THE UMPTEEN MILLION TYPES OF FRP PLAYERSBill Bynum writes:
By now, most users on the net are familiar with the traditional "Four types of
players": The Real Man, The Real Role-Player, The Loonie, and The Munchkin.
Obviously, the creation of the Four Types is meant to be a joke, as well as a
gross oversimplification, but even so, I think it's time we had a much more
detailed oversimplification. So here, without further ado, is the summary of:THE TWENTY-FIVE TYPES OF FRP PLAYERS
I collected this list and I figured everyone would like to see it once more. The
author of each type of player is listed before their contributions. I have
edited portions of this article so mistakes can be considered mine and text can
be considered the authors'. Any contributions to this list are quite welcome,
just send to:Ordania-DM@portal.cup.com
And now, for your enlightenment, edification, and humor we present:
THE 40 TYPES OF PLAYERS
For your further enlightenment and edification I present the continuing series
of "The infinite types of Players and Game Masters":Robert "Nickelpede" DeLoura was kind enough to send me a few responses to the
various types of Players and GM's, so I am including them here in the hopes of
embarrassing Robert to the point of #29 (just kidding). I hope you enjoy them, I
certainly did.1. The Real Man -- "Hot Diggity!! Gnoll outpost at twelve o'clock!!
CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!"2. The Real Role-Player -- "Don't start yet!! I need my two minutes to get
properly into character."3. The Loonie -- "I sheathe my longsword and kiss the ogre on the lips."
4. The Munchkin -- "Five arch-devils and two demigods? That's ALL?! I guess
I'll only need to use six of my rings for this encounter."5. The Coward -- "Yikes! Three kobolds!! Retreat! Retreat!"
6. The Troublemaker -- "Just before the Mayor gives his speech to the town, I
cast `command -- vomit' on him."7. The Novice -- "I just rolled a 2 on my 'to hit' roll. Did I want high or
low?"8. The Tactician -- "The archer will move silently into position behind the
podium, carefully aiming at the sargent. The mage shall remain behind the
door in preparation of a 'sleep' spell which will be centered at the table
around which are the bulk of the guards. Meanwhile, the fighter and I
shall..."9. The Quiet Type -- "I dunno... I lob off another arrow at the monster this
round, I guess."10. The Punster -- "You know how many clerics it takes to fix a light bulb? One
to cast `cure light'."11. The PC Infighter -- "Since Ruth's been such a twit, I hit her in the face
with my flail while she's casting her `find familiar' spell."12. Joe I-Got-the-Rules-Down-Pat -- "No, if you look in the DMG, page 81
paragraph 5, you'll find this spell won't affect griffons."13. The Whiner -- "Three points?! I take THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE!?! Frank, what the hell kind of grudge do you have against me?"
14. The Bully -- "Are you sure I don't make my saving throw? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure? Do you want to keep your nose the way it is, Lou?"
15. Mr. Greedy -- "So it's not evil? And it's not attacking? So what! I WANT
THAT XP!"16. The Cheater -- "I roll an... 18! It hits!" [Quickly grabs dice.]
17. The Chastiser -- "And you DIDN'T SEE THAT TRAP COMING? Hahahahahaha! Just how long did you say you've been playing this game?"
18. The Kamikaze Guy -- "I jump off our perch, taking careful aim to land dead
center on the hobgoblin patrol. Just before I hit the ground, though, I set
off the `fire trap' on all my nine flasks of oil."19. The Good Roller -- "Oh, looky here. An 03 on percentile dice. If that door
was trapped, I just found something."20. The Bad Roller -- "Oh, damn it all! *Another* critical fumble!"
21. The Braggart -- "The thought of you attacking me isn't even interesting. I
could get off a `sleep' spell and slit your unconscious throat before you
even get your longsword out of its sheath."22. The Reminiscer -- "Say, y'know, this is kind of like the time our party
thief spent twenty minutes trying to lock-pick an unlocked door."23. Goody Two-Shoes -- "Wait a minute. Even if they are orcs, we just can't
kill them when they're asleep and can't defend themselves."24. The Overoptimistic Daydreamer -- "After we get through this campaign, and
have gained about nine, ten levels, I'm going to buy me the finest battle
axe that money can buy."25. Short-Attention-Span Man -- "Hmmm? What? Oh, are we attacking now?"
