Top-N Things to Teach Other People's Kids
(drumroll, please...)
1. Four-letter words.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
2. How to play the electric guitar in the style of Jimi Hendrix.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
3. How to play the drums...any style will do.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
4. The truth about the opposite sex.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
5. How to drive...at age 12.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
6. Anything involving fireworks.
Submitted: Piss Ant
7. Five finger discounting.
Submitted: Piss Ant
8. How to shoot a gun.
Submitted: Piss Ant
9. Anything dealing with the occult in a southern town.
Submitted: Piss Ant
10. Hey kid! Pull my finger!!!!
Submitted: The Mad Farter
11. Breakdancing
Submitted: Trendy Reznor
12. beavis and butthead really are mature, responsible rolemodels
Submitted: plugger(aussie@home)
13. harlem really is safe
Submitted: plugger(aussie@home)
14. how to burb and fart at the same time
Submitted: plugger(aussie@home)
15. Sex. Need I say more?
Submitted: The Mongoose
16. Sit them in front of 'The Spirit of Christmas' for a while - they'll
certainly learn some new language there.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
17. How to make $10,000 a month by simply using dad's email account and
usenet.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
18. How to make red/blue/beige/black boxes and get gree phone calls...
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
19. Experiments with Toilets 101: Fun with Flushing
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
20. Growling at mean looking dogs usually scares them off.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
21. How to fetch. Comes in handy if you ever need something from the
refrigerator during a Three Stooges marathon
Submitted: Just Me
22. Teach them the lyrics to any Pantera song
Submitted: Just Me
23. That all animals deserve to be kicked
Submitted: Just Me
24. #7 - Not to be forgotten is the easier, more profitable activity of
pickpocketing.
Submitted: Just Me
25. How to be sick in a special hidden corner and not to tell anyone.
Submitted: Chris Robin
26. How you need to clean the water tank out with acid.
Submitted: Chris Robin
27. how to fake being sick right before school starts
Submitted: jschurig(jschurig@flash.net)
28. how to copy off of the smart kids in the class
Submitted: jschurig(jschurig@flash.net)
29. Teach your kid how to rip paper. (Actually happened)
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
30. Teach them the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall! "We
don't need no education, we don't need no thought control, no dark
sarcasm in the classroom..."
Submitted: Dragonlady(i.really.did.this...)
31. Teach them the lyrics to Metallica,Danzig,Marilyn Manson,and 2Pac
songs.
Submitted: Xena
32. How to be really,really anoying{poping they're gum,repeating the same
word over,and over very quietly,so no one knows who's doing it].
Submitted: Xena
33. How to write like they're parents,so they can write they're own excuse
notes.
Submitted: Xena
34. 32: EAT BEEF?
Submitted: Piss Ant
35. how to cut school without getting caught
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
36. which two fingers you hold your cigarettes with
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
37. how to spray the annoying neighbors with the hose while they're
"washing the dog"
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
38. how to cut school without getting caught
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
39. which two fingers you hold your cigarettes with
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
40. how to spray the annoying neighbors with the hose while they're
"washing the dog"
Submitted: rocquelle((anonymous))
41. Teach them that David Bowie is God.
Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragon.dominatrix.com)
42. Get them to believe that they *are* Superman and that they *can* fly
off really tall buildings.
Submitted: Gumti((SuprDuprGumti@Bzzz...))
43. "Now remember kids, *always* pick your nose before you shake hands
with someone."
Submitted: Gumti((Gumti@belch.ear))
44. "Every time that grandma goes to hug you, burp."
Submitted: Gumti((Gumti@belch.ear))
45. The Universal Languae: The finger.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
46. How to use the "F" word in fun and creative ways.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
47. How to appreciate a good episode of Sailor Moon.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
48. Sneak out of bed and watch Letterman.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
49. How not to be annouying, selfish, sh**-brained preps when they get
older.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
50. 21-how to FELCH comes in handy too
Submitted: Timothy F. Huston TNDA (F. stands for
Felcher)(gumby@Felch.butt)
51. Creative places to piss and shit.
Submitted: stupidmotherfucker
52. Peeing in a glass and telling their younger siblling it's lemonade.
Submitted: stupidmotherfucker
53. #47: I think that everyone needs to appreciate Sailor Moon.
Submitted: Gumti((SailorPluto@time.keeper))
54. Teach the kids to post to Top-n.
Submitted: Gumti((SailorPluto@time.keeper))
55. Use lots of obscure expletives without explaining them, then watch the
parents expressions when they ask what 'Feltching' is...
Submitted: Dangerman
56. Tell 'em to piss on the toilet seat
Submitted: ¹-Man(the.best@CAB.ca)
57. Shit and don't flush
Submitted: ¹-Man(the.best@CAB.ca)
58. tell 'em that their parents don't really want him/her
Submitted: anonymous
59. Show them how to sacrifice a goat
Submitted: anonymous
60. HOW TO DRY THEIR HAIR IN THE TUBB
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
61. HOW TO REALLY PUT A SMILE ON DADDYS FACE
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
62. TELL THE YOUNG BOYS HOW TO PROPERLY INSERT TAMPONS IN THEIR BUMS
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
63. WHAT PART OF MOMMYS PANTIES TO SNIFF
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
64. WHAT THAT FISHY SMELL REALLY IS
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
65. HOW TO MILK THE DOG
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
66. HOW TO DRIVE NAILS THROUGH THEIR NUTS WITHOUT TEARS
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
67. HOW TO TAKE THEIR TEMPERATURE THROUGH THE END OF THEIR DICKS
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
68. HOW TO PULL OUT AND BLAST IT ALL OVER YOUR OWN FACE
Submitted: THE TUBB PEOPLE
69. to scream "the pope is a fucking fascist" in church (or anywhere for
that matter)
Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
70. to exclaim in amazement and loudly in a large crowd of midwestern or
southern people (okay i've done this) "so if mary wasn't married to
god than jesus is a BASTARD"
Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
71. to scream "the pope is a fucking fascist" in church (or anywhere for
that matter)
Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
72. to exclaim in amazement and loudly in a large crowd of midwestern or
southern people (okay i've done this) "so if mary wasn't married to
god than jesus is a BASTARD"
Submitted: jess krug(ica666@hotmail.com)
73. That "lye" is a new flavor of coolade
Submitted: Jo Mama(yourmom@myplace.com)
74. How to hotwire a car.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
75. Convince them that their parents are virgins - make sure they're
really proud of this fact and want to tell the world
Submitted: Magus Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
76. Instead of 'Virgin' insert 'Brother and Sister'
Submitted: Magus Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
77. How to make Napalm
Submitted: Magus Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
78. Teach them the joys of weed.
Submitted: Magus Orion(orionrh@hotmail.com)
79. Tell them that they were adopted.
Submitted: CyberGod(@CyberDog)
80. Read them "Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book" (I've done this)
Submitted: CyberDog(@CyberGod)
81. The Word of Mormon - then send them off to an Octoberfest
Submitted: Lucien
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This list started by Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
Last updated: Sun 24 Aug 97 13:07:18
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