future and they do something stupid to piss you off you can call em retard all you want. Then if the wife gets mad at you for yelling at the kids, you can just tell her you were yelling at the dog. Smart eh?
Another good thing about this name is if you ever have to call for you dog in public or anything, you can be like, "Here Retard, come here Retard."
Shoot Objects out of your Nose
Oh the hours of fun......I always knew your nose was good for something but didnt realized that it was for this. You can shoot almost anything out of your nose but i recomend M&Ms, peas, corn, spit balls, little pebbles and small beads work too. Just shove em up your nose and fire away. Make sure you dont shove it up too deep casue then you're in trouble.....believe me, i know. You can even try shooting with both nostrils at the same time too, it'll be like a double barrow shotgun. I've never tried it though, but i dont see any reason why it wont work.
January 19, 1999
The Many Uses of a Condoms
Ohhh the posibilities.....They're so fun to play with and if you've never played with one, you've got problems. There's so many thing you can do, like:
- Put them over your head and then rob a bamk.
- Blow them up and give em to someone on their birthday. Blowing them up with healium is even cooler.
- Get a bunch, and squirt some whitish hand soap or some other kinds of creamy white stuff in them and then throw them around school, preferablly in classrooms of teachers you hate or in your counselors office to get back at them. I'm going to do this someday.
- Make hand puppets out of them.
- Chewing gum anyone?
Those were just a few things......the list goes on.
January 15, 1999
No Toilet Paper?!?
Ever go in those public bathrooms and after you did your bussiness, you realize there arnt any toilet paper? Well, you're on your own there, but when you do go in a bathroom where there are toilet paper....take all of it and dump it in the toilet. Dont flush it though.....it needs to be there to taunt you're victim. This is a great thing to do at some kind of buffee....anywhere where theres a lot of greasy foods and meaty stuff.
Pay with Weird Change
When you go to pay for something (say.....baby oil) and the price turns out to be like for example 3.73. Give the dude a 10 and then wait till he punch the numbers in then say " Dude wait, i have some change". Then hand him like 6 quarter, 4 nickles and a couple of pennies. Then watch the sucker get all frustrated as he re-enters the stuff in. I suggest doing this at Lucky's or Safeway becuase the people there are all drop outs and their stupid.
Name Your Genitals
You have to do this. Everyone has one. This determines if you're a mature person or not. See how mature I am? Mine's name is Willy Cummings...sometimes i call it Mr. Cummings.
January 12, 1999
Circle of Pee
This may be for the guys only....if you ladies can do this...i dont even want to hear about it. Well, anyway, ever tried to see how big of a circle you can pee? Try doing this, first make sure you're doing this in private...unless you want to do this in public which is totally fine (that would fall into the Great Courage catagory, i have great respect for people of high courage, check out Dieing Sucks), well, pull you're pants down and let Willey (or what ever you named yours) hang freely....dont get no boner now, that's cheating. Without holding Willy spin in circles in place as fast as you can and pee at the same time, make sure you stay in one place though, then measure the radius of your circle, that is the center of the cicle to the edge. I got almost 5 foot.
January 10, 1999
Get Some Nipple Action
One thing that i've just found out a little while a ago, when you're with a girl you can like pinch your nipples and stuff in front of her. There's really no other way to turn a girl on but this. If you go out with the girl, it's even better. But the best part? It's when you brag to you're freinds the next day about getting "nipple action" the day before and not lie about it.
Camp in Quake 2
This is the most annoying thing you could do in Q2. Let me surgest that you do this when you are losing. That makes the other playes even madder, and it's cool to watch them get blown up by your railgun when they respawn to the same place. But of course, yeah, camping is for lamers who cant play....im not one of those people....really, im not.
January 9, 1999
Farting in elavators
Try doing this sometimes. When you go on some public elevator at the mall or something like in a hospital where the elevator is just about full of people, go up to the top level and wait till there is a reasonable amount of people waiting to go in the elevator. Then as you go in, press floor 1. Now you get to have some fun, let out one of those "silent-but-deadly" farts and watch everyone's reactions. You'll get a kick outta this, i swear. If you're a brave one, a sound fart is excelent. From my experience with farting, you can get better farts if you dont go #2 for 2-3 days, keep that in mind.