James Heath
26. Thermonuclear Man (sub-species of Munchkin) -- "Awright, I swing at the Orc
with my Bastard Sword. (roll) That's a 2 -- +2 for strength, +3 for
specialization, +2 for (blah blah blah). So that's a 27. (Sarcastic grin)
Does it hit?"Kathryn L.Smith
27. The Gm-hater (subclass of troublemaker) -- the person who comes into the
game and does his best to think of ways to react to a situation that the GM
hasn't. Having a PC who is slightly schizophrenic is a good excuse for
this. Note: mixes really badly with the "storytelling" style of GM.Charles K. Hughes
28. The mindless player:
GM: "The gaping chasm stretches out before you. It is too far to jump
across."
Player: "I jump the chasm."Paul J. Zanca
29. The Crybaby: "You mean the big rock crushed me? My character's DEAD?!?
Really, really DEAD?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"30. The Cowboy: "I walk proudly up to the King and challenge him to a duel to
the death. Oh yeah, I make sure to call him a wimp."31. The Psycho Killer:
DM: "Okay, you open the door and you see--"
PK: "KILL KILL KILL!! BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!! RRAAAAAGGGGHH!!"32. The Worry Wort: "Okay, my mage is invisible, levitating thirty meters above
the party, has a Phantom Armor and a Stoneskin on him, a Ring of Fire
Resistance worn, a Minor Globe of Invulnerability up (et cetera, et cetera)
Damn! I have a bad feeling about this..."-Robert "Nickelpede" DeLoura replies:
DM: Suddenly, a spellcaster appears in the hallway before you. Quickly
gesturing in the direction of the invisible mage, he casts a spell. <Dispel
Magic> Oh, my! Mr. Worry Wort has just plummeted 30 meters to the ground,
to his death!33. The Cavern Shyster (more commonly known as Bill Mulhausen): "Oh, so the
Illusionary Medusa I cast at the Archdemon Orcus doesn't turn him to stone,
does it? Well, if you look at the spell description, it says right here
that he gets no save, has no chance to disbelieve, and I made my magic
resistance roll! What do you say to THAT?"-Robert "Nickelpede" DeLoura replies:
DM: Orcus is a Demon Lord. He eats Medusae for breakfast. Amidst a hearty
chuckle of laughter at your feeble attempt at illusion, he throws a thirty-
die lighting bolt at you. What do you say to THAT?34. The Pig-eyed Glutton: "Now how do we go about carting off this 800 copper
pieces? We're already loaded down with the four suits of leather armor and
electrum-inlaid toilet seats we found earlier..."Charles Hughes (Ordania-DM)
35. The masochist: "I stop running, turn around, slap the minotaur, and tell him
to stop breathing down my neck." (closely related to #3, the Loonie)Edward C. Zeamba
36. Dishonorable Thieves (The Backstab Brothers--Quix & Sly): "I'll watch your
back." or "Of course you're free to go...I give you my word of honor." or "I
like to think of myself as an income redistributor...I steal from the rich
and keep it myself."37. Thief Attractor (dwarf "Retten"--Larry Crammer): "What do you mean that
drink will be one copper piece. All I have is big bag of gold." or (yelled
loudly in tavern) "Anyone want to buy some gems?"38. Questionable Ranger ("Quince"--Jim Gajewski): He pushes an unaware low-level
guard into a campfire just so he can retrieve his stolen quiver of Ehllona
which is behind the guard 15 feet away. Or "I know she is an innocent
maiden, but I need one x.p. to become next level."39. Unfaithful Cleric ("Morden"--Kyle Whatshisname): After nine levels and
thirty years of neutral-good life, He switches from neutral-good Celestian
to Boccob (who doesn't care if anyone worships him) just so he can get
combat spells. "I'm sure Celestian won't mind."40. Selfish Wizard ("Zzyzzk"--Jim Gajewski): A fellow party member is in close
melee with a Githyanki and the mage toasts them both with a fireball while
yelling "Don't hit the monster. If I kill him I gain a level!" (deck of
many things)