Smoking....God, I Miss Smoking

I have now been cigarette-free for 35 days. One would assume I'd be proud of this. I've had a few moments of pride over it, but I'm mostly just sorry that I can't smoke anymore. I really loved cigarettes.

For the past two weeks, I've been pretty much okay without the ciggies...but today was a doozie. I felt like I was back on Day 4 of quitting. If I'd left the house today, I know I would have purchased a pack of cigarettes. This is disconcerting to me because I'd gotten a bit complacent about it.

I mean...if you go for a full month without smoking, you begin to feel that you're in the clear; that you are now a non-smoker. Um, no.

So I'm working through today and I will not smoke. God loves me, so I have a supportive husband and a relaxing evening with him to play on the computers and just really get the Zen vibes flowing again.

I'm beginning to understand, now, that I will never be a non-smoker. I'll always be a smoker; just like an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. I'll simply be a smoker who doesn't smoke.