Excuses to avoid going out with a loser
* 1. Sorry, I'm shaving my cat that night.
The Showman -- http://members.tripod.com/~the_showman -It's
gotten worse...
* 2. can't get a sitter for my house plants...and they cause a
lot of trouble when they're left home alone.
The Showman -- http://members.tripod.com/~the_showman -It's
gotten worse...
* 3. Can't...it's Ramadan.
The Showman -- http://members.tripod.com/~the_showman -It's
gotten worse...
* 4. My pet rock is ill.
The Showman -- http://members.tripod.com/~the_showman -It's
gotten worse...
* 5. "Nope. I'm watching the 'Mary Tyler Moore Show'
marathon."
DoctorNurse in Tampa --
http://soleil.acomp.usf.edu/~cnurse/mary.htm -- coming soon
* 6. "I have to change the oil in my car", even when you don't
have a car.
DoctorNurse in Tampa --
http://soleil.acomp.usf.edu/~cnurse/mary.htm -- coming soon
* 7. "I can't tonight because I'm stranded in the middle of
rural South Carolina."
DoctorNurse in Tampa --
http://soleil.acomp.usf.edu/~cnurse/mary.htm -- coming soon
* 8. Don't say anything. Just kill 'em.
Louie "the Castrato" Mazzella -- yo Kevin- you bet it has.
* 9. Sorry, I've got a date with someone a hell of a lot
better looking than you are.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 10. Sorry Beck, I don't date guys.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 11. Thousands of people are depending on me to post to Top-X
tonight, I can't let them down.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 12. "Gee, I could go out with you.... or I could sit at home
throwing feces at my neighbor's wife. Decisions,
decisions......
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 13. "You know, there comes a timein every monkey's life,
when he has to lower his standards, stop dreaming and accept
people for who they are. Fortunately for me, that time has
yet to come. Watch as I beat you over the head with my
genitals for sport!"
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 14. "I' love to, it's just that I've been having this
problem with the chuthu...... ?!!! YOG SOGGOTH!!!!
Phhaattthherrrr....." *slerp slerp slerp*
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 15. "Sorry, I'm not in the mood to be charitable. Why not
just give me the money you would have spent on me as a token
of your esteem?"
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 16. Why make excuses? Smite them, and smite them now, before
these pathetic and ill-bred deviants get a chance to breed.
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 17. Having problems with undesirable petitioners? Tired of
pizza faced teenagers trying to "Mack" their way into your
shorts? Then you need the patented THE SACRED MONKEY OF
Hhub-oy yabub!© Brand rod of smiting. Each of these rods is
hand scavenged from the rotting garbage piles of New York by
a team of starving immigrant children. Packed with pure THE
SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! smiting power, these rods
are proven 120% more effective than saying yes, and are made
from 234% recycled lead pipes. Flog those hanger-ons out of
your life, thanks to THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub!
THE SACRED MONKEY OF Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 18. Sorry, but I only date men whose penis has the shape of
a regular french fry, not a curly fry. (I wish I'd thought
this one up 30 years ago!!!)
Hillary Clinton -- godfather@white.house.gov
* 19. I'm sorry, I have to arrange my toenail clippings in
size order.
Jinxster --
* 20. I can't, I have to observe the shrimp.
Jinxster --
* 21. I would, but I'm already going out with my ginger cousin
that night.
Jinxster --
* 22. Uh, Louie, who was that short skanky orange haired bitch
I saw you with Saturday night? At the Town Tavern? Shit, was
she ugly! She looks like Tanya Harding on crack! Is that
your MOTHER?!
Benny the Blade --
* 23. And why were you running around Park Avenue last week in
a priest's collar? You hiding from somebody? Me, maybe?
Benny the Blade --
* 24. "I'm having severe 'allergy problems' (ahem) and I
itch!"
Dingo Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 25. "I'd love to, but I've getting spayed that night."
Dingo Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 26. "My mommy won't let me."
Dingo Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 27. "My parole officer won't let me."
Dingo Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 28. "What? And miss one the last remaining episodes of
Seinfeld?!?!"
Dingo Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 29. #22- No, that wasn't my mother, that was my cousin Jean.
And don't make fun of her unless you'd like to be pushin' up
daisies. She's got problems, okay? We all figured we'd take
her out for Easter to take her mind off what a first-class
loser she is.
Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@lacosanostra.org
* 30. #23- And that wasn't me. That was another cousin of mine
who's here for the holiday. You might know him...Father
Guido Sarducci?
Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@lacosanostra.org
* 31. #22 & #29:Watch it you guys! Heroin addicts have
feelings too.
Jean Marie Moffatt -- jean@st-martys.rest.homw
* 32. Hey! Anybody wanna come to my party on July 18? There
will be lots of drugs!
Jean Marie Moffatt -- jean@st-martys.rest.homw
* 33. Sorry there joyboy, I don't date boys named after stars.
Get back to your telescope.
SUPERGIMP -- mockingsomeonesomewher@portland.oregon
* 34. Who needs excuses? Just holds a contest. After all, it's
impossible to be a winner and a loser at the same time
because doing so will violate a law of physics.
Dr. ChAoS and his deformed assistant crawler. --
Evil-scienitists@ancientcastle.com
* 35. Just say "No, sweetie pie, you smell."
ReedMan -- Somewhere in Portladn< Roegon
* 36. Ritual Immolation. - monks answer
ChAoS the Sacred Monk on Hhubcap-oy Yabadabadoo. --
* 37. Sorry, Joshua is not in right now I am merely a
holographic stand in, please leave your message at the beep.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! - sci-fi answer
ChAoS the Sacred Monk on Hhubcap-oy Yabadabadoo. --
* 38. I'd like to but I have to sacrifice my life for the sake
of millions. - heroic answer
ChAoS the Sacred Monk on Hhubcap-oy Yabadabadoo. --
* 39. And compromise my secret identity, NEVER! - superhero
answer
ChAoS the Sacred Monk on Hhubcap-oy Yabadabadoo. --
* 40. Sorry, I'm too busy splicing your clones genes with the
genes of a rotweiller. - Mad Scientists answer
ChAoS the Sacred Monk on Hhubcap-oy Yabadabadoo. --
* 41. "Love to, but I already got tickets for a Leafs game,
eh." (oops, that's excuses to avoid going out with a hoser)
Dingo Floyd, eh -- mmm... Canadian bacon!
Started by: The Showman (kevin.acamail@mailcity.com)
Started on: Mon Apr 13 10:00:14 1998
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