"When there's no one else in sight in the crowded lonely night...."
--Dancing With Myself, Billy Idol
Before I start the entry, I'd like to make a nod to the incredible moodswaying powers of The Cure. I was listening to Wish on the way back to campus today, and thinking about what quote to use for this entry. Every song that came on was the one that I wanted to use, and always because that was how I felt. Then I realized what I was saying, and quit it.
This is going to be an odd, odd weekend. How odd? I went to eat with Wayde. Anyways, Daniel, about the only person I spend any time with, is up at Bryn Mawr with Sasha, about the only person I consistently talk to online. The end result is a fairly bored Justin.
Their relationship doesn't bother me that much anymore, although there are always brief flashes of hope every time things start going badly. Stupid Shadow. The bigger problem is an extended form of the awkwardness always felt around affectionate couples, a kind of feeling that I should always be somewhere else when the two of them are here, slight irritation at one of them for taking the other's time. Usually at Daniel. It's kind of odd when your best friend responds to your posts every five, ten minutes, not at all to your goodbyes, and then you go to someone else's room and see post after post from them scrolling across the screen.
I don't particularily understand what it is about this place that keeps me from having a larger number of friends. It's not like I don't think I could, or would be afraid of it. But if someone were to say, "You should go and talk to people and stuff," I'd simply reply, "Why?" I feel no desire to do so. I'm not bemoaning a lack of friends, merely wondering why I'm content with it.
The lack of things to do is mental more than an actual lack. Everything I do has an air of stalling, as if I'm being constantly reminded that I'm just doing it all to kill time. More so than usual, I mean. This is generally what I do all the time anyway.
I need NB to get interesting again, or for one of the other chats to start up. Roleplaying is a time-engrossing hobby that I dearly love, but in the real world it only occurrs on schedule (and right now, not at all). NB provides a place where I can roleplay at any point, but the problem is that its chock full of all sorts of problems. Alas.