Funthings To Do
September/August/July '99
September 8, 1999
A smart tip: Dont play with fire
Well at least dont play with fire in your room, unless you want like burnt marks on your carpet or furniture. See, i learned this the hard way from when i was a little kid, i used to try to start a fire in my room with those firestarter thingies i had....and yeah, those things really do work.....I've got the burnt mark on my desk to prove it too.
Don't try to roast marshmallows on a gas stove
Here's another good tip that i learned from experience. If you have one of those gas stoves then you know how sometimes it takes a while for the flames to appear right? Well...when i was little and wasnt very tall, i was trying to roast some stupid marchmallows on the stove (i like camping). Well, it took the stove a while to come on and i didnt know, so my head was like directly above the stove...i'll say about 12 inches above. Then all of a sudden....i saw like this fire ball coming straight at me... Yep, i think i went a whole month without eyebrows or lashes and lost a good 3-4 inches off my bangs....
Boy, i've got so many fire stories to tell.....
Make strange comments while peeing at a urinal
Pick a urinal that's next to someone else and just start....
- "Hmm...excuse me, but do you dye your hair?"
- "Wow! That's a pretty good size. Ya take any special vitamines? "
- "Hey, i bet you i can pee farther than you..."
- "You know, you might want to get that wort check out..."
- "Mamamea, that's a spicy meat ball!"
August 15, 1999
Constipation solution
I've got an idea that'll help you for life, you'll never need any kind of medication again, garunteed. Well, here's my grand idea: All you need to do is find a way to stretch your ass out some. It's that simple. Once it's stretch out a little then you'll never have constipation problems again and you can eat all the airplane pretzels and raisins you want. The question now is how to stretch you're ass out. Now that's simple too, just find some kind of house-hold item and...uh...you know what to do from there. Here's a tip, start with something small first, dont just skip ahead to the door knob...that's could be...uhh...very unpleasant.....
Pretend you have no legs
Here's what you do, go stand...er....sit in a wheel chair in front of some grocery store and cross your legs inside your pants, make sure you're wearing big baggy pants so it doesnt show. Let the pant legs run down and make a sign that says "Viet Nam vet" and hold that up along with your coffee can. Just sit back and relax and watch you're retirerment money grow. Just be careful of the real one legged man and dont take his grocery store, I heard they have strong arms.
August 8, 1999
Steal stuff from hotels and sell it
You know all those people getting rich these days? I garuntee you that this is how they do it. I mean, it's simple. All you have to do is check in a hotel for one night and pocket everything they got, go into some alley open your car trunk and just watch the cash flow in. All the big shots are doing it these days...Everyone needs pillows and shampoo right? right. So think of all the money you could be making. You could even have your own website to sell all this stuff, now that's a home bussiness.
Oh yeah, dont forget the peanuts and stuff from airplanes....those are top sellers too.
July 28, 1999
Order to eat in at drive thoughs
Isnt this a great idea? Especially when you can see that the lines are hella full in the place. Just go to the drive though order you food and tell em to serve it to you in the resturant. If the dont just take it go in and eat. What's the matter with that? So what if you're weird? Chicks like weird people. Do this while you're on a date and your chick would like you even better.
Adjust TV tint
Isnt it boring watching people in regular colors? Dont you wanna try something new.....say, like fixing the tint so that the people are green? It's actually pretty entertaining, like when you're watching porn or something. It kinda makes you think of 2 aliens doing it or something. All those shades of green....dont watch too long or everything will seem like its green.
July 12, 1999
See how far you can flick your bugers (spelling?)
Hey, you may be laughing now but when this becomes a Olympic event we'll see who has the last laughing....mwahahahahhhaha. Believe me, this is a very addicting thing, i mean, you get a certain distance but you know you can do better it's just you're outta boogers (spelling?). It gets even better when you get together with friends and compete, forget Quake.
Spend hours planning how to cheat
I'd rather do this than study, really. First, it's more fun. Second, it's more beneficial cause you learn from your new stadegy and will apply that to future tests that you may have. Take rocket jumping for example, why do it just for the heck of it when you can do it with your enemies around and hurt then too. ....Wait a minute, i just forgot what i was thinking....what the hell does rocket jumping got to do with cheating?