The following is the result of thirteen otherwise dull minutes in the OOC Room of White Wolf's New Bremen chat. Twenty-three screenshots were required to capture the madness. The insane minds behind the following logins are responsible for this obscenity: Lucia_Vincetti, Jabarl_Ghiberti, Rigel_Thane, Walcott_Aldermeir, IanW, Maxwell-Rossetti, Pete_Jones, and Albert_Graeme.
If you don't know who Samuel "The Skinner" Haight is, you will after this.
Sam Haight beat up on Caine in preschool and stole his lunch money.
If 0 were a normal human and 100 were God, Sam Haight would still kick your ass.
Sam Haight is principally responsible for calculus.
Sam Haight still walks the Earth, disguised as Mr. T.
Sam Haight enjoys jujubees in his morning cup of coffee.
Samuel Haight's got the hooch.
Sam Haight is never bored.
Sam Haight doesn't drink coffee. He eats the coffee beans. Whole.
Sam Haight invented the DVD when the rest of the world was still using 8-tracks.
Sam Haight was the real father of Mary's baby. And the baby, to boot.
Sam Haight was Porthos' accountant. And embezzled 12 trillion dollars from him. Porthos never figured it out.
Sam Haight is the real author of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the screenplay to 10 Things I Hate About You. And he got away with it because he's Sam Haight.
Sam Haight is really "The Eldest."
Sam Haight was the real thing that took Ravnos down. He thought the spirit nukes stung a little.
Sam Haight built the HITMark 5 just so he would have something to clean up all the problems he caused in Mexico City.
Sam Haight is the Inner Circle, the Eldest of the Concordiat, the Council of Nine, the Deathlords, Arcadia, and the Messengers.
Sam Haight invented bathtub gin.
Sam Haight invented God.
Sam Haight is the reason Mage 2nd edition is so much better than Mage 1st edition.
Sam Haight was "Those Who Came Before The Gods."
Samuel Haight didn't die. He just got some hookers, some beer, and holed up in his apartment to take a vacation.
Sam Haight really digs Britney Spears.
Sam Haight invented the pop-up ad window.
Sam Haight has Britney Spears as his sex slave.
Samuel Haight invented lag.
Sam Haight is Britney Spears.
Sam Haight is the real author of 8-bit Theater.
Sam Haight likes black licorice Twizzlers much more than strawberry Twizzlers.
Sam Haight is the real progenitor of the Baali, not Saulot.
Sam Haight invented Paradox, to bitchslap pansy-ass mages when they get sloppy.
Sam Haight has featured prominently in all works of literature since cave paintings. Although he uses a pseudonym.
Sam Haight was the head of the Chicago crime families during Prohibition.
Sam Haight doesn't like ninjas. He thinks they're wimpy.
Sam Haight is Jimmy Hoffa.
Sam Haight trained both ninjas and samurai, in separate facilities.
Samuel Haight birthed the Tarrasque after two-hundred and thirty-eight hours of painful labor.
Sam Haight built the Great Wall of China. Single-handedly. Why'd he build it? He needed a privacy screen for his hot tub.
Sam Haight built Rome in a day, despite popular misconception.
Sam Haight roasted the Tarrasque for food for his dog.
Sam Haight enjoys cuddling, long walks on the beach at sunset, and vintage '83 Dom Perignon.
All roads lead to Samuel Haight.
Sam Haight is what happened to Hiroshima, not the A-bomb.
Sam Haight is Snoop Dogg's hairstylist.
Sam Haight witnessed the Big Bang.
Sam Haight was the real killer of Notorious BIG.
Sam Haight is the Alpha and the Omega.
Sam Haight is the key to Nuclear Fission.
Sam Haight is the real Tupac, thus explaining how he made eight videos and four albums after his alleged death.
Sam Haight is watching you. Right. Now.
Sam Haight is the only person in the world who knows how to make cold fusion work. Aside from that chick in The Saint, that is.
Sam Haight created the first "Yo Mamma" joke.
Cold Fusion is awaiting Sam's blessing before working.
Sam Haight puts out the sun at night.
Sam Haight is your daddy.
Sam Haight keeps the world spinning.
Sam Haight is responsible for the lyrics and music for every Beatle's song, and even a few credited to Paul and John when they went solo.
Sam Haight is Black Mage.
Sam Haight is Action Jackson.
Sam Haight was Elvis' real manager.
Sam Haight convinced Magic Johnson to retire, and blackmailed him into coming back.
Sam Haight owns and is responsible for the recipe to KFC.
Sam Haight owns WotC.
Sam Haight is McDonald's Secret Sauce.
Sam Haight puts the two scoops of raisins in every box of Kellogg's Raisin Bran.
Sam Haight is the greatest legal mind the world has ever seen.
Sam Haight planted the bloody glove.
Sam Haight let OJ get away with murder.
Sam Haight is Number Two.
Sam Haight is Charon.
If Sam Haight vouches for them, you can trust them.
These rumours are all unsubstantiated, but probably true. What do we actually know about Samuel Haight? He's Child of Gaia kinfolk, a ghoul, a Mage, a Werewolf, went toe to toe with a Baali Methuselah, and is one bad motherfucker.
Shut yo' mouth!
But I was just talkin' 'bout Haight!
I can dig it!