"All Around Me Are Familiar Faces / Worn Out Places, Worn Out Faces"
--Mad World, Gary Jules

I'm about to undertake what may be the stupidest, um, undertaking I've undertaken recently - I'm going to watch Donnie Darko, by myself, with the lights off. On a big screen. With surround sound. The last time I saw Donnie Darko, with two other people in the room for moral support, I wound up with the blankets pulled up to my nose and my eyes wide, awake till 7AM, and debating whether to immediately leave school or just kill myself. So here goes. Oh, I also got Lilo & Stitch. That one's much less traumatic. More Elvisy. Which is a real word, I swear.

So this is my first entry of the new year, which seems strangely like the old one. Possibly because school years, which are far more important to my life, don't match with regular years. "Last year" doesn't mean 2002, it means when I was a Freshman. Next year isn't 2004, it starts in August. That kind of thing. Anyway, the year started with a party at Sasha's. Went pretty well, with some minor emotional trauma over what I felt was a severe missapropriation of a New Year's kiss on the part of my hostess. But of course, it's a)par for the course for Justin to decide that a girl's actions should cause him emotional damage, and b)all he could really expect for attempting to switch ladders. All in all it sort of says that this year is going to be much like last year.

What exactly does that entail? Nothing good, nothing bad. It means school will be good, at least the classes. It means that I will have fewer friends, though I will only miss having friends in general, not too many people in specific. With a few possible exceptions who, if they go away for any of various reasons, will make my life just a little more miserable than it is now. It means not having anyone to like, with the exception of a very few useless people, which essentially means not liking anyone. It means being bored all the time, and having nothing to do, and still not enough time for schoolwork. It means three hours forty five minutes a day in class, one or so eating, and the rest divided randomly between sleeping and being on AIM waiting for something to happen. It means missed opportunities and being scared of absolutely everything. Happy New Year.

It's also my birthday, writing this entry having crossed over to the 7th. So I'm 20 now. That bothers me a little. I'm not a teenager anymore. I feel like I missed something, the whole being a teenager thing. I was probably watching teen movies the whole time.

I hate college stories. Everyone has these stories, "this one time, I we he she did," and I hate them. What can I tell? Which time that which one of my friends got wasted? Which time that I fucked up? The other night it was requested that I repeat one of the few stories that seem interesting to other people. And it made me feel like shit. Yay.

Different story: I broke my computer in the middle of finals. The correct response seemed to be to drink until I threw up. I'm just glad of my control when I do that. I don't get that sick unless I want to. It seems that I'm going back to school with my mom's comp. Very sad - no mp3s, no videos, no saved documents, no nothing. So this one is going to be all empty and useless. Sounds about right, given everything.

And then there was a riot.

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